


Falling into you

by Ehmelleink



Category: Outlander (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-03-13 18:11:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 98,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18946210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ehmelleink/pseuds/Ehmelleink
Summary: This is just a drabble of writing prompts that strung itself into a story. It's raw and unedited.





	1. Chapter 1

The feeling of pounding the pavement under his feet was a good one. It made him feel like he was going somewhere. Sitting in the office at Leoch made him feel as though he were standing still, but this early morning run reminding him everyday that it was a new day with new possibilities.

Every morning, he woke alone in his bed but it didn’t feel as empty as it used to. Once, he had been afraid of waking up alone and had tried to fill the space beside him with a variety of shapes and colours. The tales of his conquests had become more legend than real as he tried to be more discerning on who he slept with. Always discreet, but for all their charms, it was a rare woman who made a repeat appearance in his bed the next morning. He had begun to think there was something wrong with him, that perhaps he had set his sights too high. . But the truth was, the girl he was looking for didn’t exist outside of his head. It had been time for a change.

He stopped bringing every girl home. He stopped drinking to fill the emptiness in his belly. He made an effort to stay in touch with his old coach and the doctors that he used to see on a daily Basis. He was in the course of running away from his previous life. 

It had been 2 weeks into his retirement, when his uncle Colum had called and offered him a use for the business degree he had earned in between playing rugby. His Uncle’s business was estate management and he needed Jamie to find out if it was worthwhile investing more funds into the properties or if was time to sell them off. He was going to spend the next 2 weeks touring all the estates in person to get a feel for the properties and then in the office translating his impressions to numbers on a page. 

As he ran, he considered the last month of his new life. He had headed out to tour the estates the day after a friendly match that had dislocated his shoulder again. It frustrated him that he would be limited in what he could do when he was examining the properties but mostly because the medic who had fixed him had disappeared into the night. She was abrasive, talented and beautiful, In that order. And she didn’t care one whit about him apart from the state of his arm. It was a novelty that she didn’t fawn over him. Perhaps that is why she stayed in his mind. 

One week of being in the office officially, Colum thought it would be a good idea for Jamie to see every aspect of the business. From the forecasters who watched the weather and harvests to the computer geeks who kept everything uploaded and connected. The networks were his last stop and to his surprise, they were the most interesting. The networks were the brains of the place. All the data, all the algorithms, all the decisions were fed through this network of wires and lights and if something were to go wrong, there was the possibility of everything grinding to a halt. To his mind, it made the IT folks the most important people in the building. They were the only group aside from security to have a 24hr 365 day a year presence in the building. They could access everyone’s secrets and they could sell all that information to the highest bidder and yet, they were the most ignored and under appreciated group. 

On his trip to sublevel 2, he wanted to be sure to learn the name of everyone there, their functions and responsibilities. Instead, he had found his medic. He heard her long before he saw her. The same brusque manner, the same whisky coloured eyes flashing in annoyance. The same mess of curly brown hair that was barely contained by a hair tie. He looked a bit more respectable that the last time they met, so he thought perhaps she wouldn’t recognize him. He found that he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He smiled at the memory. 

She came back into his life like a bolt of lightning and now he thought of his life as before that moment and after. He had reached a point in his life where he no longer felt sorry for himself that he was sleeping alone. He enjoyed watching everyone else get drunk while he would stop after just 2. She filled parts of his mind that he didn’t know were empty. Claire gave him a purpose and even though she didn’t know it yet, he was no longer running away from his life but instead running towards her. And it felt good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire’s POV

The world had changed around us. At first, it had been simple registrations that everyone had to attend. Tallies of age, education, skills and birth order. They were meant to measure the health of the country, or so we had been told. Following the failed 2019 Brexit, the population no longer felt secure in their own homes and so they looked to the government for reassurance. And when the government divided against itself, and the stalemate became status quo, the monarchy was forced to stepped in. The nominal head of the state once again became the actual Head as well as the Hand of the State. Parliament became little more than a rubber stamp for the decrees from the Crown. Our internal borders melted away, as we were “United”, but to leave required extensive paperwork and travelling abroad became cost prohibitive. Only the very wealthy could fly and even then, they had certain requirements to meet as well. 

The King had tried to provide comforts - universal health care, meant everyone, regardless of status or of wealth. Education was made mandatory and those who did well were also afforded a post-secondary education. But the money crunchers insisted that there still needed to be limits and boundaries, and in response, everyone was given an allotment of credits every month. If you had gone to university, you earned a few more credits. If you were one of many siblings, more credits. If you were married with more than one child, more credits. Anything that directly benefited the Crown, earned you more credits. 

Of course, the other side of the coin was that if you do nothing extra, you earned nothing extra. If you simply lived your life, following your final school exams, worked at the local market or pub, didn’t bother to marry, didn’t bother to reproduce, there was nothing extra for you. If you were a single mother, there were credits to be claimed for your child, but if you were a single father, we’re sorry but a father simply doesn’t provide the same care as a mother, so you will have to make due with the Basic allotment. 

The Basic Allotment was meant to be the equivalent of a living wage. It provided credits for a box of groceries of food essentials every two weeks, health credits for the simple treatments at an NHS Facility, a housing credit that was based solely on your living situation - 1 or 2 bedrooms and a roof overhead were considered necessary. Yards were a luxury you had to earn, after all there were parks everywhere - and an age credit based solely on your age - this increased over time as the young typically didn’t need much and the elderly needed more. There weren’t so many elderly any more. Many didn’t survive the 2020 Influenza pandemic. The strain of flu had lasted 3 years, but it started in 2020 and so it was named. The Basic had been enacted as law shortly thereafter. 

People’s lives no longer held any privacy. The Crown needed to know everything about you, so that it could properly provide for your life and there was now a semi-annual audit day - one on your birthday and another 6 months later. You had to disclose everything, any intention to marry, to change jobs, to go to university, to buy a home. You needed a license to do most skilled labour - doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects - but having that license, also meant that your life was even more scrutinized because you were an agent of the Crown and you had to be above reproach. Every aspect of your life was now owned by the Crown - who you married, when you had children, how many children you had, where you lived and where you worked. It was surprising, but many people submitted to this scrutiny without question, whereas others wished to simply live a quiet life. 

And then, there were others who wished for freedom to do what they wished without the Crown looking over their shoulder. They longed for the freedom to go to university but then drop out. To marry and then, if it didn’t work out, to file for a divorce. To not have children and not be penalized for not having children. To travel to the continent and not be treated as a defector to the monarchy. At first, they marched and held rallies, demanding freedoms they had once had. Those were quickly stopped by armed police, and then the military was called in. Then, they resorted to threats and violence, which led to the constant armed presence on every street and a standing curfew of 11pm each night. As the old saying was, you didn’t have to go home, but you couldn’t be in a public place. 

It made a challenge for pubs and bars, people still needed to unwind after all, but last call was at 10, to give people ample time to finish that last drink and get indoors again before 11pm. To be caught outside after 11 the first time, was to spend the next 24 hours in for questioning. The second infraction was another 24 hrs in detention and a permanent, lifetime loss of 3 credits a month. A third arrest was a week in lock up and an additional loss of 3 credits for every subsequent infraction. There were those who wore their losses as a badge of honour but for most, it was a loss they could hardly afford.

My Uncle had impressed on me the need to stay under the radar. He believed The Crown owned too much already, they didn’t need any more than their due. He made sure I was well-educated, even earning a PhD, but it was in computer sciences, not anything vital, not vital to the Crown anyways. I didn’t need to be licensed, no one was concerned who I married or how many children I produced. I had wanted to be a doctor, like my mother, but that was further than Uncle Lamb was willing to go. So I learned computer networks and I thought of them as a circulatory system in a person. I had read all her texts and had memorized them from reading them so often. I thought of networks as a person and it sometimes made my insights to how they worked spooky to others. To me it simply made sense. 

When we were abroad, I made an effort to learn how those places treated illnesses as if there were no doctors available, so that when we were back home, I could use what I had learned to help those people who didn’t have the credits they needed for treatments. I knew there were many people who had to prioritize how they used their credits and more often than naught, healthcare became a luxury and not a right. I wanted to be able to help those people anyway I could. I had read any and all medical botany books I could get my hands on and although herbal potions were not considered medicine, and seemingly readily available to everyone, it was a challenge to get the seeds to grow the plants I needed. My green thumb and I were often challenged by local markets, but we were determined and soon my uncle would tease me that the greenhouse I had built would save the world.

In the end, my greenhouse didn’t save the world. My world came to a crashing halt the same time King’s Cross Station was decimated by what the media called the 3 Less bombs. The bombers had intended to detonate the bombs in an empty station, at the end of curfew, long before commuters had made their way into London. They intended to force a holiday where nothing could get done and no one could work, to show that the world would continue to function if the Crown took one day off. They failed to account for the vibrations of each train rolling in and how it would affect the analog timers they had been forced to use. They had placed the bombs in the midst of the evening rush, with timers set to go off 12 hours later. But as each train rolled in, the timers would jump forward a little bit and instead of detonating at 5 am the following morning, the first bomb exploded at 10:30 pm the same night. The first bomb triggered a chain reaction and so, as my Uncle arrived in London the night before routine meetings with his superiors, he stepped off his train into an explosion. 

The triage doctor assured me that he didn’t suffer in any way, his death would have been instant, because that should provide me with some comfort. I was given his military lock box, which contained his few personal effects from his time with His Majesty’s Services. Uncle Lamb was made a Lt. Colonel. posthumously for his service, and I was left an orphan once more. 

I accepted the honours and flag alone. I received the many and various condolences, alone. And I was left to grieve, alone. I thought I had a boyfriend, who wanted to be my fiance, but he was caught up in the glory of solving the bombing. Frank Randall had worked with Uncle Lamb for the government doing “research” as Lamb likes to call his work. I didn’t hear from Frank for 4 days following the tragedy and even then it was just a brief, “I’m alive, I’ll be in touch soon”. He didn’t even say anything about Lamb’s passing until a couple weeks after that, when he finally called me to ask how I was. I was fine. I didn’t need him to hold my hand through the funeral service. I didn’t need him to send people home who had long overstayed their welcome. I didn’t need his shoulder to cry on or his arms to anchor me to this world. I found that I didn’t need him at all, which made the decision to leave Oxford very simple. He was still chasing leads in London, so I left him a simple message: 

Goodbye Frank. It would be best for me to start over where I don’t run into a memory of Uncle Lamb around every corner. Don’t look for me, don’t call and by all means, don’t pretend to care that I’ve gone. Have a good life. 

I moved north, to Scotland, found that the University in Glasgow that would let me complete the last term of my PhD. I told myself that I had lost enough. The Crown had taken its due from me and I was finished providing more than it earned. I would take my allotment of credits, find a job that no one wanted, tell the government auditor that I was unable to bear children due to a childhood illness I contracted abroad, so that they would stop asking. No one would want to marry a barren woman with minimal job prospects. I could re-create my greenhouse and handout potions out of my backdoor if I had to. I would become the old lady on the street that children would run past her house, so they don’t get caught in her schemes. At 18, it was a very clear life plan. Then At 19, I had a job and a house and I considered getting a cat, but thought it was a little on the nose, even for me.

Now, I was 6 months from 24 and well on my way to being that old lady. I had no one to worry about, no one who would worry about me and it was enough. My life was quiet, but it was enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the randomness. I’ll try and post on Thursdays. Enjoy :)

My shoulder throbbed constantly. I thought I might pass out from the pain when Rupert tried to move it for me. “A dhia, man. Don’t touch me again.” I gasped.

“We’ve got to do something, Jamie. It looks right mangled.” My cousin looked at me like he wanted to hit me for being foolish enough to get injured.

“Aye, Murtagh gone to fetch someone. Now shut up, this hurts with every breath.”

I had no idea where Murtagh had taken off to, only that he had gone off on foot and there was no place closeby that would have a medic. I sat on the bed of Murtagh’s truck questioning every reason I had for playing this game that I love. I retired from pro rugby because of this same injury. The doctors had said it was a certainty that I would dislocate it again. And of course, they were right. Where in god’s name was Murtagh?

“What the bloody hell do you think you were doing, playing rugby here, in the dark, on this pavement? Bloody ridiculous Scots, why can’t you play during the day when people can see what they are doing and not getting their arms broken and cracking their skulls.” This rant came from a cloud of chocolate coloured curly hair, armed with a slim but strong hands and a taller than usual, curvy figure. 

“Ye can see if anyone else is injured before ye see to my arm, lass,” I said to her trying to get a look at her face.

“See to everyone else.” she parroted. “Well aren’t you a bloody hero.” She looked to Murtagh, who looked at me. I nodded at him and he nodded her away. “Bloody men —“ I could hear her switch her cursing to French, likely to save the ears of anyone in need of care. 

“Where’d you find her?” I asked Murtagh keeping a eye on the girls progress. 

“One of the boys what was watching said she was a part time medic who saw people at the library just there.” 

“Outside of a clinic? Has she lost her license or some such? Shouldn’t we send her away?”

“Nothing so dire as that. She mostly had herbals and things for folks who had no credits left to go to a clinic. She had a wee paper that said she was only offering advice and no treatments.” Murtaugh explained.

“Treatments would land her in a lockup to be sure,” I noted.

“Aye. She came quick enough when I said ye were broken.”

“What’s her name?” I asked my uncle who like me was keeping an eye on our angel of mercy.

“Her name is, what the hell did you think you were doing?” She moved around me taking note of my arm. “I’m sure it hurts like a bugger but it will be better in a minute.” She looked to Murtagh and said “Hold him.” She met my eye, nodded at me and waiting for me to brace myself. “On three,” She said. “3” and with that she twisted and popped my shoulder back in. It was the swiftest anyone had reset my arm. Granted, most were careful to not do anymore harm, whereas this girl had only wanted to fix it. 

“A Dhia! It doesn’t hurt anymore.” I stared at her in amazement.

“It will. Have you a belt or something to use as a sling?” she asked looking at us for an answer.

“Aye - in his kitbag there.” pointed Murtagh. 

“If you have your own sling, you know not to do any heavy lifting for the next few days. I’ve only ibuprofen for pain but I can get get you something stronger if you need it?” I shook my head at her. “Whisky, will do me fine.” I replied.

“Right.” She looked at me closely as though she was trying to decide something. “Whisky might work tonight, but still take the ibuprofen for tomorrow.” She reached into her own bag and put a red bottle in my hand. Her whisky coloured eyes seem to intoxicate me all on their own. The need to know everything behind those eyes grew with every breath. 

“That’s the lot of you, cracked, bleeding and out of joint. Was there anything else?” She asked looking at Murtagh and then at me. 

“No, that was everything.” I turned my head as one of the lads called my name to see if I was alright. “We’re headed to the pub next - where’d she go?”

Murtagh had bent to pick up my bag and when he straightened he also did a quick look around. “She was just here.”

“Murtagh, man, I looked away for a minute. How could she disappear like that?” I scanned the area and she had vanished. I questioned myself if I had imagined her, but the look of confusion on Murtagh’s face confirmed that she was real. 

“Hey Jamie, if yer lass is done with ye we should head over to the Ridge, aye? Hey where’s she go?” one of the lads called. 

“Dunno, Angus. But, yeah tell the lads we’ll see them there.” I looked around one more time. “Did ye bring us a faerie to heal us then, Murtagh?”

“I wouldna be saying things like that out loud Jamie. It’s no funny.” the older man groused.

“Aye. Well, how d’ye think I feel owing my shoulder to one? Let’s go. I didna like the idea of the lass alone I the streets this time of night but there’s not we can do is there? Did ye see her name on that wee paper? Or where’s the lad that brought ye to her?”

“Nah Jamie. I was focused on bringing ye help. And the whelp only pointed her out he ran off into the night as well.”

Well, then. “Fuck.” I said. “Nothing to be done but move on.” I took one more look into the night and sighed. She was truly gone and I didn’t even have her name.


	4. Chapter 4

Today was the longest day in recent memory. I wasn’t even sure what day it was anymore. My night shift at Leoch Developments usually began at 8pm and ended at 8am, but this night I had spent the better part of my shift being questioned about every major network event of the last 2 months. Regardless of whether or not it had happened on my watch. Malcolm Grant, my boss, wanted nothing more than to trip me up and find a reason to write a complaint about me, but I had an answer and a solution for all of his ‘issues’. He wanted to be well prepared for the boss’s nephew who was due to make an appearance any day now. The only issue I couldn’t solve was the fact that I had a vagina and he thought his penis made him my superior. I was supposed to have babies and nurture the next generation. Not run servers and speak in Bios. That ass wouldn’t know a gigabyte from a network card to save his own life. 

“I hate him,” I said as I walked back into the clean room. “If he were to find himself on a long walk off a short cliff, I for one, wouldn’t cry about it.”

“LJ -“ started Joe. He was the daytime supervisor to my nighttime role. He was also the closest thing I had to a friend. 

“If he says one more time I swear -“ I was mid-rant and not really aware of where I was. 

“Claire!” Joe said grabbing my arm

“Wot?” I said looking at his hand on me and then noticing the suits just beside the first set of servers. 

“Claire, we have guests from the executive suite. This is James Fraser, Mr McKenzie’s nephew. He is getting to know all the nooks and crannies of the business.” Joe motioned to a very tall, very red-haired man, who looked strangely familiar. 

“Oh. Well, as the daytime superintendent, Joe here knows everything there is to know about the network and servers. I’m sure you don’t need me for anything.” I said moving to my workstation and logging out of work. 

“I didna catch yer name, lass?” the large Scot rumbled and held out his hand as if to shake mine. 

“It’s Dr. Claire Beauchamp.” I said quickly taking his hand and attempting to step away from him and make a dash to the exit. 

“I’m sure that Joe here has many things he can be doing besides showing me the ropes. Would you mind answering my questions instead?” He asked raising an eyebrow not really giving me a chance to say no. 

I looked at Joe, just past Mr Fraser’s shoulder, who looked at me and shrugged. “Of course. It would be my pleasure.” I took a deep breath and tried not to sigh. “Where did you want to start?” I looked at the security guards who were also with him and wondered if I was conducting a class in server management. Perhaps Grant should join us and really make my day stellar. 

“I believe I saw an empty office down the hall a bit. We could go there, and then we can leave Joe to his work”. That office was only empty because Grant had been interrogating me in the records vault. I was sure that he would be put out to have to share his space with this handsome stranger. I was having my server 101 class after all. 

“That office belongs to Malcolm Grant, who is the head of this floor. Perhaps you would be better off asking him your questions?” I suggested. I took one last chance at freedom, it couldn’t hurt to try. 

“From what you were saying as you came in, I’m entirely convinced that you are the person to speak with.” He nodded at one of the guards shadowing us down the hall and he moved ahead to make sure the office was available. 

Grant was in the hall protesting his ejection from his own office when he saw us walking towards him. “Mr Fraser.” he said with an oily smile. “I would be very happy to review the working of the -“

“No need, Malcolm. You have better things to do than answer my simple inquires. I’m sure Ms. Beauchamp here can cover everything.”

“It’s Dr. Beauchamp.” I corrected him quietly, keeping an eye on Grant. 

“Of course. Thank you, Malcolm.” and with that he closed the door in Grant’s face and I was alone, behind closed doors with James Fraser. He was taller than I expected and his eyes a bright blue that reminded me of bluebells that grew in my garden. He looked comfortable in his suit which was a surprise but I supposed as the owner's nephew, he could wear jeans and a jumper and no one would gainsay him. 

“So... how is your shoulder?” I asked him looking at him closely. He looked well rested and confident, everything I was not. 

“My shoulder is just fine. Thank ye for asking.” He said sitting in Grant’s chair. 

“You sure about that?” I said not taking any chances. He nodded and I continued. “Well, I’m just a person who re-set your shoulder a couple of weeks past, dislocated during an off site, off-book rugby match. An unlicensed person such as myself could only cause trouble for someone like you, who should have a whole gallery of people he could call upon, if he were to stub his toe or have a hangnail. So if you’re alright, should we really be alone in here? The last thing I need is to be tangled up in the rumor mill with you.”

“Sheesh woman. I’ve not brought you here to make trouble.” His accent became more pronounced as the flush rose up his neck. “I wanted to thank you, is all.”

“Thank me?” I scoffed. 

“Aye. Ye fixed me up, mended a couple of the other lads and disappeared into the night. We didna have the chance to thank you, compensate you for your troubles or even get yer name. Ye took a risk in coming out and we’re... I’m grateful.”

I looked into his deep blue eyes and didn’t see anything more than thoughtfulness. I’d been summoned from packing up my Friday night clinic by a middle aged man who had more hair on his face than on his head who asked me to “mend a couple of lads”. The urgency in his voice lead me to leave the library and go with him to a little used soccer pitch where I found the scattered remains of a rugby game to treat 2 broken fingers, a head cut that was slow to clot and a dislocated shoulder belonging to one, Jamie Fraser. I recognized many of them as former semi-professional rugby players, apparently looking for a game now that they were in the off-season. All of them should have known better but a trip to the A&E would raise questions and more, and clearly, they were just lads, having a laugh. 

“I don’t typically take payment for my services. That’s the point. And all the thanks I need, is to not have to treat the same injuries again.”

“Well, that doesn’t seem right. How do you get the supplies that you need? Or the meds? You had left us with ibuprofen and somewhat else. Ye canna just be buying such out of yer own funds,” Jamie seemed to be indignant on my behalf. 

“I canna? Look, you don’t know me and I don’t know you. I’m just fine without the outside advice. And if I’ve given out meds it’s because it was necessary. Lord, there was a time when such things were in every person’s medicine cabinet. Thank you for your concern, but I do just fine. Now, unless you actually have questions about the network, my work day was to have ended at 8 and seeing as we are closing in on 11, I would very much like to go home.”

“Ended at 8?” He said with his eyebrows raised, “and pray tell what time does your day begin?”

“At 8 in the evening. I’m responsible for the overnights. It’s primarily when backups and updates are run so as to not to disrupt the work day. I’m here Sunday to Thursday with every second Thursday night off. Every couple months, Joe takes a week from me and I take a week from him. And there is a third superintendent who works mainly weekends. There are a handful of other technicians that work with us, to make sure there is someone around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He looked confused at my strange work days but they worked for me and it was all that mattered. “Is there anything else you’d like to know?” I asked standing up.

It sounded like he said “everything” under his breath but he stood and said “For now, no. Ye should go home and get some rest, Sassenach.”

“An outsider, am i?” I felt my mouth twist at the insult. 

He looked surprised I knew Gaelic, but how would he know that I knew more than just the king’s english. “Aye, ye are. But I’ll no hold it against ye.” He blinked at me slowly and it took me a minute to interpret it as a wink. 

“Alright then, my lad. Have a good rest of your day.” I gathered my things, saluted Joe and left work as fast as I could. As soon as I got home, I was so tired I collapsed fully clothed onto my bed. 

I woke as the sun was setting and readied for another day at work. As I grabbed a banana on my way out, I found myself wondering about Mr. Fraser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments. It's terrifying posting anything and I really appreciate all the encouragement.


	5. Chapter 5

It was nearly two weeks before our paths crossed again. It was my turn to do Joe’s week of day shifts and I was looking forward to a few days in the sun. I headed to my favourite coffee shop on the way home from work when I saw him. Jamie Fraser. He looked quite handsome in his suit, reading a paper and enjoying a coffee, it was hard to not admire the way his hair seemed to glow in the sunlight.

It was about 9 in the morning and he was in a window seat, obviously enjoying some time away from the office. “Merde” I thought to myself. He hadn’t seen me yet and perhaps if I kept my head down, he wouldn’t notice me at all. The memory of how he had called me a Sassenach and ‘lass’ had left me unaccountably smiling to myself and I didn’t want him to know that he had affected me so. 

“Claire! I’ll have yer cuppa ready in a minute, love! Grab a seat where ye can.” Eddie called from behind the counter as I walked in. I prayed that Jamie hadn’t heard but as I turned my head to look for an empty chair, his blue eyes met mine with a smile. 

“Dr. Beauchamp. Fancy meeting you here. Join me?” He asked politely.

“Mr. Fraser. I don’t want to intrude.” I said, approaching his table and keeping an eye out for another empty chair.

“Not at all. There isn’t any place for ye to sit otherwise.” He said nudging our the seat across from him with his foot. “I wouldn’t want to be the reason you missed yer cuppa.”

“No, we can’t have that” I said sitting down. Well Beauchamp, I thought, in for a penny, in for a pound. “How have you been adjusting to the office? I’m guessing what Donna calls coffee is what drove you to find this place?”

“Indeed. Donna’s a sweet lady but to call what she makes coffee is an insult to the beans themselves. I saw you pop in one morning and thought if it was good enough for the illustrious Dr. Beauchamp, it would be worth a try.”

“Well, Eddie and his husband make the best chai latte I’ve ever had and I’ve had a lot of tea so I’m a bit of an expert. Although, it’s not typically this busy this time of day.” I said noting the full tables. 

“It’s not, but we are happy for it.” Eddie said bringing me my pot of tea and a couple of warm muffins. “Did ye need anything else, Jamie?”

“No Ed. I’m just fine.” He said making eye contact with me

“Alrighty then. Claire, when yer done here, do ye kind coming round back and have a look at Alan’s hand? He’s been whinging about it but won’t say boo when yer here. Says he’ll find your next open clinic and then forgets all about it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner, Eddie? Of course I’ll look at his hand.” I said making to stand up.

“No now! Have yer cuppa and then come round to the back. He’ll do for a minute.” Eddie said. “Sit down!” 

“Alright.” I looked at Jamie “Remind me to go. I’m liable to forget.”

“I’ll remind you.” He said with a smile. “Didn’t know you were so forgetful?”

“I’m not usually but I’m trying to adjust to being alert during the day but after being nocturnal for so long, it takes a bit to reset myself.”

“So yer on days then?” Jamie said, sounding interested.

“Next week I will be. I’ve a few days now to adjust and enjoy a bit of daylight and then I’m on days for Joe.” I peeked at him over the rim of my mug. “And how is sitting behind a desk treating you, after being on a rugby pitch for so long?”

“Weel, I wasn’t always on the pitch. There were films to watch and time in the gym, of course. And learning the different plays. Being in the office seems like one really long play session. I’m glad for the chance to stretch my legs and come here, just to hear myself think.”

“Oh.” I said aloud. I thought to myself ‘And do those thoughts include running from the office as though you were followed by the hounds of hell?’

“I can see what you’re thinking, Sassenach. And yer no wrong. Yer thinking, what thoughts just a former rugby player might have? I’ve plenty.” he said sounding a bit insulted.

“No, Jamie!” I reached over and put my hand on his, “that is not at all what I was thinking.” He arched his eyebrows at me in challenge. “I was thinking that watching game films and being in a gym, would be infinitely more preferable to wearing that suit. I know it would suit me better, to not be in the dungeon. I’m sure that you and all your thoughts are important. I’m not at all convinced that Leoch Developments is.”

“Ye didna think me an empty headed jock?” he asked in surprise.

“Never!” I replied feeling mildly offended on his behalf. “Well, once - for playing in the dark and dislocating a perfectly good shoulder. I may have thought you were a fool then. But not for anything else.”

“Thank ye, Claire.”

“I’m guessing you’ve been treated as a dumb jock these past few weeks?” I said seeing him nod. “I’m sorry for that Jamie. I’m certain you are a good deal more that just one thing.”

“That’s twice now, ye’ve called me Jamie.” he smiled. “What happened to Mr. Fraser?”

“Oh.” I could feel my blush creeping up my neck. “Well. Mr. Fraser. You see, I’m off the clock and having tea in my favourite spot. I thought, perhaps, I was sitting with a new friend named Jamie. But if Mr. Fraser is feeling left out, I’m sure I can find someone for him to sit with instead.”

“Ye’ve a quick wit, I’ll grant you that.” He laughed. “Thank you for not thinking me just a clot heid, as my sister calls me.”

We talked for about another half an hour before I reminded him that he had to go back to work. I don’t really recall what we spoke of - past lives, I suppose but I do recall that he never looked away from me. It was unnerving at first, but then comforting as it seemed that he saw me and not who just I presented to the world. Looking at him felt like looking into the sun. I felt dazzled, blinded almost by his constant gaze and the smile always hovering about his mouth.

“Didna forget to see to Alan.” he said as he finally stood to leave.

“I won’t. See you around, Jamie.”

“A bientot, Sassenach.” he stood and as I looked up at him, he added, “If yer free on Sunday, the lads are playing another rugby game. Seeing as the last time ye read us the riot act for not having some sort of medic around, perhaps ye would be so kind as to join us?” He looked like a little boy asking for a second bit of cake, hopeful but prepared to be rejected.

I laughed, a true laugh, a sound I hadn’t made in quite some time. “How could I allow such a travesty? Give me your phone.” I put in my number and sent myself a text. “Text me the details. I’ll see you Sunday.” I said giving it back to him, careful to not touch his hand with mine.

“See you then.” He winked, or at least I thought he winked and he finally went back to work.

I was still smiling when I went around the counter to look for Alan. I'll have to stock up on ibuprophen, I thought. And put this damn smile away.


	6. Chapter 6

“He said you would turn up.” said the dark haired, bearded man who had summoned me the first time to fix up Jamie’s shoulder. “Murtagh Fraser, Jamie’s uncle,” he said sticking his chin out in greeting. 

 

“Hallo. I’m Claire.” I looked at the field and it was clear they were in the midst of the game. There was a small group of people watching a little ways away, friends and fans, presumably. “Anyone broken or bleeding yet?” I asked.

 

“Not yet.  But we’re coming close to the end and sometimes things get heated, ye ken?” Murtagh replied.

 

“Do they play very often?” I asked him. I wondered if I needed to make time in my schedule to attend more such outings and to decide if I wanted to or not. I watched the group of onlookers looking for anyone familiar, someone from work or from one of my small free clinics. There weren’t many cars parked nearby so presumably everyone was within walking distance and so, everyone was a neighbour.  Of course, I was rarely out during the day and if Mrs. Wiebe who happened to live next door to me was here, I’d never know.

 

“Mostly when Ian can get away from the farm.” Murtagh pointed at the sidelines. “He’s the tall one with the yellow arm band. He’s Jamie’s brother in law but he canna get away from home more than once every few weeks. Between the animals and the family, he’s always chasing after someone.”

 

“I recognize a few of the others from Jamie’s old team.” I said after doing a quick scan of the players, checking for telltale signs of fatigue and pain management. Noting those who needed treatment last time, and would likely need something again tonight.

 

“Oh, he didna say ye were a fan?” I could feel Murtagh eyes on me like, perhaps there was a possibility that I was some sort of crazy fan girl. 

 

“Well, I’ve lived in Edinburgh for a few years now. I’m fairly sure I’d have been drummed out of the city, if I couldn’t name the starting lineup of the hometown heroes.”

 

“True enough.” There was a whistle from the field and a few cheers from the bystanders watching. “Well that’s the end, then. Looks like we didna need yer services after all.”

 

“Murtagh! John’s done something to his hand. Can ye send Claire over for a look?” Jamie called from the field. 

 

“Spoke too soon, I guess. Did ye need me to carry anything over for you?” He reached for my kit bag that I had set at my feet but I beat him to it. 

 

“Just point out which one is called John and I can do the rest.” I tried to remember what I knew about the mechanics of a human hand and settled into what my uncle used to call my doctoring mode.

 

“Dark hair, green shorts.”

 

“Right, thanks.” I made my way over to where the players were gathered and headed straight for the tall, dark one in the green shorts. “You need a hand?” I asked him brusquely. He was a slenderly built man, but strong if he was able to play with this lot. His eyes were a pleasant shade of brown and looked surprised to be confronted with me.

 

“No, I’m —“ he started to say and then winced as another player jostled his arm. 

 

“Your hand please. Now. Thank you.” My best school marm voice seemed to do the trick. I set about realigning his fingers and splinted them as best I could. All around us the other players were cleaning themselves up and making plans now that the game was finished. I did my best to ignore their camaraderie and focus on the hand in my care, but it was pleasant to be surrounded by their clear affection for each other.  “Is everyone else alright?” I asked, once John’s hand was set.

 

“Aye, lass if you could reach into my shorts here, I could certainly use a hand,” said a smaller man with long unkempt hair and a toothless grin. 

 

“Shut it, Angus. Canna ye no see, this here is a lady.” stepped up another player in green. “Rupert McKenzie, at yer service, mistress. Kindly ignore Angus here. It’s the best thing to do really.” Rupert was more of a solidly built man also with longer hair that was usual and ruddy cheeks clearly used to laughing.

 

“Noted. Well, if no one else is injured,” I said looking at the men around me in different stages of getting cleaned up and dressed. “I’ll be on my way.”

 

“No, please! At least let me buy you a drink for mending my hand.” John said blocking my exit. 

 

“Angus at least, owes ye one for being an idiot.” Rupert said cuffing the other man’s ear. 

 

“Really, you don’t have to-“ I started to say.

 

“Ye didna let me thank ye the last time properly for my shoulder, Sassenach. Don’t think you’ll get away so easy this time” Jamie said, appearing behind me suddenly. 

 

“Jamie.” I nodded in greeting. “Well-” I still hesitated not really used to being around so many people at once but I couldn’t see a way to escape them and they didn’t seem like bad guys, I reasoned with myself that I could have one drink with them.

 

“I can’t drive my car like this, miss,” said John, seeing my hesitation and holding up his bandaged hand. “I’ll need ye to drive my car, if ye don’t mind.” His english accent reminded me that it had been sometime since I’ve heard it and he seemed to decide that since we shared that small trait, I could be trusted with his vehicle. 

 

“I don’t know where we’re going.” I said to John as he handed me his keys. “And my name is Claire.” I added, not having the inclination or a chance to introduce myself before

 

“S’alright Claire, I’ll direct ye. That way ye dinna have to listen to John prattle on about his work on the drive over.” Rupert gracefully stepped in and took the keys from my hand. “c’mon Angus. Let’s get her in the driver’s seat and on over to the Ridge.”

 

Seeing me still considering an exit, Jamie said to me quietly. “Rupert will see ye safe, Sassenach. We’re headed to Murtagh’s pub, The Ridge. It’s where we usually head after a game. It’s no far and I’ll be right behind ye.” Jamie took my medical bag from my hand as I followed him to where their cars were parked. “Did you no drive here?” He asked looking for my car. 

 

“No, I walked. This is not far from my house and it’s a pleasant enough night.” I explained.

 

“I guess that would explain yer quick disappearing act.”he said putting my bag in the boot of his car. 

 

“Let’s go Claire!” Rupert called from there back seat of John’s car, “Maybe John will let you drive faster than the old lady he is, when he drives.”

 

“I’ll see you at the Ridge, then.” I said to Jamie trying to puzzle out how would get my bag from his car later. I climbed into the driver seat and acknowledged that it had been some time since I had driven a car. “Alright Rupert, how fast does this thing go?” Rupert chuckled from the back seat as I revved the engine. 

 

“You do know how to drive, right?” asked John as we drove away. 

 

******

 

The Ridge was a small pub, not more than a few blocks from home. If I had ever bothered to turn left from my front door, instead of heading right to go to work, I’d have walked past it many times. It made me think I should spend a little more time in my own neighborhood and maybe a little less about finding pockets of those underserved by the system, instead. 

 

Many of the lads had commandeered the front of the pub and the next few closest tables filled up.  They were regaling each other with the feats of athleticism, even though they had all just played in the same match. They were free with insults and admonitions, and the ale and whisky flowed like water. 

 

I spent most of the evening listening to John talk about his law practice and Rupert mocking him for it. Learning that Rupert had played with Jamie and had a law degree of his own, made their arguments amusing. Angus was full of dirty stories and thinking he had in me a captive audience, he shared as many as he could while being kicked under the table by Rupert or John in turns, as the stories became more and more unbelievable. 

 

I tried to mingle with a couple of the other tables but always found myself back between John and Rupert and across the room from Jamie. 

 

“Alright lads!  last call! Curfew is at 11 and it’s going on after 10 now.” Murtagh called from behind the bar. “Thank ye for yer money, now get out.”

 

Most of the other players had been drifting off throughout the night. Ian had said his good nights earlier to me saying he was grateful to not need my talents, before disappearing into the back room. “Murtagh lives upstairs.” Rupert told me as I watched Ian leave. “It’s a long drive home, so Ian will stay the night and head back first thing” I nodded my head at the wisdom of the plan. No one wanted to be caught out after curfew. Curfew violations were guaranteed detentions that could last anywhere from 6-24 hours. Not a pleasant way to end a night out. 

 

“So, Claire, did you need a lift home then?” John asked “I have to drive these two idiots, so it would be no trouble to drop you off as well.”

 

“I’ll see Claire home.” Jamie said. “I’ve her med kit in my car anyways, so it’s no trouble.”

 

“Claire can see herself home, thank you.” I said to them both, seeing John ready for an argument. “I’ll just get my kit bag from you, Jamie and I’ll be on my way.”

 

“Well, if you’re sure then.” John said hovering around. I gave John my best school marm look again and said firmly “Good night John.”

 

“A kiss until next time, lassie?” asked Angus popping up right in front of me. 

 

“God, Angus. If she does that, it will be the last time we’ll ever see her again. G’night Claire.” said Rupert giving me a quick hug. “Give Jamie a kiss from me, a’right?” He whispered in my ear. 

 

“Rupert!” I yelled at him, as the three of them made their way to the door. 

 

“I expect a full report” he called back to me as the door closed behind them

 

Fool, I thought to myself turning around and looking for Jamie. “You don’t have to walk me. It’s already getting late. It’s a short 15 min walk home, I promise. There’s no need for you to go to any trouble.” 

 

He nodded and said, “I live just around the corner, it’s not far. I parked my car there, so you can walk me home, get your kit bag and tell Murtagh, it went the other way round.”

 

Realizing that he had my medical bag effectively held hostage, I agreed. “Fine.” i said and turned to give Murtagh one last hug.”Good night Murtagh.”

 

“G’night lass. You’ll send word once yer safe behind closed doors, aye?” He handed me a coaster with a phone number on it. “I’ll be waiting up till I hear from ye. Didna want to keep an old man up late, do ye?”

 

“Never in life.” I stood by the door waiting for Jamie to take his leave from his uncle. “Ready Sassenach?” he said and we were off into the night. 

 

“Will you tell me what Murtagh said to you just now?” I asked as we got further from the pub. 

 

“Will ye tell me what was so fascinating about John?” he rejoined.

 

“Ha.” I chortled. “John is in love with the sound of his own voice. I was just a new set of ears, ones he can bend for all his stories about you.”

 

“Is that what you found so interesting all night?” Jamie said suspiciously.

 

“To be honest, I only heard half of what he said.  I had Rupert in my other ear, narrating what was happening at the others tables.” I admitted to him.

 

“Rupert’s a good man.” Jamie said as we turned a corner. “He’s a great man to have on the field, always able to see the whole play. He has great vision.

 

“Great vision. I suppose that’s true.” I smiled in remembrance of an exchange that Rupert narrated where a girl in the pub tried to capture Jamie’s attention. Tried and failed to capture it. “And you, you were made the youngest captain ever, was it because you are a leader?” I asked trying to get to know a little more about the man beside me.

 

“I was captain because I was voted so.  Someone had to take the bull by the horns.”  We crossed one more street and stopped in front of a row of brownstones. “This is me.” It was a good deal more modest than I had imagined he would live in. His car was in front and he moved to fetch my bag and his from the boot and I took my bag gratefully.

 

“Well then, Good night Jamie.  I’ll see you around.” I said expecting to see him go up the steps but he just stood there smiling at me. “What? It’s getting late, Jamie. I should get going?” I said getting annoyed and looking down the street to get my bearings.

 

“Aye, ye should.  So let’s go.” he said looking in the direction I had been facing.   
  
“Let’s? As in we?” I repeated, feeling confused.

 

“Aye, ye asked what Murtagh said? He said if I dinna send him a photo of you on the other side of yer front door, I’m no allowed to show my face at the Ridge for a month.”

 

“Jamie, “ I said in protest “You don’t have time to walk me home and then get back here before curfew.”

 

“Well, if ye would stop arguing and get moving, perhaps I might have a chance.”   
  
“Damn you James Fraser.” I grumped. I looked at my watch and it read 10:30 pm.  If I ran, I thought, maybe we could make it in time. He’d have to be really fast, but I’d seen him play, professionally and for fun, I knew that he was.  “Fine. See if you can keep up.” I threw my bag across my back and ran away from him. 

 

“Ah Dhia!” I heard him yell behind me.

 

We must have looked ridiculous running down the street in the middle of the night. I turned down a lane for a shortcut and down another street racing to my door. I felt a laugh bubble up inside my chest as I ran to my front step and the excitement of being chased filled me with joy, something I had lost and forgotten somewhere along the way.

 

“Gotcha!” Jamie yelled as he grabbed me from behind and swung me in the air.  The laugh I had inside me burst forth and I found myself laughing in the circle of his arms as he slowly put me on the ground.  “I didna ken that you had such speed in ye, Sassenach.”

 

Before I could say anything, there was a flash of blue lights around us. “Is everything alright, miss?” an officer called from the patrol car that had pulled up beside us, in front of my small house.

 

“Of course, officer.” I said, looking at Jamie and grabbing his hand tightly in mine. “We just wanted to be home in good time, tonight.” Jamie squeezed my hand back in acknowledgement of my use of “we”. 

 

“It’s pretty close to time now, so I’d suggest ye make your ways indoors, then.” the officer said loudly, he looked past me to the house clearly not believing we were in fact close to home.  

 

“Thank ye kindly, officer.” Jamie said in the direction of the patrol car.  “Ye have yer keys handy, love?” He said loudly for everyone’s benefit.

 

“Of course, right here, “I said digging around in my bag.  “Good night!” I called to the patrol car, “Don’t say anything to make me laugh, you bloody Scot!” I hissed working the locks and dragging Jamie through the door and inside my house. “One more friendly wave to the officers, so they bloody well drive away and then, once they are gone, you can go.” I mumbled under my breath as we walked inside. He found a light switch and set his bag down as I closed the front door.  “Now take the photo to send to Murtagh, so I can stop smiling like an idiot.” I ordered him.

 

“Sassenach--” he protested

 

“No. Not yet.  Did you send it?” I asked and once he nodded, I said “Good.” and then I carefully took off my shoes and took one last look through my front door window to see if the patrol car was there, and saw that they were.  “Merde.” I said to myself. 

 

“Claire. I can leave right through yer back door, if ye have one. Tis nothing.” Jamie said trying to not raise any more alarms. 

 

“I do have a back door but they are still outside.” I turned and looked at Jamie who looked larger than life in my living room. And before I knew what I was doing, I picked up one of my shoes and I threw it at him. 

 

“What was that for?” he protested. That earned him the other shoe. “I didna plan this!  If you would have left sooner, we wouldn’t be here.” he argued.

 

“Me! I told you I could walk home tonight just fine, alone. I told you that at the Ridge. And at your doorstep, if I recall correctly!” I yelled at him.

 

“What kind of man would I be to let a wee lassie like yerself walk home, alone, in the dark?”

 

“Wee lassie!” As I looked for something else to throw at him, wrapped his arms around me and lifted me into the air again. “I am not a wee lassie, my lad and as soon as I get my feet down, I’ll prove it.”  He carried me to the back of the house away from the front door and potential projectiles. 

 

“Yer no a wee lassie!  I take it back.” He said as I struggled in his arms. He set me down in the kitchen and moved away quickly. “Just maybe if we’re having a domestic here, let’s do it away from the front door where the patrol is waiting.”

 

“Damn you.” I cursed. Jamie looked just out of place in the kitchen as he did in my front room. Perhaps anyone would look strange inside my home. I couldn’t recall the last time I had someone else in my space. “Don’t think that just because you can pick me up anytime you like, you can.”

 

“Noted. And I’m sorry.” He said quietly taking in my space. “Did ye have something against walls, Sassenach? I can see the patrol in front of yer house from back here.”

 

I considered my house with his eyes. “When I bought this place, it was all small hallways and even tinier rooms. I asked an engineer friend to take a look and he said there was only the one load bearing wall so I knocked the rest all down and found someone else to replace the windows and refinish the floors.  I like having the space.” The front room was a wall of books with a dysfunctional fireplace that I had filled with candles and an old sofa that was more comfortable than it looked. It opened into what used to be the dining room but I had turned it into my workroom. My kitchen was next to the dining room, where a stand alone bar height island had 3 stools although I only needed one and so the other chairs had become repositories for yet more books, or a pile of linens about to be turned into bandages and other detritus of my life. 

 

“It suits ye.” He said looking at my few knick knacks. 

 

“Thank you.” I waited for him to make a comment about how my future husband might want something else or how it’s not safe for children, but he just stood there looking at my work table and the way it opened into an attached greenhouse. 

 

“The greenhouse is attached but I do have a separate door so you don’t have to go through the garden if you didn’t want to.” My greenhouse was my favourite place in the world. I spent nearly every waking hour there if I was home. I didn’t have a dining room table, I had a work table where I planted and replanted, made tea, blended creams and ointments. I ate at the corner of the island  in the kitchen, when I ate. And if I was feeling especially mellow, I’d sit on yet another old couch I had, looking into my small yard. 

 

“The front room doesna seem like you, but this part of the house does. It’s all full of green smells and living things. It’s homey.” he said quietly.

 

“I didn’t know green things smelled homey.” I pointed out. “I’m sorry I threw my shoes at you. I know that you couldn’t have planned this but I was just -“

 

“I ken.” He looked to the front again. “It doesna appear that they are moving on anytime soon.” Noting the continuing blinking lights outside.

 

“Really?” I asked frustrated seeing that he was right. “Did you want a drink while we wait them out?”

 

“What’ve ye got?” He asked taking a stool at my kitchen island. 

 

“Whisky or wine?” My cupboards were fairly bare. I would only be going to the market in the morning as was my habit and not having to entertain made it easy to keep my pantry fresh but minimal.

 

“Whisky.” he replied and I could feel his eyes on me as I moved through my space.

 

I found us 2 tumblers and poured a couple of measures. As the whisky burned its way to my belly, I thought more about my reaction. “I don’t often have guests.” I said to him by way of explanation. “I can’t remember the last time I had anyone in the front room. Seeing you standing there, it was like seeing a ghost, I guess.  I was a little freaked out.”

 

“Ye don’t banish ghosts with a shoe?” He said with confidence. 

 

“You sound like you’ve had some experience with a ghost or 2?” I said with a smile.

 

“Aye, yer in Scotland. The land of faeries and fetches, witches in the woods and monsters in lochs. Surely someone must have told ye a ghost story by now?” he said with a small grin.

 

“No, I can say I haven’t had the pleasure.” I said leaning on the island. 

 

“Weel, I could tell ye a tale or two.  While we wait for the patrol to move on, course.”

 

Blue eyes met whisky coloured ones in contemplation. “No.” I said surprising him. “Yer not telling me anything while you smell like that.” He smelled distinctly of sweat, grass and man, and while it wasn’t actually unpleasant, it had become all too intimate in my kitchen and I needed some space and air between us. “Do you have any clean clothes in your bag?”

 

“I didna think I smell that much, Sassenach.” he replied, taking a subtle sniff of his armpits while I watched him.

 

“Nevertheless, bring your bag and I’ll show you where my shower is.” I said moving towards the stairs. 

 

The upstairs had similarly lost most of its walls. At the top of the landing, you could clearly see my bed facing the windows at the front of my house. The first door to the right was the master bath where I had insisted to the plumber I needed a separate shower area and a tub. The result was a spa like room where I could relax.  The room beyond was a closet of sorts where the laundry lived. I thankfully wasn’t a complete slob and my dirty clothes were tucked away. My bed wasn’t made but he wasn’t here to see that, so it didn’t matter. 

 

“The shower is in there.  Let me grab you a clean towel and I’ll get out of your way.” I led Jamie into my bath and in there, he didn’t seem out of place. The dark greens and grey slate I had chosen for the floor and tub seems to mold to him like he was here when I built this room. 

 

“Quite the place ye have here, Claire.” He said, his voice a little hoarser than it had been downstairs. I reached into the linen closet and grabbed a fresh towel and handed it to him. “Don’t worry about using up all the hot water. I’ve a large water tank.” I said and fairly ran from the room and back down the stairs. 

 

I stood still at the bottom of the stairs until I heard the shower turn on. ‘Bloody hell. I have a naked man in my shower and I’m hiding in my kitchen.’ I thought to myself. Maman is in heaven having a good laugh I’m sure. ‘darling, he’s beautiful and strong and made like a Viking of old. What are you hiding from?’ I could hear my mother’s voice in my head. Merde, I thought. Maman, what do I know about men built like vikings? I stood there for a minute trying to figure out what the hell I was doing and how I had gotten here.

 

I listened and heard the shower still going.  Had it only been a minute? I’d lost track of the time standing downstairs. I went back upstairs and found some clean sheets and went to change my bed. It was clear the patrol wasn’t moving on and if Jamie was going to stay safe, he’d have to stay here.  The only place I could offer would be my own bed and I wasn’t going to live with my mother’s voice in my head ranting about letting a guest sleep in anything other than fresh sheets. 

 

I had just finished changing the pillow cases when Jamie came out of the bath wrapped in only his towel.  I turned and the sight of him fairly knocked the air from my lungs. He was beautiful, all muscles and golden skin. He had some hair on his chest that trailed down between the muscles of his abdomen to beneath the towel. “I left my bag out here.” He said upon seeing me. 

 

“Oh.” I said quickly turning away from him and putting the pillow down. “Right.  I was just making the bed for you for later.” Oh gods, what did I just say?

 

“For me, for later?” His voice was all low again and did I imagine it was closer. 

 

I could feel my ears burning and I desperately wanted to run away. “The patrols are still nearby and it’s unlikely you’d be able to get home without being picked up, so it’s best if you just stayed the night. And my bed is the only place I can offer you, so I’m making the bed.” I said all In one breath. Breathe Beauchamp. “I’ll let you get dressed and be downstairs.” I kept my eyes carefully on the floor and ran to the stairs. I’m sure I could hear him chuckling as I got downstairs. 

 

I went into the greenhouse to calm down. Damn Jamie Fraser and his perfect body. Damn Rupert and his comments. Damn whisky. Damn my solitary life. Damn my lonely heart. Breathe Beauchamp, just breathe. I was a step away from a full on panic attack and the imagined sound of my mother’s commiserating laughter at my discomfort, calmed me down.

 

I went back into the kitchen and poured myself another measure of whisky to try and slow my heart.  I quickly drank feeling it burn down my throat. I glanced out the front windows and the outlines of the patrol cars were still there.  I wondered what had happened, that would make them park outside my house. I poured another whisky for the both of us, thinking if Jamie was getting dressed he would be down soon.  I made room on my old couch for me to sleep on later. The one good thing about working nights is that I was accustomed to being awake in the wee hours of the night and had also learned the ability to fall asleep anywhere.

 

“Are they still outside, Sassenach.” Jamie said finally appearing dressed in warm-up pants and a clean t-shirt, he looked comfortable enough and definitely smelled better.

 

“They are. I was going to turn on my laptop to see what’s happened that would have them on high alert as they are.” I heard my cell phone ringing from the front hall.  “Sorry.” I said walking past Jamie to answer it. “Hello Kev…. No, I’m home safe and sound, what’s…. Oh, I see. Was anyone hurt?.... Of course, they were seen in this direction. I’ll stay in.  I promise. Yes I promise. I’m locking my doors as we speak. No you don’t have to call and check up on me, I’ll be fine. Fuck off Kev… Good night.”

 

“What’s to do then Sassenach?” Jamie asked, still standing in the middle of the kitchen. For a second I had forgotten he was there, and I jumped when I heard his voice.  “Sorry, Claire. Didna mean to scare ye.” he said as I put my hand to my heart.

 

“It’s alright, Jamie. My mind just wandered.” I went to sit on my couch and he came to join me.  “That was Kevin Graham, from work? He works on the weekends, anyways, he said there was an attempt to firebomb the registry over on Princess St and the officers chased the villains over into this part of the city and so there is triple the number of normal patrols and they are going to be in the streets until morning or they catch them.  So, it looks like you are spending the night, Fraser.”

 

“Well then. I didna think this couch will hold me, but I can make it work.” he said sinking into the cushions.

 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch.  I will be. As I said, my bed is the only place I can offer you,  because my mother will rise up from the grave and haunt me if I let you stay anywhere else.”

 

“No. I’m not.” he growled trying to seem intimidating.

 

“Stubborn Scot.” I replied staring him down.

 

“I am.” he said matter of factly.  “So, do ye have a spare blanket I can use then?”

 

“Upstairs.” I replied, trying to think of some way to get him to go away. “I’m afraid I’ll be keeping you up if you did stay down here though.”

 

“How do you mean?” he said leaning towards me.

 

“I was planning on making more peppermint oil and a couple other things.” I said nodding towards my workbench. “It takes quite a bit of pounding I'm afraid, to extract all the oil, and I’ll also be warming things on the hob there. So, I’ll be moving around a lot.  If you think you can sleep through all that commotion, I guess I can get you that spare blanket. Or you can make yourself comfortable upstairs, above the sound-proofed floor and blackout blinds, in a king sized bed with fresh sheets and newly fluffed pillows. I mean, it’s your choice, but I know what I would do.” I made a move to stand up and he reached over and grabbed my wrist loosely.  I looked at his hand on mine and raised my eyes to his with a question.

 

“Pounding peppermint to make oil sounds like busy work, to me, Sassenach.”

 

“It is, Fraser.  It’s also what I would normally be doing on a Saturday night. I’m a night owl by design and so, I usually end up working in the garden or at my bench all night. Sorry.  And don’t think the fact that I’ve been drinking is going to slow me down. It might, in fact, mean that I’ll miss more often than not, and have to pound a bit harder to get the same results.”

 

He started muttering under his breath and finally a small smile appeared. “Fine. I wouldna want to interrupt yer routine and put ye out of sorts.  I’ll take upstairs, then.”

 

“Follow me.” I said taking his whisky glass and setting it beside mine on the island. “Again, I guess.” Bloody hell, i’m too far gone with drink to be making any sense.  I’ll see him settled and then I’ll come back down here and pass out on the couch, I thought.

 

Upstairs again, I went into the laundry and pulled out a spare blanket and pillow to bring with me downstairs and found Jamie sitting on the edge of the bed looking at me. “Good night then, Jamie.”

 

“Wait, Claire.” he called and I stopped at the top of the stairs to look at him. “I wanted to apologize.”

 

“For what?” 

 

“I’m literally stealing your bed out from under ye.  I’ve kept you out late, with strange men and now ye have a stranger man in your house, and under foot and I wanted to say I’m sorry for it.”

 

“For keeping me out late or being a strange man in my bed?” I walked over to him and sighed as I sat down. “I could have left the pub at any time, Jamie.  It was my choice to stay as long as I did, not yours. I let you walk me home, I mean, I think I did, I should have let the patrol take care of you, but that didn’t seem fair, did it.”  I bumped him with my shoulder. “There’s no one at fault here, except for some bloody idiot firebugs who can’t leave well enough alone, and the crown who should just take their nose out of everyone’s business.”

 

“I should--”

 

“You should go to sleep. That is unless you need a bedtime story?” I asked trying to tease a smile out of him. We were in Scotland, a land made of storytellers and I was not one of them.

 

“‘Tis said it’s the best way to fall asleep in a strange bed.” he replied.

 

“Rupert must have had you out like a light every night.” I said.

 

“He did and I find that I’m needing a story now, Sassenach. So then why don’t ye lay with me on yer bed and tell me a story then. It’s been me talking all night. Why don’t ye Distract me from being in a beautiful Woman’s bed by telling me a faerie tale.”

 

“A faerie tale?” I sighed rolling my eyes. “I don’t know any stories.”

 

“Tell me about yerself, then.  Anything would do.” he said simply.

 

I thought about what I could possibly tell him and settled on my favourite one. “Close your eyes and I’ll tell you about the first time my parents met.”

 

“This sounds like a good one.”

 

I moved so we were both leaning on the headboard. His ocean blue eyes were closed and his hair smelled like my shampoo. “So it was late days of the withdrawal. The King had decreed that in order to have a complete and proper census every citizen of the Crown had to be within the borders before the end of June.  Otherwise there needed to be a ream of paperwork to be done for each person and no one wanted that.”

 

“Mph. I recall my parents saying it was the most foolish thing ever as most citizens had already been home for months and the kingly decree was useless.”

 

“Well, my father was, at the time, a mere captain in his majesty’s army stationed at Calais, the first and last British outpost on the continent. He said when the decree came and it was like he had been given orders to ship home without warning. He was disappointed because he had plans with some of the others to go and paint Paris red in July and now those plans had to be scrapped. 

 

My uncle, his brother, was also in Paris at the time so he made some calls and got my father a 3 day leave to see family and the two of them partied in Paris like 2 young Englishmen. They went for dinner, then to a pub for a drink and to watch a match - football, I think. And then when the team they chose to cheer for lost, they started a brawl in the nearest pub just for the sake of starting a brawl.”  I could see Jamie smile at this description perhaps owing to knowing the same tendency in himself. My audience was still awake so I had to continue. 

 

“The authorities were called because, of course what’s a good brawl without breaking some furniture but my papa and my uncle, despite having started the thing, still managed to duck out before the police arrived. My father, however, was not steady on his feet and my uncle thought perhaps it would be a bad thing if his brother were actually hurt, so they wandered into the first a&e they could find. 

 

There, they were both treated by a third year medical student who had just completed her final examinations. She was one 12 hour shift away from getting her full medical license and these two stupid Englishmen walked in, when she had only 4 hours left before she could refuse them treatment because she didn’t want to help stupid people. The first one was just mostly drunk but was kind, mainly concerned for the other who apparently was his older brother. That brother had a mild concussion, a broken pinky finger and the most remarkable green eyes she had ever seen. My maman would say that she saw her future in those bleary green eyes and papa would say that she saved his life.  In any event, my father insisted that they stay close to the a&e to the end of her shift to confirm that she did complete it and make sure that she would get her license. My uncle disappeared to their hotel and my parents went for breakfast. And then had lunch. And then supper. And then breakfast again. This is how they would tell me the story, no one ever talked about how they stayed together the whole day to have shared so many meals but there you go. And before they had lunch a second time, they found my uncle, who found them a judge so they could be married and when my father was shipped home to Oxford, my mother had to join him because she was his wife. They knew they were forever in less than 72 hours. And that to me is a faerie tale.” I looked over at Jamie and it seemed that he had finally fallen asleep. I took a chance and touched his hair and he smiled just fleetingly. If I hadn’t been watching I Would Have missed it. 

 

“Sleep tight, Jamie.” I whispered.  I was tired and I want to go to sleep, but I did have to make that peppermint oil, it wasn’t all a rouse. So I got up and went downstairs and I didn’t look back.  

 

I made the peppermint oil, dabbing a bit on my own head, knowing that I had had too much to drink.  I did a lap of the doors and windows I needed to bolt before I went to sleep. I wondered if Jamie was still sleeping and remembered that I left a window open upstairs.  I didn’t know if he would welcome the sound of birds in the trees as I did so I quietly went up to close it to find that he was nowhere to be seen. ‘Bloody god damn Scot!’ I thought to myself wondering if perhaps he had woke and snuck out while I was in my greenhouse, when I heard a sound from the far side of the room.  He had taken a pillow and my blanket and laid himself on the wool rug I had on the floor. Bloody man.

 

Fine then, I thought. He was dead asleep on the floor.  My house was locked up for the night and my bed was empty.  I went down and fetched the blanket I had brought down with me and fell on my bed in a heap.  I sat up and took off my bra as I was still wearing the same clothes I had been wearing all day but was too lazy to change.  With my bra off and a tall, red headed viking character asleep on my floor, I fell asleep with a smile on my face. Oh, maman, you must have had a good laugh at me tonight.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple things were really short so I've decided to upload them sooner rather than later. I don't know if this will all make sense the way I thought it would in my head. Hopefully you'll like it.

Jamie woke up on the floor and wasn’t entirely sure where he was. There was a slim, pale skinned arm hanging from the side of the bed and the ceiling had been painted to resemble the night sky. He turned his head the other way and found himself gazing out gauzy curtains to a clear blue sky. It was early yet, but he did remember who’s floor he was on. Claire’s.

He quietly sat up and saw that she was on her stomach with her face turned towards him. She looked peaceful in sleep, not the constant watchfulness she had and the small worry lines between her eyes were relaxed away. He got dressed and silently made his way downstairs, not wanting to wake her.

Her house was a reflection of the lady herself. The front room was formal and not very welcoming. The books on the shelves were chosen for their symmetry and not their contents. There were only 2 photos there. One of a smiling couple in front of the Eiffel Tower - he was tall with dark curly hair and she was laughing at the photographer with her mouth wide open. These must be her parents. She shared her mum’s wide mouth, ready to laugh and her golden eyes. Her father gave her his curly mop and straight nose. The other picture was of a man in a flak jacket and a younger girl atop an elephant. The girl was laughing with her mouth open. You could feel the joy in her face from the photo. The man with a receding hairline could only be the uncle who raised her after her parents had died. She had said something about India at the Ridge last night. This photo must have been taken at around that time.

The rear of the house was in stark contrast to the front room. The island still held their tumblers from the night before and the couch facing the garden held quilts waiting to warm someone, along with a stack of notebooks and magazines in their haphazard pile, to be read when that person had time to finally sit down. Instead of a dining room table, there was a workbench with various bits of greenery to be planted or preserved. There were bunches of herbs hanging from the ceiling, the shelves were full of jars and bottles with multicoloured contents and different coloured candles scattered about. If he didn’t know better, he could say he had wandered into a witches lair. There was more than one discarded teacup and mug on the workbench. All were empty - just waiting for their mistress to refill them with her magic. The windows filled this part of the house with light and the smell of the garden filled him with a peacefulness he didn’t know he needed. He stayed there breathing in the scent of Claire’s garden, committing the feeling to memory. 

He lost track of how long he stood there but a shift in the sunlight told him it was time to go. He left through the greenhouse and out into the lane. He thought to himself that this would be a nice neighbourhood to have bad habits in. Perhaps he’d have the chance to find out.


	8. Chapter 8

Jamie had invited me over for supper. It had been a couple weeks since he had disappeared from my floor and we’d managed to run into each other for coffee another handful of times. He said that Murtagh would be there, and likely a couple of the other lads. He wanted to thank me for fixing them up the last couple of matches and he thought a home cooked meal would be a good idea. Having seen the state of my kitchen, he probably thought that I wasn’t much of a cook, but then who was really, when cooking for one. 

He mentioned that he and a couple of the others would get together Friday nights, provided they were free, for a meal together just to stay connected. I thought it a bit old fashioned but I saw the appeal of being with people you like, as it was so easy these days to be isolated from everyone else. I wasn’t sure how or where I’d fit in, but being around Jamie and the others felt comfortable. Uncle Lamb had been suspicious of most people, mostly because his job had him chasing ghosts, and it had rubbed off on me. Jamie never made me feel unwelcome and while I hardly spent any time with the others to get a read one way or the other, I knew I needed to get out more and make more connections. No man is an island, was that the saying. I squared my shoulders and headed out my door.

OK Beauchamp., I thought to myself, You can do this. Which door did he say was his again? The brownstones all looked the same at night, but now in the late afternoon, they all took on a character all their own. His was the last one. There was a small Scottish flag in the window sill in the shape of a jersey. A small nod to the now retired captain of the Blues. 

I made my way up the steps, careful to not drop the bottle of wine I had brought as a dinner guest. I could hear the loud EDM playing inside and the idea that Jamie listed to dance music made me smile. How would he hear my knock? I tried the doorknob instead and found it unlocked. I called out a tentative “hello?” and followed my nose towards the kitchen. Something savoury and tomato-y wafted through the air and I thought it needed a bit more basil and it would be perfect. 

“Rupert! Is that you man? I don’t want --” Jamie’s voice carried over the bassline.

“It’s not Rupert. The front door was open and I let myself in, if that’s alright?” I called back to him. Jamie turned down the music and took the wine from my hands.

“Course it is, Sassenach. You didna have to bring wine. Ye ken Murtagh is a licensed sommelier and owns a pub?”

“I did know that. I wanted to see if he would approve or not. You should add a bit more basil to the sauce. It will round it out nicely.”

“More basil?” he repeated sounding a little offended at my suggestion. “Why don’t you do that, and I’ll finish making the greek salad?”

I moved into Jamie’s kitchen, careful to stay out of his way and added a bit more basil and whatever else I could find on his spice rack. We moved around each other in a dance where we never quite touched, but were always aware of where the other person was. Rupert turned up about 20 mins later with Murtagh and Lucas in tow. 

“Looks fairly domestic in here Jamie lad. You didn’t make the lass do all the cooking did ye?” asked Murtagh.

“We’re supposed to be treating her, not making her work!” Rupert added.

“Well if you lot had turned up on time, maybe she wouldn’t have to be in the kitchen.” Jamie said.

“Now, I was early, you know.” I said defensively.

“Jamie, you’ve never had this wine before?” Murtagh said inspecting the bottle I had brought. 

“It was one of my uncle’s favourites. He said, it always reminded him of being in Tuscany.” I added.

“Aye, tis a good one. Makes for a good starter.” Murtagh seemed to approve and then he poured all of us a glass. 

“To Claire - may she never regret helping out an auld man,” Murtagh said raising his glass.

“Or setting an out of joint shoulder,” added Jamie.

“Nor listening to the same stories over and over,” Rupert piped up.

“Or drinking the same old ale,” finished Luke.

“Slainte!” I said. “And it’s been my pleasure to meet all of you.”

“Wonderful. Now, let’s see if Jamie actually can cook!” Rupert said heading for the table and nearly upsetting the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's another short one but I had used these writing prompts to just get words going and it wasn't until I looked back that they sort of made a little story about J and C. The next one will be longer. Thanks for reading!!


	9. Chapter 9

“You didn’t have to come with me, Jamie. It’s not the first time I’ve gone to Inverness on my own, you know.” I said looking at Jamie over the edge of my coffee cup. He was standing in my kitchen looking grumpy at being up so early on a Saturday. It was early so we could catch the first train to Inverness so I could go to the Culloden historical site for the 379th anniversary of the Battle of Culloden. 

I had lived in Scotland for going on 4 years and I had never been and I thought this year, because it was an odd year, would be better to go than next. I wasn’t sure if there would be anything to mark 380 years but if there were, I’d prefer to not be there for it.

“What kind of Scot would I be if I let a wee Sassenach lass go to one of our most historic sites without a proper guide?” he grumped.

“I’m 1.75m, not wee. And there will be tour guides. That’s the whole reason that i’m going. Bloody Scot.” I argued. 

“Compared to me, yer wee, so get over it. And tour guides dinna ken the proper family histories of the clans who went to their end following Bonnie Prince Charlie.”

“And you do?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I ken the Fraser history, and it’s the only one ye need to know.” he said superiorly. 

“I see.” I said shaking my head at his exclusion of all the other clans. 

We settled in a small train compartment facing each other. It was a 4 hour train ride and my original plan had been to sleep the first couple of hours and then do some reading about Culloden before I got there. With Jamie facing me, it seemed unfriendly to just put up my feet and close my eyes, so I wasn’t sure what to do next.

“Move over a bit, Sassenach so i can put my feet up, aye? I’m gonna try and catch up on the sleep ye’ve stolen by insisting on going to Culloden.” Well then, I thought.

“The moment you start to snore, I’m throwing my book at you.” I said. 

“Fine.” he said. He balled up his jumper and leaned it on the window like a pillow and closed his eyes. I sat and watched him for a minute and decided if he was going to sleep, so could I. I didn’t ball up my sweater, but the scarf I had was bulky enough to use as a substitute pillow. He was on the window, so I leaned on the compartment wall. I watched the trees of the forests pass through the window and soon enough the rocking of the train lulled me to sleep. 

“Claire? You’re dreaming lass. Claire?” Someone was shaking me and I wasn’t ready to wake. “No, go away uncle. Just 5 more minutes, please.”

“Claire?” It was Jamie’s voice and I sat up suddenly. He was beside me and he had both my hands in his. “Yer alright lass. It was just a dream.”

“Jamie? What are you doing?” I asked as I took my hands back from him. “What did you say?”

“I said you were dreaming. And tis a good thing I ken some French else is have no idea what you were saying.”

I blinked the sleep from my eyes. “French?” I asked and I sat up taller and slid away just enough to not be touching him. “Merde. sorry Jamie. I guess I dream in french? Sorry.”

“Dinna fash. You were getting a bit excited is all, I thought I should wake ye if it was a bad dream.” He said as he moved back to the seat across from Me. 

“Sorry Jamie. I didn’t mean to bother you.” I mumbled, scrubbing the sleep from my eyes. 

“S’Alright Sassenach. There’s a concession in one of the cars, did you wanna water or anything?”

“Sure, water sounds good.” I agreed readily.

“I’ll be right back.” He left like he was being chased by something. Bloody hell, what did I do when I was asleep? I found a small wipe in my bag and tried to make myself Look presentable. I felt almost human again when he came back. “They has coffee as well, But it seemed pretty dodgy, so waters it is.”

“Thanks Jamie.” I said. I watched him as he sat across from me drinking from his water bottle. “I have to ask, did I say something or was I yelling? I’m sorry, but I have no idea what just happened and I’m trying to figure out just how embarrassed I should be. Like, is it walking with toilet paper stuck to my shoe or is it my skirt tucked into my underwear? Both are bad but one is so much worse than the other.”

“I didna ken you wore skirts to work, Sassenach.” he replied with a small smile.

“I don’t… Jamie. It was that bad?” I hid my face in my hands. “Oh god! Is it ok if you go on to Culloden without me? I’ll just stay on the train and never get off…”

“It wasn’t that bad. I was just teasing. You were mumbling in french, I wasn’t close enough to hear what you were saying, but ye didn’t seem cheered by it. I thought I should wake you before it got worse.” He had the sense to look sheepish.

“I woke you, I’m sorry.” I felt a little less embarrassed but still worried of what Jamie thought of everything.

“I was already awake. I canna sleep for long in a moving vehicle. I get motion sick so usually just short naps for me. As I said, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I’m completely mortified.” I said wrapping my head completely in my scarf. 

“You look ridiculous.” He said with a smile in his voice. 

“I’m not here. Please don’t look at me. I’m just a strange girl on the train. There’s nothing to see here.”

“Claire…” he pulled down my scarf to find my eyes. “It was in French and very quiet. I promise, whatever you said, remains between you and your dreams. Unless you were talking about me, and then I’m all ears.”

“It wasn’t about you. I remember that much.” I looked out the window debating what and how much to say. “Did I tell you my father was in the Army?” Jamie tilted his head at me, listening. “When I was small, my mum and I would take the train from oxford to wherever he was based every third weekend. We’d video call and talk on the phone but every 21 days I could see him in person. I’d always fall asleep on the train on the way and when we arrived, he’d be there to wake me and carry me to the truck.” I looked to see if he was still listening and he was. “I was dreaming that I was little and we were on our way to see him. Silliness, really. My mom was telling about something in french because I had to practice and I wasn’t having it. That’s all.”

He nodded at me as though he agreed that it was just a dream, nothing earth shattering. “Well then. That’s not something I can use to blackmail ye with. I was hoping for something scandalous, Beauchamp. That was positively sweet.”

“I’m afraid I haven’t got any blackmail worthy secrets, Fraser. And if you only came along to try and get some dirt on me, you’ll be sorely disappointed.” I pushed some bravado into my voice trying to sound normal. 

“So It would seem, Sassenach.”

“So motion sick?” I asked trying to steer the conversation away from me. “What about flying?” I asked thinking about the travelling he would have done playing rugby as he had.

“If it’s moving faster than 60 clicks, and I’m not driving it, there’s a chance I may puke my guts out. There you go. Now you have some dirt on me.” He sat back and held out his hands like he was giving me something. 

“It’s no good if it’s something everyone knows about you. And I’m pretty sure your motion sickness is not a secret.”

“It’s not a widely known fact. My life’s an open book, mo neighan donn. Not much I can do about it.”

“Hmmm. I don’t believe you but I suppose if you say so, you say so.” I tilted my head wondering what he had tried to cure himself. I realized I was thinking everything in french because I had been thinking about and remembering my mother and I gasped in surprise. 

“What is it, Claire?” He asked concerned. 

“You get motion sick,and I, apparently, think in something other than English.” I said shaking my head. “I just realized that I not only dream en francais, I’ve been thinking in it too. I couldn’t remember the words for 'widely known' and it didn’t compute. You said something else that didn’t translate and it… confused me.”

“Mo duinne. It means my brown haired lass.”

“I’ve always thought brown was rather a dull colour.”

“Nah, your hair’s not boring at all. It’s got all the colours of water in burn. Dark in the wavy spots, with bits of silver and golds on the surface where the sun catches it.” 

“Bullshit!” I said, breaking the mood. “My hair is nothing but a birds nest and telling me it has gold in it just means you need to get your eyes checked.”

“As you say, Sassenach.” He said ruefully. He turned his head to look out the window. I knew I had thrown his words back in his face rather abruptly but I didn’t feel obligated to protect his feelings in any way. He was tagging along where he wasn’t invited and we were just friends. New friends. That’s all. 

“What was the last book you read?” I asked him after a while, feeling badly about snapping at him.

“What?” He asked surprised. 

“You’re not just a dumb jock, obviously. You must read more than just reports at work. Your bookshelf at home is loaded with books. What was the last book you read?” I had decided to make amends but I was so bad at it, I reconsidered just staying on the train and writing this trip off as a failure. 

“I just finished reading or rather re-reading fahrenheit 451. Have you read it?”

“A classic. I read it a long time ago, we were in India I think, so I would have been 11, or maybe 12. Re-read? How many times have you read it?”

“Lost track now. I first read it in school and now when I feel like I have a bit of spare time I’ll pull it out and read it again. It gives me a bit of hope, that maybe things will change.”

“Remind me why?” And then we talked about the fireman who changed everything he believed in and found that he had been wrong but wanted to do better. We talk about other books we had both read. He made fun of my tendency to read historical books and biographies. While he enjoyed all sorts of pulp fiction, we agreed that some books should never have been written. Or at least, we couldn’t understand their appeal. 

We arrived in Inverness and quickly found where the bus tour I had signed up for was meeting. Jamie insisted on sitting at the back of the bus so he could quietly tell me the proper history of the place. He shared with me the story of his ancestor Simon Fraser who had famously played both sides against the middle and lost. How many of the families around Lallybroch, his home, had survived the clearances that followed because their men folk had walked away from Culloden before it had even started and made their way home. 

When we arrived at the moor, I couldn’t help but feel chilled, as though a goose had walked over my grave. It seemed to me that I could hear the cannon blasts and the sounds of men dying as we walked around the place. I wrapped my arms around myself as I followed Jamie to the rock that said Clan Fraser so he could pay his respects. I stayed a little ways away to give him some privacy. He turned and pulled me forward and stood behind me and rubbed warmth Into my arms. We stood there for a few minutes in silence and I was struck by the hopelessness I felt there. He gave me one last squeeze and we headed back towards the museum. 

“So Sassenach. Now you’ve seen it. What do you think?” He asked as we wanted for the next bus back to Inverness. The tour I had booked was staying longer as many people had wandered away and were exploring the rest of the moor but I was ready to go back to civilization. 

“I think that there could have been something else that could have happened and that what had, was an avoidable tragedy. There were angels out today. You could feel them.” I felt one more shiver run down my spine. “I’m glad we came, though.”

“Aye. As a child, ye come here and it’s naught more than a field trip. Now, you can feel there’s a weight in the air. Can’t say as I’d ever want to come back.” He said quietly.

“No, I agree. Once is enough for this lifetime.”

Our bus ride back to Inverness was quiet with both of us lost in our heads. I resolved to make the most of the rest of our day. “Tea, Jamie? I remember a place I had gone to with my uncle when I was younger. Do you want to see if it’s still there?”

“You’ve been here before?” Jamie asked, seeming to recall that I had said I’d never been to the moor.

“I’d been to inverness, I told you. I travelled a good deal with my uncle. Not just overseas but domestically also. I think I was 14, the last time I was in here.”

“You must have been a handful at 14.”

“I was … independent. We came back so I could write my level As and talk to a couple of college professors about classes.”

“I was just learning to tie my own boots at 14.” Jamie joked. 

“That’s a lie, I’m sure.” I scoffed.

“Perhaps, but no by much. I would have just realized there was more to life than on the farm. High school has a way of opening yer eyes to things.” he said looking nostalgic.

I steered us towards a small bookstore and stopped outside in disappointment. “It’s gone.” I said looking around to see if I had mistaken the place. Next door was a flower shop that had been there before and across the street was a curry place Uncle Lamb had stopped in.

“Things change. It’s been what… 15 years since you were here last?”

I punched him in the arm. “Did you just guess my age to be 29? Do I look 29 to you!” I huffed. “This is the last time I let you come anywhere with me, you young pup! 29! Gah!” I threw up my arms in disbelief. 

“Sorry! Sorry! I was kidding, Christ but ye have a strong arm. Yer not 29 then…” he said rubbing his arm. “30, meebe?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

I turned and walked away from him. I muttered under my breath about ridiculous Scots who clearly needed glasses and I do not look 29, much less 30 and he’s just a child, when a pair of strong arms picked me up and stopped my ranting. “If you don’t put me down this instant, Jamie Fraser, I’ll scream bloody murder.” I hissed at him.

“It was a joke, Sassenach. C’mon, laugh with me.” he said putting me on my feet “With all your accomplishments, how could you have done all that before you were 29? A phd, you own your home, a supervisor job with a successful company? Name me one other person who would be able to do such things before they turned 30? Clearly, you’re not 29. But I didna ken what else to guess except to go high, as anything else makes me feel like an utter failure.” 

“I have a double phd, not just one. And if I could do it, anyone can.” I pouted and looked at him. He seemed remorseful but there was still a bit of glee in his eyes, most likely because he had gotten a rise out of me. “Fine, it was a joke. You owe me a pint for that remark. By rights, I should make you carry me around the rest of the day. My old bones not being able to weather all this walking. You seem to like picking me up all the time. Young pup.”

“Anytime you’d like a ride, just say the word.” I looked at him and I had to laugh. He was wagging his eyebrows at me like he was trying to flirt with me and I couldn’t stay mad. “Are ye laughing at me now?”

“Yes. You look like Charlie Chaplin, doing that. Please stop.” 

“Forgiven? Good. Get on my back, Claire, let’s find a pub so I can discharge my debt to ye.” He turned around and bent down so I could jump onto his back. I wasn’t entirely sure about this, but did it anyways, and he carried me, piggy back style, off to a pub we had passed on the way to the tea shop that no longer existed.

We grabbed a couple of pints and some food and chatted about Charlie Chaplin and all the old things our parents had exposed us to. His mum had been a huge fan of the Harry Potter books and my Uncle had taken an unnatural glee in pointing out plot holes in it. We both agreed that Harry would have been lost without Hermione and Ron. The whole series should have been about them and not Harry, but what could we do about it.

The train ride back was fuller than before. We ended up sitting with an older couple who were on their way to meet their new grandson and as Jamie chatted with them, I felt my eyes drift shut.

I could feel the scratchiness of Jamie’s jumper under my cheek as I slowly woke. I noted the smell of him, wool, aftershave, grass and something more that was uniquely Jamie and I could feel my face stretch into a small smile. His breathing was slow and even, so I figured he must also have fallen asleep. I took a quick inventory of myself, to make sure I wasn’t sprawled out across the seats and I noticed that he was once again holding both my hands. Or rather, he had a hold of my right hand and his other hand rested on them. I turned my head slowly, to not wake him and sneak one more sniff of him when I heard the click of a camera close by. My eyes opened in a panic and found that the couple we were facing, had their phone out and were taking a picture of us.

“Sorry dearie.” the woman said. “It’s just that you both looked so peaceful and it reminded me of when Alistair and I were younger, I had to capture the moment.” I slowly sat up and freed one of my hands from Jamie’s to brush the hair out of my face. He shifted so that his head was now on my shoulder and I didn’t have the heart to wake him. “You see?” She held out her phone and she caught the moment I had smiled and Jamie seemed to be smiling along with me.

“Would you mind sending that to me?” I asked, reaching into my pocket for my phone. “We don’t have many pictures of the two of us, yet.” I said.

“He did say, this was your first trip away together. Your young man is very lucky.” her husband said as we transferred the photo to my phone.

“He is.” she agreed. “There’s not to many who would care enough to learn the history of where her boyfriend was from. It’s verra sweet of you, to make the trip. It’s a sign the two of you will go the distance.” she said with a wink.

I wondered what Jamie had said to them while I had been sleeping. “He is about as Scottish as a man could be.” I said. “It only seemed right that I learn all about his history.” 

“You see, Linda. Not all young people are in a hurry to forget their pasts.” Alistair said. Clearly, this was an argument they had had before. I smiled at being referred to as young people, remembering how Jamie had assumed I was 29. “You have to know yer roots.” Alistair was saying.

“And you’re both from Inverness, right?” I asked them before they got into an argument. “Your grandson will be very lucky to be able to visit you and learn all about his roots when he gets older.” Linda agreed with me and launched into a tale about her grandson, who was the first, and their excitement about seeing him, carried the conversation nearly the rest of the way back to Edinburgh.

Surprisingly, Jamie slept until the train stopped. Or more likely, he had feigned sleep to get out of chatting with Linda and Al. I squeezed his hand and shifted so that I moved his head off my shoulder. “Jamie? We’re home. It’s time to wake up, my lad.” I said quietly. His eyes opened and for a moment I was captured by them. “Hi.” 

“Hey.” he said back quietly, looking a little confused.

“It was verra nice to meet you. Both of you.” Linda said, as they stood up and left us.

“We’re back.” I said again to Jamie who still hadn’t let go of my hand. I squeezed it once more and this time he released it.

“Right. Sorry, I didna mean to actually fall asleep. I closed my eyes to keep the old lady from talking to me more and got carried away.”

“It’s fine, Jamie. Will you be awake enough to drive home?” I asked him once we got to his car.

“Aye. Are you not getting in?” he asked.

“I have to stop at the market and grab a couple of things. I’ve already taken up your whole day, I can do some running around on my own.”

“It’s no problem, really.” he said.

“Truly, I’m good. Thank you for coming with me, again. It was fun.” I gave him a quick hug to say thank you and started to walk away.

“29 looks good on ye!” he yelled after me. I gave him the finger and walked away. If he wanted to believe I was 29, I couldn’t stop him. He was right, who would believe a 23 year old could be where I am today. There were days I felt like I could be 100, but not today. Today, I had a cute boy sleep on my shoulder and had a nice old lady tell me we were lucky to be together and I had a picture to prove it. The photo would have to go in a scrapbook but I could live in this feeling for a while longer yet.


	10. Chapter 10

“You don’t have to come Jamie. I’ve been there many times. There’s nothing to be concerned about.” I looked at him as I put the last of the bandages I had in my bag. I was having a small clinic at a market in the shadow of Stirling Castle and Jamie thought the neighbourhood was not as safe as it could be.

“Many times? Since they’ve begun doing searches for unlicensed weapons?” He scoffed.

There had been rumors of yet another protest surrounding the restrictions on what food supplies can be purchased with credits and not coin. The rhetoric painted the Crown as greedy toddlers who couldn’t share their toys, while the general populace starved because they couldn’t afford simple fruits and veg on the Basic allotment. Times were strained but as long as you were careful, you would be safe.

“I’m not carrying any weapons.” I pointed out to him.

“No, but ye are carrying medical supplies, for treatments which you don’t have a license to be providing, in place that isna a hospital. Yer being reckless.” Jamie said looking down at me.

“I’m not and I will not let you or anyone else stop me from helping people.” I was close to stamping my foot like a child, but it seemed like he was treating me as one. 

“A regular Florence Nightingale. Well, Florence. If ye must go, ye’ll no go alone.” he crossed his arms across his chest and stayed in my doorway, in the way.

We’d been having this argument for the better part of the last hour and we had to go if we were going to make my meeting time. I didn’t need an escort but it was somewhat of a relief to know that someone cared about my safety. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have been having this argument because a few months ago, I didn’t know Jamie. I would have taken the bus over to the castle and struggled with my kit and my “shopping bag” which was full and not empty if I were going to the market. Today, we’d be driving over in Jamie’s car and he would likely take my medical kit from me so I could carry the other bag and then not be exhausted before I even met with anyone. “Fine.” I conceded. “ You can come with, but I don’t want to hear a peep from you about what I'm doing or who comes to see me. Your job will be to carry my bags and distract the children. Can you do that?”

“Two jobs I have extensive experience with. Let’s go.” he said relieved that I had relented.

He drove to the castle and found a parking spot not too far from the market where I had my contact set up a small curtained off area for me. “Hullo, Ray! I see it’s been a busy morning for you.” Raymond was a flower seller who had found me last year when he threw out his back and used the balance of his credits on pain meds, but was still in pain. I helped him manage his pain with a tea made from some of the very flowers he sold and we had become fast friends.

“Madonna! I see you’ve a wee helper today. Right this way, my good sir. Just through here, if you don’t mind.” He directed Jamie who was carrying my kit and shopping bags, to the back of his flower stall. “Usually people come to the market with an empty bag? Did you perhaps shop before coming today, my dear?” he said eyeing what Jamie was carrying for me.

Ray set up a small sign that said for today only, he had a special guest who could advise the best flowers to use for your summer gatherings. And if those gatherings should cause stomach aches and headaches and other various pains because guests stayed long past their credit, please let his guest know and she could also advise on which flowers would drive those people away. It wasn’t a subtle sign, but Ray’s guest came only occasionally and typically her presence caused an uptick in foot traffic. 

My extra shopping bags were actually full of fruit and veg I had grown in my greenhouse. Watercress, green and string beans and tomatoes. There were small strawberries and raspberries for those families who came that had small children with them. As always, I listened and helped and didn’t accept any form of payment other than a sigh of relief. Everyone left Ray’s with a small posy of flowers and a smile. Sometimes even, the smile was from finding a red-haired viking giant trying to be helpful in choosing flowers for some of Ray’s other, true customers. Jamie did his best to stay out of the way but at 6 ft 4 he was too big to hide. We did have a patrol come by and ask about my presence, but they didn’t look too closely and moved on with a recommendation that daisies were the best way to impress a potential mother in law.

After a couple of hours, my stream of patients slowed down. Ray had been doing triage for me, screening and getting background of concerns. In another life, I think Ray could have been more than he was but then, so could we all. “Your red man is quite helpful, Madonna.” He said sitting with me during a short lull. 

“He’s not my anything. Just a friend, Ray.” I glanced over to where Jamie was helping someone with a bouquet for a first date. “He was worried about the extra patrols. Have you had any trouble with them?”

“They leave an old man like me alone. What point would there be to my raising hell? I’m one foot closer to actual hell than they are.” Ray replied dismissively.

“Don’t say that. I’ll keep you from your next life with every trick I know.” I said taking and squeezing his hand. 

“Perhaps not every trick. After all, you need all the help you can get to make that man yours, if he’s not already.” Ray nodded towards Jamie and then winked at me teasing. 

“Stop it. Jamie is just a friend and the first I’ve made since we met. I don’t recall matchmaking being among your list of talents.” I chuckled.

“All it takes are eyes, ma chere. You may consider him a friend, but my eyes tell me, there is something more there.”

“Take your eyes and see who’s out there.” I give Ray a playful shove and stole another quick look at Jamie. He must have sensed me looking at him as he glanced over and caught my eye. He raised his eyebrows as if asking if everything was alright, and I just smiled and went back to the rear of the stall.

“As my angel commands.” To which I threw a stick at Ray as he disappeared into the front. 

The last hour brought a few more people but most of them were simply curious. Jamie had tried to keep a low profile but rugby was a hero’s sport and he was the hero of many people. A small boy brought his toy train to play with while his mother spoke with me about a sore on her arm that just wouldn’t heal. Jamie took the boy on his lap and told him a tale of Selkies and lost loves. They were so sweet together, it made my teeth ache. 

My last customer was an older man. He wasn’t sure about speaking with a woman about his concerns so I suggested perhaps if he spoke with Ray it would be alright but instead he said he wished to talk to Jamie. 

“Is that alright, Jamie?” I asked him, not sure how he felt about the proceedings. 

“I didna ken anything about healing, Sassenach.”

“Just listen to him, Jamie and then let me know what I can do to help.” 

Jamie looked unconvinced but he went into the back of Ray’s stall and spoke with the man. I stood close to the partition to try and overhear the mans complaints but their voices were so low that I couldn’t hear anything. “Give yer man some space, Claire. He’s entirely capable of more than you think.”

“I do know that Ray. Do you know what the matter is?” I worried that I wouldn’t have what was needed and didn’t want to put Jamie on the spot if I didn’t.

“I know that they are just fine. Sometimes the trouble is that you canna see the forest for the trees and I’m certain that all old Simon needs is someone to point that out.”

“I don’t understand.” I said confused.

“And that is why you are out here with me and not in there with them.” As Ray said that, the two men emerged from the back of the stall. 

“Thank ye mistress.” Simon said and with a tip of his head, he walked off into the market. 

“Are you good, Jamie?” I asked him as he stood close beside me. 

“How do ye do that, Claire?” He asked, with a bit of awe in his voice. His use of my proper name made me turn and look directly at him. “How do ye take a persons fears and worries and turn it into a comfort or a smile? I’ve watched ye do it all day like it were breathing and just now, to listen to that man and do for him what ye do, I wasna sure I could.”

“Well, you did. Whatever you did, he was comforted.” I rubbed his arm. “I think perhaps it’s time we go home?”

“Aye. Let me get yer things.” he turned and gathered up my kit and my now empty bags. There wasn’t much to gather having used up most of my supplies and had given out all my greens.

“Thank you, Ray.” I said giving my friend a hug.

“No Madonna. Thank you. When do you think you can come again?”

I looked at Jamie who was double checking the area I had been working in to make sure we didn’t leave anything behind. “I’m not sure, Ray.” In the past, I would have said that I’d be back in a couple weeks but this time had taken quite a bit of coordination between the 2 of us and I was sure that if I came back, it wouldn’t be alone. 

“I understand, Madonna. These are not easy times. You make them more bearable with your presence. Let me know if you can. Or when you can.” He held my hand tightly. “You are a gift, Claire. Don’t forget that.”

“Ready Sassenach?” Jamie asked looking like an over qualified porter.

I found myself with tears in my eyes. “See you, Ray! I’ll be back. I promise.”

“As though I could keep her away. It was a pleasure, Raymond.” Jamie said shaking Ray’s hand. “I’ll have her back here before you know it.”

As we drove home I couldn’t help but zone out. Drives longer than 20 mins tended to trigger a sleep response in my brain. “Are ye awake, Claire?”

“HMmm”

“I just wanted to thank you for letting me come with you today.” Jamie said, studiously looking out the windshield.

“Thank you for being so patient. I know it’s not the easiest thing to wait for someone in a strange environment.” I smiled at his profile and I wanted to make sure he knew that I did appreciate his presence with me today.

“Ach, Ray was good folk. I’ve wondered what life could be like if it were simpler than it is now. I look at what Ray has and think it wouldn’t be so bad.”

“I think that Ray has a few other ventures on the go other than just flowers but I do see your point of a simpler life.”

“He was right, you know.” Jamie said after a few minutes.

“About what?”

“That you’re the gift. You changed people’s lives today, Sassenach. And ye did it for them and no yerself. That’s more than anyone can say.”

“I don’t think I’m all that.” I said feeling my blood rise in my neck. 

“I ken that. And if it takes every breath I have, one day you’ll see it.”

“Save your breath, Jamie.” I said turning my head to see if we were close to home. 

“Is it alright if I drive the car back to Murtaghs directly?”

“Of course. There’s no much to carry home and I can manage what’s left.”

“I thought I’d treat ye to a meal to celebrate a good day’s work.” I was surprised that he still wanted to be in my company after spending most of his Saturday with me already, but I understood the feeling of wanting the day to last a but longer.

“That sounds great, Jamie.”

We parked behind the Ridge and entered the pub through the kitchen. I was following Jamie into the pub when I walked directly into his back. “What’s happening?” I said, rubbing my forehead where I walked into his shoulders.

“Um. Rupert and Angus are out there. If we go out there, they’ll join us, of course. I was hoping for a quiet meal, meebe.”

“Right.” I looked at Thomas, the genius in Murtaghs kitchen. “Why don’t you tell Thomas what you wanted to eat and I can go around to the front and pick up my “takeaway order”. Rupert isn’t about to invite himself to my house for a meal. Would he?”

Jamie and Thomas looked at each other and shrugged. “Dinna ken, Sassenach. Likely not?” Jamie said.

“The usual then, but to takeaway?” Asked Thomas. 

“Yes,” we answered at the same time. 

“Gimme 20 and it’ll be packed for ye out front”

Jamie and I exited as we entered. “I’m sorry Claire. I’ll wait here for ye to return with the food?”

“We should have grabbed a couple of beers while we were inside.”

“Aye, that would have speeded up the waiting somewhat. I have plenty at home.” He said with a shrug. 

“I’ll get the food and be right back?”

As I walked around the building, I thought I heard Jamie kick his tire. I wondered what that could have been about. I carefully avoided having to join Rupert and Angus and their Saturday early afternoon bevvies. Rupert complained that John had a date and he couldn’t get a hold of Jamie all day, so now he was stuck with Angus and Murtagh. Murtagh held his tongue as he knew where Jamie had been all day but apparently didn’t feel the need to enlighten Rupert. 

I took my takeaway order out the door followed by whining and crying by Angus and Rupert. It made me laugh to think what Rupert would have said if I told him Jamie had been with me all day. He was still on me for a full report of the only night Jamie had walked me home. If Rupert had his way Jamie and I would be married and having babies soon. The wee fool. 

Jamie and I ate quietly on his back porch enjoying the rare May sun. After the noise of the market, It was nice to just sit and hear the wind in the trees. I helped him clean up and as the sun went down, I thought it was time for me to go. 

“Good night Jamie. Thank you again for coming, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I’ll walk you.” he said attempting to take my bags from me.

“Nope. This time I insist. The sun is still up and you’re already home. I’ll text you when I cross my threshold. But I’m walking alone.”

“Reckless, again.”

“Aye. Tis my middle name.”

“Ye haven’t told me yer middle name. It could be reckless for all I’d ken.” he teased.

“Maybe someday I’ll tell you.”

“As soon as yer inside, I expect a message.”

“Yes sir.” I took a firm hold of my bags and headed out. My walk home was uneventful as it always was. And as soon as I closed my front door, I took out my phone. 

C: It’s Elizabeth.

J: ??

C: My middle name

J: CEB

C: Yes

J: JAMMF

C: huh?

J: James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser

C: GN JAMMF

J: AB CEB

Ridiculous man, I thought as I went to bed that night. My ridiculous man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im at the lake this week so the formatting may be off. I’ve read all your comments and I’m so happy you enjoy this little something so much! Thanks for reading! xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the very first thing I wrote with Jamie and Claire in it. It's been through a couple of changes to fit into the rest of the story but I hope that you'll like it. Here we go...

“Are ye busy this weekend, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as I was gathering up the debris from my morning pastry. After months of having coffee together in the morning, Jamie knew that on most of my weekends I typically had clinics and such planned.

“No. I’ve a free three day weekend, first one in a while. I thought I’d plant some flowers now that the frost is gone. You?” I asked Jamie sensing he was working up to asking me something but I still didn’t know his moods well enough to guess if we were going to a show or hiding a dead body. 

“Ye heard that the French ambassador and his family have been touring the UK?” he asked toying with his coffee cup.

“Yes, all a big PR stunt as far as I can tell.” I scoffed, sipping my tea.

“True enough. I’ve been invited to a reception in their honour on Saturday and was wondering if you’d be my plus one?” He said nervously. 

“Jamie! I’m sure there someone more suitable than I you could ask.” So not a dead body then, I thought, but I may have preferred that to this.

“I didna ken anyone else I’d ask, Sassenach. You were the whole list.” he said ruefully.

“Really?” I was going to have to say yes, whether I wanted to or not, I thought. “But why me? I mean, if this was a work thing, I’m sure you don’t want to be seen with me. In public?”

“Well, It’s no a work thing. I was invited as the youngest captain of the Scottish national rugby team, even though I’m retired now. And I’d be proud to be seen with ye. Yer brilliant and beautiful and successful and single.”

“And single? Did you want to bring a married woman with you?” I laughed. 

“No! Christ, I’m saying this all wrong.” he said scrubbing his face. “I’d like my guest to be a friend who is beautiful and brilliant and not dating someone else.” He looked adorable trying to backtrack. 

“Well, while I’m not sure about the first 2, I do know I’m not dating anyone.” I replied, enjoying watching the tips of his ears turn red.

“And so, ye could be dating me?” he said, somewhat hesitantly. I waited for the rest of his thought as clearly I was missing something because he just said he was glad I was single. “There’s a girl…” There it was, the reason why he was so nervous. 

“And you want me to… convince her that you’re her one true love and she should be with you forever?” I guessed. He shook his head like a dog and I had to laugh. “Did you want me to make her jealous that she ever let you go?” That earned me a rueful smirk, so not that one. “That I’m your happily ever after and she was a mistake, you rather not remember?”

“Sassenach.” he sighed. So, the last one then. “I was only 18 and I didna know any better.” 

“Jamie, you don’t have to explain.” I said not really wanting the details “Just tell me when and what to wear and I’ll be there.”

“Saturday evening. It’s at the castle, or the hotel across the way, I’m no sure. I’ve been trying to get out of going, but my old coach called and insisted so..”

“And so here we are. Ok, Saturday night, dressed to protect you from some girl. Got it. Are you driving?” I mentally did an inventory of my closet and knew I needed some help.

“They’ll send a car around.” he said sounding relieved.

“Good, I’ll be able to wear heels so I don’t look like a dwarf next to you.” I grabbed my bag to go home and sleep. I would need to go shopping eventually and for that I needed to get some rest. “What are you wearing? Tie or tux?”

“I’ll, uh, it’s formal and we’re in Scotland so…kilt. I’ll be wearing a kilt.” He admitted sheepishly. 

“Ooh, I’ll get to see those knees dressed up for once, will I?” I asked with a wink. “Alright then. I’ll see you Saturday, Fraser. Text me if you change your mind about anything. We both know Rupert would make an excellent date.”

“Aye, but I wouldn’t want to share a room wit him.” Jamie said, seeming to wait for my reaction.

“Why would you be sharing a room with him?” I asked, dreading the answer. 

“That’s the other thing, ye see. As we live and have lived under a state of martial law, with a curfew and all that, this tour is supposed to show the French that we are happy as we are.” I scoffed at that. “Aye, well, to accommodate our unusual circumstances, the reception starts at 5 and will end at Midnight .” He said reading from his invitation that he produced from inside his jacket. 

“Midnight? Jamie, that’s well after curfew!” I was surprised that the crown would approve of such a thing.

“They booked 6 floors of the hotel for all the invited guests to the reception so that no one would have to leave early.”

“You’re making that up!” I said taking the paper from his hands. “Upon your arrival, your overnight bags shall be taken to your room and you’ll be provided with your room key prior to the reception. Everything is provided for with the compliments of His Majesty and we wish for you to enjoy the evening without concern for the time.” I read aloud.

“Which my coach explained meant that no one can leave before the ambassador does and he is known for staying to the very end.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring Rupert instead? I’ve been told that I snore.” I said remembering what he had said a few weeks ago.

“I’m sorry, Claire. I don’t want to make you do something you don’t wanna do.” He looked ready to be rejected. We had spent a night together already so I didn’t see how this would be any different, I reasoned with myself. It would be different now because we were at least friends and not near strangers as we had been then. “I understand if you’d rather not go.”

“And miss the chance to meet a girl who has you spooked?” I took his hand and squeezed it. “I said I’ll come and I always keep my word. Now, aside from shopping for a gown, I also have to go pack an overnight bag and make sure to have something suitable to say good morning to an ambassador?” I met his eyes and tried to be reassuring. He had been so nervous about asking me at all and I didn’t want to make him feel that he had wasted his efforts. 

“And a duke.” he added. “Argyll will be there and certainly in the morning.”

“And a duke. I don’t think my wardrobe can take it.” I said shaking my head. “Jamie, it’s alright. I promised I’d be your shield and I will. I’m not sure I can be charming for that long, though.” I said. I started thinking I’d have to pretend to be someone more self assured than I was normally. Definitely not plain old Claire Beauchamp. Hopefully there would be wine, I could at least hide my insecurities in a glass of wine.

“Just be yerself, Claire. You’ll have the room enchanted inside an hour.” Jame said, looking relieved that I wasn’t abandoning him.

“I’m not sure what colour the sky is where you live, but it must be very pleasant there.” I said ruefully. I took a deep breath and wondered how I had agreed to be his overnight date in the first place. “I’m going to nap and then go shopping, I suppose. Are you sure about not asking Rupert?” 

“Haha, Sassenach. See you Saturday.”

The knock at my door came as a surprise. “Coming!” I called racing down my stairs still in my dressing gown “Jamie! You’re early. Come in!”

He looked amazing. From the top of his recently brushed auburn curls to the polish on his boots, he looked breathtaking. His kilt was primarily red with blue and green squares but in the dimness of my entrance they almost looked black. I was relieved at my dress choice, and hopeful he wouldn’t think it presumptuous. 

“Hello Sassenach. I was already dressed and couldn’t just sit in my house like a lass going on her first date so I thought I’d head over and see if you were ready.” 

“Nervous about seeing your first love?” I teased him. “There’s wine and cheese in the kitchen. I’ll go up and get my things. I”m not putting on my gown until we have to leave.” 

“I’m not nervous.” he said in protest. I chuckled and headed up to grab my overnight bag to set alongside his. I heard him pour himself some wine and I stood in my closet trying to decide whether or not I could go through with this. 

My uncle had only ever taken me to 2 formal functions that had to do with the crown and both times had been awkward at best and uncomfortable at worst. The first time had been for an awards ceremony. Uncle Lamb was acknowledged for something he had done while we had been in India. Many of his colleagues had been in attendance, people I had seen often enough in our small flat or when I had visited his office and so I could socialize with them and at 15, at least pretend to be somewhat more than just a child. The second time was just after I had started my doctorate studies. Lamb had been invited to speak at a conference and I had been alone with a room full of military personnel and other old men in suits. The meal had been outstanding, but I had wanted nothing more than to leave as soon as the cocktail hour had finished. I was hopeful that this reception with Jamie would be a bit livelier than that, but a small voice in my head told me to not set my expectations so high. 

Jamie came and found me in my closet with 2 glasses of wine and he told me about Annalise. She had been the daughter of an owner of the fields where they trained. She was always around and had sized up the team and decided who would be most able to raise her social standing by being their girlfriend. I could picture a love sick, much younger Jamie and this girl who was merely looking for a leg up in the world. I hated her instantly, but Jamie seemed to have good memories of her. At least, he’d learned enough to watch for warning signs of a gold digger. “She’s been emailing and texting me these past 2 weeks, since the French arrived, going on and on about how great it will be to catch up on old times and such.” He said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“And what did you say?” I asked second guessing the pant suit I had chosen for the morning after. I was in my closet trying to find something else respectable and finding everything dated and not suitable. I hated shopping and it seemed my wardrobe confirmed it. 

“Nothing.” 

“Jamie! You’ve ghosted her?” I laughed from inside my closet.

“Are ye ever going to get dressed, Sassenach?” He said coming to the doorway of my closet. I was still in my dressing gown as I couldn’t really do anything in my gown for the evening. “The car will be here soon.”

“Right.” I nodded and shoved his shoulder to get him going and he chuckled and stepped out of the closet. “I’ll get dressed and be right down.” I listened to him go down the stairs and turned to put on my gown. It was a deep red silk sleeveless floor length gown that was quite modest in the front, with a boat neckline. There were leaves embroidered at the neckline in a matching deep red thread and there was more embroidery along the edge of the skirt in black. My favourite part of the whole thing was the fact that it was entirely backless. I was rather proud of the fact that my skin was smooth and creamy and that the whole of it would be on display should be enough to keep Jamie’s attention away from this Annalise. 

They had had a shawl at the shop in what the shop owner had told me was the Fraser tartan. I could wrap the shawl around me to cover my back when we were at the party and keep me warm in the drive down. I kept it folded for the time being. I hoped Jamie wouldn’t be too offended that I assumed I could wear his plaid without his permission. 

“Claire! The car’s here.” I heard him call upstairs to me and then instruct someone to take our bags. It was now or never. I slowly headed down the stairs to find Jamie. 

“Christ! Are ye mad woman?” he nearly yelled at me. That was not the reaction I was expecting. He had been in the kitchen checking the doors and so saw the back of my gown first. “I can see every knob of yer spine. And so can every other man there!”

“I like this dress.” I said defensively. “It’s very modest in the front, and I don’t think there will be anyone will be looking at me all evening. And I have this to cover up if it’s too cold.” I said showed him the tartan. It matched his kilt I noticed and so did he. 

“Where’d ye get that?” he asked quietly.

“The shop had it. She said it was a Fraser plaid and since you said you’d be wearing your kilt and I thought I should try match you as your date.” I couldn’t read his expression and I was certain I’d offended him “I’m sorry Jamie, I should have said something earlier. I have a black one upstairs...”

“No! No, Claire, it’s perfect.” he said with a small smile playing about his mouth. “I didn’t think ye’d want to wear a plaid, is all. Thank ye for thinking of it.” 

“We’re in Scotland and it’s a formal thing. That's why you said you were wearing your kilt. I’m playing the perfect girlfriend remember? A little silk and a little tartan.” I touched his cheek. “Ready?”

“Aye.” He turned his head and kissed the inside of my hand. “Lets’ go.” He tucked my hand into his elbow and we headed out the door.

“We ask that ye dinna stay too long with the photographers. That ye keep Moving ahead so to not to delay anyone else.” There had been a man with the driver who called himself Curtis. He had been helpful in giving us instructions for what to expect and handing over the keys to our hotel room. Jamie and I were in the back of the car and he kept a firm grip on my hand the whole drive. We didn’t talk very much, but I was sure he could feel that i was nervous. 

“Photographers?” I asked. 

“Yes, Dr. Beauchamp. As Her Majesty wasn’t able to join this leg of the tour she’s asked that photographers document the proceedings for her. There will also be a number of them inside the event, nothing obvious, just for some candids for Her Majesty’s memory book.”

I looked at Jamie in a small panic. I wasn’t opposed to having my photo taken, but it was one thing to pretend to be his girlfriend, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be Jamie’s girlfriend memorialized forever, for the sake of the queens memory album. 

“Does Claire also have to be there? After all, she’s just my guest and a very private person.” Jamie asked Curtis.

“Not at all, but we were asked to have all the guests enter through the main entrance. If Dr. Beauchamp would prefer, we can drop her off at the secondary entrance and you can join her in the lobby.” 

“Guests? I’m Jamie’s plus one, I’m not a guest. But thank you, Curtis. I’d very much prefer that. If it’s not too much trouble.” I said still looking at Jamie. 

“Of course, ma’am. I do have you on the official guest list, however. Her Majesty was quite explicit in her instructions for all the guests.”

“Oh.” I replied, finding the prospect daunting. I found myself wondering how that could have happened and thinking I should have been drinking whisky and not wine while I had been getting ready and took a deep breath to settle my nerves. “Well, if it’s her majesty’s wish, then who am I to gainsay her. Main entrance it is.” Curtis smiled at me in relief and I shrugged in response.

“Alright then, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Yes.” I said with a smile. He was being a very hands on “boyfriend” and I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. 

“Is this new?” He asked noticing the ring on my left hand. 

“It was my mum’s. It was her wedding band. I wear it when I’m nervous.” I admitted to him. “I feel a little braver and closer to her when it’s on.”

“Are these rubies?” He asked taking a close look.

“Yes, her birthstone.”

“It suits ye.” He said, this time kissing the ring on my hand.

“Mr Fraser, Dr. Beauchamp. We’re here.” I watched Jamie get out of the car and stop for a picture. He looked dashing in his red kilt. He turned and helped me out of the car and while he kept my hand firmly in his, I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the attention. All I had to do was smile politely. No one knew who I was, other than I was with Jamie and he handled it like a pro. He smiled for different pictures and made sure to talk to everyone who recognized him. He seemed to be comfortable with the attention. It was a side of him I’d never seen before. I wasn’t the only one who’d be playing a role tonight, I thought.

“This way, Dr. Beauchamp.” Curtis appeared again at the end of our walk, I imagine he must had also disembarked when we did, only he had the luxury of bypassing the photographers. He lead me into the lobby of the hotel and pointed out the landmarks we’d need to be aware of once there. Jamie had been waylaid speaking to someone and so I alone got the full rundown of security details. There was the many, obvious and not so obvious, security officers. Curtis advised if we attempted to leave before the party was over, we’d be firmly escorted back into the ballroom. He also added that it would be an open bar and to enjoy ourselves. As if I’d need to be told twice. 

“Thank you Curtis.” I had the room key in my small clutch. My shawl, I had kept as it had been raining when we were driving and there was a distinctly Edinburgh chill in the air, end of June or not. Inside the hotel I adjusted it to drape over my left shoulder and arm but leaving my back exposed. I stood frozen at the bottom of the stairs for a moment but then I saw Jamie standing and waiting for me. I took a breath and said a prayer to my mother to see me up the steps safely and put on my best girlfriend face.

“Sassenach.” He said once I reached him. “You do take my breath away.” He leaned over to kiss me gently and I let him. It was clear that I had to quickly adjust to this side of him. I suppose I did wear this dress so he couldn’t keep his hands from me. In for a penny, Beauchamp. I thought. 

“Don’t get any ideas, Fraser.”I said trying to get my equilibrium back. “I maybe allowing you some leeway tonight, only as far as your hands go, but be aware that I have self defence training and I’m not afraid to use it.”

“Careful, mo nighean donn, else I may take that as a challenge.” Our eyes met and I could hear my french mother's ghost chuckling beside me. She had always known the best way to bolster me had been to throw down a challenge and the one in Jamie’s eyes, daring me to flirt back at him, was definitely one. 

“Well, perhaps it should be. There’s any number of women here that would gladly have your hands under their skirts this evening. After all, where else could I stash a blade.” I said quietly.

“Please step through the metal detector. If you’ll put your purse Just here.” The security guard took my clutch and we walked through the metal gate all the while Jamie watched me in anticipation of my being caught with a weapon. “Next.”

“Where’s the fun if I made it that easy?” I said to him with a smile, once we were both through. “Would you like to see it?” I asked.

“No.” He said squinting at me. “Ye say ye have one and so I believe ye. It’s no on yer back, clearly and it’s no metal as the detectors didna catch it.” He wrapped his arm around me and squeezed my hip. “It’s not here. And it’s not pressed to me and so…”

“So?” I quirked an eyebrow at him and smiled.

“So… I’ll have to keep checking the different parts of ye.” He winked at me, which really just looked like a very owlish blink . “A tough assignment if ye ask me.” 

“Hmm. I suppose you’ll want a prize for finding it?”

“If it’s not up yer skirts, Sassenach, I think that my prize should be.” He whispered in my ear.

“Does that also make my prize for keeping it from you, up your skirt?” I said in reply. Two can play at this game, I thought as we waited our turn to join the receiving line. 

“Weel, ye ken what they say is under a Scots kilt?” he asked quietly. 

“What’s that?” I replied shaking my head.

“Every lasses dream.” he said with a wag of his eyebrows.

“Oh really.” I laughed. “You’ve a flask of whisky and a duvet under there?”

“Anything ye want. Just waiting for ye.” Our eyes met and all of a sudden I wondered why pretend. For the next 18 hours, this beautiful, generous, funny man was mine. 

“Find the blade, Fraser and you can have anything you want.” I said back, stepping away making sure he got an eyeful as I walked away from him. “Coming?” I asked over my shoulder. I didn’t hear what he said, but I did notice that his ears had gone red. 

“Fraser!” Said the first man in the line. He shook Jamie’s hand enthusiastically and clapped him on the shoulder as well. “Ye clean up nicely, lad.”

“Connall. It’s good to see ye as well. This is Claire.” He said putting his arm around me once more. 

“Hello. You were Jamie’s coach?” I said remembering Jamie saying his name a few times. “It’s nice to meet you.” He took my hand and shook it gently. 

“He always did manage to outsmart everyone.” Connall said. “You look lovely tonight, lass. Be sure not to let this one out of yer sight. He’s bound to have some admirers tonight.”

“Shut up, Connall. I’ll catch up with you later.” Jamie said clapping his old coach on the back.

“What did he mean by outsmart everyone?” I asked Jamie, as we moved forward. 

“Not sure Sassenach, but maybe keep yer eyes and ears open for me.” 

“Claire!” exclaimed a male voice I hadn’t expected to hear. 

“Max!” I replied. Maxime Boldt and I had a couple of classes together when I had first started at Cambridge. He was as tall as Jamie but blonde and more lean. The last I had heard of him, he had been recruited by the crown for his talents in management. I wondered what he was doing here. 

“I’m so glad you decided to join us after all.” He said. “When you didn’t reply to your invitation, I was sorely disappointed.” Well that somewhat explained why I was on the official guest list. I heard Jamie clear his throat beside me and I turned and introduced them. 

“Max, this is Jamie Fraser. Jamie this is Maxime Boldt. We had gone to university together, about a million years ago.” They shook hands and Jamie didn’t say anything but nodded. 

“The infamous Jamie Fraser. I should have known it would take the best in Edinburgh to get you to come to a party.” Max said to Jamie’s nod. 

“You’re speaking in riddles, Max.” I said in protest. “What are you doing here?”

“A little of this and a little of that. You know me.” he said with a small grin. His brown eyes seemed dare me to ask specifically what he was doing, but I had learned from experience, the less I knew, the easier my time went.

“I don’t actually. I wish I could say it’s been nice to see you but I just don’t know yet.” I replied. Jamie stood mute beside me and it felt like we needed to move on. “See you later, Max.”

“Of course.” He replied and we moved on. 

“Are you Alright?” I asked Jamie. He looked like he was concentrating on something and I wasn’t sure if he was upset or not.

“What did he mean that you didn’t reply to your invitation? You never said anything about coming here tonight?” he said, sounding a bit accusatory.

“Jamie, I never received an invitation for this thing. And if I had, I’m certain that I wouldn’t have kept it from you.” I replied to him. “I’m only here because you asked for my help. I would not have come here on my own and certainly not dressed like this.” 

“What do you mean you never received one? Mine came by courier, hand delivered to the office. How could yours have gotten misdirected?” he said mystified.

“I have no idea.This is not my scene.” I said looking around at all the well dressed people. “If I had received one, I’d have complained to you about the overreach of the crown and promptly declined it. I’d much rather be in my greenhouse than here, I’d hope you know that. I’d never lie to you, Jamie.” I linked my arm through his and pushed him a little. “Don’t let Max get under your skin. I’m here to do that to someone else for you, remember. We’ve enough on our plate, never mind him.”

“Right.” he agreed after a minute. He took a deep breath and smiled at me. “I’m sorry Claire. I forgot that you’re more than just my friend and that you have a life apart from mine. It surprised me that you would know anyone here, is all. I’m a fool for being so selfish. Forgive me?” 

“Forgiven. I was just as shocked as you were, I promise. I haven’t seen or spoken with Max in nearly 8 years. He looked a little worn out, don’t you think?” 

“He looked vital and hearty if you were to ask me.” He scoffed. “Were you and he ever a thing?” 

I laughed out loud, making the people around us turn their heads and look. “I was 15, Jamie, little more than a child. No, Max and I were never a thing.” 

“Well, the way he looked at you, you could have fooled me.” He groused, sounding more and more like a jealous boyfriend. 

“The only person I care about looking at me is you, idiot.” I snarked at him softly. “Think you can manage that?” 

“Me and every other idiot here.” He nodded and rolled his eyes at me.

“You’re the only one that counts.” Our eyes met and he smiled. Well, if we were dating, it seemed like that small encounter was enough to confirm it for those people around us. The back of my mind was still curious as to why I would have been invited at all, but we had other things to focus on and I let Max and his little things slip out of my mind.

We met and chatted with another dozen or so people in line before Jamie leaned over and said “That’s her.”

I didn’t think that Annalise would be part of the receiving line but clearly she played an important role in the ambassador’s party. She was blonde and vivacious. She had also seen Jamie and was quite excited to see him again. As we walked up to her, I kissed Jamie’s cheek and wiped away my lipstick. “Just breath.” I said quietly. Whether it was for him or myself, it made him smile and relax. Here we go, I thought. 

“Jamie!” She said stepping forward and giving him a hug. “It is so good to see you. I’ve been trying to reach you but I haven’t heard back. How are you?” Annalise was breathless and excited and I wanted very much to step on her foot with my heel.

“Annalise de Marlliac. May I introduce Dr. Claire Beauchamp?” Jamie said, ignoring everything she just said. 

“Doctor? It’s so nice to meet you. I hadn’t heard that Jamie was with someone.” She said to me, giving me a limp handshake. 

“Well, he is a private citizen now, with rugby behind him. We’ve been quite busy lately. Jamie, you should have told me Annalise would be here. You could have returned those letters to her.” I had spent some time imagining many different ways to keep Jamie from this girl, from dramatic to subtle and this one I thought was subtle without being to soft. I just hoped that Jamie would be able to keep up.

“Sassenach.” He growled quietly. 

“What letters?” Annalise asked us clearly confused. 

“Were they not from her?” I said to Jamie, turning my back to the other woman. “I’m sorry, I must have confused her for another girl from your past.” I turned back to Annalise with my hand on Jamie’s arm. “We found an old box of love letters from his different admirers from back in the day. I told him we could just send them ‘return to sender’ but he wanted to just forget them.”

“Dinna need them any longer, Sassenach. I have you.” he said reaching for my cheek. 

“And you’ll have me, forever.” I said to him, whisky eyes clashing with the ocean ones, trying hard not to laugh. It took a moment before I could look away from Jamie’s gaze. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” I said to Annalise “I tend to forget there are other people in the room when he looks at me like that. Were you saying something?”

“No, no.” she replied, with her smile slipping. “Jamie and I can catch up later. It was nice to meet you.” she said noticing that Jamie was still looking at me. I nodded at her and smiled at Jamie. He did the same and we moved on. 

“That wasn’t so bad.” I said as we waited to meet the Ambassador's daughter. Mission accomplished, I thought to myself and now we could simply relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

“Where did we find those letters again Sassenach?” He said moving his hand along my upper back. I could feel goosebumps rising on my skin following his hand. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, aware that we weren’t truly alone and the night had just begun.

“We were moving some things at your place. To make room for some of mine.” I said. In for a pound, I reminded myself. “They were in the back of your hall closet. Behind some hiking gear.”

“Right. When we get home, remind me to throw them out.” He said drawing me close to him. “All I need is you. Everything else pales in comparison.” I could feel my cheeks blushing from all his attention, as well as the glances from the people in the line around us. 

“You’ve already checked for my blade there, Jamie. Keep trying.” I said to him quietly trying not to draw any more attention to us. 

“Perhaps we’ll get Annalise over here and she’ll get you to draw it out? She did get your wee claws to show a bit.” He chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I suppose I could let her have you, if you prefer?” I asked with an arched eyebrow. 

“Lord no. I’d rather be in the back of my closet, thank ye.” The feel of his hand on my skin was distracting “Love letters from other girls?” He repeated trying to figure things out. 

“There were always other girls.” I explained. “You had better things, other things, going on rather than simply pining over her. Then and now. That’s all.” It seemed simple enough to me, hopefully Jamie felt the same. 

“Thank ye Claire.” he said quietly.

“Smile, Jamie. The night’s just begun.” I reminded him. 

“Miss Duvernay? May I present Mr James Fraser and Dr. Claire Beauchamp.” 

“Mademoiselle Duvernay. Tis an honour.” Jamie said bowing over her hand. 

She was a young brunette with average features and figure. She looked up at Jamie and I felt the urge to close her mouth for her as it hung open as he stood up from his bow. “Yes. It is.” She said and after getting an elbow from her companion she turned to me. “Good evening, madam.”

“Bon soir, mademoiselle.” I said. “It is a pleasure to meet you.” If I had to guess, I’d say she was barely 18. No wonder she was struck dumb by Jamie. He could stop traffic on a good day and tonight he was that times ten. 

“I thought you said he was single?” She quickly asked her companion in rapid french. “He doesn’t look single. I wanted single ones.” she pouted.

“Um, have you enjoyed Scotland so far?” Jamie asked, pretending to not have overheard her demands. 

“Oui. Yes. Scotland has so many impressive sights, I’ve enjoyed seeing all of them. Perhaps you can tell me about your favourite places in Edinburgh and we could see them together before we go.” she said coquettishly. I had the feeling Jamie was the only sight she had found impressive so far. 

“Scotland has a beautiful countryside. The highlands should not be missed.” I answered her in french. I was sure that I had fended off Annalise. I wasn’t aware that I'd have to protect him from this child as well. She was looking at Jamie as though he was the last piece of cake and she hadn’t yet had dessert and her companion also seemed to be admiring Jamie just as avidly. In an instant, I felt an overwhelming need to claim him.

“Sassenach, I’m sure Mlle Duvernay has better things to do than traipse about the moors.”Jamie said standing closer to me than before. I glanced at him, narrowing my eyes that he understood my french well enough to know what I said, but continued speaking in english. 

“The countryside sounds romantic.” the french girl practically purred at Jamie. “You should definitely take me there.”

“I’m sure the mademoiselle won’t have much free time while they are here. It was a pleasure to meet you.” I said to her as I smiled all the while dragging Jamie with me, ignoring the fact that we hadn’t yet been dismissed. 

“I’m coming with ye, Sassenach, ye don’t have to pull so hard.” He said as soon as we were a few steps away. 

I loosened my grip on his arm, not realizing how tight my grip was. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I didn’t realize.” I felt silly for reacting as I did when he had been somewhat more circumspect when we ran into Max.

“Alright, Claire?” He asked checking in with me again, holding my hand and playing with my ring. 

I couldn’t meet his eyes. I wasn’t alright. I wanted to take Jamie and kiss him in front of everyone just to have these women leave us alone. And that was not ok. I was unaccountably jealous. I needed him to not know that I was. What was I going to do? “I’m fine, Jamie.” I said, trying to smile and think of something flirty to say to distract him. 

“Claire?” he said, somehow adding another 6 r’s to my name.

“Hmmm?” I said looking anywhere but at him.

He squinted at me and made a low sound in his chest. “If we were alone, this would be a great deal easier.” He said. 

“What would be?” I asked wondering how much longer I’d have to try and not kill someone. 

“If we were alone, I could pin ye to a wall and kiss ye until you were focused on me again.” he growled low in my ear.

My gaze snapped to his and his blue eyes pinned me to the spot. I felt a warmth low in my belly and at the top of my ears. My mouth was suddenly full of cotton and I couldn’t remember what it was I so worried about. I blinked, bit my bottom lip and watched his mouth as he slowly grinned at me. “There ye are. Hullo, Claire.” The sound of my name on his tongue was doing something to my breathing. He ran his hand along the goosebumps on my arm. 

“Damn you, Jamie Fraser.” I sighed and felt my racing heartbeat slow down. 

“Tell me?” He said still caressing my arm.

I glared at him, feeling my pulse begin to pick up. “The blade is not hidden on my arm, Fraser. It would make it too easy to pull and aim it at a skinny, pale French neck.” 

“Ahh. Good to know.” He wrapped his arm around my back once more. “The only neck I care about has this vein that is about ready to burst.” He leaned over and put his lips to my neck. “It smells like lavender and honey. Hmm, tastes like it too.”

“Jamie…” I said trying to organize my thoughts. “If you’re trying to get my panties to drop, I’m afraid you’ll have to try much harder than that.” I said turning my head to whisper into his ear, finding some equilibrium finally.

“I dinna think I can get much harder, Sassenach.” he growled in return.

“Well, you can’t make anything drop, if I’ve left them at home.” Whisky met ocean and I swear I could hear him thinking of ways to get us out of line and up to the hotel room. 

“Dr. Beauchamp?” an aide appeared and pulled us forward. “Mr. Fraser. This way please.”

My heart still racing, I smiled innocently at Jamie as I walked ahead. I watched as he tried to adjust himself discreetly which was a challenge in a room full of people. He took my hand when he caught up with me. “Christ, yer killing me, mo duinne.” 

“Anything you wanted, Jamie.” I said, feeling a great deal more secure than I had a moment prior. 

“Dr. Claire Beauchamp, Mr James Fraser, may I introduce her grace the Duchess of Argyll, ” the aide introduced us to an elegant woman with a sleek grey bob and a floor length gown in a soft mint colour. I curtseyed just enough remembering etiquette lessons with my Uncle from when I was 13. Each rank of the monarchy was afforded a certain abeyance and i didn’t want to embarrass Jamie by not knowing what to do. Jamie only had to bow which he could do to any height but I had to sink elegantly down but not too far. 

“Dr. Beauchamp. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.” The duchess said taking my hand and letting me stand out of my curtsy. “It’s so nice to finally have someone who understands proprietary.” 

“It’s an honour, your grace.” I said hoping I wasn’t still blushing furiously following my exchange with Jamie. 

“And you’re English. Well that explains everything. Janine, please note, we like Dr. Beauchamp.” she said over her shoulder to a young woman with a tablet.

“It’s a good thing I brought ye, Sassenach. I’d no survived the night, if I hadn’t. I’m also glad to have yer regard, yer grace.” Jamie said to the duchess with a surprising familiarity.

“Jamie! How are you? How is Murtagh? Things are well, I hope.” the duchess gushed at Jamie, reaching to take both his hands in hers.

“Murtagh is well and he also sends his regards, madam. How is Joseph?”

“He’s well. He and Stephanie have finally made it official. We are just trying to pin down a date. You’ll come, of course. And you’ll bring Dr. Beauchamp?” she said nodding at me.

“We’ve rendered poor Claire speechless, yer grace.” Jamie looked, for once, well pleased with himself that he had surprised me. “I may have forgotten to mention to her that I went to university with your oldest son. And that Murtagh actually grew up next door to ye. So, Sassenach, did you have any questions for Auntie Sylvie?” 

“I’m so sorry, your Grace. If I had known you and Jamie would have so much to catch up on, I’d have brought a book to keep myself entertained. I’ll be just over here whenever your ready, Jamie.” I said pretending to take a step away from him.

“Och, Sassenach, dinna be jealous.” He said giving me his version of a wink, and then he grabbed my hand and pulled me back close to him. 

“Clearly, you would rather be with the most beautiful woman in the room. I’m but a pale shadow in comparison. Of course, I'm not jealous.” I said keeping a small distance between us.

“Oh Jamie. I do like her.” The duchess said approvingly, putting her hand on his wrist. “Claire? We must chat later and you will tell me how you finally captured this one. He was most elusive at uni. Joe would come home and be so jealous of him.”

“I’m sure that’s no true.” Jamie said shaking his head. 

“Something tells me a duchess wouldn’t lie, Mr Fraser.” I said smiling at her. “I’d be happy to tell you how I caught him. I’m afraid he’ll have to tell me first, as I’m not sure I have.” I said with an arched brow to Jamie. 

“She’s being modest, ye ken.” Jamie said to the duchess.

“She’ll tell me everything.” the duchess nodded at me with a knowing glint in her eye. “A pleasure, Claire.” She squeezed Jamie’s hands once more and we were dismissed.

As we waited to meet the Ambassador, I stepped on Jamie’s toe. “You’re friends with the Marquis of Lorne? And Murtagh grew up with a Duchess? Is there anything else I should know?” I was already feeling out of my depth and seeing Jamie comfortable with actual royalty had thrown me for a loop.

“Ow, Sassenach. Have ye a blade on yer wee heel as well?” He said. “I wasna sure if she would be here. Just that Argyll would be and I promise ye, we are not on such friendly terms.”

“The Duke of Argyll wouldn’t want you at his son’s wedding?” I said disbelievingly. 

“No. He’d think I was stealing the spotlight from the festivities with my brashness.” he replied.

“What? That makes no sense.” I turned to him. “I’d seen the marquis of once. He and you are nothing alike. You’re much better looking. And taller.”

“When did you meet wee Joseph” He asked sounding a bit put out. 

“I said I’d seen him, not met him. I may have been insulting though, come to think of it. But it was college and you’re meant to be foolish in college, right?” 

“What did ye say?” he said needling my side.

“I’m sure I don’t remember, actually.” I said turning away from Jamie, embarrassed to bring it up. “Thank you for your service. I yelled “thank you for your service” at him because he was speaking at a pro-crown rally and i was with people who were mocking his lack of service. Alright?” I admitted to him.

“I didna serve any time in the military.” he asked quietly. “Do ye hold that against me?” 

“No!” I replied in surprise. “Why would I? Joining the military is completely voluntary. It’s a choice. For him though, it was just hypocritical. He is a member of the peerage. He should serve, what else does he have to do? It’s his duty. And he didn’t. That was the point.”

“I had no idea ye were so patriotic.” he said sounding a bit put out. 

“My parents both served the crown in some capacity. My uncle also worked for the crown.” I looked at Jamie wondering how much I should or could tell him. “I didn’t enlist because my uncle wouldn’t let me out of his sight. I would have. I wanted to.” I felt his warm hand in my back again. This receiving line was taking forever. I’ll have spilled all my secrets to Jamie before it ended at this rate. 

“And it’s maybe selfish of me to be glad, he didn’t let you. Otherwise, who would be here with me now? I promise ye, Rupert could not pull off this dress.”

I looked at him over my shoulder and shook my head. I needed to get off this roller coaster. “I think Rupert would wear this silk dress like a boss.” 

“Aye, but where would he hide a blade, do ye think?” he said with a smile at the corner of his lips.

“Mr Fraser? This way please.” This time the aide was French which told me we were close to the end. Thank Christ. 

“Madam Duvernay. Ambassador Duvernay. May I present Mr James Fraser and his companion, Dr. Claire Beauchamp.”

“James Fraser? The rugby player.” Said the ambassador, a tall distinguished looking older gentleman. 

“Yes, the former rugby player.”Jamie replied in french. “I retired early this year, Mr ambassador. I’m just plain Jamie Fraser these days.”

“Not so plain, if you have a doctor gracing your arm.” The ambassador said bowing gracefully over my hand. 

“M. Duverney, my wife has a PhD in electrical engineering. She not a medical doctor.” Jamie replied in french, being impressive as ever.

“And I’m not your wife. At least not as far as I know. I’m just your girlfriend.” I quickly corrected Jamie’s french. I already felt like I was drowning and I didn’t want to borrow any more trouble. 

“Yer wearing my colours, Sassenach. Sooner or later, I’ll make an honest woman of you.” he said ignoring the look the ambassador gave us that clearly wanted more details.

“Your french is lovely, my dear.” Mme Duvernay said. “Have you spent much time in France?” 

“Not recently. My mother was french and so it’s primarily the language I think in.” I said to the ambassador’s wife. “I wanted the chance to practice speaking it out loud, so I was excited to come this evening.”

“Well, we haven’t had much opportunity to relax this trip ourselves. Perhaps later, we can all chat and practice your french together.” Suggested the ambassador. 

“That sounds wonderful, mr ambassador.” Said Jamie. 

“Please, call me Daniel. And my wife, Ann Marie.” he replied warmly.

“Claire.” I said shaking the ambassador’s hand once more. “And Jamie.”

“Mr. Fraser.” The aide appearing again as if by magic and was once more drawing us along. I was looking forward to being able to get away from the constant push and pull between Jamie and I. 

“Your Grace, the duke of Argyll. Mr. James Fraser and Dr. (PhD) Claire Beauchamp.”

I caught Jamie’s eye as I was introduced with my PhD in full display and he just blinked at me again. Damn but that attempted wink was slaying me. I started to curtsy again, but this time Jamie barely bent at the waist. I sighed, as I thought yet one more time I was going to have to save Jamie. 

“My dear. Fraser, you’re not leaving this lovely young lady like this are you?” The duke gave me his hand and raised me up before I had a chance to properly bend my knees. “A pleasure, I’m sure. I hear that you are a computer expert.” the duke said not letting go of my hand. “Brains and beauty. I hope you know how lucky you are, Jamie lad.” He said condescendingly. Oh Christ, I thought. Maybe I should just Let Jamie do what he likes. 

“I’m well aware of my good fortune, your grace. I count my blessings everyday, starting with this one. I’m not likely to forget.” He looked at me like I was beside him when he counted those blessings. Not making a scene was his choice. That didn’t mean I couldn’t make one. 

“Oh I don’t know, your grace. I might say I was the lucky one. After all, Jamie is quite a catch.”

“Indeed. Too bad for everyone else, he’s already caught.” The duke looked at Jamie as though he wanted to say something more. “Fraser. Keep your eyes on this one. Someone might turn around and switch girls on you. We wouldn’t want that, I don’t think.”

“I should hope not.” I said. What a strange thing to say. 

“Dinna fash, yer grace. I only have eyes for Claire.”

“Good.” the duke nodded to his aide who made a note on his tablet. “Dr. Beauchamp. My wife is having issues with her laptop. Perhaps you would be free to take a look at it? In the morning?” he ordered me about and it didn’t seem like saying no would be an option. 

“Of course, your grace. We’ll be here.” I replied, trying to seem accommodating.

“Of course you will. Good. It was nice to see you, Fraser. A pleasure, Dr Beauchamp.” And with that we were dismissed and at the end of the receiving line. 

“A drink, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as we moved properly into the ballroom. 

“Yes please. Wine. Lots and lots of wine.” I breathed.

“No whisky?” he asked. 

“It’s only 6. If we have to stay until midnight, there’s plenty of time for whisky.”

“Suit yerself, Mo graidh. I’m having a whisky.”

We made our way to the bar and stopped to chat with a few people Jamie knew from around the city. There seemed to be a lot of young men, who were unattached or at least not yet married in the room and it was curious. 

Aside from myself, there were maybe a half a dozen girlfriends in the room but just as many sisters or mothers as guests of the invitees. There were also a number of men who were not given a plus one on their invite. There were a few single women but Jamie kept us clear of them, pointing them out as though they were exhibits in a gallery. And over there you’ll notice the St Albert’s set. They’ve gone to school nearby and merely exist waiting for a royal or some other well connected male take them and rescue them from the lonely lives as shop girls and managers. What a load of rubbish. 

“Well, Claire. What do you think of it all?” Jamie asked as we finished our second glass of wine each and third lap of the room. 

“I think there’s not enough wine to last me the evening and that there are far too many men here. But perhaps it’s just me.”

“And every last one of them is dying to get their hands on you. I wish you’d wear the plaid around yer shoulders and no just over the one.”

A waiter passed and I grabbed another glass of wine for both of us. “Cheers Jamie. You sound just like a jealous boyfriend.”

“Am I not one?” He asked stepping close to me forcing me to look up at him. 

“I dinna ken.” I said tilting my head and matching his accent. “It’s already warm in here so I don’t really need it any longer. Perhaps I should take it to the room and leave it there.”

“Ye know we canna leave.” he huffed.

“The evening’s not even started yet.”I pouted. “There’s Curtis, perhaps he can take it upstairs for me.”

“Gimme yer plaid, Sassenach. I’m no letting some child paw yer things.” He took the shawl and somehow wrapped it around him so that it blended in with his kit. 

“I can’t even see where you’ve tucked it.” I said reaching out to smooth his kilt over his hip. 

“Careful Sassenach, or you'll get a handful more than yer expecting.” He said taking my free hand into his. 

“Just checking you for any extra weaponry, Fraser.” 

“Mm. Something tells me that if I were to paw at yer skirts in the same manner, I’d get hurt for my trouble.”

“At the very least, hurt. I might even draw blood.”

“Promises, promises.” He growled. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you’d be so kind as to find your tables. Dinner shall begin shortly.”

Our dining companions were more members of the French party who were not in the receiving line. We spoke of their impressions of the UK and of Edinburgh and I was able to share a few of my own stories from spending time in Paris as a girl. Jamie’s hand wandered from the back of my chair to my knee between courses. He hooked his leg to press against mine and it was odd to feel the leather of his boot on the smoothness of my leg. He quickly established i wasn’t wearing an ankle sheath and made it his mission to feel up my leg slowly until he found it on my upper thigh. 

“Anything?” he whispered in my ear as I tried to listen to the gentleman on my right describe their visit to Stirling Castle. He moved his hand from my thigh to the back of my chair and played with the back of my neck. I was hard-pressed to not purr under his touch.

We were crossing lines and I needed to take a step back. We are just friends and this is all make believe, I said to myself, trying very hard to not melt into his hands. This was all just for fun. I reached over and put my hand on his knee and didn’t say anything. I was the picture of politeness and wasn’t going to let Jamie entirely make me forget myself. We were only playing parts and mine was to make sure he only had eyes for me. He took my hand and placed it higher up on his lap than his knee. And so we sat through the speeches thusly, his left hand keeping mine pressed against him, while his other drew patterns on the skin of my bare back. I took a breath, leaned into his hand and whispered back “I keep my promises, Fraser.”


	12. Chapter 12

Following the speeches, we were all asked to clear the ballroom to let the hotel staff prepare a dance floor and I along with every other woman present headed for the loo. I took the chance to settle my racing heart and remind myself that this was not real. No matter what I had said, I wasn’t sure that I meant any of it. Throughout dinner, I had felt a little like we were under a microscope, and it added to the sensation that we were simply not in reality. I didn’t look forward to having the same conversation with Jamie but he had to know that I was not as self confident or as beautiful as he thought I was. There were any number of women here who better fit that description and if I was pulling off my deception, it was only because of him. 

I had taken a little longer in the washroom than I needed but I was making sure I didn’t looked panicked before I joined him again. The woman in the mirror looked self assured and not at all intimidated and I was wishing she tell me what her secret was when Annalise joined me in the mirror. “That is a beautiful gown. It quite makes you standout.” she said re-applying her lipstick.

“Thank you. I didn’t want to make Jamie have to look for me in the crowd. I had thought there would be so many women here tonight, I’d easily be overlooked.” In fact, there were very few women in the room which I found curious and I wondered if she’d tell me why that was.

“He only seems to have eyes for you.” She said. “But then again, he was always very attentive.” she said suggestively.

“He is.” I agreed. “He's taken care of all my needs.” I said. “And Of course, I do the same for him.” 

“Obviously.” She adjusted her dress one last time. “Men's needs are so simple though. They just need a pretty face and a lot of skin and they are content.” she said dismissively.

A lot of skin? You have no idea what a real man would want, I thought to myself. “I do love to make Jamie happy.” I said smiling at her reflection. I whispered at her. “And he know just what to do to make us both happy.” I had no idea honestly, but I knew for certain she didn’t either. But I did enjoy wiping the smile from her face. 

I stepped from the ladies room to find Jamie standing not far away. 

“Sassenach.” He said taking both my hands and drawing me away from the crowds and then a corner where he pulled me close to him. He took a deep breath and rested his forehead on mine. I searched his eyes and it seemed that he had come to the same conclusion I had. We needed to slow down. “I would verra much like to be alone with you right now.” He whispered. 

“Fraser!” Boomed Connall’s voice from behind him. 

“Ifrinn!” He swore, and bit his lip. “We’re no finished here.” He said to me meaningfully. 

“Fraser! Dr. Claire.” Connall came and stood near us as Jamie reluctantly turned to him. “Can I steal him for a minute, lass? He’s been glued to ye all night and there’s some discussions to be had not in the presence of a lady.”

“Perhaps, I’d rather stay with the lady?” Jamie countered. 

“Sorry lad. I’m afraid I must insist.” Connall said ruefully. “I’ll return him to ye safe and sound, lass.”

“I’ll be at the bar when you’re finished.”I nodded to Jamie and I leaned over to kiss the corner of his lips. “I’m the one in the red dress.” 

“The lady will have a double whisky. Neat. Laphroaig if you have it.” I’d been waiting for the bartender to make his way to me when a man ordered for me. I turned to thank him and put him in his place and found an old friend. 

“Max. I take my whisky on the rocks these days. So how was dinner?” The bartender noted the change and returned with 2 glasses of amber liquid and we toasted each other. 

“Our little Claire, all grown up and slaying hearts as usual,” he said. Max was as tall as Jamie but not nearly as striking. He had been a part of the group of friends that had adopted a lost looking nearly 15 year old in her first classes at university. I recall being intimidated by him, but he was always kind to me. I wondered if that still held true.

“I was never your little Claire. What are you doing here? The last I’d heard you were in Wales.” I said looking at him for a clue. His blonde hair was a little longer than was fashionable, and he had it queued back. His brown eyes were scanning the crowd as if looking for someone and not seeing them, he turned his attention to me. 

“I’m the social advisor to the Duke of Argyll. Someone has to keep tabs on all the little people.” he said with a wave of his hand.

“And who better than one of the littlest people I know.” Max grinned at my small insult. “No, truly. What are you doing here?” I recalled that he was also recruited by the crown in the last year I had known him, so I was confident social advisor wasn’t his only position. 

“I should ask what are you doing here? Jamie Fraser didn’t have a girlfriend, as far as I know.” he said sipping his drink.

“You know me, I’m positively camera shy and completely social media ignorant. And he didn’t want to break hearts all around the world, so…” There was no way I would let the likes of Maxime Boldt get the better of me.

“Well, I can guarantee he’s broken at least one heart here tonight by bringing you, you monster.”

“Monsters are us.” I said raising my glass to him. “If we’ve only broken one heart, I need to up my game.”

“The wee mademoiselle is practically beside herself. She wanted a tall ginger highlander for her collection and you’ve snatched him right out from under her.” 

“Her collection? That smacks of the crown’s games. What are you up to?” I examined Max for signs of ulterior motives and wasn’t comfortable with what I saw.

“No more than you, little one. From what I recall you had your own collection of hearts back at school.”

“Liar. I had no such thing.” I huffed. 

“Maybe. But you did have your own coterie of boys waiting to carry your books.”

“Did I?” I challenged him. “If I recall correctly, you were the lead of this so called group of boys.”

“Boys!” He reaches for his chest as though I had stabbed him. “We were men!”

“You were boys.” I laughed at him. “Which is fair because I was only 15.”

“But you were like no other 15 year old I knew. Just as you are a force unto yourself now.” He gestured to the room. “Every woman in the room wants to be you. And every man wishes he were me, making you laugh and smile. Although… you were glowing earlier with your Mr Fraser.” 

“Were you watching us?” I shook my head at him and turned my back to the room. “Why are you here Max? I’m sure there is something else you could be doing other than watching me.”

“I’m here as the duke social advisor.” He repeated,also turning away from the crowd and standing beside me at the bar. “I advise as to potential suitors and promising partnerships.”

“Suitors? I wasn’t aware the duke was on the market.” 

“He’s only the figure head of this touring party. There are others who are travelling with him who are most interested in suitors. Her Majesty is most interested in encouraging these…”

“Partnerships?” I asked, using the word he had used before.

“Or relationships.” he clarified.

“I’m sorry, are you implying that our queen is playing matchmaker?” I asked suspiciously.

“She is a strong believer in the concept that blood is stronger than wine. And that love conquers all. Including trade disputes and travel restrictions.”

“The ambassador’s daughter?”I guessed. 

“Among others that are travelling with them. I’m sure you noted the number of men in the room. Did you think that was by accident?”

“No. But if this is not but a meat market, why allow some of the gentlemen to bring a companion?” What was I doing here? I wondered to myself. “And what were you talking about earlier about my invitation. I never received one.” 

“That is clearly a failure of the post. These days, it seems our research was only so effective. As i said, for all intents and purposes, Fraser appeared to be single. But, he was also known for being something of a player and so perhaps there was someone in his life. He scored too highly in all our matrices to be entirely excluded.”

Max was turning my night upside down, again. “Matrices?”

“He’s extremely loyal to country. He’s become a successful businessman after being a world renowned athlete. He’s handsome. He’s socially aware. He understands how to use media to his benefit. He’s discreet.” he listed Jamie’s attributes like a grocery list. I was beginning to think that any events involving the crown were to be avoided in the future at all costs.

“And he’s mine.” I felt the need to add this point to Max’s list. It may be a lie, but Max didn’t know that and it was none of his business. “He is all of those things but to suggest that he would allow himself to be sold for love of country shows that perhaps there is a gap in your analysis.”

“He’s not being sold, love.” Max nodded to the bartender for a refill of our drinks. “He’s being courted.”

“He’s not for sale. Not tonight. Not ever.”I said defensively.

“Are you sure?” Max asked, looking at me and then at the room behind us. “And you?”

“Me? What about me?” I frowned. I turned to look for Jamie. He was making his way to us but was being slowed down by acquaintances. 

“You were on the guest list for tonight. Regardless of the fact that you never received your invitation, which follow up was an oversight on our part. Obviously, our main goal for this evening would be to find the mademoiselle someone, but there were other goals as well. You have been a complete surprise. I had lost track of you over the years. Sending the note was a shot in the dark, really. Tonight, you’ve been spectacular. You’ve claimed your man. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that Jamie is yours and that you are his. Nevertheless, you’ve charmed the French and have even impressed a duke. Should things not work out with you and Jamie…”

“I canna see that happening.” Jamie said coming to stand beside me. He wrapped his arm around me and his hand gripped on my waist tightly. 

“Jamie. You remember Max?” I said tightly.

“A pleasure, still.” Max said, holding out his hand. 

“Is it?”’ Jamie said not returning the gesture. Max nodded with a smirk.

“It was good to see you again, little one. Perhaps we can catch up while I’m in town.” Max saluted us and took his drink and walked away. 

“Jamie…” I could see that Jamie was again upset and I wanted to explain that Max was nothing but a well dressed, trouble maker.

“Not an old boyfriend, Sassenach?” He said taking my drink from me and downing it in a shot. He sounded jealous and after all that Max revealed I wasn’t in a headspace to try and calm him down again.

“I said he wasn’t.” I huffed at him. I stepped out of his arms and back towards the bar for another drink. 

“He seemed well able to make you laugh. Lots of old times to get caught up on?” Jamie all but sneered at me.

“You don’t get to be jealous, Fraser. This whole night was your idea.” I snapped at him. I was still conflicted about my feelings for Jamie. And I didn’t feel the need to make sure that Jamie feeling jealous over nothing. 

“This whole night was not my idea. And if it were, you certainly wouldn’t be spending time with the likes of him.” He snapped back at me.

I looked at him and tried to understand his feelings. “You’re joking, right? I had to watch every woman we spoke with, drool over you and one man happens to make me laugh and you’re upset? Perhaps you should take another lap of the room and try and approaching me again. With your head out of your ass.” I turned to walk away from him when it was clear he wasn’t taking my advice and he grabbed my wrist as I passed him. 

“Dinna walk away from me, Sassenach.” He growled. 

“Take your hand off me.” I glared back. We faced off in a ballroom full of people and as charming as we were before, I was more than willing to cause a scene now. 

He dropped his hand after a couple of minutes and dropped his eyes. “I’m a fool.” He said quietly, completely disarming me. “I saw ye with another man and lost my head.”

I had to take a breath or two before I could say anything. “Idiot.” I stayed a step away from him, not really trusting either of our reactions. “I’m sorry for overreacting. Your feelings are yours and who am I to judge? Will you forgive me?” 

“Forgiven, lass.” He passed me a new glass of whisky and turned back to the bar. “We need to get out of here.” He said scrubbing at his jaw. “I need some fresh air.”

“Come with me. I know a place.” I reached out and took his hand and we left the ballroom and walked over to the stairs into the lobby. We didn’t leave the hotel and we didn’t go to our room, so we were not breaking any rules. With his hand in mine, we stood near the exterior doors but behind some potted plants so we were somewhat concealed. I could smell the rain falling outside and feel the cool air it brought. I put my arms around him under his jacket and rested my head on his chest. In turn, he wrapped his arms around my back and we stood quietly for a time. 

I shivered after a while and he rubbed his hands in my skin. I knew if I looked up at him, he would be looking down at me, so I didn’t. I was being a coward and hiding from him but I couldn’t face him. 

“We should talk, mo ghraidh.” He said to my hair. 

“About what?” I asked his chest. 

He tipped my chin up to look at him and said “This. We need to talk about this.”

“What is there to say? You asked me to be your pretend girlfriend and here we are. I’m your girlfriend and your wife and the most envied woman in the hotel, If Max is to be believed.” 

“Are ye, then? Does that make me the luckiest bastard in the room? Or the unluckiest?”

“That’s not a word.” I corrected him. 

“What I am, apparently, is the most eligible bachelor in Edinburgh and by showing up with ye on my arm, I’ve messed up some rather elaborate plans.”

“Oh?” I said, thinking this night was going downhill fast. “Is that what Connall wanted to talk to you about?”

“Ye didna seem surprised Claire.”

“Max may have said something.” I said turning around to warm my back on Jamie. “He might have said something more, but you charged in like a bull and chased him off.”

“Sorry.” he said not sounding sorry at all. “Ye see, my former coach had just finished suggesting that I distance myself from you seeing as you were obviously too good for me and would likely be leaving me soon. Possibly for the likes of your Max. So you’ll forgive me for not feeling too charitable towards yer former schoolmate.”

“I’m too good for you?” I shook my head thinking it was more the other way around. “Christ, Jamie, what are we doing?”

“I was enjoying myself watching you own the room as I said you would.” He rubbed his hands on my arms to warm them. “Connall thought perhaps I could get better acquainted with Mlle Duvernay. I told him fuck off and he said I’d do better to listen to him than whatever it was we were doing.”

“And what are we doing?” I asked him, trying to catch a glimpse into his mind.

“Dinna ken anymore, Claire. We were friends at the start of this. I’d like to think we can be friends at the end of it.”

“It’s this middle part that is confusing.” I whispered.

“Aye.” We stood watching the rain for a few more minutes knowing we should go back soon. “Does Anything still stand, Sassenach?” he asked, the capital A was clear in his voice.

“I said I keep my promises, Jamie.” I said with a small smile. “You did find my hidden blade. And Anything was the deal.”

“I ken what I want.” He whispered. I held my breath not knowing what he would say. “I just want the chance to get to know you better. I want to be your friend. And that’s all.”

“Really?” I blinked not believing my ears.

“A few weeks ago, you didn’t know me from Adam. Is it unreasonable to want to ken more about your life than I do now?”

“No.” I was relieved and disappointed. Jamie had re-drawn the lines between us. “Just so you know, I’d never lie to you. I may not tell you everything, but I’ll always be as honest as I can be.”

“Sounds like a prize to me.” He said. “Will ye still be my girlfriend in there?” he nodded back towards the ballroom.

“Of course. I can’t stop now, someone might think you are available and marry you off to the first french girl you talk to.” I replied ruefully.

“What are ye on about?” He asked as we headed back to the ballroom and I told him what Max had been telling me. “You most definitely not leaving my side for the rest of this thing. I’d sooner marry Rupert than have an arranged anything.”

“Rupert would be lucky to have you,” I said with a smile. 

“He’s just lucky that I don’t want him.” He said with his hand on my back once more. “Introduce me to this Max again. I think I might owe him an apology.”

“You owe him at least a drink.” I looked in the direction of the crowd and my feet felt like lead. We were going back in and I felt like we turned a corner away from fun and flirty to something a bit more substantial and I wasn’t ready for substantial. I looked at Jamie out of the corner of my eye. There was a string quartet who was playing the very safest music to encourage people to the dance floor. Friends danced, did they not?, I thought. “Are you wearing your dancing shoes, Fraser?” 

“No.” He pronounced. 

“No? Not even to shuffle about and pretend you’re dancing?” I teased him.

“No, I canna hear music, Sassenach. It all sounds off-kilter to me. If I’m in a club and I can feel the beat, I can do a terrible approximation of a dance, but otherwise, no. And in a venue like this, never.” he said firmly closing that door.

“Well, at least we won’t have to worry about someone dancing off with you, then?” I smiled at him to try and bring some of the earlier levity back. “What if I lead, could you bring yourself to shuffle around the dance floor then?” He arched an eyebrow at me and I hoped it was because he could see what I was going for and was willing to play along, again. “Don’t you want to know if I can dance in this dress? I can barely walk in it without you holding me up. I can’t possibly imagine dancing in it without you.” That made him smile, which was my goal all along.

“Ye’ll be sorry for this, Sassenach. Lead the way, but I’m warning ye, this is the only time we’re dancing.” He lead me out on the dance floor where there were a handful of other couples dancing. In my heels, I still only came up to his chin and so I wasn’t sure how I was going to lead him through the steps, but as he put his hand on my back, I knew we would figure it out together. “Alright, Fraser. The easiest thing to do is just let me do all the work. If you can walk, you can waltz. And don’t forget, I can’t see where we are going, so you’re my eyes.”

“I canna do this.” he said again.

“Look at me. Just look at me and everything else will be fine.” he met my eyes and I could see he was panicked. I moved my hand from his shoulder to his face and reached up and gave him the smallest kiss on his lips, echoing the one he gave me at the start of the night. “It’s just walking.” I pulled him forward and as his hand tightened on my back I never looked away from his gaze. I trusted that his spatial awareness which made him a rugby all-star would keep us from dancing into anyone else and the waltz was slow enough that it was easy. My skirts swirled around us and concealed his hesitant steps. Eventually we had made a full turn of the dance floor and I was able to relax and create the illusion that he was leading us. At the end of the waltz, everyone applauded a flourish by the French ambassador and his wife, but instead, Jamie leaned over and wrapped both arms around me. “I believe you owe me something for that, Sassenach.” he whispered in my ear.

“Thank you for the dance, Jamie.” I whispered back.

“I’m afraid I need a little more than that, Sassenach.” 

“You figure it out, and let me know.” I said, looking at his lips and then his eyes. 

“May I have the next dance?” The Duke of Argyll came up to us and asked Jamie. I rolled my eyes at Jamie and turned to the duke.

“Of course, your grace.” I said and with that, I spent the rest of the evening on the dance floor. I watched Jamie be charming and handsome as he worked the room. Being well aware that we were in an elegant meat market, he was careful to never be alone with anyone for any length of time. I felt as though my dance partners had been dispatched to keep us apart, but the frequency I felt his eyes on me at least mitigated our separation. 

“Your highlander is quite the charmer.” Max said as we made a loop of the dancefloor.

“He is. My highlander could likely sell wool to a shepherd.” I looked at Max and tried to bury my curiosity at his presence. 

“And you, my dear. You could convince an eskimo that he needs a bikini. Have you thought about what I said?”

“You’ve said a great many things, Max.”

“You can’t be happy in Edinburgh. Don’t you find it lonely, out in the cold as you are?” Max was about as subtle as an axe to the head, but I suppose I didn’t give him much of a chance to make his play the first time. I was Edinburgh for a multitude of reasons, many that were not any of his business and none that I was willing to share. I may be ‘out in the cold’, but at least I wasn’t alone. 

“I have Jamie, he provides plenty of warmth, I assure you.” I said searching for him in the crowd. 

“Does he? The Jamie Fraser I’ve read about would be very interested in making sure you were making good choices. I’m sure he would want you to be safe and sound and Edinburgh can be a very dangerous place.”

“Are you trying to scare me, Maxime?” I challenged him. 

“Is it working?” I longed to draw the blade I had on my leg and scare some sense into him, but there were too many people around us and I’m sure it was what he was egging me to do. I had lived the last 5 years in simple obscurity and I planned to continue to do so.

“The idea that you almost know where I am is the most terrifying thing I can think of. The thought of you on my doorstep is enough to have me shaking in my boots.” I said archly. “Promise me that will never happen, Max.”

“I’d never be caught on your doorstep, little one. On that you can bank.” he said turning me away from Jamie. “And should things not work out with you and the highlander?”

“I’d be a puddle of tears, of course. Should I send you a note to come and comfort me?”

“I’d be at your side in a thrice. Of course.” He replied solemnly. 

“Well then, what do I have to worry about? If Jamie leaves me, I’ll have you to pick up the pieces. The 15 year old inside me is thrilled.”

“You didn’t want me back then.” He pointed out. “You were far too smart to fall for me.” 

“Says who? I was 15 and on my own. A dashing young man who seemed to appear around every corner, with a following of his own, was paying some small attention to little old me. How can you know that my head was not turned?” He pulled me closer to him and I looked up at him. It felt foreign and stiff and not at all like being with Jamie. 

“Careful or I might remember how charming and sweet you were and how I wanted a bit of that for myself.” He looked down at me and smouldered. 

“Then? And now?” 

“Now… Now, I can already feel the daggers in my back from every corner of the room.” he said loosening his hold. “As I said earlier, you’ve cast a spell on this room.”

“You’re imagining things.” I said as the dance ended. “Just as you were wrong, then. You’re wrong now.” I stepped a little further away from him and touched the actual dagger on my leg. “Go away, Max. Go find someone else to entangle.”

“That’s the same thing you said to me 8 years ago.” he smirked.

“I remember. I said it.” This time, I saw Jamie approach us. “It’s been nice to see you again Maxime.” I said knowing Jamie would hear the dismissal in my voice. 

“You look parched, Sassenach.” Jamie said coming to stand in front of me. “Shall we find you a drink?” 

“Yes please.” I said to him, noting that Max had disappeared without saying anything to either of us. 

“You looked like you were about to hurt that poor lad, mo ghraidh.” he said as he handed me a glass of whisky. 

“I was not.” I protested. 

“Ye get a certain glint in yer eye, ye ken. I’ve seen it turned on myself a time or two and so I thought it wise to intervene. Is there something that I need to say to him?” 

“No, it’s taken care of. When did you think I wanted to hurt you?” He couldn’t make a statement like that with no explanation.

“When you first set my shoulder. Your look told me it would be worse before it got better so I braced myself for it. And again about 2 hours ago, when I lost my mind from envy. It was the same look you were just wearing and I’m certain he didna ken what he was getting himself into.”

“So you were rescuing him, from me?” I chuckled.

“Twas the least I could do,” he said. “Anything, I should know about anyway? I understand you’ve taken care of it, but I'm still a man. You’re no alone in this, I did bring ye here. If I’ve brought dragons to yer door, it falls to me to slay them.” 

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. All night, he had been the one to instigate any contact between us. A long time ago, I had been just as open, but time and circumstances closed those doors for me. He had called me his love more than once and he had no idea that I could understand him. I reminded myself that tonight was not real, and that we, the both of us, were being watched closely. He had felt me pull away before, I was sure that he knew I was scared of being in a real relationship, with him, with anyone really. So, there was only one thing to do. I took his glass from his hand and put both our drinks down on the bar behind me. He watched me warily, not certain what I was doing. I reached up and put my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me for the kiss that we’d been dancing around all night. His arms closed around me and I felt my breath hitch in my chest. My lips opened under his and I felt his tongue sweep into my mouth. That we were in a ballroom surrounded by a hundred people didn’t matter. He wanted to slay my dragons and I wanted him to. 

He was more mindful of where we were as he pulled back before we went too far. I made a sound of disappointment as his lips left mine, and I heard him chuckle softly. “I ken the feeling well, Sassenach.” he said resting his forehead on mine. I wasn’t ready to open my eyes but when I did, I noticed that between Jamie and I and the rest of the room now stood Max who was in deep conversation with Argyll. The two of them together had formed a wall that concealed Jamie and I from prying eyes. Jamie raised his eyebrows at me in wonder and I shook my head in response. I didn’t know what Max’s motivation was in hiding us, but I was thankful to him. “Any dragons are my own to slay.” I whispered to Jamie. “But, your support is noted and I am grateful for it.” I rubbed the lipstick from his lips and adjusted his collar. 

“Yer far too independent.” he grumbled. 

Max turned to see if we were out of our embrace and said to Jamie “You have no idea.” he added.

“Dr. Beauchamp,” said the duke, turning along with Max. “My wife would like a word, if you would be so kind.” I looked at Jamie as he traced a circle on my back. “Alone.”

“Of course, your grace.” I took his proffered arm and nodded at Max and then Jamie. “Be nice, wee man.” I said to Max and walked away with the duke.

“I must say, Dr. Beauchamp, not many men I know would call Maxime a wee man.” The duke said, sounding falsely charming.

“It’s the privilege of being a woman, your grace. I can say a great many things that could be considered questionable.” 

“I believe you are taking advantage of being a beautiful woman, Dr. Beauchamp. As well as being an intelligent one. How long have you known Maxime?”

“I had attended a couple of undergraduate classes with him at Cambridge, so we go back some time. He knew me when I was awkward and graceless. Although if my memory serves, he was always quite dashing.”

“I find it hard to believe you were ever awkward, my dear. What say you, Sylvie? Do you think Dr. Beauchamp ever had an awkward phase?” The duchess was holding court over a small group of young ladies when we arrived. They included the younger Duvernay, who looked daggers at me.

“Albert! What a terrible thing to say! I’m afraid he doesn’t have any manners, which is why I leave him at home so often.” the duchess said earning a polite giggle from her circle.

“I find that a meaningful look, goes a long way, your grace, to ensuring good behavior.” I said with a smile. 

“Yes, so it does.” She gave me a meaningful look of her own. “Would you walk with me, Claire?” she turned purposefully to her husband with a nod of her own. “Ladies, I can assure you, I have the most impeccable manners.” he said taking her place and leaving us free to walk without her entourage.

“Now, you had promised me the story of how you and Jamie came to be.” she said, leading us away from her group. “I don’t need the juicy details, unless you’d like to share, but I would like to know what you did to capture his attention?”

“I’m not sure I understand, your grace. I believe I had said I could only tell you what Jamie told me, and he hasn’t said anything about whether or not, I've captured him.”

“Anyone with eyes can see it, you needn’t be coy. You even got him onto the dance floor. If I didn’t know better, I’d venture you were a ban druie and you’ve cast a spell on the lad.”

“Why does everyone always say that?” I chuckled. 

“Oh, who else thinks you’re supernatural.”

“Murtagh.” And The duchess laughed. 

“We spent hours in the hills and lochs searching for faeries. You’ll have to tell him I’m jealous that he met you first.”

“Your grace, I’m just a person. Nothing special or supernatural about me.”

“Well, you may believe That but I’m confident that I can prove you wrong. When Joseph and Jamie were at school together, it wasn’t long before Jamie was called up to play internationally. They had been teammates and roommates and it would make Joseph so frustrated, the revolving door on Jamie’s room. Every other night it was a different girl and Jamie was never truly attached to anyone of them. Whenever we’d see Jamie, he was always alone. Always saying he wasn’t ready to settle down or he hadn’t met the right girl yet. 

“When he retired and started working for his uncle, it seemed to me like he had settled down. The parade of girls had stopped, or so Joseph reported to his mother. He and Jamie stayed in contact, you know. So when her Majesty asked me for potential young men who would be a credit to the UK, of course, I thought of Jamie straight away.”

“Of course. He is a hero to many people. To many Scots, certainly.”

“Indeed.” the duchess looked at me with a measuring gaze. “You are an intelligent woman, Claire. And an attractive one as well. I’m sure you’ve noticed the imbalance of sexes in the room tonight and perhaps have even reasoned out the purpose of it.”

“Maxime took great pains to make sure I was aware, your grace.”

“Did he also tell you that if any connections did come about as a result of this evening’s festivities, the crown would be very grateful, perhaps even an elevation in status would occur, possibly, even at the very least a knighthood.”

“How generous of the crown. To add to the ranks of the peerage for doing nothing more than falling in love.” I looked for Jamie in the room. He was standing with the french ambassador, glancing at me with the duchess every now and again. 

“I was thrilled for the chance to make sure Jamie had the opportunity to elevate himself.”

“Of course, it would be a chance of a lifetime. And of course, it would put him in your debt.”

“It was never like that. Jamie deserves to be happy and on a grand stage. Edinburgh is fine but he should be in London, he should be out in the world.”

“And if he had turned up this evening alone, I’m sure you’d have him paired with them most eligible young lady.”

“If he had come on his own, we would have discussed what he was looking for in a partner. And then, paired him off.” She turned to face the group of women who were still with the duke. “One of them could have come up to scratch, I’m sure. With a bit of coaching and polish,” She said. “But then, Jamie arrived with you.”

“I’m sorry we’ve ruined your plans, Duchess.” I said not at all apologetic. 

“Ruined is such a strong word. It suggested that something is finished.” I looked at her in awe. Max had a great deal to learn from the duchess in terms of subtlety. “As I said, my dear, Jamie has had a long history of being noncommittal.” Well that was a subtle way of saying he was a player. “And as you are a remarkable woman, it is very easy to see what he sees in you.”

“Thank you, your grace.” I replied carefully.

“But a tiger doesn’t change his stripes. One day, perhaps not soon, but one day, Jamie will move on. Maybe you’ll outgrow him, and leave him first. Wouldn’t that be delightful, to have him get a taste of his own medicine. But, this electric thing between the two of you will be over. And then, I’d like to think that perhaps, he could remember tonight and realize that there are many ways to be a hero for his country.” She surveyed the room like a general looking at her army. “And of course, these opportunities are not only for the men. You, my dear, could be truly a triumph.” I was rendered speechless again by this small, grey haired force of nature. “Claire. We, women, understand that our looks are fleeting and we must use them while we have them. You’ve captured the attention of the one man I’ve known with the attention span of a gnat. Enjoy it while it lasts, but don’t make the mistake thinking it will.”

“And what happens when he is married off and his attentions take to wandering again?” I asked. 

“As long as he uses the resources and influence he has, to be discreet, then no harm, no foul.”

“And Argyll would continue to have an ally. Because what’s the point, if he doesn’t remember who helped him along the way.”

“Women should run the world; I’ve said it all along. You see it, don’t you.” She said, seeming strangely proud of me. 

“What would you have me do?”I felt compelled to ask. 

“For now, by all means, enjoy every second of his regard. It’s rather blistering at the moment. But remember, that all things are fleeting.” She took my hand and held it tightly. “Protect your heart. Don’t let yours be added to his collection of broken ones.”

“It’s all an illusion, is it?” I asked knowing full well how much of an illusion it was. 

“But it’s such a pretty dream.” She said with a smile. 

“Excuse me, your grace. They are queuing up the last dance. If I may take Claire from you?” Jamie asked.

“Go dance. I may find Argyll and make him dance as well. It was so nice to speak with you Claire.”

“It was truly a gift, your grace.” I said still reeling from all she had said. 

I let Jamie drag me onto the dance floor and let him take the lead. “Did she tell you of the time she walked into our dorm and found me naked as a jay bird?” He asked when I still didn’t say anything to him after a few moments. 

“Did you say this was the last dance?” 

“I did. What are ye thinking Sassenach?”

“Do you think we can slip out before everyone else? My feet hurt and I’d like to go.” I said to him thoughtfully. 

“Course.” He guided us to the doors and we slipped into the shadows and out into the lobby. At the elevators, I handed him the room key and took off my heels so I lost 3 inches in height. “Should I carry you Sassenach?” He offered eyeing the heels now hanging from my hand. 

I looked up at him and shook my head. “I’ll be fine Jamie. And if you make one comment about my height …”

“Lips are sealed, mo nighean donn.”

“What did you just call me?” I asked not really hearing what he had said. 

“A stubborn wee English lass.” He said as the elevator doors opened. I grabbed my skirts in my hands and walked into the lift and as I turned around he had taken up the whole doorway. “Sorry, the lift is full.” He was saying to someone behind him as the doors closed leaving us alone for the next 10 floors. 

“Jamie…” I started to say as he picked me up and finished the kiss we had started in the ballroom. His tongue ran along the seam of mine seeking entrance and I gladly obliged. I dropped my shoes and grabbed at the shoulders of his jacket. Our mouths were seeking something we hadn’t been able to say with everyone around us. He kissed along my jaw and I moved my head to give him more access to my neck. I wanted this feeling to never end, but in the back of my mind I could hear the duchess say that this wasn’t real. He bit my neck and I gasped at the intensity I felt and as he tongued the spot to sooth it, I could feel his lips smiling on my neck. 

“I do like the wee sounds ye make, Sassenach.” He said still holding me tightly. 

“I do not make sounds, you great, big, Scot.” I said not being able to think of a sharper insult. 

He bit my earlobe and said “That I am lass. A great big Scot. And yer about to find out how big.” I had to laugh at his terrible joke. “Are you laughing at me?” He asked. 

I nodded and continued to giggle. “Am I supposed to be little red riding hood?. My what big hands you have?”

He set me down and out his hands on his hips. “Aye, big hands to be able to touch all the skin I haven’t been able to this evening”

“Ooh. My, what big eyes you have.”

“The better to see all of you. Every square inch of you.”

“Hmm. And what big… umm… ears?” He had taken my arm and was nibbling my forearm being entirely distracting. 

“I’m big everywhere lass. Don’t worry. We can catalogue all of them once we’re alone.” he replied with a grin.

“Claire?” Jamie said to me, squeezing my hand and bringing me out of my reverie. Little red riding hood, I thought, what the hell, Beauchamp, how much have you had to drink? I blinked and we were in the middle of a small crowd of people who like us, had taken the chance to escape the ballroom as we did. We stepped around the other people in the lift with us, got out and looked up and down the hall to find our room. 

Once we were behind closed doors, I suddenly felt nervous. In my mind, We had just been all over each other and I wondered much of it was the drink and how much was my own heart. The hotel room was larger than I had imagined. We were standing in a sitting room with a small couch and fireplace and windows that reached to the ceiling. There was a door that clearly led to the bedroom, beyond which was likely a bathroom and hopefully a closet with the rest of my clothes. 

“Mo nighean donn.” He said touching the curls on my head. 

“You said that earlier. What does it mean,” I asked trying to settle my racing thoughts.

“My brown haired lass.”

“Brown is a rather dull colour I’ve always thought.”

“Nah. It’s like the water in a burn. Dark in places, but then golden when the sun hits it just so, reflecting the sky and holding all the colours.” he leaned in for a kiss that was a good deal closer to what I had imagined. “Did you need any help to get out of yer dress, Sassenach?”

“Um, no.” I said with a small smile. “I should hang it up though.”

“You go put yer armour away. I’ll see if I can find us something to drink.” He shrugged off his suit jacket and walked towards the rooms bar. 

I went in to the bedroom to find all our things had been unpacked and my pant suit had been pressed. Well, I guess it was a good thing I didn’t have anything to conceal in my bags. I found the simple tank top and shorts I had thrown in my bag in the first drawer I opened. They were placed next to Jamie’s boxers and t-shirt and I wondered what the person who unpacked for us thought. I should have packed something more alluring as soon as Jamie had said we’d be spending the night here but it didn’t even occur to me to bring them. I took off my dress and as I stood naked in the bedroom, I looked at the door and wondered what Jamie would do if I went to him in just my skin. 

He’d likely drop whatever glass he had in his hand and then we’d have broken glass to deal with. Or he’d grab his jacket and wrap me in it and ask me what the hell I was thinking. This was all pretend. He wasn’t my boyfriend and whatever I was feeling was fueled by alcohol and adrenaline and entirely not real. I reminded myself that he had had a revolving door in his dorm room and even now, I don’t remember him going home from the Ridge with the same girl twice. I was a friend and that’s all. 

But if something did happen between us, the duchess did say to enjoy it while it lasts. What will he say when I tell him I’ve never been with anyone. Maybe that would be enough to put things to an end, who wanted to hook up with a virgin. I combed out my hair, put on my pjs and shook my head. I’ll never know what could be, if I stayed in here all night. “Jesus H Christ,” I said stubbing my toe on the drawers. 

“Claire?” he called from the other room.

I stepped out to find that he was standing by an open window, taking in the night air. “I just hit my toe on something. I’m fine.” I said walking to him.

“Water?” he offered as I got closer to him. I took the glass and stood between him and the window. “Slainte.” He took my glass and set it down on a nearby table and wrapped his arms around me, holding my back to his front. 

“So is that the elusive dagger strapped to your leg, Sassenach?” he said running his hand down my leg.

“I thought you had spent a good deal of time looking for it, you should at least get to see it.” I nodded. He came and stepped around me and then knelt at my feet. In the dark I couldn’t see his eyes but it was clear he was looking at me. 

“So not on this leg.” He said running his hand down my right leg. 

“The slit in my dress would have given it away.” I stated. 

“Yes, I enjoyed watching your leg appear and disappear as you walked around the room. This wee blade would have been on display for the crowd.” he gently kissed the inside of my knee. “And not here.” he said taking hold of my left ankle. 

“No, it would have been too far a reach, there.” I breathed. 

He took my left leg and lifted it onto his shoulder, making me grab for the window sill for balance. He glanced up at me to see if I would protest but all I could do was watch to see what he would do next. He kissed the knee that was now inches from his mouth. “And here would still have been too far away?” 

“Yes. I needed it to be within a hands reach, just in case.”

“In case of what?” he asked with his whiskers tickling the inside of my thigh.

“A small blade is always handy to get out of trouble. Getting out of being tied up, or for making a point. Or a stray thread. One of those things you don’t want to pull on, just in case it all falls apart.”

I felt rather than heard him rumble a response. His hands undid the ties holding up my leg sheath and he let it drop to the floor as he took his time soothing the red marks it left behind on my leg. I put my hand into his hair and was thrilled at the feel of it between my fingers. The voice in my head that said this was not real was silenced by the one that said enjoy this. Jamie’s hand came around me and grabbed my ass and I squeaked in surprise. He laughed and stood up. “You do make the best noises, Sassenach.” he said just as he stood. He lifted me and set me on the windowsill pressing me close to him. 

I can’t say how long we were there holding each other and revelling in the feel of it. I had worked his shirt out of his kilt and was running my hands on his back as he had done to me all night. In the distance, I could hear someone knocking on a door, until I realized that it was our door and someone was going to wake the rest of the hotel with their noise. “Jamie, you should get that, before they break it down.” I said, pushing him away to catch my breath.

“The hotel had better be on fire.” He said as he walked to the door. “What?” he said when he answered it and I giggled, feeling bad for the person on the other side who was now face to chest with him as he didn’t bother to re-button his shirt and I was fairly sure his kilt was also in danger of falling down. 

Whoever it was, brought him out into the hall but he kept a toe in the door so it wouldn’t lock behind him. I stood half dressed in the night air and caught my breath. Standing there alone, I remembered the lecture I had been giving myself in the bedroom. Jamie rarely spent a night alone and this night, he had me. He had said he wanted to get to know me better, and I had practically offered myself on a platter. He wanted to be friends. I was here as his friend. Friend, not girlfriend, regardless of what we were leading people to believe. He didn’t want Annalise, he didn’t want to be tied down. I felt a chill run down my spine and I knew we had to stop. 

I also didn’t want to be tied down and I didn’t think that I could just sleep with him and then have everything go back to normal. I wasn’t ready for something real and if we crossed that line, that would make it real for me, but probably not for him. Be smart, the duchess had advised. Protect my heart because Jamie would most definitely break it if I wasn’t careful. I looked around the sitting area and spotted my shawl laying near where he had discarded his jacket. I took it and wrapped it around me. I guess I had one more piece of armour to shield my heart.

“Damn fool.” Jamie said coming back into the room, looking for me in the window, but instead finding me standing by the fireplace. He took in my posture and he seemed to deflate a little. “Claire?” 

“It’s late, Jamie and I’m tired. I guess I’m not used to all this excitement.” I said quietly. “I was thinking that if I’ll have to work on the duchess’s laptop in the morning, I should get some rest. I’m fairly cranky in the morning and I don’t want to bite her head off because i’m over tired.”

“Of course.” he said, somehow keeping any disappointment from his voice. “You should get some rest then, head to bed.” he took a step towards me and in turn, I took a small step away from him. “Right.” He accepted my rejection quietly. “I’m going to take a shower before I turn in.” 

“Good Night, Jamie.” I said walking around him to the bedroom. 

“G’night, Claire.” 

\----------------------------------

The next morning I woke only a little hung over. I woke feeling a weight across my middle and warmth on my back and across my legs. It took me a minute to realize I was in bed with someone who was like a furnace. Jamie had his hand resting on my skin under my tank top. I closed my eyes and tried to decide if I could sleep more or if I needed an aspirin more. He shifted against me and I could feel his morning erection on my back. The extra warmth and my need to use the bathroom over rode the comfort and appeal of his arms. I moved my legs out from under his and slid his arm down my belly and onto my hip so I could get out of the bed without waking him. 

I found a glass of water and aspirin and then stood in the shower for a good 20 minutes before I felt like a person. How much did we drink last night, I wondered. It was still early so I called room service and asked for a carafe of coffee and toast but I asked that they Just leave it in the hall to not wake Jamie. 

I got half dressed in my dress pants but stayed in my tank top just in case I spilled my coffee. I wondered how things would be between us when Jamie woke and I tried to think through the different scenarios. 

A knock came sooner than I thought but i was expecting someone to summon me. “Morning Claire.” Max stood there waiting for me.

“Maxime. Let me grab my room key and I’ll be with right with you.”

“Take your time.” he said coming in and helping himself to my coffee.

I had already penned a note to leave for Jamie just in case he woke up while I was gone. I grabbed the key and left the note on the bedside table where he would see it. As I moved passed him, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down to sit on the bed next to him. “Where are ye going, Sassenach?” He said with a voice raspy from sleep. “Are ye really Here?”

“I’m going to work Jamie. Go back to sleep. It’s early yet.” I said quietly.

“If yer here, I must be dreaming.”

“Then Yer dreaming, my lad.” I kissed his forehead and tucked him in. He pulled me in and kissed me properly and quickly fell asleep again. I put the note beside a glass of water and 2 aspirin. 

“I see you slept well.” Max said when I came out of the bedroom. 

“There’s nothing like a long night of partying to guarantee a good night’s rest.” I said.

“Did you want a scarf?” He said nodding at my neck. Jamie had gifted me a love bite that had bloomed into a full on hickey and while my dress shirt would hide it, the top I was wearing now did not. 

I grabbed my shawl from the night before and wrapped it around my neck. “All set.”

“Dr. Beauchamp. It’s so nice to see you my dear.” The duchess greeted me like we were old friends. “I’m afraid my computer may be a lost cause. But it’s kind of you to take a look.”

“Have you been online since it’s been acting up?” I went through the standard questions I would use at work when I was called upon to do the same thing. 

“No, she hasn’t.” Max answered for her. “Your grace, I believe Madame Duvernay had a question for you.”

“I’ll leave you with Max, Claire. And don’t make any extraordinary efforts. It’s fine, I’m sure.” She said as she swept from the room. I always had a drive with a program I used to clean up computers on me and so plugged it in and set it to work. 

“What do you want Max?” He stood behind me as I sat at a desk with the laptop. 

“Just ensuring the privacy of her grace’s computer.”

“And breathing down my neck. Look. I’m fixing the computer. Whatever is wrong will be fixed in about half an hour. I can leave in 10 minutes and as long as you don’t touch the thing, it will be fine. Privacy assured.”

“Wonderful. Now about the other thing?”

“Is there another computer you need me to look at?”

Max shook his head at me as though I were a child. “Fraser. He is in demand.”

“And?” I replied being the child he thought I was.

“So are you.” He said flatly. 

“It's a good thing we have each other then. We can frustrate everyone by just existing.”

“I can’t say anything to Fraser as he wouldn’t understand. But you, you know, quite well how the crown operates.” Max said crossing his arms.

“How it operates?” Max seemed to be implying I knew something of value, when really all I knew was disappointment.

“You’re far too good for Jamie Fraser. For Edinburgh altogether. You should be in London, Running your own business. If last night was an audition, you would have been offered a job on the spot. But as it was real life, it was even better. You have more than handled all situations thrown at you. The door is wide open. Come home.” he said as though I had spent the last 5 years waiting for this invitation and not running from it.

“That was an inspired speech, Max. I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass, though. I’ll give you an A for effort. Truly, it was well done.”

“Claire, I’m not sure you understand what it is you’re walking away from.”

“I’m sure I don’t. But that is the point. I don’t know, I don’t want to know and I’m not the slightest bit curious. I made my choices 5 years ago and I’m living with it.”

“Fine. I told Argyll it would be a waste of time to ask but I had to try. We need you to leave Jamie though.” Max said resolutely.

“Excuse me? We need?” I asked.

“Jamie is in demand.” Max explained.

“Jamie makes his own decisions.”

“Make this one for him. Don’t come to brunch, plead a headache or work emergency or you forgot to feed your cat. But let him arrive alone.”

“What do you get out of it?” I asked suspicious of his motives.

“A less whiny group to travel with.”

“Bullshit. And what makes you think Jamie would play along with this scheme? And what do I get for cooperating? You’re asking me to do a great deal. The reason had better be a good one.”

“Love of country? Satisfaction of breaking his heart before he breaks yours?” he said cynically.

“I was so looking forward to mimosas.” I countered.

“I’ll forget that I saw you.”

“Omelets really are the perfect brunch food. Do you think there will be an omelet station?”

“I’ll make sure that any photos of you are kept quiet.”

“I also heard there would be a chocolate fountain. I haven’t seen one of those in years.”

“And I’ll have your name erased from all official records.” He was offering everything I was worried about. I could remove myself from any official records given enough time but to have it done for me would be a relief. It had been some time since I had hacked a computer system on my own behalf. During my morning coffee, I had already decided to skip the morning festivities but Max didn’t have to know that. 

“It’s strange, I’m feeling a migraine start all of a sudden. Perhaps I should skip the brunch and just take a car home.” I said after a moment of consideration.

“Thank you Claire.” he said relieved.

“Don’t touch anything on the laptop for 15 minutes. It will be fine once it restarts.” I took back my flash drive and headed back to Jamie. I walked in and found him in his boxers drinking coffee. “Is there any left?” I asked him.

“Fresh pot. Did you fix Sylvie’s computer?”

“Yes, it was a simple thing. She’ll be back online within the hour.”

“Last night…” I shook my head and stopped him. I didn’t want to hear that he was sorry for anything that he did and didn’t do. 

“If you’re apologizing, stop. Nothing happened that we didn’t want to have happen. We’re both adults and we agreed that we would stay friends at the end of everything. And so, my friend, I’m taking a car and going home so I can sleep off some of the wine we drank last night. We drank a lot of wine last night.”

“Aye, we did. Let Me put some pants on and I’ll see you safely home.”

“You have to stay. I’ve been expressly told that your presence is required at brunch, but mine is not. So. I’ll go home. I’ll drink more water and plan to sleep the rest of the day. I know it sounds very exciting and it won’t be the same without you, but I’m willing to make the sacrifice.” I said with a small smile. 

“Throwing me to the wolves, Sassenach?”

“A big boy like you can take it.” And as soon as I said it, I remembered what I had imagined in the lift and I could feel my ears burning. 

“Well then. I should pack my things and finish getting dressed.” He said standing up. “And I was going to tell you that I don’t regret a single thing about last night. Except maybe answering the door. I’m getting to know the real you, that was the deal. And if it takes 200 years, I’ll still want to know you.”

“There’s barely 25 years of me to know. I’m hardly worth all the effort.”

He shook his head. “One day, I’ll convince you that you are.”

“I look forward to the day.” I said. “I’ll be gone by the time brunch is over. Be careful. I won’t be there to protect you.”

“You almost sound like you care.” he said smiling.

“Almost. And it’s only because you’re my friend and if anything happens to you, I wouldn’t be able to face Murtagh again and we can’t have that.”

“No. We can’t, can we?.”

He brought out his bag and set it next to mine on his way down to brunch. “I’ll come and see you later, Claire? Tell you all about brunch?”

“I’ll be sleeping, Jamie. Don’t you want to get into your own bed?”

“I slept pretty well last night, actually.” He admitted. 

“That makes 1 of us, then. The greenhouse door will be open if something of mine ended up in your bag. Enjoy brunch.”

“Sylvia owes me a knighthood just for going to this thing.” He muttered headed out the door. 

“Tell Maxime i said fuck off. And feel free to insult him as you see fit. And when he asks where I am, tell him you don’t know.”

“Will do Sassenach.” And he saluted me as the door closed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to share the rest of their night with you. Thanks for hanging around. They'll get their stuff figured out eventually. I promise. ;)


	13. Chapter 13

To watch them was like looking at two people who had missed the memo that said to succeed in this world, you must be average. He was your average Scot with red hair and blue eyes and she was just a brunette with curly hair and brown eyes, Murtagh laughed to himself. Aye, they were completely average, in the same way Everest was an average mountain and the Grand Canyon was just a hole in the ground. They were fugitives from the law of averages, they were the outliers. 

He enjoyed watching them laugh at something Rupert had said and it brought a warmth to his heart that he had long since thought would never come. Jamie’s bright blue eyes seemed to glow whenever they looked at Claire. At nearly 2 metres, Jamie easily could look over the crowded pub and find her. The lad, who was the son of his heart, had let his fiery mop grow out from the brush cut he used to wear when he played professionally. It’s only been a few months since his on-going shoulder injury forced him to retire but he had settled in to his new life at Leoch alright. He still joined the lads for the friendly match now and again. 

Jamie had never been the type who had to have a girl on his arm. Murtagh had once briefly, even considered that perhaps Jamie would prefer lads to lasses and had decided that, so long as Jamie was happy, he could be content. There had only been girls through the years, so that was one bridge crossed. But he knew in his heart that Jamie wasn’t ready for any kind of real commitment. At least, not then. 

Now, since this whirlwind of brown hair and whisky coloured eyes had entered their lives, something had changed. Jamie no longer would chat with a particular girl all night as though he were interviewing her for a position. He would still chat with the girls who were always around those nights all the lads were here, but he showed no preferences, played no favourites. Jamie laughed more and was more relaxed but at the same time, he was also more watchful, of a certain curly wig. It had become obvious to Murtagh that if he wanted to know where Claire was, the easiest thing to do was to find Jamie and watch his eyes.

And Claire was something else altogether. On the surface, she was just another pretty girl with a curly wig and a big laugh. Graceful and smart, tall and pale skinned, Murtagh fancied she was a faerie come to spend time on this side of the veil. More and more, she had come out of her shell, a far cry from the prickly medic he had summoned that first night. She could laugh or commiserate with you as the situation demanded but before things became to serious, she would move on. You were left feeling satisfied, even though no problems were solved and no lives saved. It was a gift, one Murtagh would have put money on being lost to the legends and stories of old. Faeries were said to be able to charm and draw men to their doom but Claire seemed not willing to ask anyone to pay the price. Ever vigilant, she was aware of everyone in the pub and if you spent a couple of minutes watching her, you would see her eyes dart around the room as she listened or laughed in turns. As though she were on the lookout for the faerie king coming to collect her and scold her for not bringing in her bounties. Her golden eyes would note the placement of each person and she was never startled by someone coming up behind her or a sudden loud voice from across the room. Murtagh wondered if she were just as aware of Jamie’s attention. It was obvious to him but he decided that if she wasn’t, the lad was doing a good enough job of hiding it and it was not his place to point it out. He was getting old, imagining that Claire was a faerie. He should warn Jamie that stealing her heart would cost him dearly but perhaps it was a price the lad was willing to pay. 

“Claire,” Murtagh handed the ale she had ordered, but it was clear that her mind was elsewhere. “Is everything alright?”

“Sorry, Murtagh. Work has been kicking my ass this week and I’m afraid I’m not very good company.” She had taken a seat at the bar alone, even though the lads were scattered about the pub. She didn’t seem inclined to join anyone and the more that Murtagh considered it, Claire hadn’t been around much at all the past week. She had made a habit of ordering something to take away Tuesdays and then show up for a chat before work Wednesdays and the odd Thursday. Now it was Friday, and she looked like she’d rather be anywhere but there. 

“Well, if that’s the case, we have a special section right here for people not looking for any special conversation.” he grumped at her, with a wink. “I’ll get Thomas to make you a cheese sandwich, if that suits?” 

“That sounds perfect.” she replied with a small smile. “Thank you Murtagh.” There was a commotion at the door and Murtagh looked up to find Jamie laughing with a girl. The sight of it was not unfamiliar but strange for not having seen it for a while. Claire, studiously, didn’t turn to see what was going on and he shook his head and headed into the back. There was something going on and he imagined that if he waited long enough, he’d hear all about it.

“Sassenach!” Jamie came straight over to Claire at the bar and Murtagh watched as Claire seemed to brace herself before turning and greeting the lad.

“Hey Jamie.” she said subdued. 

“I’ve missed you at coffee this week. But Joe was saying that a couple of the servers had been acting up and that you’ve been roped into re-building them. I guess that’s been taking a lot of your time?” 

“It has.” she agreed. “I’m sorry I missed you. Eddie had said that you’ve taken to drinking iced coffee? That sounds dangerously trendy.” 

“That was my fault.” said the girl beside Jamie. She was young, pretty with light brown hair and a pleasant smile.

“Claire, this is Isobel Dunsanay. She’s an economics student at the university and I’ve been showing her around the office the last couple days.” Jamie said introducing her. “She’s John’s cousin and going to be graduating soon and wanted to know what life was like away from the books. Isobel, this is Claire Beauchamp, she looks after the network on the off hours during the week.”

“Hello Isobel,” Claire smiled at her. “How have you found the world of estate management?” 

“Fascinating!” Isobel replied. Murtagh noted that the other woman was so excited, going on about all that she had learned, she didn’t notice that Jamie wasn’t paying her any attention, having only eyes for Claire and Claire likewise was watching Jamie more than really listening. “And what about you Claire? I can’t imagine working off hours all the time?” 

“It affords me most weekends off and I’ve always been a bit of a night owl anyways.” Claire said with a rueful smile. “And there’s so many less computer issues to have to deal with at night. It lets me be as anti-social as my heart desires.” 

“But everyone was so nice around the office.” Isobel said thoughtfully. 

“Of course, they were. You were with the most popular man in the Edinburgh.” Claire nodded at Jamie. “I tend to only get calls when something has gone wrong and they’ve no choice but to call IT, so I get people at the other end of the spectrum. It’s fine by me, it means I don’t have to pretend to be something other than my old grumpy self.” 

“Claire.” Jamie said in protest. “Yer not old.” He was obviously trying to get her to smile and she just rolled her eyes at him. 

“Isobel!!” John arrived and called over his cousin, who smiled politely at Claire and walked away. Murtagh delivered Claire’s sandwich and wandered not too far away so he could find out what was wrong.

“She’s a bright lass.” Jamie said, watching the other girl walk away. “She’s a good head on her shoulders and asked some good questions.”

“Good for her.” Claire replied shortly. 

“Nothing like her sister, Geneva, thank Christ.” Jamie said under his breath.

“Yet another victim of the famous Fraser charm?” she said derisively. 

“Alright Sassenach?” Jamie asked, taking a step closer to her.

“I’m fine, Jamie. Just tired.” she said.

“We never got a chance to talk after last weekend?” he said looking at her. Murtagh watched as Claire flexed her jaw.

“There’s nothing to talk about. How was brunch? I imagine it was good.” Claire replied turning her attention to her sandwich.

“It was fine.” Jamie growled at her. “If there was nothing to talk about, then why have you been avoiding me all week?”

“Who’s avoiding whom?” Claire glanced at him. “I’ve been tied up, literally by cables and servers and stupid managers who like to act like they think they know what they are doing by making promises that they can’t possibly keep and I’m tired. It was a long weekend followed by long nights at work. I’m sorry I’ve missed you for coffee, but it was never by design. That’s all.” 

“Your Max turned up Monday morning at Eddie’s.” Jamie announced. Claire’s shoulders rose and she closed her eyes. “He was sorry to have missed you.”

“First of all, he’s not my Max. And I’m glad the two of you had a nice chat.” she replied. “Eddie never said anything to me about him. Right, because I didn’t make it there until nearly noon and he was slammed by the lunch rush. It’s a free country, mostly, and if Max wishes a good cuppa, Eddie’s would be the best place for one.” 

“We did have a nice chat. It turns out that they had your address all wrong, which is why your invitation never arrived. And he wasn’t aware that you worked at Leoch, with me.” Jamie supplied.

“Did you also tell him my shoe size while you were at it?” Claire snapped. “Was there anything else good old Max wanted to know?” 

“He wanted to know when we were going to move in together.” Jamie deadpanned. “You know, so that when he sends his house warming gift, it arrives at the correct address.”

“Christ, Jamie.” Claire replied putting her head in her hands. “Please tell me that you’re joking.” 

“Wish that I were.” Jamie replied, taking the seat beside her. “Listen, I know that you have mixed feelings about the crown and this past weekend didn’t help matters. You never told me what you and Sylvie talked about, but she was very pleased that I had turned up alone for breakfast. She had me with different girl every 5 minutes it seemed. You said you’d never lie to me. Are you sure that you’re just tired and that there’s not something else going on?” 

“Jamie!” Rupert called from across the pub. “Come here and settle this for us.”

“In a minute.” Jamie called back to him, shaking his head. “Claire? Talk to me.” 

“I’m sure, Jamie. Look, the crown can take a leap for all I care. Sylvie didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, so nothing for you to worry about. I had a good time Saturday night with you. It was just a lot to process and keep straight, pretending to be your girl and knowing that we’re just friends. I’ll admit, there was a part of me that wasn’t sure how to face you Monday, but it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? The reality is that I’m not that glamourous girl you had on your arm on Saturday, I’m just a trumped up computer tech. I really just want to put this week behind me and go back to normal. Does that make sense? Do you think we can do that?” 

“It does and of course, we can. Yer more than just a computer wizard. And you are that glamourous girl, you’re just keeping her under wraps, ” Jamie said reassuringly. “I want you to know that I also had a good time Saturday night. It won’t be something I forget anytime soon. Thank you for coming with me and putting up with all that nonsense.”

“It was the least I could do for all the times you’ve given up your Saturday to be with me. And I got to see you in your kilt.” Claire said giving him a tired smile. “That’s not a sight I’ll forget anytime soon.” 

“Friends?” Jamie repeated. Claire leaned over and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Idiot.” she replied still smiling.

“Jamie’s an idiot?” Rupert asked, turning up at Jamie’s other shoulder. “I could’ve told ye that Claire. Free of charge. Now, can I steal him away, John over here being another kind of stupid and we need this one to straighten him out.” 

Jamie nodded and followed Rupert over to where everyone else was. Claire stayed at the bar and finished her simple meal. Murtagh thought she might just leave after all that, but to his surprise, she asked for a refill of her drink and took it over to where everyone was listening to Jamie talk with his hands. He was relieved to see her join their company and at least give the appearance of listening to Jamie’s story. He had known something was upsetting her and hearing that she had pretended to be Jamie’s girl at that thing for the French, spelled it out for him. It wasn’t good for anyone peace of mind to be anything other than what they were. In his opinion, even worse to have the chance to see what life could be, knowing that it didn’t match reality. That would bring anyone down.


	14. Chapter 14

“So how was dinner with young Andrew, last night?” Jamie asked as Claire stirred the milk into her tea. 

“The way you say young Andrew makes me feel ancient. For the record he’s 25, which is older than me thank you very much.” she replied tartly.

“And...” prompted Jamie.

“Did you know he still lives with his parents?” she said deliberately being evasive.

“No. I didna ken. So, what? Many do so though, ‘tis expensive to have yer own place.”

“I know that.” She didn’t elaborate, clearing hoping her silence would change the subject. 

“Did he ask ye to cut his meat for him, Sassenach?” He smirked. 

“No! Gods, no.” she shook her head at his laughter. “He was sweet. But it seemed that he had used up all his courage to ask me out and then had nothing left to say to me once we were. I had to carry the whole conversation. You know how I hate talking to someone I don't know well.”

“Aye. I recall it was like pulling teeth to get you to say anything to me.” He scratched his chin “or maybe it was to get ye to shut yer mouth, was the trouble. I didna recall.” he chuckled, clearly enjoying himself.

“It’s different with you. I was already annoyed with you from the start so I didn’t feel the need to make a good impression as I had already cocked that up.”

“Nothing like being called a fool to break the ice.”

“You were. You still are when the match goes until dark. I’m sorry for calling you a fool that night.” she said with a smile, patting his hand on the table.

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. Water under the bridge. So no second date then?”

“Will you stop?”

“This makes yer 5th first date in a month. I’ll be impressed with the bloke who finally gets a second one with ye.”

“Keeping track, Fraser? Well, you and me both. Am I expecting too much Jamie? I mean, first dates are meant to be awkward and cute. You’re not supposed to meet your match and know right off the bat, right?”

He looked out the window for a long time. Jamie had listened to Claire lament about her latest disaster of a date while his mind wandered to what he wanted to say. He wanted to say that Claire didn’t have to continue going out with these men who knew nothing about her, who cared little about her other than she had an amazing arse, and who at the end of the day would only disappoint her because she deserved the sun and the moon and only he could provide those things. He wanted to be the last thing she saw when she closed her eyes at night and the first thing she thought of each morning. She was those things to him and it only seemed fair that it would be the same for her. Only he wanted the real thing and not just a photo on his phone, taken when she wasn’t looking, her hair loose and her eyes dancing at something Murtagh had said. She was a faerie like Murtagh teases her she was, and Jamie was her willing human sacrifice. 

“Jamie? Dammit, why can’t I learn to just stop talking?” She looked distressed at the thought she may have hurt his feelings. 

Perhaps now was the right time to tell her everything. Or not yet. Now he’ll just tell her what his da had said about finding your true love. And then he had to go, leave, before he said something he wasn’t ready yet to say aloud. 

“Nay Claire. Ye didn’t say anything wrong. I was just remembering something my father had told my Brother and I when we were lads. He said that when we met our one, our one true love, we’d know her in a heartbeat. No doubts, no questions. Just certainty.”

“Really?” she asked disbelievingly.

“Aye. And I watched Willie fall for Cecilia over the course of an afternoon. And well, Jenny claimed Ian as soon as she was 15 and my parents said she could date. I imagine when I meet my one, I’ll know just as fast.”

“Well, I’m glad that you have that, Jamie. It would make dating a great deal easier knowing the person you’re meant to be with, will recognize you for who you are right away. I suppose I should just keep looking then.”

“He could be right in front of you, Sassenach, but if yer hearts no ready, ye’d never see him.”

She looked at him over the lip of her Tea mug. Did she hear more than he was ready for her to hear? Jamie looked at the clock just over her shoulder. “I need to head back to the office. See ye later, Sassenach?” He stood and felt like his feelings for her were painted all over him. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “He’s a lucky man when you find him.” he whispered. And with that he was gone.

The next night, watching Claire at the Ridge was akin to watching a bird out of its cage. She would move from table to bar seemingly without pattern or thought, just simply moving through the night. A touch of the shoulder here, a great belly laugh there, she had learned everyone’s name and all their worries and cares and tonight she seemed intent on setting everyone at ease.

She’d have made a great lady of the manor, thought Jamie. She knew everyone but still managed to keep herself and her history to herself. In the months since Murtagh brought her out, they’ve managed to have a regular meal together on the Fridays she didn’t already have plans. She would come around to the Ridge the nights they had a game and would stay until she had to go to work or until last call. And coffee nearly every morning at the cafe, after she was free from work and he could escape from his office for a tick. But for all the time they had spent together, he still didn’t know when her birthday was or the name of her first pet, but he did know how she took her coffee - black with 1 sugar and who her first kiss was with - someone called Firouz. She kept the details of her life to herself as though no one would be interested. But the truth was she was the most interesting person he had ever met. He made it a personal challenge to draw out something new about her past at least once a week. 

Watching her flit from table to table, he was determined he was going to learn something real about Claire. He didn’t know what small piece of her he could steal, but he was determined to get one. She didn’t work this night nor the next one, so there was time. Now it was just a matter of cornering her. He had kept himself at the bar for the most part. He had a mission and wasn’t in mind to be distracted from it. 

“Something on yer mind tonight, Jamie?” Willie asked from behind the bar. 

“Aye. Tell me something Willie, when was the last time you got well and truly drunk?”

“Och, on a mission are you?”

“Nah, I was just sitting here thinking how tis a beautiful night out. Most folks should be outside, enjoying the warmth, and yet, the pub doesna have an empty chair.”

“Weel, your lads take up most of the seats, ye ken. And then there’s the lasses that sit near the window, hoping for someone to take notice of them.”

“Aye, should we clear the lads out then? Send them out into the night and get some moonlight on their skin. Ye get vitamins from moonlight, no?” 

“Are ye sure yer no drunk now, Jamie?” Willie asked.

“Not yet. But meebe with a bit of help, and some moonlight, I can get there.” Jamie replied.

“Yer cracked man.” Willie laughed. “But ye are a paying customer, thank christ, so here’s a refill of yer ale. Just try and not fall off the stool, a’right?”

“Ye still didn’t tell me yer drunk story, Willie.”

“Tending bar, means I’ve got a better head than most of ye. I dinna recall my last bad night.” Willie admitted.

“I didna say it had to be a bad night. Just well and truly smashed.” 

“What about ye then? Well and truly smashed, as ye say.”

“Hmm it was going on a month ago? Do ye remember the night Scotland beat England? That was a good night. Dinna remember getting home, pretty sure I started a brawl and my wallet was still full the next morning.” Jamie watched from the corner of his eye as Claire came to the bar.

“That sounds like a braw night, alright. What about ye, Claire? When was the last time ye tied one on?”

“Another shot, Willie? What was that? I missed it.” Claire leaned against the bar to Jamie’s left.

“The last night you forgot yerself, Sassenach. Got well and truly blitzed. When was it?” Jamie asked.

“Looking for dirt, are you, Fraser?” She said squinting at him. 

“He’s looking for moonlight, Claire. I think he’s already halfway gone, but we’ll humour him anyways.” Willie laughed. 

“Moonlight? Hmmm. Moonshine maybe.” she gave Jamie an appraising look as though she could see through his ruse. “The last time I got well and truly drunk would have been one week ago tonight. And I’m well on my way again tonight, so there you go. Not all that exciting, I’m afraid.”

“If you can still stand up straight, yer not drunk. That doesn’t count. C’mon Sassenach. You can drink every man here under the table and still walk home. The last time you couldna see straight.”

“And what would I get in exchange for that small thing? There’s always a price for a bit of magic.” She said wagging her finger. 

“Oooo. I’d be careful if I were you, Jamie lad. Yer Sassenach might hex ye if yer no careful.” Willie added in as he wiped down the bar.

“I’d see you home safe, Sassenach. This night and any other night, ye decided to let that curly wig free.”

“You say that to all the girls.” Claire said, motioning to the other girls in the pub. 

Jamie stood a little closer to Claire and breathed in the clean, spring scent of her and said in her ear “Meebe, but your curly head is the only one I’d care to know was tucked in, safe and sound.” Claire shivered at the feeling that Jamie’s voice in her ear sent down her spine. He was up to something but she couldn’t see what it was. 

In a low voice that barely carried, she said “August 13th. I lose that night every year. And I stay home because otherwise I’m not sure where I’d wake up. A party for one. No guests.” Her chin jutted forwarded daring Jamie to take issue with her tale. Willie had moved to the far end of the bar and so didn’t hear. Just Jamie.

He looked at her and knew that he had gotten what he wanted, a secret part of her she didn’t want to show the world. She trusted him with these nuggets and he hoarded each one like a dragon with its gold. “A party for one, hmm? And in your own kitchen, ye say. How is a man supposed to see you safe when yer already behind closed doors? That’s no fun. Perhaps this year, I’ll coax you into the moonlight with me, Sassenach. Getting blitzed is no fun without witnesses.”

“If you don’t see it, it didn’t happen, is that it?” Claire laughed in relief that Jamie didn’t look for more details. “Alright then, Fraser. Consider this challenge accepted. Willie! Do you have any gin back there?”

“Only for you, crazy englishwoman. Aye, I’ve a bottle of gin. What do you want it for?”

“Jamie here has promised me moonlight and a safe walk home. Who am I to look such a gift horse in the mouth? I just have to get well and truly drunk.”

“Claire...” Jamie growled. 

“Scared Fraser?” she arched an eyebrow at him, her golden eyes gleaming.

“Does it have to be gin?”

“Get your own bottle of poison. The gin is mine and mine alone. Willie! Shots man! I can’t back down from such a challenge, can I?”

“Och lass. Ye’ll no be thanking me come morning.” Willie admonished.

“Pour. We’ll let morning take care of itself.”

“Slainte, Sassenach.” “Cheers!”  
____________________________

Drunk Claire laughed more and flirted with purpose, if not intention. She was even more of a sprite including the tables of girls in her travels. She listened, drank and laughed and broke more than a couple of hearts that night. She still held herself apart from everyone, careful not spend more time with any group than another. Pausing in her circuits, to stand with Jamie at the bar, down another shot of gin to his shot of whisky, not knowing that Jamie was still nursing the same shot he had started with.

“Tis last call lass. Are ye ready for some moonlight, then?” Jamie said to her after a couple of hours.

“I’m still standing, so I must not be drunk. I did try though, Jamie.” Claire said blinking slowly, imitating Jamie’s inability to wink properly. She also seemed to be listing slightly to the right, so perhaps she was more drunk than she let on.

“Ye did try, lass. To that I will attest. Let’s get ye home then.” Jamie took her hand and led her outside.

The clear night air felt bracing to Claire. “Don’t you wish we could stay out to see the sunrise? Why does everyone have to be locked up and tucked in when we could lay in the grass and count the stars instead, hmm?”

“Ye can do those things in your backyard, Sassenach.” Jamie said, watching Claire weave back and forth on the pavement. When it looked like gravity may get the best of her, he took her arm and wrapped his own around her waist. “Careful there, Claire. Ye may be upright, but yer giving straight a run for its money.”

“Hmmm. You smell good.” She leaned into him and spent the rest of their walk trying to remember why she let herself drink so much. 

“Here ye are, Claire. Safe and sound, as promised.” Jamie said walking her to her front door. He watched her search her bag for her keys and then take two tries to finally get her door unlocked. She walked in and left it open behind her. “You also promised me moonlight Jamie Fraser. Where’s my moonlight?” she called to him.

He followed her in, knowing that he should go home instead. Summer Curfew wasn’t for another half an hour and it was only a short walk home. “Should we lay in your grass then?” He asked after her. 

“Wot? No, my grass is barely there. I want to lay in a meadow, count the stars in the milky way and watch the sunrise. I want to be able to breathe again.” She sighed. 

“Canna ye no breathe here?”

“No.” She sat on her couch, upsetting a pile of papers. “No, I can’t breathe here. Everyone is so close to each other. There’s no air left.” He sat next to her, his leg pressing alongside hers. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he again breathed in her clean scent. “Is this no too close for ye?” he asked.

“No. You give me room to breathe. I like that about you.” Jamie smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She’d given him another piece for his treasure, tonight was gifting him an abundance of riches. 

They were quiet for long enough that Jamie thought she may have fallen asleep. “I found out my parents had died at 12:32 in the morning on August 13th. They were in Dover, having a little holiday before my dad was deployed to Nigeria. My Uncle was staying with me as he and my dad were to be together overseas for a short time. He sat on my bed, and said “I’m sorry, cub, but they’re not coming home.” I was almost 10 and so angry at them. The next year I picked a fight with the largest girl at school who I knew could knock me out and did everything I could to make sure she did. We were travelling the next year and I forgot the date and hated myself for it. I was 14 when I discovered that wine was a suitable numbing agent. I’ve since added the gin to the mix to honour my English father. It’s the only day i’ve taken off work in 5 years.”

Her confession was more than Jamie expected. There was nothing he could say and as they sat there, he could feel her breathing even out to that of sleep. He had thought it was a very specific date to get drunk and perhaps it was an anniversary of a sort. He had thought it was the date her first boyfriend broke up with her, or perhaps it was her parent’s wedding anniversary, something she desperately wanted to forget. It didn’t seem right to leave her alone with such memories in her mind. So he stayed, with Claire tucked into his side and he thought about the little 10 year old girl who wanted nothing more than to lay in the soft grass of a meadow counting the stars.

\--------------------------------------

 

Gin was not my favourite drink. I’d turn to it on the nights I felt really low, wanting to wallow in my misery. It guaranteed a numbness, that was welcome. It also tended to leave gaps in my memory. 

I woke on my couch, my head on the warmest pillow I’d ever had. It was also a pillow that moved. “MERDE!” I cursed.

“What’s happening!” yelled the pillow, who turned out to be Jamie. 

“Shit! Sorry!” I said sliding to the floor not entirely in control of my body. “Ow, my ass!”

“Claire? Are ye alright?” he asked sleepy, but concerned.

“Ow, my head! Bloody hell, Jamie. What are you doing here?” I grumbled.

“Tis late, Sassenach. Lemme get ye a bottle of water, eh?” He got up and left me on the floor.

I didn’t trust myself to move up back onto the couch so I stayed down. “Jamie?” I could hear him moving in my kitchen opening the fridge and then to my selves of medicines looking for the aspirin. “It’s in the red one”. I said from the ground thinking that moving was a prospect I wasn’t ready for. 

“Got it. God knows you’ve had it out for me often enough. C’mon up Sassenach.” and with that he put an arm behind my knees and one around my back and lifted me like I were a child on his lap. “Water and pills. And then more water. Now.”

I followed his instructions and sat awkwardly with my head in my hands. “Yer no going to be sick, are ye?” he asked.

“Must you yell? And no. Not ill. Just, can you make the room stop spinning?”

“I can do many things, but that is no one of them. C’mere and lay back, lass. It’s still dark out and I’m tired.” He leaned me against his chest and proceeded to close his eyes. 

“Why are you not in pain?” I grumbled. “It’s not fair.” Settling into his arms, I sighed. “And you smell good. Hate you” I pouted. 

“Aye, I Ken. Now hush, so I can get back to sleep.” 

I stuck out my tongue and then giggled because I knew he couldn’t see me. “I’m still drunk,” I said to myself. And under my cheek, his chest rumbled in agreement. 

The next time I woke, I was still on my couch, but Jamie was gone. Did I dream him here? I turned my head and there was a note beside a glass of water. “Water and pills. And more water. Again.” It said. He was here. And I had slept on his lap. What happened last night? The last thing I remembered clearly was talking to a blonde girl who was disappointed when I told her I preferred gingers. 

Oh gods, what else did I say last night? There was only one ginger in my life and that would be the last thing he needed to hear. Damn those blue eyes. He wanted to see me get drunk. But I didn’t remember why. Maybe I didn’t know why. Every night was an exercise in restraint. I kept myself from keeping track of every girl he would talk to and keeping myself from making any kind of promises that I knew I couldn’t keep. 

Last night Jamie kept to himself which itself had been strange. I thought he may have been upset about something or maybe just tired so I wanted to do my part in keeping everyone entertained in his stead. Was that why I let myself get drunk? 

Argh. I couldn’t dwell on it. I promised to have a clinic today at 1 and I was afraid to find out know how late I was already. I’m sure if I said something truly embarrassing I’m sure Jamie would let me know. Wouldn’t he?


	15. Chapter 15

“Turquoise?” Jamie asked breathlessly.

“I’m not telling you my birthstone.” I replied with a laugh.

“C’mon Sassenach. I’ve a bet going and yer no helping” Jamie was practically bouncing out of his shoes.

“What kind of bet?” I set down my drink and looked directly at him.

“Topaz, then?” Jamie guessed again.

“Jamie! Who have ye bet and why?” Rupert asked him, noticing that he was more intense than Jamie usually was.

“Emerald?”

“James Alexander Malcolm - umm?” I stuttered not remembering his full name. Damn him for having a fist full of names.

“McKenzie Fraser.” finished Rupert for me.

“Thank you Rupert.” I said nodding at him in approval.

“Tis the lads funeral, the least I can do Is help him along.” he said cheerfully.

“Who and why did you make a bet? And for what? Gods know, you don’t lack for anything.” I still wondered why Jamie was acting terribly strange.

“I think she just called ye a dick, Jamie. Are ye going to let the lass get away with that?” Rupert said trying to start yet another argument.

“Rupert man, shut up!” Jamie sat down beside me in the booth and drank my whisky. “Look Claire. That bounder there claims that I don’t know anything you, that he knows everything about ye and bet me a round of ale for everyone in the pub that he’s right.”

“How much have you had to drink?” I asked him looking closer at him, now certain that this bounder slipped something into his drink. “Which man?”

“That fella in the grey jacket there, at the end of the bar.”

“That bugger? Jamie, ye could snap that idiot in half.” Rupert said, craning his neck for a look at the stranger.

“And he’ll do no such thing.” I looked at the man Jamie had made this bet with and he was somewhat familiar. He had his back turned to us and I racked my brain for a connection. “Tell him, it’s an amethyst and see what he says.” I prompted Jamie while I searched my memories. 

“It’s February then? Yer birthday is in February.” He stood up and turned back to the bar. Jamie seemed rather eager to know when my birthday was when he never cared before. I squinted at him again and looked to Rupert to see if he thought that Jamie was acting oddly. 

“She’s not a pisces, any fool would ken that.” Rupert was saying to Jamie and I listened with half an ear to the two of them arguing which zodiac I most resembled. They’ve all gone stupid, I thought. And then bounder turned and I realized I definitely knew the man. “Excuse me.” I said to the 2 idiots sharing my table and made my way to the man at the bar. 

“Hello Frank. A long way from London, aren’t you?” I said to my ex-boyfriend, trying to look for all the world like he belonged in a Scottsh pub.

“Hello Claire. This is an interesting place to find you.” He replied. He had the temerity to look me up and down and nodded to himself as if my attire answered a question for him. 

I caught Murtagh subtly moving closer to us and I knew there would be no secrets here tonight. “What are you doing here? Just go away, Frank. I’ll not ask you again.”

“I was about to earn a round of drinks for the whole pub from your friend there. I’m quite sure I’m not yet ready to go.” Frank leaned on the bar and took a sip of his drink, seemingly settling in for the night.

“You didn’t care to know when my birthday was when we were together. Don’t pretend to care anymore than he does. You would have said he was wrong even if he gave you the correct date.”

“And since you’ve never lied to him before I get a free drink and your friend is slightly embarrassed and perhaps he doesn’t trust you so much.” Frank said superiorly.

“He doesn’t trust me now, you fool.” I said shaking my head. “And if I’ve never lied to him before, why would I start now? You’ll find yourself on the street, in a puddle, long before you got that free drink.” I gave him the same once over he gave me. Frank was still more conservative than most of the guys here and in his grey suit looked completely out of place. “You were never built for field work. Go home.”

“Alright, Claire?” asked Muragh wiping down the bar near us.

“Just fine, Murtagh. This fine gentleman just offered to buy the pub a round but his pockets aren’t deep enough for such an endeavor.” I said to the old man.

“Pr’haps he shouldn’t say such things out loud then.” Murtagh crossed his arms in judgment and looked down his nose at Frank, as sight I completely enjoyed.

“I’ll cover it for him. After all, it was my good name that he’s wagered.” I said to Murtagh, keeping my eyes on Frank. I couldn’t imagine what he wanted but I knew I wanted him gone sooner rather than later.

“Claire-“ started Murtagh

“It’s my good name.” I insisted to Murtagh. I climbed up onto the bar and yelled “Everyone! This fine gentleman tried to guess my birthday and got it terribly wrong. And for that he’s offered to buy everyone a drink to make amends. So the next round is on him!!!”

Everyone cheered, except Jamie and Rupert. And Frank, of course. “You’re everyone’s best friend now. Good luck trying to find out anything more about me. Oh and don’t worry. I can easily cover this expense.” 

I walked back to the table where Jamie and Rupert were still sitting. “What did ye do Sassenach?” Jamie asked as I sat down again.

“I told him to go away and when he refused, I told Murtagh he’d buy everyone a drink.”

“Well then, I’m gonna go thank him for being an idiot. Excuse me.” Rupert made his way over to the bar and started talking to Frank. 

“Who is that, Claire?” Jamie asked looking concerned. 

I was tempted to say no one but Jamie at least deserved the truth. “He used to work in the same office as my uncle.”

“Is he an analyst then?” Jamie guessed, knowing my my uncle had done quite a bit more. “Wait, is that Frank?” Jamie took another look at my ex and assessed him better than he had before.

I nodded and watched Frank get into a discussion with Rupert. “He was not the better ones. At least not 5 years ago. Maybe his skills have improved? I’m not sure. I have no idea what he’s doing here. And for the record Jamie, he had no idea when my birthday was. He’s a trained liar. Keep that in mind.”

“I never trusted him, Sassenach, Dinna fash over that. What’s he doing here then?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “And I don’t care. If the crown wants something of Uncle Lamb’s, they have to contact me first through official channels. Whatever Frank is doing here is likely personal and if that’s the case, I hope it has nothing to do with me.”

“He’s found you. That’s no nothing. Not even your Max could get your address correct.”

“I’m not hiding, Jamie. All he had to do was pull the last registry to find me. Which is what Max had to do but was too lazy to do so.”

“I suppose.” he agreed while watching Rupert become better acquainted with Frank.

“Go on and get your free drink. And one for me as well since you drank mine for me. I’ll tell you everything about Frank when you get back.”

As it was, Jamie never came back with my drink. Frank managed to insult Scotland and Rugby in general and found himself helped out into the street, less all his ready cash. 

Frank came up again at coffee a couple days later. He had turned up at the office asking for Miss Beauchamp and security turned him away. They didn’t inform him that Dr. Beauchamp would be leaving work shortly. So for the 2nd time, he was turned out onto the street. Jamie however, had recognized him on his way out and made sure to note that Frank drove away before proceeding to coffee with me. 

“Yer wee stalker turned up again.” he said as I sat down. 

“I’m sure I do not know who you’re on about.” I said stirring my tea.

“Frank. He was at Leoch, asking for ye. Asking for Miss Beauchamp no Dr. so Charlie at the desk turned him away.”

“That’s odd. I would have thought Charlie would have given out my home direction, if asked. I owe him a favour then.”

“Claire. Someone from yer past is trying to find out about ye in the present. Doesna seem strange to ye?” Jamie’s use of my first name made me take notice. 

“Frank is a toff, Jamie. He had little to no influence then and I find it hard to credit that he has any now.”

“Then what’s he doing poking about?” What was Frank fishing for? Jamie seemed genuinely concerned for me. There was one person I could think of, who could answer that for me and I suppose Jamie’s concern deserved an answer as well.

I reached into my bag and handed Jamie an ear bud. “Put this in and listen. Don’t talk. Just listen. Let me make a call.”

I pulled out a business card that I didn’t think I’d be using this soon and dialed. “Yes?” answered a male voice I had hoped to put firmly in my past.

“Hello Max.” I said with a sigh.

“Claire? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. Has your highlander broken your heart then and you need me to pick up the pieces for you?” Max replied with a chuckle.

“Jamie would never hurt me badly enough that I’d come looking for you. He’s far too good to do something like that.” I said defending the man across the table from me. “If anything, I would be the one breaking his heart. Being the cold, fickle creature that I am.”

“That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Max replied curious. “Although, I feel like I’ve heard it said about you in passing. Who would have said such a thing about you?” 

“No one important.” I said, thinking Frank had said it, more than once, a long time ago. “I have a bone to pick with you. You said you’d remove any reference to me from the photos the queen had commissioned if I stayed away the morning after. I did my part. What about you?” There had been a photo essay published of the French visit and photos of the reception in Edinburgh had included a number of Jamie, alternately grinning in his kilt and looking serious in discussions with other people who had attended. As Jamie’s guest, I had been in a handful of them myself and while my name had been excluded from most of the official photographs, there had been a few published by other media that speculated about who I was to have Jamie’s attention throughout the evening and in those, my name had been included in the discussion. Rupert had a ball making fun of Jamie’s knees and the fact that the back half of my gown was apparently missing. 

“I can only do so much, little one. By the by, the queen was intrigued by you. She was most curious about the stunning woman in the red gown with the impressive scotsman.” Max offered.

“And you were more than happy to sing my praises?” 

“You can’t refuse an inquiry from the queen. And your achievements, dear Claire, are nothing short of remarkable. Two full doctorates before the age of 20, a supervisory role in an good sized estate management company, and you’re not a hag.” I choked out a laugh and rolled my eyes. “You’re beautiful, Claire. You are everything that the queen wants to present to the greater world as an example of all the good and wonderful things that we can accomplish here.” Max finished seriously. “She was disappointed to learn that you and Mr. Fraser were so attached to each other. So, if you’re calling to tell me that things on that front have changed, it would do wonders for my standing to be able to relate that to her.” 

I watched Jamie through Max’s pronouncement and he was looking at me intently. I had no idea that going to a party would bring back ghosts from my past or twist around my present so that at times I’d forget that it was all make believe. Jamie looked at me like he wanted to jump through the phone and tell Max off for suggesting that we were no longer and that he’d use that information to push along his own agenda, but he didn’t say anything. He sat back and crossed his arms as if daring me to do that very thing. 

“I have a sense that your standing wouldn’t change one way or another, regardless of the state of my love life.” I said to Max. “It wasn’t your business before and it certainly isn’t now. And that wasn’t why I was calling.”

“Frank Randall.” Max announced in the silence between us. “That bastard.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“No wonder you’ve called me. Should I be expecting a visit from an angry red-headed highlander on my doorstep?” Max sighed.

“Maxime. You’re talking in riddles, again. I’m afraid for all my talents, reading minds is not one of them. And if anyone will be angry at your doorstep, it would be me. Although I’m not sure what I would be doing at Inveraray Castle. Do I need to schedule a visit?”

“I’m sorry Claire.” Max said ruefully. “As much as I would enjoy seeing you again, alone or with your highlander, I’m sure that last place you would want to be is surrounded by Campbells intent on bringing glory to Scotland. Which is why Frank Randall is nothing but a grasping bastard.” I heard the sound of keys clicking on a keyboard and then the unmistakable sound of a door being closed. “Did you actually have a relationship with him? I’m sorry Claire but I thought you had better taste than that.” Max said returning to the phone.

“I was 17 and he worked with my uncle. Obviously, you were out of my league, so I had to settle for someone less intimidating. It didn’t last very long, if that does anything to improve your impressions of me. He wanted something other than what I could offer. Why?”

“As I mentioned, her majesty and then by extension, her grace, were very interested in you. We found your invitation to the reception marked return to sender, if you were curious. It seemed the calligrapher reversed your street number and so it wasn’t deliverable. There was a short burst of energy put into finding out everything about you and it seems the file that was created, was also accessed by Randall. Whenever our paths have crossed, he’s always struck me as being a judgmental, social climbing, know-it-all. He’s risen a little since you’ve left this world behind. It seems he’s now trading on the idea that a past connection to you may elevate him a little bit more. He’s even included a note here that it’s unlikely that you’re current relationship is a long lasting one. You’ve a tendency to be impulsive and reckless. Runs hot and cold, he notes here.”

“That jackass.” I huffed. “I’d like to show him just how reckless I can be.” 

“He turned up there, didn’t he? Did he say anything to you? Try and convince you of anything?” 

“Careful Max, you almost sound like you’re worried about me. He did turn up, but I told him to go away. I left Oxford, I’ve kept a low profile and I’ve made a life for myself here, that has nothing to do with the crown. I like my life the way it is, Max. I’ve lost everyone dear to me because of the crown. All I want is to be left alone.”

“Of course.” he replied. Jamie leaned forward and took my hand. I took a deep breath and gave him a shrug. 

“I don’t imagine that Frank has made any other notes to my file, has he?” 

“No. It says here that he would attempt to make contact but it’s dated about a week ago. Nothing since then. If he shows up again, let me know and I’ll make sure that he understands that while you were of interest, Argyll considers your happiness paramount and anything to disrupt it would be a mistake.”

“As if Argyll could even pick me out of a crowd.” I scoffed. 

“You would be surprised to know that you specifically are on the guest list to his son’s wedding this winter. The Duchess wanted to make certain of your attendance, charming highlander notwithstanding. And this time, I’ve been instructed to hand deliver the invitation when they are ready. Sylvie likes you, Claire.” Jamie grinned at that and nodded in agreement. “Leave Frank to me. Go and give your highlander a smile and a kiss and tell him all’s well.” 

I rolled my eyes at Jamie and snickered at Max. “You know I don’t trust you to do anything right. I’m hanging up now and the next time I call, it won’t be about an unwelcome visit from an ex. It will be to demand your head on a pike. And if her grace likes me so much, perhaps I may just get it.” 

“Understood. Take care of yourself Claire.” he hung up and I didn’t know what to say to Jamie. 

“Do you think he’s gone then?” He asked and I knew he meant Frank. 

“I imagine he’ll be back in Oxford as of the 4 o’clock train.” Jamie just nodded at that and said nothing. 

“Good.” I looked at the clock and as much as I wanted to stay and finish this conversation with Jamie, we’d run out of time.

“I should get back to work.” he said, handing me my earbud back. 

“Jamie?” I said as he stood to leave.

“Yes, Sassenach?”

“My birthstone is opal and I’m a Libra. My birthday is October 20. For the next poor bet you find yourself in.” I shrugged as I didn’t know what else I could say. 

“Noted, Claire.” he rested his hand on my shoulder as he left and squeezed. “For what it’s worth, I like it when you’re reckless.” 

I supposed reaching out to Max was reckless, it was opening a door that I had firmly closed so many years ago. I didn’t have any regrets about starting a new life. It was after all what Lamb wanted for me, something away from the ever watchful eye of the King. I watched Jamie head back to the office and tried to imagine not having him in my life. Whatever we were, he cared about me and the last thing I wanted to do was have my past hurt him. 

I walked home, mulling over what Max had said and wondered what Jamie thought of all of it. I didn’t want to, but I also recalled the last time I had seen Frank. 

\-------------

“Claire!” I had gone down to London to get the last of my things before finally settling in Edinburgh. I'd completed my PhD and found a position with an estates management firm in their IT department, maintaining their network and servers and I was ready to close this chapter in my life. The voice that had called me from across the street was definitely one I wanted to leave behind.

“Claire! It is you!” The voice came closer and I couldn’t get away. 

“Hullo Frank. I was just on my way to an appointment, so I can’t really chat.” I continued walking and he matched his pace to mine.

“Oh.” he said with a smile. It was a little forced but it lasted nonetheless. “I was wondering how you’ve been. It’s been an age.”

“Yes, it’s been just about a year.”

“You look like you’re doing well.” he said taking in my general appearance. “You’ve let your hair grow, I see. It looks very nice on you. We should grab a meal while you’re in the City. Catch up on things.”

I looked at Frank and wondered what it was that he saw in me. It had only been a year and I was still just 19 but I felt closer to 40. I had buried my last living relative, finished a strenuous course of study, moved to a new city and bought a house that I had every intention of making a home. Frank was a part of a life that I could no longer imagine. “I don’t see what there would be to catch up on, Frank. Life has gone on and our lives no longer intersect.”

“Well, I had thought we could still be friends. We had meant something to each other once.” He looked hurt by my bluntness but the only good break was a clean one and I had no intention of mending this one. He took a step to be in front of me, keeping me in one spot. 

“That was a long time ago, Frank. I’ve moved on.” I replied, trying to look around him for an escape route.

“Clearly. So, will you just burn all your bridges and not cross them again? Seems a sad way to live, Claire. I’m sure that Quentin didn’t intend for you to be solitary.”

“And I’m sure that whatever Uncle Lamb wanted for me, he didn’t share it with you. My life is not sad Frank, just because you aren’t in it. I’m also certain that he would be relieved to know that you aren’t any part of my life.”

“Now see here -” Frank grabbed my arm to bring me closer to him. We were standing near the entry to a local hotel and a rugby team was making their way around us onto to a waiting bus “Quentin was glad to have someone looking out for you and your tendency to go off the rails. You were a handful then, and I’m sure, even more so now. You’re not as careful as you should be Claire.”

“Let go me!” I hissed, wrenching my arm free. 

“Are ye alright lass?” One of the rugby players came over to us. I had to look straight up to see this stranger’s face. Bright blue eyes and the hint of red hair looked back at me with concern.

“This is a private conversation, and none of your concern.” said Frank trying to stretch his own height to match the redheaded man at my side and coming up noticeably short.

“I’m fine, thank you for your concern. I have an appointment to get to and I should be leaving.” I said to the giant at my side. “Goodbye Frank. You’re right. I should be more careful. Next time, I’ll be sure to not stop for you.” I took a step around the giant to go on my way and he took a step forward to keep Frank from following me. 

“She said goodbye, man. Let her go.” I heard him say to Frank. I don’t know what Frank had said, but whatever it was, it was lost to the crowd. 

\----------------------------

I remembered thinking thank goodness for the kindness of strangers. As I walked home now, I considered that day the point where I could feel the pages of that book for that part of my life close and I had been more than ready for the rest of my life to begin. 

And now, I was at another chapter in my life now. I had spent the last few years of my life alone. I had friends, Joe and Ray and a handful of other people that I had met and enjoyed spending time with. I held clinics, quietly, to help people who needed it. It was something that fulfilled me in a way I couldn’t really explain. It connected me to people that I loved. It made me feel useful to share some of the knowledge my mother had passed on to me and because it was something I had to do unofficially, it felt as though it were a nod to my uncle’s need to have nothing to do with the crown. My life had been simple, work, clinics, an occasional meal with a friend and tending to my greenhouse. And then came Jamie.

Setting his shoulder had dragged me out of the shallow, comfortable place where I existed. Somewhere along the way, he had become a large part of my life. His friends were now my friends. My Friday nights, more often than not, were spent in his company. He had inserted himself into my Saturdays and my friends had accepted him as a part of my life. I ended my workday by sharing a coffee or tea with him and while I slept, he’d send me an on-going, stream of consciousness, list of texts of interesting and funny things that had happened to him during the day. He was the source of a number of frustrations, he would argue with me over the location or timing of a clinic if he didn’t feel comfortable with it and he felt this need to make sure that I was eating more than just tea and toast. He insisted that I accompany him on hikes so that I saw more of Scotland than the few miles between the office and my front door. He encouraged my infrequent forays into dating and asked my advice on his few interactions with other women. Jamie made me laugh, listened when I whined and felt free to argue with me when he thought I was wrong. We existed in a place where he had become the first person I thought of to call when I wanted to hear a friendly voice and the last person I spoke to before I went to bed. I realized that I was happy with my life as it was now. Before, I would argue that I wasn’t unhappy, perhaps I would describe myself as settled. Being happy wasn’t something that I thought I deserved. If the Duke of Argyll, thought of my happiness as being paramount, as Max had said, perhaps I should think of it the same way.

I smiled to myself and thought about what I could write in my journal to my parents about the path my thoughts had taken. I could easily imagine my maman embracing Jamie and papa looking at him sternly as though he were measuring Jamie for a casket. We never had those moments where I had introduced them to a friend. It tickled me to imagine papa and Jamie being in the same room. 

“Hello Claire.” 

I looked up and all the pleasant thoughts of my parents meeting Jamie for the first time, flew out the door. Standing at my front door was someone who I had never considered introducing to my parents. Here was someone who I hadn’t thought of in years and now, in the space of a few days, had once more taken up residence in my mind. “Frank.” I replied in greeting. “What can I do for you?” I stayed on the walk leading up to my door, looking at him. I wasn’t going to have him inside my house and I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of inviting himself in.

“The other night didn’t go exactly as I had envisioned it and I wanted to apologize.” He said. To his credit, he came down the few steps I had leading up to my door and stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets, non threateningly. I didn’t say anything or move away, just waited for him to continue, which I think surprised him. “I’m sorry that I barged into your life unannounced like that, Claire. I was just unprepared to find you in the midst of a room full of men, entirely comfortable with it. The Claire I remember would rather sit in a corner and read than share a conversation with a group of men. You expressed the same, often enough, back then.” I thought, of course I would, I was working on graduate degrees and you dragged me out to socialize with people who didn’t care anything about what I was doing. I stayed silent knowing that it made him uncomfortable. “Anyways, I was surprised and I acted poorly. I’m sorry.” 

“Well. Now that you have that off your chest, you can be on your way.” I said, stepping around him. I took one step up and turned around to make sure he couldn’t follow me and that he’d have to look up at me to meet me in the eye. “I wish I could say that it was nice to see you Frank but, honestly, it wasn’t.” I could see that he didn’t like hearing it, but I supposed that I was being reckless and I didn’t care. 

“I had thought that we could catch up, Claire. So much time has passed and you’ve clearly landed well on your feet. You’re not in mourning anymore and I’ve been thinking about you lately, wondering if your uncle would approve.” He spoke as if whatever I felt or thought was of no consequence. 

“And what do you think my uncle would think of my current circumstance?” 

“I think he’d be worried about you, living alone in this far away city. I think that he’d be more comfortable knowing you were closer to civilization than being out here in the middle of nowhere. I think that he’d worry about the company that you kept.” Frank seemed quite confident in what my uncle would make of my life. I think at some point he might have even been right. When I was 12. But I wasn’t a child anymore. 

“The company that I keep? You mean the lawyers, the doctor and the successful businessmen that have graciously befriended me? Is that the company that my uncle would be so concerned about?”

“They’ve only befriended you because they want to sleep with you Claire.” He scoffed. 

“My only value is between my legs, is that it?” I asked with my eyebrows raised. 

“Of course not.” He quickly answered. “It’s just it’s what all men want at first. The attention of an attractive woman to mess around with, but that’s not what I want.”

“You don’t want to sleep with me?”

“No. I mean yes, but that’s not all I’d want. But i mean, I see that there’s more to you than just a pretty face.” Once more I waited in silence to see what this fool would say and I wasn’t disappointed. “I know you. You’re intelligent, well spoken, you’re compassionate and you’re elegant and generally quite nice.” he finished, running out of ways to compliment me and being awkward about it.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say Frank. I’ve just come from a long shift at work and I’m tired. I’d appreciate it if you could get to the point.”

“What I’m saying is that you’re wasting your life here. You’d be better off in oxford, working in the office, as Quinten had intended or better yet, in London doing something just as important.”

“What makes you think I’d ever want to be anywhere other than where I am?” He looked at me as though I had sprouted horns as we stood there. “I’m sure that you think being in London is the best a person could hope for. That working for the crown is the epitome of success. The thing is, that’s not what I want. It never was. And if you actually knew me, you’d know that, before anything else.”

“Claire-“ he reached out as if to take my hand but I pulled away before he could. 

“Uncle Lamb only wanted me to be happy. He didn’t care if it was playing in the grass behind the house hunting for mushrooms or with my face buried in a book or tangled in wires trying to efficiently rewire our flat. He cared about me and my wishes. About what I wanted. I’m happy here.” I said with confidence. 

“You’ve settled here. You can’t possibly be content.” He scoffed. 

“No, Frank. You couldn’t possibly be content here. I, on the other hand, am as happy as a lark.” I yawned then. “A tired lark.” I took the few remaining steps I had to get to my door before I turned to look at him. “Give up Frank. There’s nothing you can say or do to change my mind. And no amount of time will ever change it. That amount of time doesn’t exist.”

“You’re Just being stubborn.” He insisted. “Soon enough you’ll realize what you’re giving up by staying here.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing.” I looked at him and had no doubts. “I always do. Goodbye frank. Please, don’t look me up again. Next time, I may not be as open minded.” I locked my front door behind me and went straight upstairs to bed. 

I thought about texting Jamie and telling him what had happened and reconsidered it. There was time to get him caught up. We had all the time in the world.


	16. Chapter 16

“What are you doing here Jamie?” I asked as he came into my house with a bag of takeaway and a bottle of gin. It was only 2 in the afternoon and he was usually at the office until 6. “Who is the gin for? You don’t drink gin.” I continured as he headed straight to my kitchen.

“Yer right. I dinna have a taste for it. But I ken that you do.” He said as he finished the glass of wine that I had been working on.

“I’m sorry but I’m not feeling well today. I’m sorry I missed tea with you this morning but I’m not good company today.” I said watching him making himself at home.

“Well that makes two of us then. My secretary actually tried to kiss me today and I had to fire the poor thing. She was weeping and wailing about how she’s in love with me and she just wanted to take care of me. I just spent all day in the HR and would verra much like to get the taste of that out of my mouth.”

“Well then.” I looked at Jamie and he seemed to truly just be having a bad day so I relented. “What do you have in the bag?”

“Cheese pizzettas and butternut gnocchi.” 

“I’ll get the plates, if you make the martinis.” I motioned him to the makeshift bar I had, as he took off his jacket and loosened his tie.

“Yer already on a second bottle of wine, Sassenach? Seems I have some catching up to do.” He said as he finished what was left in the bottle on the cupboard.

“Heathen. That was an expensive bottle of Chablis, you don’t just drink straight from the bottle like that. At least not while the sun is still shining.” I said coming over with plates and another bottle of wine.

“Ah well, you’ll have to forgive me then Sassenach. There wasn’t another wine glass handy.”

“Shut it and eat.”   
_____________

We finished the pizza and gnocchi in short order, as well as the third bottle of wine I produced. I had a pleasant buzz going and threw caution to the wind. “So, she tried to kiss you?” He looked at me out of the side of his eye like he didn’t want to talk about it. I thought perhaps I could try again once we had moved on to something stronger. He had been complaining about the doe eyes his assistant had been giving him for weeks. I was curious as to what finally gave the girl the courage to try something. 

“I got trapped in the lift with her. Ye didna turn up for tea - Alan sends his love by the by - and this once, I didna feel like sitting there alone, so I came straight back to the office. My hands were full with my coffee and a paper I grabbed on my way up and the lift was empty. I had a bit of trouble trying to press the button until she turned up out of the blue.”

“Oh dear.” I sympathized

“If you start laughing, I’m no telling you anything else.” he growled.

“Not laughing. Just drinking. Go on.” I stood to fetch another bottle of wine from the cupboard and so I could hide my smile at his discomfort.

“She stood verra close to me in the empty lift and so I moved away from her. And she came close again and I stepped away, again. We did that dance for a floor or 2. Then the wee thing decided she needed to confess her feelings right there and then, and so she pressed the stop button.”

“She must have thought it was kismet - the two of you in the lift, all alone. Your hands were full, so you couldn’t push her away. The poor girl.” 

“Aye.” He rubbed his hands through his hair and over his face. “She starts by saying that she’s been waiting for the chance to be alone with me for weeks. How I’m always in a good mood after going to coffee in the morning, and finally, this morning she was going to prove to me that my good mood was because I was coming back to her and today, clearly, I couldn’t wait to do it because I came back so soon. She was certain that I had feelings for her and it was just a matter of time before I admitted it. I can hear ye giggling, Sassenach.”

“No, never.” I said trying and failing to keep my laughter from escaping. “Of course, your good mood is because of her. Because everyone loves going into work. Oh, poor Jamie.”

“And by now she’s cornered me in the lift and all I have to defend myself is a cuppa and a newspaper.” He’s released yet another button on his dress shirt and now joined me in the kitchen, cornering me in what I’m guessing is a similar manner, only I have a bottle of wine. “Gimme that before your drop it from your laughing.” He deftly uses the corkscrew and drinks straight from the bottle. “I could’ve used this in the lift.” I wondered if he meant the corkscrew or the bottle.

“What happened next? I wanted to know the rest of the story before Jamie drank all of my good wine. “Wasn’t there an alarm or something because she stopped the thing?”

“The lights were blinking and the emergency phone was ringing and ringing. She’s making her declarations of love and she closed her eyes to try and kiss me and I dodge around her and drop my paper and un-stop the lift. It moves and stops at the next floor down and the doors open and a security guard is there just as she wraps her mitts about my face and tries to kiss me, again.” 

As I double over laughing, he drinks again from the bottle waiting for me to calm down. “Oh Jamie. Her mitts? Really? Who was the guard? I’ll have to find out if there is footage of this attempt to love you.”

“No. There is no footage. And I’ve bribed the guard to forget whatever he saw. A lot. And I'm no telling you who it was.” He walked away with the wine out into the back deck. I followed and sat next to him on the step.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. No more laughing. What happened next?” I said gasping for air.

“I spilled my drink all over her trying to get away from her. We went up to HR - I took the stairs, and she went with the guard. And that’s where I spent the rest of the morning, recounting the tale again. And again.”

“You’ve earned that bottle of wine, I’d say.” I took it from him and had a swig myself before I handed it back. “Feels like time to move to the real stuff.” 

_____________________________

“I canna feel my lips, Sassenach.” Jamie complained, making faces with his lips.

“That’s the point of drinking, Jamie. You’ve only had 2 martinis. Lightweight.” I scoffed.

“And the wine. DInna forget the wine.” he pointed out.

The mid-August sun was slowly sinking in the sky. We were still on my back deck enjoying the warmth from the sun. “Last year, it was raining cats and dogs. It suited my mood just fine.”

“And this year?” he asked.

“This year? I’m sitting with the son of the sun, so it makes sense that it’s balmy out.” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye to see if he was still making faces.

“Son of the sun? Been keeping that one under yer hat, have ye?” he chuckled at me.

“I’ve called you that before.” I was mumbling, but too far gone with drink to care. “Haven’t I? I’m sure I have.”

“No to my face, sassenach.”

“MacSun. That’s you. No, wait, that’s not right. What’s gaelic for sunshine? That’s you. Sunshine incarnate. I’ve told my mum all about how you have all the colours of flame in your hair and how you’re always warmer than the average human, like you have a piece of the sun itself inside you somewhere.”

Jamie squinted at me. “You’re drunk.” He pronounced as though that was news. “What else have your told yer mum about me? Singing my praises were ye?”

“Ha! You wish. I told her you’re the most stubborn, bossy, know-it-all I’ve had the displeasure to meet. And that you can’t sing. Or dance. And that you can drink even more whisky than me. And how you flirt and chat with every girl who crosses your path.”

“She must be verra impressed with me.”

“Oh and that you’re very self confident. She told me to watch out for men like you.” 

“Did she?” he asked interested.

I stood up and looked for my journals. I wanted to tell Jamie exactly what I had told my mother about him. Today was the only day I would let myself talk about her aloud, when usually it was just to myself, but having Jamie there made it seem less odd. “I told her - where is it - ‘This ridiculous Scot has come into my life and has taken to telling me what to do, as though he has the right to, even though we barely know each other. He sings off-key while he cooks and drinks like a fish and is the king of men, or so he thinks. He’s everything you told me to watch out for.’ There you see. I’ve told her everything.” I said slamming my journal shut.

“What have you got there?” Jamie asked sitting on my couch next to me.

“Just a journal. Other people can pick up their phone and call their parents, whenever, for a chat or to whine about life. I can’t, so I write to them. I send them my thoughts and maybe where ever they are, they’ll have the chance to read them and know that I remember them, every day.”

He took the book from my hands and turned to the front page. “Woe is all I possess - “ 

“Hey! I didn’t say you could read it. “ I said grabbing it back from him. “You may be the only friend I’ve got, but that doesn’t mean you get to read all my secrets.”

“Sorry, sassenach. I didna mean to overstep.” he apologized.

______________________

“Have ye no food in yer house, Claire?”

“Why would I have food when I eat nearly every meal with you? Get your head out of my fridge, you ridiculous man.” the sun was long gone and apparently, so was all the food in my house.

“I’m hungry.” Jamie whined. 

“It wasn’t my idea to switch to water and try and sober up. I was perfectly fine opening another bottle of wine and filling up on some empty calories. I told you there’s popcorn.” I said watching him go through my cupboards.

“Well, it wasna my idea to run out of gin. Is that your door?”

“Hush. Yes. Now be a good lad and shut up.” I grabbed my wallet and went to the door. “Hello there.”

“Um, it’s 15.75.” a young man stood there with 2 large paper bags, clearly expecting a football team and not a single woman. 

“Perfect. Here’s 20. Keep the difference.” 

“Are you alone,miss? It’s just a lot of food for a single lady.” he added, craning his neck to see inside my house.

“I’ve a big appetite. Now off ye go before curfew comes. Thank you!” I bolted the door behind me before the delivery boy decided I needed help with eating my takeaway order.

“When did ye order food? And did ye remember chips?” Jamie asked coming and taking the bags from my hands.

“While you were upstairs.” I laughed at him. “And yes there are chips. An extra order even.” 

“Oh ye, beautiful woman. I could love ye for this alone.” Jamie exclaimed.

While he devoured the cheeseburger I had ordered for him. I opened another bottle of wine. “Cheers, Jamie.”  
___________________________

Eight bottles of wine, 2 bottles of gin and the rest of the whisky I had stashed away and I was finally, completely numb. We were on my couch watching the moon rise through the windows of the back of my house. I turned my head and looked at Jamie. He was staring intently at the moon. “What are you doing here, Jamie? Really.”

“What are you doing here, Claire? Really?” he rejoined.

I turned away and found the moon, looking for an answer for him. I could feel his eyes on me waiting. I wanted to be petty and demand that he answer first because I had asked him first. We had spent the day talking about random things from favourite football players to least favourite christmas present. I had learned that his birthday - May 1st - had been often forgotten as it was during foaling on the farm when he was growing up. I told him I’d prefer to have halloween as my birthday as it meant people would have a party anyways and then i wouldn’t have to be the centre of attention. We recalled first crushes, first kisses and other firsts. I had let him read what I had written to my mum about Murtagh and the Ridge. He told me that the old grump had been in love with his own mother, but his dad had won her heart. We had shared too many things between us for me to be evasive now. “I’m forgetting that I’m angry at them.”

“Who?” he asked.quietly.

I turned my head to meet his eyes. “My maman and papa. They died this day, 14 years ago. I was angry at them for leaving me, for a long time. Then I was angry that I was fine with being alone. And now, I’m just sad. So I drink to forget that I’m sad. And so I can go on without them.”

“I know.” he said wrapping his warm hand around my fist on the couch. 

“How? I’ve never told anyone.” I asked in surprise. 

“A couple of weeks ago, you let me talk you into getting wasted at the Ridge. I walked you home and you told me so in the dark.”

“We shared the couch that night?” At his nod. I remembered the hangover but none of the details of the night before. 

“I’m here because I told you I would see you safe and sound any time you felt the need to let yer hair down and let yerself go. So here I am.”

I could feel the warmth in his words and I couldn’t help the tears that rose in my eyes. I tried to blink them away when I found myself lifted on to his lap. “Let go, Claire. I’ve got ye.” And I wept into his shirt. This night always ended in my tears, but this year I seemed to have a soft place to land. He held me close and murmured gaelic into my hair to try and soothe me. 

Eventually my tears ran dry and when I moved to get up, he just held me closer. I sighed in relief. “My maman would have loved you.” I felt more than heard his hum in inquiry. “Papa would have hated you at first, but mum would talk him around. You’d be their favourite person after a while.”

“Thought that would be you, Sassenach.”

“Nah. I was theirs, they had to love me. You, you take care of me and make me happy and they would have loved you for that.”

“I make you happy, Sassenach?” Claire was quiet for a long moment. Jamie found that she had fallen asleep after her last pronouncement. “Ye fill me with happiness as well, Claire. Maybe someday, you’ll hear me tell you so.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one, I know, but we're into the home stretch now. I've read all your comments and it tickles me that so many of you like this version of C and J. Thanks for reading along and sticking with me. Enjoy xoxo

“Morning Claire! I’ve yer cuppa here. Did you want to grab Himself’s as well? He’s no here yet.” Eddie greeted me enthusiastically, as he did every morning.

“Thanks, Eddie. I’ll take them both and find a seat. It’s quiet today?” 

“Aye. Without Him sitting in the window drawing in the extra bodies, it is a bit slower.” I arched an eyebrow at Eddie. “Should I sit in his spot then, and so he can draw in some business?”

“Oh no, Claire. It only works when he’s alone, ye ken. The two of ye together, drives business away.” Eddie winked. 

“Well then.” I smiled at Eddie. “I’ll be at a table closer to the back then. If he ever decides to show up.”

“I’ll send him straight to ye. Dinna fash.” 

Our pattern of having tea or coffee mid-morning was something I looked forward to most days. Eddie was thrilled that if Jamie was there, more than a handful of office women from the area would stop in for a coffee or biscuit, just on the chance that Jamie might notice them. Of course, as soon as I would walk in, Eddie would call out my name just in case Jamie didn’t already see me from the street. It only took 3 times before I asked Eddie to please shut up and just give my tea to Jamie so that I could drink it in peace. 

Five months now and I’d attended rugby matches, numerous dinners and drinks with Murtagh and Jamie and the others at the Ridge and my small spinster life now was filled with companionship I didn’t know I was missing. 

“Morning, Sassenach. Why are we in the corner?” Jamie said sitting in the seat across from me.

“Eddie claims we, together, are no good for business, so he’s banished me here. Busy morning?” I asked sipping my tea.

“Aye. Collum wanted to speak about my future, so there ye go. But I want to hear about yer night?” he said waggling his eyebrows at me.

“My night was fine. The Bravo server was acting up but -”

“That’s no what I meant and ye ken it well.” he said rolling his eyes at me.

“Oh.” I said, not meeting his eyes. “Well, dinner was good. My chicken was a little overcooked but --”

“Claire.” 

“Hmm?” I evaded sipping my tea. 

“How was yer date with John?”

“I said it was fine.” I said putting my teacup down and considered Jamie’s interest. We had agreed that I didn’t need to give all my dates a post-mortem and he reciprocated by not admitting to any dates he had had. “Why, what did he say about it?” It was odd that Jamie was asking and I thought maybe John had been doing some background checks on his own. 

“Oh, no much.” Jamie said drinking his coffee.

“Jamie. You know the only reason I agreed to go to dinner with him was so he would stop asking. It wasn’t at all romantic and I told John we would best off as friends.”

“He did say that you said that. He also said you’re the best listener, very funny and the most beautiful woman he’s ever known. And that he can’t wait to be alone with you again.”

“Oh no.” I despaired, resting my head in my hands. “John should be with someone who loves the sound of his voice, as much as he does.” I sighed. “Jamie, what am I going to do? This is all your fault!”

“How do ye mean, Sassenach? I didn’t bat my eyelashes and dazzle him with my big golden eyes?” I kicked Jamie under the table, at that. 

“I did no such thing! He’s your best friend. Can you tell him that I’m none of those things he thinks I am? That I’m really just a crazy cat lady, without a cat yet and I’m just very good at pretending to be normal and nice.”

“The bruise on my shin begs to differ. I dinna ken ye to be a coward, Sassenach. Tell him yourself and we’ll see if he believes you.”

“I haven’t a romantic bone in my body, Jamie. I’m not meant to be with anyone. You should know that. John just needs to be told I’m not for him.” I protested.

He looked at me and took a deep breath, “No, you’re not meant for John.”

“Thank you.” I said gratefully. “Now, will you tell him that?”

“Tell him yourself.” he said knowingly. “He said he was going to call you this morning once you were done work.”

“You didn’t tell him when that would be, did you?” I asked feeling panic rise in my chest. 

“Maybe..” 

“Jamie!” I said in anguish and as though the gods were listening, my phone buzzed in my pocket.

“Be kind, Claire.” he advised.

“Damn you, Fraser.” I replied, giving him a rude hand gesture as I answered my phone.

“Hullo, John... Yes I did have a nice time last night... Well, you know that my work is fairly erratic... Yes, I thought that it was a nice chance to talk without having to yell over the other lads...” I could tell that John was working up to ask me out again, and I almost couldn’t bear it. I fiddled with my tea cup and the remains of my muffin until Jamie reached over and took my free hand in both of his. They were calloused and warm and so much larger than my small hand. 

I met his eyes and he was looking at me as though he could hear John speaking and he was trying to give me some courage to let John down as gently as I could. “Listen, John. I’m glad we had the chance to get to know each other and to be better friends. I understand that you had only asked me out because you felt badly for me.... Because I had lived in Edinburgh for so long but have never gone to that restaurant... I’m grateful. But really, you don’t have to go to anymore trouble on my account. You’re a good friend to treat me to a night out... Yes, you should go to that new place, but you should take someone who wouldn’t have to rush out to get to work. Someone who can enjoy the time with you.” I looked at Jamie’s hands wrapped around mine and sighed. “You should take someone who is happy just to sit with you and enjoy a quiet spot of tea. I’m forever running around in circles, from work, to clinics, to and fro. You should be with someone who would stop time to be with you. As your friend, I’m sure she’s out there.... Yes, we will have to go out again sometime. As friends. Of course... I should go, John... Yea, take care of you. Bye.” I put my phone down and gave Jamie a sad smile.

“Nicely done, Sassenach.” he said approvingly.

“Hhmph. You said to be kind.” I took my hand back from Jamie and tidied up the mess I had made. “I’m getting more water for my tea. Did you need anything?”

“No, I’ll do.” he said and then his phone rang. “John!” he answered. 

I stood and moved to get a refill from Eddie. It didn’t seem right to hear Jamie console his friend, who I just rejected. I was a little curious as to what Jamie would say, but not enough to hurry back to our table. “Hey Eddie?” 

“Yea, lovey?” 

“Do you think I’ll ever find my ‘Alan’?” 

“Is he no sitting there, waiting for you to come back, then?” Eddie replied with a nod towards Jamie.

“Jamie? We’re just friends, Eddie.” I scoffed.

 

“Aye, and that’s how it starts.” he said with a wink. 

“What starts?” 

“The ones that last, that’s what. Go on back, he looks like he needs ye.” He handed me my hot water and gave me a gentle push towards Jamie. 

As I sat down again, He reached for my hand again even though he was still talking to John. “Aye. I told ye, she was different from the others. I’m sorry, mate. Claire is verra special... Yes, someone with more patience than brains will get through to her... Aye, lovely, funny and smart. She’s the whole package. No, she dinna kens what she does.... No.... yes... ye tried, so ye’ll have some notes for the next fellow that make a run... Aye... yes.... Next game... Just dinna get hurt... Aye. Later mate.” Jamie set his phone down on the table and squeezed my hands in his. 

“I should go.” I said, squeezing his hands back. “Was John alright?”

“Yer the first rejection he’s had in a while. He’ll get over it. Dinna fash, Sassenach. Even his heart will mend.”

“Alright. I’m relieved. Now, you have to go back to work and I should get home.” We walked out still holding hands and stopped just beyond the door. 

“Right, then. See ye later, Claire?” 

“A bientot, Jamie.” He kissed the back of my hand, still in his, and headed to the office.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really short, but I promise the next chapter will make up for it.

That August night with Claire answered most of my questions about my feelings for her. She had been in turns quiet and loud and sad and annoyed. I watched her slowly unwind from the tight control she kept on herself and it was like watching a flower bloom. By the end of the night, when she was completely unwound, I wanted nothing more than to slay all her dragons. I stopped drinking long before she did, as i thought one of us should be sober before the sun rose. It will always amaze me at the amount of alcohol she could drink and for all appearances still be alright. 

She had talked about her parents in the present tense at the end, like they were still with her, just down the road. It warmed me to my bones that she thought her parents would approve of me. I wasn’t every parents ideal for their daughter, but Claire knew me and it was enough that what she knew would have pleased Julia and Henry Beauchamp. 

I had to face who I am and who she is and what i needed to do. I was in love with Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp. She loved heather and lavender and rosemary. She was brilliant and stubborn and beautiful. Not that she believed those things of herself. I didn’t know about another person with a PhD in computer systems before they turned 20. I could count on one hand how many people I knew that would stitch a wound with her quiet confidence. She had stolen my heart and now I had to tell her what she had done. 

Jenny was planning a big to do at Lallybroch for Caitlin’s christening. Gathering the whole Fraser family for the day like rent days of old. I would bring Claire if I had to tie her up and lock her in the back of Murtaghs truck and then show her all those secret places in my heart so that she would know what she held in her small hands. She would fall in love with Lallybroch and maybe one night, we could lay in the meadow and count the stars as she had wished that one night. And then I would tell her. And maybe she would say the same back.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the part of a rollercoaster where you're going up just before the big drop... Here we gooooo. ;)

“Claire! Aye, you’re off at 8, right? Ye ken that he hates waiting.” Murtagh chuckled as he took my bag and set them aside.

“You hate waiting, you mean.” I laughed with him. “You’re coming also, right? Jamie said it was a friends and family gathering. That there would be lots of people there?”

“Dinna fash, Claire. There’ll be plenty enough for ye to disappear into.” Murtagh understood my apprehension of large crowds better than most.

“Well, at least I’ll be out of the way. I’m just going to see about Ian’s leg.” I said.

“Aye, so ye’ve said, lass.” he looked at me doubtful. “Now off to work wit ye. We’ll see ye in the morning.”

Jamie had convinced me to go to the family farm with him for his niece's christening by saying I could check on Ian who had broken his leg at their last meet up. Meeting his sister Jenny that night had been like surviving a hurricane. I had forced the lads to take Ian to the A&E, once we got him into Murtagh’s old truck. Jenny arrived a few hours later with a toddler and baby in tow and she proceeded to tell off each of the lads in turn for breaking her husband.

“And which one of ye had the good sense to take him to a proper doctor, then?” she had demanded.

“That was me” I said. “I didn’t have the proper kit to fix him with me, or I’d have set it for him there.”

“Ye ken how to do such things?” she asked me incredulously.

“Yes. I may not be a formal medic but my mother was and she taught me everything she knew. In another life, perhaps I’d have been a nurse.” 

“Well, thank god for someone with some sense.” It seemed I had passed some test of Jenny’s and would be allowed to stay. “Here,” she said, handing me the baby, “Take Kitty here while I box my husband’s ear.”

“Looks good on ye, Sassenach.” Jamie chuckled as I juggled the baby in my arms. 

“Bite your tongue!” I said to him and I took the baby and his nephew, wee Jamie, to find him a snack. 

Ian had wanted to avoid the A&E for fear of the costs, but Jamie said what good was family if they couldn’t pitch in and said that he would cover everything and not tell Jenny a word. There had been some complications, so it was a good thing we had gone to the hospital, or else Ian may have lost his leg at the knee. I was curious how it was mending and so when Jamie invited me, I agreed. I even took a couple of extra days vacation so I could enjoy the country air and I was looking forward to having a whole 7 days free of work.

Joe had stayed late so I could review things with him before my holiday and we were standing in the clean room when Malcolm Grant came in. “Beauchamp, when yer finished, i need a word.”

Joe and I looked at each other with a shrug. “Sure thing, gimme 15?” I answered.

“Is that all it takes, then?” Grant said none so quietly.

***

< Let me know if ye’ll be late> The text from Jamie had come about an hour previous. I would have been either talking to Joe or in the hall with Grant. 

I replied to Jamie and quickly cleared my history. 

“If you’re ready, Claire?” Mrs Fitzgibbons, the VP of Relations had still been in the office working when I had been unceremoniously instructed to await instructions by the guard who had brought me here.

I put my phone back into my pocket and readied myself to face a firing squad.

“Now, Claire, Mr. Grant has said that you’ve assaulted him out of the clear blue. Did you have anything to say in your defence.”

It was clear that Mrs. Fitz had a protocol she had to follow but I found that I was long past concerning myself with protocols. Grant was at the other end of the room, still covered in his own blood. He looked as though he were naught but a victim of my unreasonable temper. ‘Fuck that’, I thought ‘I’m sorry Uncle Lamb. You said to keep my head down and stay safe, but if I’m losing my job because of this ridiculous excuse for a man, and I'm not about to do it quietly.’ 

“I have a number of things to say in my defence, Mrs. Fitzgibbons. Firstly, if he is to be addressed as Mr. Grant, I insist on being addressed as Dr. Beauchamp.”

“She no more a medic, than I am.” said Grant from the corner.

“I’m a great deal more than you are. I have a PhD in computer science and electrical engineering. I attended Oxford and Cambridge and Stirling here in Edinburgh. Are you really so ignorant of all your staff?” 

“Mr. Grant, you are here only as an observer while we wait for an ambulance to treat your injuries. Kindly do keep quiet.” Mrs. Fitz looked frustrated at his presence in her office. “Now, Dr. Beauchamp, your statement?”

“Mr. Grant asked to speak to me while I was with Mr. Abernathy reviewing calls from the past 24 hours. When I joined him in the hallway, he proceeded to question my character, my skills and he made many inappropriate comments. When I found myself thoroughly insulted and saw that Mr. Dawson was approaching, I moved to walk away from Mr. Grant. At that point he grabbed my wrist and continued to be insulting. I asked him to let go of my arm and he refused and in self defence, I punched him.” Mrs. Fitz made some notes on her page following my statement and I knew that what I had said wouldn’t be enough.

“Can you be more specific as to what Mr. Grant said that you found so insulting?” Mrs. Fitz asked. Grant made a dismissive sound as though he knew he would held blameless as how could I possibly repeat what he had said to me.

“I can be very specific.” I said pulling out my phone.

“What’s this?” asked Mrs. Fitz as I placed my phone on her desk. I tapped my screen twice and opened the audio file there. It was open, as I had sent a copy to Jamie, which is how I had seen his text message to me. When I hit play, I found myself wanting to crawl under Mrs. Fitz’s desk. As it played, Grant’s face grew redder and Mrs. Fitz’s slowly lost all of its colour. Dawson, who was the guard who had been in the hallway with us somehow remained as stoic as was the practice of all the security guards in the building. There was a faint colour rising up his neck, but that was the only reaction he had to the recording that I had made of Grant.

“What the fuck!?” exclaimed Grant. 

“There are also cameras in that hallway. I wasn’t entirely confident that they also capture audio, but i’m sure the video would also confirm what I’ve recorded.” I said over his protests.

“Hold yer whist!” Mrs. Fitz directed to the man in the corner. “Remove him please, Mr. Dawson. I’m certain that the ambulance should be here by now.” 

“Yes ma’am.” the guard said, taking Grant by the arm and hauling him out of the room.

We waited until Grant had been removed from her office before she would make eye contact with me again. “Now then. Ok. Well. Is it your practice to record your interactions with your colleagues?” Mrs. Fitz likely wanted to know with concerns that perhaps I had recorded other personal interactions. 

“No. When Mr. Grant was first assigned to the networks divisions, more than one of the techs felt uncomfortable speaking with him alone.”

“Oh, I’ve never received any reports of anything untoward?” Mrs. Fitz said uncomfortably.

“Well, I had spoken with a few of the them and advised them to not be alone with him and if that was unavoidable, they should record the conversation. I’ve reviewed most of their reports but they were mainly full of Mr. Grant’s ignorance over what it is we do and so there was no reason to bring them to your attention.”

“And your past interactions with him? Did you review those yourself as well?”

“No. I would save the recording to my desktop and ask either Joe Abernathy or Keven Graham to review them.”

“And they are your fellow supervisors?” she confirmed taking more notes as we spoke.

“Yes, we all do the same function, just at different times and parts of the week and so if Grant was speaking of a particular project, they would be in a position to judge if he was out of line, or just plain stupid.”

“I see,” she said making a few more notes. “And this recording? Have you shared this with anyone?”

“Mr. Dawson brought me directly here while the other guard - Alberts? - dealt with Mr. Grant.”

“So this was the first time this recording had been played? And everyone who heard it was in this room?” I was aware that Mrs. Fitz was trying to do some sort of damage control but I wasn’t about to tell her that I had sent a copy to Jamie. It was none of her concern as to where it went. I had no way of knowing if Jamie had listened to it, though I secretly hoped he hadn’t and wouldn’t. 

“That recording has only been played in this room.” I told Mrs. Fitz with a straight face.

She looked at me and seemingly wanted to say something more but her hands were tied. “Alright then. It seems we’ve come to a crossroads. Do you wonder what I was doing here so late?”

“Mrs. Fitz, I make it a practice to not wonder what other people do with their days. What do you mean we’re at a crossroads?” 

“I rearranged my schedule so that we could have a little discussion. It seems that Mr. Grant was not the only one who noticed that perhaps there is something between you and Mr. Fraser.”

“Mr. Fraser and I are friends. I don’t care what Grant said he thinks we are, we’re not sleeping together.” I said defensively. “There isn’t anything written anywhere that says we can’t be friends.”

“Of course not. I, personally would have words with anyone who said otherwise. I met Mr. Fitzgibbons here in the office some 20 odd years ago. I’m glad that Jamie is able to have someone sensible like you for a friend. Regardless, your appearance with him at the reception for the French Ambassador did somewhat to raise your profile. It seems that having you on his arm, meant that you were a person of some interest and of course, when the crown is interested in someone, we will do everything in our power to cooperate. Sharing your personnel record, confidentially with the king’s offices, was something I was more than happy to do. You’re an exemplary employee, well regarded by everyone you work with and well qualified for your position. So, it didn’t come as a surprise when a further request for your qualifications came, along with a letter of recommendation from your supervisor.”

“I’m not looking for new employment, Mrs. Fitzgibbons. I’m perfectly happy here at Leoch.” I said quickly.

“That’s nice of you to say, dear, but we all know that you work for an arse and it was just a matter of time before you killed him or left us for somewhere better.” She looked at me as if she were of the mind that anywhere were better than working for Grant in the IT department. “In any case, I had wanted to speak with you today to find out how you felt about working here and to ask, that when you do move onward and upward, that speak of us kindly to whomever asks.”

“I’ve already said that I’m happy here.”

“I know. But tonight’s incident demonstrates that you’re not all that happy.”

“He implied that I was sleeping with a colleague to further my career and then offered to warm my bed when that colleague realizes what I’ve done.” I couldn’t keep the disgust from my voice. “He called me a slut and then grabbed my arm to keep me from walking away. I’m not happy with my supervisor, but that has nothing to do with my position here.”

“I understand Claire, I do. And nothing would please me more than to have you continue in your position here, but this is how we’ve arrived at a crossroads. Traditionally, whenever the crown is interested in someone, that someone is promptly offered a position with government and then they leave us. There’s usually a short period of transition where we backfill that position before that person moves on to their new employment. I had wanted to have that discussion with you because it appears that you have an over-abundance of vacation time that you’ve never taken and I was going to counsel you to take it now before you move on, as it’s unlikely that you’ll have the opportunity to do so in the future.”

“You were going to tell me to take time off while I wait for an employment offer from the government that may or may not ever come.”

“Oh, it will come and yes, i was. And I was also going to ask you for your recommendation as to your replacement as it was clear that Grant had no idea what it is that you do, or who else is capable of doing it in your stead.”

“I’d say Robert would be a likely candidate, but Joe would have a better idea. Or Genie, perhaps. Her youngest is back in her house and I know she’d like a bit of time to herself again.” I replied without thinking. 

“Thank you Claire.” she replied, making more notes. “Now, this brings us to this incident. There will have to be an investigation, and you’ll have to suspended pending the outcome of it. We’d prefer to handle everything internally, however, should you decide to pursue charges for assault, we counsel that there are better ways for judgment.”

“It’s more likely that he’d want to charge me with assault. I punched him, after all.” 

“He deserves whatever came to him. I’ll have to give him the same advice, you understand. And I would strongly recommend to him that he keep his mouth shut, as he should have done in the first place. We’ll ensure that nothing comes of this Claire. You’ll be free and clear to move on, we won’t do anything to hold you back.” 

“You truly believe that I’m wanted by the crown?” 

“I do and they’d be fools to not take you. So while you wait for that offer to come, you’ll be on paid suspension, which will roll into your vacation time, and once you’re settled, we would make arrangements to pay out whatever vacation time you have remaining.”

“You’re talking like I’ll not be returning here, Mrs. Fitz. What if that offer doesn’t come?”

“Of course it will. We may not have rules around fraternizing between employees, we do have ones around assaulting them.”

“He grabbed my arm first. Then I punched him. And there was a witness.” 

“And likely broke his nose. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but you should be aware that regardless of the outcome of the investigation, we do have to terminate your employment. The investigation ensures that we’ve not acted rashly in terminating you right away, and gives time for cooler heads to determine final compensation amounts.”

I sat in stunned silence as I tried to understand what she was telling me. “So I’m terminated. Now or at the end of my suspension, I no longer work here? Giving me the vacation time doesn’t change anything but my termination date.”

She nodded and didn’t speak for a minute. “There are extraordinary circumstances here but I think that’s everything in a nutshell. Why don’t I make a call, you stay there and I’ll be right back.” With that she took my phone and left me alone in her office.

My left hand was throbbing and ached. I flexed my fingers and couldn’t sense that anything was broken, only bruised. Alone in her office, I had nothing else to do but look around. Mrs. Fitz only had a few personal things in her office, a few family photos and small plant on the credenza behind her desk. I stood up and walked over to the window and looked out into the night. I thought about what happens next. She had our statements, offered medical assistance to the injured party and my evidence was logged. She paid lip service to the whole idea that the company would take care of any issues, but it was obvious that she didn’t think I’d be unemployed for very long. By now, Joe most likely had received a call to lock me out of the computer systems. I imagined there would be a pro forma termination agreement likely getting my information entered in to it as I sat in her office. 

‘Only a few more minutes now, Uncle Lamb.’ I thought. ‘You said “head low and ready to go” was how we survived. I suppose being fired is not keeping my head down. Nor would being headhunted by the government. My uncle would have been eminently practical and told me to be glad I didn’t have a blade in my hand, otherwise it would have been murder and not just a firing. I was still upright with my wits about me. Take the offer and go. ‘It’s time, cub.” I could hear his voice in my head, ‘And this time you must go.’ He had told me time and again, if anything were to happen to him, I was to go as far as I could and not look back. When he died, i had gone as far as Edinburgh. This time, it felt as though something else was ending. This time, I thought, I should go as far as I could, just as he had told me so long ago.

“Dr. Beauchamp.” Mrs Fitz addressed me as she came back to her office. I once again took the seat in front of her desk. “As a long term employee, we can offer you 1 months’ salary as severance, plus any accrued sick days and vacation days you have. However, the events being what they are and the irrefutable evidence you’ve provided, the agreement has been amended to be 1 month severance for each year of service. This works out to 5 months of pay, payable immediately. We forego the suspension time and have everything end right now. You’re correct in that all we’re talking about is your ultimate end date.” She slid the document across the desk to me. “If you could review this and sign and initial beside the red dots, we can wrap this up.” 

I looked at the document quickly and not finding anything out of the ordinary, I signed and initialled it and handed it back to her. While she signed it and scanned the documents into the system, she shook her head.

“It’s done, then. Mr. McKenzie will be notified in the morning and should he decide he wants to make any changes, it will be too late. If he should decide he wants to meet with you, for any reason, it is well within your purview to refuse. God knows I would.” It seemed that since now I was no longer an employee, Mrs. Fitz could speak her mind. “He can’t take anything away or add anything to the agreement. If I could have Claire, I would have tripled your settlement but I can only do so much. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Fitzgibbons. I understand that there are limits. It’s honestly more than generous. I’ll be alright.” 

“Dawson is outside, waiting to take you to your desk so you can collect your personal belongings and then escort you out.” 

I could see that she wanted to say or do something more. I shook her hand and squeezed. “Thank you again Mrs. Fitz. Perhaps, in the morning, you could meet with Kevin or Joe and ask him to review the green files with you.” The green files were where we had logged all the times Grant had been a prick, but not enough of one to report him to anyone. I may be leaving but I was not going quietly into the night.

“The green files? Thank you Claire.” Mrs. Fitz said with a final nod. 

“Lady Jane! What’s going on, Claire?” asked Joe as soon as I returned to the control room. “LJ, I got a call to block you. And dinna tell me this is an elaborate prank. I saw you layout Grant. What’s happening?” Joe asked hovering around my desk

“I broke his nose, is what. And right now, I’m no longer a valued employee of Leoch Developments.” I set about putting my few desk things in a small box. “Mrs. Fitz has my phone now and you should go ahead do the Boot of me from the system.” 

“What’s a Boot?” asked Dawson from across the room.

“It’s where we erase every access she has to the network and lock out everything she’s ever worked on. It’ll bloody take hours.” Joe complained.

“And that’s why you should wait until morning. Get Kevin to bring in Michael and then he can Boot me completely.” I gathered my few personal things. “Look Joe, I have to be out of the building by 10pm. I don’t have a phone anymore so you can’t call me about anything work related. Or anything really. You’ll have the blue book to get you through it. I’ll be out of touch for a few days.” Our blue book was a binder filled with every strange and recurring problem that had come up in the last few years.

“Claire -”

“It’s been a gift to work with you, Joe. And tell Kevin the same from me. Now, repeat back what I just said?”

“Blue book has all the answers. Boot you in the morning. Bring in Mikey to do it. Tell Kevin you broke Grant’s nose and that I’m a gift.” he replied with a hangdog look to him.

“Perfect.” I reached over and gave him a quick hug that he returned. 

“Dammit, Claire! Fine, take yer few days. And then you and I will get shitfaced and you can fill in some blanks.” I looked over Joe’s shoulder to see that Dawson was doing his best impression of not listening. 

“Goodbye, Joe.”

I carried my small box of personal items to the front door of the building and found a lineup of the security guards standing at attention. “Dr. Beauchamp.”

“Charlie?”

“On behalf of the guards, those here and those not, we wanted to thank you for your patience with us, every instance you’ve assisted us and every cheerful greeting you’ve shared with us. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but we hope to never see you again.” Charlie had been the guard who had looked after Grant. Dawson who had been my shadow moved to the end of the line and said “And if you could share with us the secret of how to shatter a man’s nose with yer wee paw, we would be grateful.” he said making everyone laugh.

“Ha!” I laughed with them. “It has been my pleasure to work with and see all of you for the last few years. And if you’re standing very close, and filled with the fury of a thousand suns, I certain you could shatter the nose of anyone you wish.”

“Fury of a thousand suns?” Charlie asked, “If it had been any more, she’d have gone straight through his head.” added Dawson. “God knows, I canna blame her for it.”

“Thank you, Dawson.”

“I’ll need yer security badge and yer keys, Dr. Beauchamp.” I handed over my last access to the building and met the eye of each guard standing there. “Thank you. All of you.” and I walked into the night.


	20. Chapter 20

I had two hours until the curfew but I didn’t know where to go. My feet started moving on their own with no plan as to my destination. He was leaning on his car a couple blocks from the office.

“Get in the car, Sassenach.” He took my box and put it in the boot of his car and we drove into the city.

We pulled into the breezeway of a posh hotel in downtown Edinburgh and a lad came out to take the keys from Jamie.

He took my cold hand and led me to the front desk. He booked us into a room as Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie - somewhere we won’t bother the other guests he asked - and before I knew it, we were in the largest hotel suite I’d ever been in. My mind alternated between silence and screaming, so I walked over to the curtains and looked out over the city.

“If ye’ve a mind to throw things, Claire, the rug will likely keep anything from breaking, aye?” I heard him move around the room and sit down on the settle in the middle of the room.

Obviously he was expecting me to rage, but mostly I was still in shock. When I felt I could speak without breaking down, I walked over and sat beside him. “So. Were you alone with you listened to it?” I had to know even though I dreaded his answer. How many more people heard my complete loss of control and humiliation? 

“Ach.” He rubbed his hands over his face and slouched down further on the settle to rest his head on the back of it, keeping his eyes closed. He cracked them open to try and judge my state of mind. “No, well. I was at the Ridge, making plans with Rupert and Murtagh for what to do while we were all a Lallybroch when yer first text came through. Rupert saw that it was a voice memo and thinking it was you telling me to piss off with nagging ye for being late, he started to play it.”

“Oh my god, the whole pub heard it?” I felt as though I could sink into the floor. I hide my face in a pillow, brought my knees to my chest and folded in on myself.

“No! God, no! It was clear, right away, it was no ye being funny. So the three of us, went up to Murtagh’s and listened to it there. Just the three of us. I promise. Nobody else knows what’s happened, Claire.” He reached over and put his hand on mine, as though that would make me feel better. 

“Murtagh was all for getting in his truck and taking out Grant but Rupert pointed out that it sounded like you had taken care of it on yer own already. I recall being told that any kind of violence or assault was a terminating offence during my first week. Murtagh didn’t like the idea of ye going home to an empty flat and Rupert suggested that I take ye someplace neutral - not yer place nor mine. And so here we are.” 

“Right.” Murtagh and I had argued and gone many rounds over everything from footballers to the crown and so I knew, regardless of what he had heard, he would understand that I had to defend myself and not hold anything against me.

“Also, Rupert advises, as your attorney, not to sign anything, but if your not given any choices, there’s always another way.”

“As my attorney?” I asked through my hands. “Too late for that.”

“Aye, I thought that and told him so. He said it wasna a problem. And that the 5 quid you had snuck into his pocket a couple of weeks back was his retainer so yer well and truly lawyered up.” 

“Well, then. Thank him for me. I’ve had to give up my mobile, so I can’t do it myself.” Rupert was being an angel. It seemed I had another person in my corner.

“This calm version of you is freaking me out, Sassenach. Not gonna lie.” Jamie said, turning to look at me.

If I was being honest, this calm version of myself was freaking me out too. My hand still ached and I could feel my jaw started to get sore from clenching it all night. I needed somehow get through the ice forming in my veins. “I’m going to take a shower.” I said standing up and leaving Jamie on the settle. I needed to scrub the panic and fear from my skin. I stepped into a white porcelain paradise. I stripped to my skin and turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it. I stood there, trying to find myself under the constant stream of water. I don’t know when I started crying, only at some point I couldn’t breathe through my sobs. 

After the water washed away my tears, I dried my skin and stood in front of one of the large mirrors in the bathroom and wondered what they saw when other people looked at me. My hair was dripping water from dark curls that had a mind of their own when dry. My eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying. My pale skin looked almost translucent under the light of the bathroom. My overly large mouth looked like it would never smile again. My frame was thin - skinny even - pointy elbows and sharp knees, an unimpressive chest and an arse that showed my tendency to love cake. Why would anyone want to be with me? 

Jamie yelled through the door that he had ordered room service, likely having heard the shower turn off some time ago. I wondered what Jamie saw when he looked at me. Whatever it was, I couldn't imagine that it was something flattering. “I’ll be right out.” I yelled back reaching for a hotel provided, fluffy white robe.

“I didna think that you’ve eaten anything yet, so I ordered everything I could think of.” Jamie watched me like I was a wild animal he had come across in the woods. “There’s a steak and fries and chocolate cake. And wine.”

“You’re babbling, Jamie.” I said sitting down and then pouring myself a glass of wine, drinking it quickly and refilling my glass.

“As I've said, this quiet version of you is unnerving.” Jamie said sitting across from me. So he hadn’t heard me weeping in the shower, I was grateful for one less thing to be embarrassed about. 

“I’m sorry. I find that I have nothing to say.” I mumbled.

He made a sound in the back of his throat that I took to show his disbelief in my speechlessness. “Eat, Sassenach. A belly full of wine willna thank you in the morning.” I took bites of the chocolate cake between glasses of wine to make him happy. “We’ll get you a new mobile in the morning. We can’t have ye communicating with everyone from my phone. Or so says yer attorney.”

“You’re letting Rupert tell you what to do now?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Well, you’re no doing it. And someone needs to, ye ken?” he said trying to get some response from me. I picked up a french fry and threw it at him, that was about all I could manage. 

“My hand hurts.” I said to him, finding that I had finished the bottle of wine.

“Let’s have a look, shall we?” He reached into the ice bucket and rubbed an ice cube on the back of my hand. “Nothing broken, that’s good. You’ll find it hard to make a fist for a couple of days. Murtagh says it so ye can’t go making the same mistake again.” The gentleness he holds my hand was unnerving. 

“Ye dinna have to talk about it with me.” He said finding my eyes. “Nor with Rupert. Not with anyone, not unless ye want to. But you’ll feel better, if you’d only let yourself feel it.” He reached up and touched my face with his hand still cold from the ice cube. “I’ll keep ye safe, Claire. Tis all I wish for you.” 

His words seemed to crash through the wall of ice around me. “Keep me safe! Damn you, Jamie Fraser! Keep me safe! I don’t need you to keep me safe.” I pulled my hand free of his and went over to the window. “I’m entirely capable of taking care of myself. My father taught me how to shoot a bow and arrow. How to field strip a rifle and clean a handgun. I can shoot a target 100m away clean and dead centre and that was all before I was 9. I know which bones are easiest to break and precisely how much force it would take. My mother taught me that. Uncle Lamb showed me how to win a knife fight and how to disappear into a crowd. I don’t need you to keep me safe, they did that. They’ve saved me. Not you!

“You! You with your impossible blue eyes and ridiculous red hair. You do not make me safe. You’ve invaded my life. You made me go out and make friends. I didn’t need them before you came. And I was fine. I could leave if I had to and not have to worry about the fallout. Now. Now I have to say goodbye and I HATE saying goodbye. Joe and Charlie and Dawson and Cadence and I had to say goodbye to all of them. That could have been bearable but now there’s you and Murtagh and Rupert and John and how do I say goodbye to you?

“I have to leave, and before it would have been easier but now, now I can’t. Because of you, because now I care.” I could hear myself getting hysterical, but I couldn’t stop it. 

“I care and you, you bloody man, I don’t even know how you feel. We’re not fucking, no matter what Grant might think. You’ve never even made a pass at me, not a real one, not one that counted. All the other lads, they’ve tried. They’ve flirted and for a laugh I would flirt back but it was never real. Everyone knew I didn’t mean any of it, didn’t they? I’d watch you take a different girl home all those nights but you never mentioned them again. It was all just pretend, none of it was real. Lucas knew it. He’d laugh right along with me. Tom maybe didn’t get it, but he was set straight right away. And John. John was so sweet. It could maybe have been something with John but it just never felt right. I only said yes to go out with him because of you. You made me care about him, about all of you. And then I had to go and break his heart. Because of you! Damn you--” and then all of sudden, Jamie was kissing me. 

He held my face still with his hands as he kissed me. I lifted my hands to his neck and felt him shift his weight towards me. He gathered me closer to him and pressed me to the window behind me. It felt as though he were trying to take the panic from me with his lips. I couldn’t get close enough to him and I felt him growl in his chest as I pushed back against him. When we needed air to breathe, we broke apart and I could feel my tears start again. He rested his forehead on mine and said “Breathe, Sassenach.” He held me and told me to just breathe. “I’ll not have our first time because you’re afraid and wanting to feel something other than fear.”

“Our first time?” I repeated, not understanding him. I pushed him away harder and while his trick of kissing my panic away had worked, I wasn’t entirely calm as I paced away from him. “That wasn’t the first time you’ve kissed me, Fraser.” 

“It wasn’t, was it. And it won’t be the last.” he said, sitting in the window I had just vacated.

“The hell it won’t.” I countered. “I don’t think I can do this with you, Jamie. My heart can’t take it. I”m going to get dressed and go home.” I turned away and headed for the bedroom.

“And what about my heart?” He called after me, stopping me in my tracks. “You’re not the only one here, Claire. Don’t tell me that you’re planning on just going home and that’s the end of it. You were going to come out to the estate with me this weekend, did you forget? You can’t just kiss me like that and then drop it like it never happened.”

“Me kiss you?” I gasped. “That’s rich, Jamie. Regardless of what everyone and their milk man thinks, we are not together. And as far as going anywhere With you, I feel like that would be a mistake, don’t you?”

“And Why aren’t we together, Claire? Because from where I stand I don’t see a good reason why not.” He asked seriously.

“Why not? Jamie? You don’t want me. Not really. I’m just a friend. Remember. It was all just to make some girl jealous and leave you alone. It wasn’t real. Not of it was real.”

“Says who?” Jamie said walking over to me and taking my hands. “When did I ever say anything about that night not being real? Because it was real for me Claire. All of it was.”

“Wot? You’re saying … what are you saying? Jamie? We agreed that we were friends. Just friends. And now what? You’re saying you have feelings for me?” I couldn’t stop Shaking my head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Claire. have I been anything other than honest with you?” He pulled me to sit down on the couch. “When the last time you knew I went out with another woman?”

“Jamie…”

“When?” He insisted. 

“I don’t remember. We don’t talk about dates anymore remember. I couldn’t stand your glee at every failed one I had.” He looked at me as if to say obviously. “You had a drink with that blonde, um, her name was Betsy or Brenda or something.” 

“Her name was Bethany and her husband, who joined us for that drink, is a local council chair for the property we have near Leith.” He said dismissively. 

“Fuck.” I said under my breath. “What about Alice? I watched you leave the ridge with her last week?”

“Did you?” He asked. “If I recall, you had just agreed to go out with John, so what’s wrong with my walking someone else home?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. But how can you say that have feelings for me but still do that? It’s confusing. It’s not fair to her. Or you. What if she ends up with feelings for you?”

“You’re right, it wouldn’t be fair to her, which is why once we reached her doorstep, I turned around and came back to the Ridge. But you wouldn’t know that because you had already left.”

“I had appointments in the morning.” I said quietly. 

“I know.” He replied. Of course he knew, he knew my calendar nearly as well as I did. “Yours is the only threshold I’ve crossed in nearly a year.”

“I don’t believe you.” I repeated.

“It’s the truth. I haven’t been a woman since last fall. I retired and I didn’t like where I was with my life. It had been a party, most of it but I was tired of being hungover and not knowing who I waking up to and just being that guy. When I decided to retire, I made a commitment to myself to not just take a girl home so I wouldn’t be alone in the dark. I vowed to drink less and read more. Friday night dinners started because I needed an excuse to not just go out and get blitzed. I found that I enjoyed reading and spending time on my own. I reconnected with old friends and could actually stand the face in the mirror in the morning. My life wasn’t a chore. It became something I enjoyed. A part of that was making better choices, acting like the adult that I am. Another part of it was meeting you.”

“Me? We only met in the spring, Jamie. Your life has never had anything to do with me.” I didn’t know him any other way than as he was. I had read about the wild Jamie Fraser back when he played and the others liked to tell stories about him from back in the day, but the Jamie I knew wasn’t a hard partying guy. He was thoughtful and funny and insightful and kind and … perfect. 

“We met and I knew I could never be that person again. I wanted to be someone that you would admire. Someone worthy of your time. And it was easy because you only expected me to be myself. You didn’t have a preconceived notion of who I should be. You saw me and it was intoxicating to be seen.”

“I …. I would never assume anything about anyone. You were just you. You were Jamie Fraser, why would I expect you to be someone else?” 

“You didn’t. And I found myself wanting to be the kind of man who deserved to be with someone like you. Someone who was kind and intelligent and strong and capable. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to tell a perfect stranger he was a fool while fixing him up and then disappearing into the night without a backwards glance.”

“I apologized for that.” I said ruefully. “And I’m not the meek and obedient type. I never have been.”

“I know. It’s one of the things that draws me to you.” I got up and walked away from him again. The intensity in his gaze was overwhelming. 

“Jamie, I don’t understand. You say you feel things for me. What about all those times I went out with someone else? How could you stand it?”

“I couldn’t.” He replied. “You stopped telling me about them, did you no?”

“You stopped asking.”

“You were with some other guy for a few hours. I realized that we had spent enough time together that I could forgive those few hours so long as you came back to me. And you always did.”

“Did I?” 

“We had morning coffee, Friday suppers, Saturdays where you couldn’t make me go away regardless of how fierce you looked at me. You spent all that time with me and not once did you ever talk about anyone else. It was just us.” I realized he was right. It was just us. 

“You dated. I know you did. I remember Rupert teasing you about someone. John too.”

“No one worth remembering. And that was before.”

“Before what?”

“Do you recall, after dinner at the french reception, I told you I wanted to talk?” I nodded, every moment of that night etched into my brain. “I’d asked you to pretend to be dating me to fool Annalise but that night, I realized soon enough that I was the fool. I didn’t have to pretend that you were the most stunning woman in the room or that I couldn’t keep my hands from you. All of that was the truth. You were brilliant and beautiful and you’d look at me like I hung the moon and I wished I had. I didn’t want to leave that night without telling you how I felt. But then it went sideways.” 

Between max and the crown and the duchess, I understood what he meant. “You were like a spooked filly and I didn’t want to break you. So I told myself I could be patient and wait. I knew how I felt and what I felt. I just hoped it wouldn’t be too long.”

“What did you feel?” I asked realizing he hadn’t truly answered that question.

“Where are you running to Claire?” I asked me instead.

“What?”

“You’re running away. You said it yourself, you didn’t want to go but you have to leave. Where are you going?” 

“I’m… Jamie. That’s not what we’re talking about we’re… I … Merde.” He was talking me in circles and I didn’t know which way way up.

“Tell me why you Have to leave then. What happened at leoch? Surely mrs Fitz didn’t tell you that you had to leave.”

“No. She didn’t. She told me something worse.” I sighed, not sure what Jamie would say. “She told me that someone in the Kings office Had been asking about me and that she was sure I’d hear from them soon with an offer of employment. Don’t you see Jamie? I can’t stay here and Wait for the crown to offer me something I don’t want. The crown always gets what it wants. And I can’t.”

“It doesn’t always.” he scoffed.

“What?”

“It wanted me, you recall, and with your help, I evaded that little trap.”

“That was nothing, Jamie. Playing with peoples lives is what the crown does everyday. Don’t you think if they had a shorter timeline, you’d already be London, practically engaged to one of those french girls?”

“But I’m not. I’m here, with you.” he pointed out.

“And they want me gone. Can’t you see it? There’s no point in refusing them. They’ll just find another way. It doesn’t matter what Max said. It brought Frank out of the woodwork, for Christ’s sake.”

“I thought Frank had come for you?”

“To take me away from you. To free you to pursue another life. I imagine that if he had succeeded, Sylvie would have rung you within the hour.”

“I doubt that. Why would you think that? The crown doesn’t care that much for what people do.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No.”

“I love you but you can be too trusting at times. I know how the crown operates because they killed my parents for not doing as they asked.”

“You said they had died in a car accident.”

“But What were they doing in a car? They were meant to be having a romantic getaway. They were meant to be spending 3 nights in a hotel room with no phones, no contact with the outside world. Nothing but a bed between them. My father was being sent to a war zone he didn’t want to go to and my maman wanted to be with him before he deployed. But He refused to be going anywhere. The crown had offered him a posting in Barcelona but it was for a year but we wouldn’t be able to go with him. We’d been living in Woolwich, near the restored artillery barracks. My papa was a captain, he trained soldiers how to use their weapons. They wanted him in close proximity to Africa to help train locals but he said he was planning on resigning his commission and retiring from active service, they wanted to have more kids and he’d already spent most of my life away from us.

“So instead of respecting his history and his wishes, they answered by sending him to Nigeria for 2 months and said once that was over, he’d be free to go. He refused again and immediately resigned his commission. Or tried to. The crown was unyielding. Finally, he agreed to go but he called in favours to make sure he wouldn’t be gone for so long and that his application wouldn’t be lost along the way. He asked my uncle to stay with me while he and maman had one last holiday before he left. And then they never came home.”

“That’s a tragedy Claire but I can’t see what part the crown played in their death.”

“He wasn’t going to Africa. Not for a year, not for 2 Months. They were leaving the uk. We were. My uncle had contacts that could get people out of the country without their travel documents. My parents were to have a couple days alone, and then my uncle was to bring me to them saying I missed them too much. And then, giving us time for our small family reunion, we’d go without a word to him. That was the plan. We’d leave the country, settle somewhere far away, and be happy. But we didn’t. They were killed and my uncle was sure it was the crown. In retaliation for my father’s stubbornness. It’s why he never let me out of his sight. He was worried something would happen to me. It’s why he told me that if anything happened to him, I should do what my parents failed to, and leave.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t. Lamb had taken me all around the globe for his work, but here was the only place that ever felt like home. I left England and moved to Scotland. I imagine that he would understand that I couldn’t leave him. Or them. But I have tried to stay unremarkable. Not be noticed. Forgettable.”

“You’re none of those things.”

“I was. That is, until I met you.”

“You’re saying you’re leaving because of me?”

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re what the crown wants and I’m an obstacle in their way. I should go before anyone gets hurt. I couldn’t bear it.”

“And what makes you think I could bear your leaving? You said before that you love me.”

“I did not.”

“You did, and even knowing that you didn’t realize it, I can’t let you go now. I love you too much to let you disappear into the night.”

“You do not.”

“Didna tell me what I feel or don’t feel, Sassenach. I love you. I have for a long time now and there’s no way I’m letting you run away from me now.”

“I don’t want to. But I…”

“Claire.” He stood in front of me and rested his forehead on mine. “You don’t have to be afraid. There’s the two of us now.” I couldn’t stop the tears that sprung to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. He traced the path with his thumb and I tilted my head up and we kissed. 

“I’m not scared when I’m with you.” I whispered to him. 

“Good.” He kissed me again and this time he didn’t slow us down. 

“Jamie.” I sighed when he finally let me catch my breath. 

“What is it, mo ghraidh?”

“Earlier you said you didn’t want our first time to be because I was afraid. I’m not afraid anymore.”

“I’m glad.” He chuckled. 

“You should know, our first time, would also be my first time.” I admitted shyly. 

“But you’re…”

“23? I haven’t had a boyfriend since I’ve lived here and you know nearly everyone I’ve tried to date. And before there was Frank and …” I gave him a dramatic shiver and he shook his head at me. “You must think there’s something wrong with me.”

“You’re perfect as you are. Do you trust me Claire?”

“Of course.” 

“With your heart?”

“Always.” He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom where we finished what we had started so long ago.


	21. Chapter 21

I woke with my hand in curls that were not my own and a great weight on my chest. It seemed as though I had become a body pillow for one large, red-headed Scot. I should have felt crushed but instead I felt safe. Jamie was bare-chested and I played with his hair as I tried to recall all the details from the night before. There had been wine and cake. And yelling. Me yelling. Jamie being reasonable and convincing me I was being the fool. And then, there had been love. 

We had talked quietly about we thought would happen next and then get distracted by the other person in the bed. We spent hours mapping each other’s skin, it was as much fun learning where Jamie was ticklish as it was to have him try and find if I was or not. I never imagined, in my most outrageous dreams, that Jamie could ever be interested in me. For once in my life, I was glad to be wrong. 

“G’morning to ye, Sassenach.” he lifted his head from my chest to look at me. “How’s yer head?”

“It’s fine. I feel fine.” I could feel the colour rise in my cheeks with this man laying on me. “Jamie -”

“Whatever yet about to say, don’t.” he said getting up and looking around for his shirt. “As much as I’d wish to stay with you in this bed, the world continues to turn.”

“What do you mean?” i asked trying to not watch him get dressed.

“Remember? I’ve been called into a meeting with Collum and Mrs. Fitzgibbons this morning at 9am. Sharp. Or so she said when we spoke last night. It doesna leave much time to get ye a new phone and get home to get ready to go to Lallybroch. 

“It’s just 7:00 now?” I whined just to see his reaction.

“Aye, so get dressed lazybones. We’ve the world to take on.” he said, slapping my leg. Bloody morning person.

We got me a new mobile and then went straight to Murtagh’s apartment where the gruff, bearded Scot enveloped me in the longest hug I think he’s ever given anyone. Jamie disappeared into the spare room and came out dressed in an old rugby shirt and jeans. He smirked as I raised my eyebrow at his attire. “I’m headed to the farm and Collum kens it well. I’m dressed to hit the road, not the office, and so if I’m summoned on my day off, I’ll dress as I like.

“Get Rupert’s number in yer phone and let him know yer new number and tell him we’ll be at the farm in a few hours. I should be back shortly.” and he squeezed my hand and gave me a long kiss on his way out.

“Coffee, lass?” Murtagh asked as it was just the two of us left in his kitchen. The older man looked at me and the roses in my cheeks and didn’t say a thing. We spoke instead of what I should expect when we hit the road. “Ian said that they’re short a couple kegs of ale so he’s asked if I could bring a couple with me. It’ll make for a tight fit in the back of the truck, but I ken ye’ll be fine.”

“Sounds good, Murtagh. I’ll likely sleep most of the drive up.” Going up to Lallybroch and meeting Jamie’s extended family seemed like the biggest problem I had 12 hours ago. Now, I just wanted to catch up on the sleep I missed and then I could try and figure out what had happened to my life.

“Hey Murtagh, I’ve just remembered that I’ve forgotten a toiletry bag back at my place. I’ll just run over and be right back.” Toiletry bag and spare blank identification documents, all the things a girl needs when she travels.

“Jamie wouldna want you to be running about on yer own, Claire.” he said. Clearly, he didn’t think I’d be coming back. 

“I’ll be right back. I promise not to disappear into thin air.” I had promised Jamie the same last night and I wasn’t going to go back on my word but I also wanted to be prepared for anything. 

“Mmph. Weel, if you’ll be right quick about it, I canna see the harm. Unless ye could stay here and I’ll fetch yer things for ye?”

“Would you?” I asked knowing that Murtagh was only offering to make Jamie happy. “It’s a small pink case in my upstairs bath--”

“Stop! Go and fetch yer wee pink case and come right back. And take some care to not be spotted, aye? If jamie comes to ack and gets wind that I let you outta my sight, there’ll be no end to it.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and said “30 minutes. I promise.”

I stepped out into the lane. I was mindful to stay off the main street. Who knows what Jamie was worried about but a little caution never hurt anyone. I entered my yard through the back gate and slipped in the greenhouse door. I grabbed my go bag from its hiding spot and took one last look around my house. I had the sense this would be the last time I’d be in this spot and so I took it all in. The worktable covered in greenery and oils. My coffee and tea mugs on every surface. The old broken in sofa with its mismatching pillows and blankets. I grabbed a couple of my journals and tucked them in my bag. Spending a life with one foot out the door had trained me to not leave behind anything meaningful or memorable. My home was one more goodbye I had to make. Damn the crown! I practically ran all the way back to Murtagh’s, not wanting to give into the temptation of looking back. ‘Once you’ve closed the door, there’s no point in opening it again. Close it and move on.’ I could hear my Uncle’s voice in my head. Thanks for the wisdom of a lonely life, Uncle Lamb. Damn you, too.

I helped Murtagh load those two kegs and leave a little room for me in the back of his truck. We went back in to wait for Jamie and he handed me glass with amber liquid at the bottom of it. “Ye alright, Claire?”

“Would you think less of me, if I said no.” I swallowed the whisky just to feel the burn down my throat.

“Never. It’s just yer human side showing.” Murtagh poured me another shot. “Ye may be part-witch, as the lads are wont to say - but I ken yer just like the rest of us, looking for the sun to rise after a long night.”

“Who’s taken to calling me a witch?” It wasn’t the first time that had been thrown at me and I’m sure not the last, but I was curious who would say it aloud.

“Some of those Glasgow lot, the other night. Saying yer too beautiful by half and how was it yer were able to drink them all under the table. There must be something supernatural to ye. So Willie piped up and called ye a ban-druide who’s come to grace us with yer laughter.”

“Really? They believed him?”

“Well, ye were sitting there with Lucas and Rupert, with more shots than the two of them lined up in front of ye and Rupert was whining about how it wasn’t fair that ye could hold yer whisky better than he could.”

“I remember that. And then the fool actually slid under the table.”

“He did. Yer a witchy woman to be sure. And we all ken how lucky we are to have ye.’ 

“Murtagh!, you’re an old softie.” i said with a smile.

“And i’ll deny it to my dying day.”

“Murtagh!” Jamie called from the front room. I could hear them speaking quietly and quickly in gaelic so I couldn’t hear most of what they argued about.

“Tell him to keep his eyes on the road, lass.” Murtagh said grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter.

“Are we not driving together?” I asked wondering about the change in plans.

“Nah. We have to pick up something on the way up, so Murtagh will go on ahead.” said Jamie going into the spare bedroom again.

“It’s alright, lass. This just means that ye won’t be cramped in the back with those kegs.”

“Is that what yer wearing then?” Jamie asked when he came back out, changed again into a collared shirt with his jeans. I looked down at what I was wearing. I had changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a floral shirt instead of the work clothes that i had been wearing from the night before. 

“Should I wear something else to see your sister?” I asked sensing that Jamie was worried about something, but not yet willing to tell me.

“It’s fine, I was just wondering.”

“What is it that we’re stopping for?” I asked, curious about his attitude. 

“I’ll tell ye while we’re driving. Let’s go, aye?” We moved my bags from Murtagh’s truck into the boot of Jamie’s car and waved to Murtagh as he drove off.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” I asked Jamie after we had been driving in silence for the last 20 minutes. 

“Do ye trust me, Claire?” he asked but still looking straight ahead.

“Of course.” I said without hesitation. He took my hand and just kept driving. 

Soon, we stopped in front of a small crown office. “Claire, I-, this is no something we’ve had a chance to discuss but ye ken how I feel about ye. And I know that you are strong and capable and deadly, if I remember all what you said last night. But i’m still driven to try and protect ye. Do ye trust me enough to make it official?”

“I don’t understand Jamie. What does that mean ‘become official’?” I could see he was trying to do something for me, but i had never imagined anything like this.

“I have a friend who works here, who, for a small fee will issue a marriage licence to one Jamie Alexander Malcolm Mckenzie Fraser and Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp.”

“What?”

“You had said last night, that the crown wants me for its own ends and that you were an obstacle to that. So I was thinking that we should just thwart all their plans.” He met my eyes with hope in them. How could I ever say goodbye to those blue eyes? He was giving me a safety net. “It’s alot to process, and I promise to talk it through all of it with you later. So, will ye? Marry me?” 

“I… Don’t they usually take nearly a month to process?” I said trying to buy some time while plans churned in my head.

“There’s no time like the present, Sassenach.” he said confidently.

“I never thought I’d marry anyone.” I said shaking my head. “ You know we don’t have to do this, Jamie. I understand that you’re trying to protect me, but I don’t want you to make this huge commitment and end up married to me for real.”

“I ken that I’m asking ye to take a leap of faith for me, Sassenach. And I promise, my eyes are wide open. I ken well what I’m asking of ye.” He was so certain I couldn’t help but be comforted by it.

I looked at our joined hands and made my choice. “If I have to marry, I’d be honoured to be married to you.” His smile was like the sun coming out from the clouds. “I trust you, Jamie Fraser. May the gods have mercy on us both.” I grinned back at him. “So what happens now?”

“We head inside and ye sign the paper where he says to. Simple.”

“We don’t even have rings.” I said, nonsensically saying the only thing I could think of. 

“Dinna fash. We’ll have everything sorted before too long. I couldn’t do this on my own, ye ken. I had to bring a real live woman with me to get this far.”

“Does your friend not believe you could round one up?” I asked laughing.

“He didna believe me when I told him I had found the most beautiful woman in the world and that I needed to marry her quick before someone else asked her.” And with that declaration, we went in and went to the front of the queue. 

Jamie’s friend looked like he was alive when the building was built in 1904. Stanley McKenzie took a long look at us both and shook his head. “Are ye sure about this one?” he asked me in gaelic, nodding at Jamie. I smiled and agreed in kind and with a laboured sigh, he brought out the form for us to sign. Jamie had startled at my answer and I thought perhaps I had mispronounced something. 

“Aye, then. Sign yer maiden name here, lass. Right, and you, right here lad, just below. Give me about half an hour and ye can be on yer way.” Stanley took the papers and left us.

“Well, soon to be Mrs. Fraser. There’s a small park across the way. Shall we cool our heels there?” Jamie asked taking my hand and leading me outside again. “And maybe ye can remind me of all the different languages ye ken, included gaelic?” 

It was a warm day for September and as it was still a work day, there weren’t many people about. I still had so many things I’ve never shared with anyone, I wasn’t sure how or what to tell Jamie. He already knew a few of my secrets, but I was still hesitant to reveal myself to him. 

“Claire. I can see the wheels turning in your mind. you’ve said that you trust me. Is it truly so hard to tell me something so small?” he put his hand under my chin and raised my eyes to him. Blue met whisky and I knew that I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me for it.

“When... After, my parents died, Uncle Lamb took me to India with him as that was where the crown sent him. I was so angry and hurt and I didn’t know how to express it so I just didn’t speak. I think it was a couple of weeks before I actually said anything once we were there. He had a colleague who was Scottish and he felt badly for me but then everyone did. In the evenings, there would often be a brown out, so we would spend them around the dinner table and they would play chess, or exchange stories by candle light. Dr. Stewart would tell us stories in gaidhlig. He said it would help him to remember his native tongue and that a proper Scottish story should be told in its native tongue. Lamb was fluent in all sorts of languages so he understood them fine, but I would just listen to the cadence of his words. At some point, Lamb asked him to translate, for my benefit and eventually the gaelic and the English came together in my mind. The first words I said after some time were in Gaidhlig to him. We would conversations about nothing to pass the time. I learned a few languages that way with Lamb as we travelled. I think i’ve about 6 or 7 I can function in without being completely lost.” 

“6 or 7? Well, that’s good to know the next time we’re in an Italian restaurant and I canna read the menu. So, how much of what I said to Murtagh this morning did you hear?”

“I could only hear your voices, but not what you said. Will you tell me now, why getting married was something we have to do?”

“This - our relationship - I think, has enough respect in it for secrets, and I ken that you still have things you canna tell me, but no lies. I asked you once that if you had something to say to me, that it would be the truth. And I made the same promise to you.” 

“I remember. I’ve never liked lying to people. And I want to tell you all my secrets, Jamie, but some aren’t mine to tell. At least, not yet.”

He held me close and kissed my temple and I could feel him take a deep breath. “I trust you with my whole life, Sassenach.”

“And I’m trusting you with mine.” We stood and I breathed in his scent, feeling calmer than I had all day.

“Do you remember the night I saw you home and ended up having to stay the night?”

“How could I forget?”

“you were so scared but brave it was all I could do to stop myself from grabbing you then and no ever letting go. you were terrified of the patrols, of having a strange man in your house, of yourself, I think. But you made me stay. In your bed of all places. I woke the next morning and you were curled up like a wee kitten. I couldn’t recall the last time I had just slept with someone else where I wasn’t ashamed of the night before or indifferent to it. With you, I wanted to watch you sleep and then wake. I wanted to know if you would need coffee straight away or if you were a morning person. I didna want to go.”

“You were gone when I woke.”

“Aye, weel. It didn’t seem like I should stay.”

“That night, I didn’t know what to make of you. So I decided it would be best if I thought of you as a wild creature I’d run into in the woods. Beautiful, strong but unpredictable and dangerous. It was safer to think of you as someone I couldn’t be with than as anything else.”

“Why?”

“Why?” i scoffed. “Why would you want me? I couldn’t see what you would find attractive in me so I didn’t think it was a possibility. You were my friend, my best friend eventually and I was nothing like those other girls so why even think about us like that?”

“You are nothing like them. And that’s why I didna want them.” 

“It’ll take some time before I believe you.” 

“Believe this, then.” Our lips met in the softest kiss ever. I felt as though Jamie was tasting me, nibbling at my mouth, seeking entrance. As his tongue swept in, I felt my knees tremble and yet he kept me upright with his arms wrapped around me. I could feel the heat from his body through our clothes as his proceeded to kiss my eyes and my cheeks, down the side of my neck where he found a spot that made me moan. “Ach, Sassenach. you’re killing me.” He said in my ear. 

“Ahem” said a voice from behind me. We sprung apart like 2 guilty teenagers and I saw Stanley standing there with a large brown envelope. “Here you are lad. Filed away nice and tight. The papers are only good for 10 days, ye ken.”

“Thank you.” Jamie said taking the papers from him. “Cmon, Sassenach. The road calls.” We walked back to his car and Jamie kissed me again like he never going to stop. “I canna get enough of you, Claire.”

“We’ll never make to Lallybroch, if we don’t go.” I said.

“Ever practical, my bride. Let’s go then.”

We made it to the outskirts of the city before I turned to him and asked if he would answer my question. His words about secrets and no lies were still ringing in my ears and I knew that last thing I wanted him to say was that everything would be fine.

“It’s still a bit of a drive, Sassenach. Why don’t you close your eyes and get some rest.” He looked at me for a moment, taking my hand and putting on his leg. “It’s all still a puzzle in my mind, and as soon as I’ve riddled it, I’ll share it with you.”

“Puzzles are easier to solve with help.” I offered. 

“Let me mull it over and if I get stuck, I’ll ask for your help, aye?” 

——————

“Open yer eyes, Mo chridhe.” The car had slowed down from highway speeds. “We’re almost at Broch Mordha”

“Hmm. that’s close to Lallybroch, right?” I said waking up slowly.

“Aye. I had made reservations for rooms a couple of weeks ago at a bed and breakfast in the village to save ye from the madness that will be at the main house once everyone is there.”

“Just for me?” I asked wondering what we were going to tell everyone. 

“Keep dreaming. What sort of host would i have been if I’d left ye to fend for yerself? I’d booked 2 rooms to give ye someplace to sleep without wee Jamie crawling into bed with ye and to give myself someplace to hide from Jenny.”

“Ha! 2 rooms, Mr Fraser. Not as confident as you act like you are?” I teased. 

“Don’t want to scandalize Mrs Baird, Sassenach.” He grinned. “Besides, no one said we’d need to use both rooms.”

We parked his car in front of a small building that looked to be an original part of the village from the 18th century. “A favour, Sassenach?”

“Anything.” I answered readily. 

“It’s no that I have any second thoughts or regrets, but I’d rather Jenny heard of our marriage plans from us and no the local phone tree.” he said ducking his head. “And I’ll introduce ye as Elizabeth. Er, as Eliza meebe. Ye get a look in yer eye that breaks my heart whenever I call ye Elizabeth, but Eliza is close enough -” My large Scottish husband was babbling with nerves. Perhaps I shouldn’t have slept the last couple of hours and we could have talked through whatever was in his mind now.

“You’re babbling Jamie.” It was important to him that I play along with whatever he had planned. I’d already trusted him with my hand. My heart didn’t seem to be too far behind.

“Cla-”

“It’s Eliza. Elizabeth actually, But my fiance -” and I squeezed his hand to reassure him “- is the only one who calls me so, but he says it so sweetly, how could I ever deny him?” I said with a wink. This earned me a heartfelt kiss that had my mind wondering how were the beds in this bed and breakfast.

“Jamie!!” a small blue haired lady called from inside the entrance of the B&B. “My boy, it’s been too long!”

“Mrs. Baird! And how is my favourite girl these days?” Jamie rushed in and hugged the tiny woman. 

“Och! G’wan wit ye. And who is this then?” she asked sizing me up as a contender for his favourite girl.

“This is my friend, Eliza . I’d booked a couple of rooms for us for the to-do up at Lallybroch and she wanted to freshen up before we head up to the house.”

“Weel, ye did book those rooms, but then Jenny cancelled them for ye. Did she no tell ye?” Mrs. Baird walked over to her guest book and clearly she was all booked up. “I saw her at the market and mentioned that ye’re staying with me to save her the trouble and she said ye’d be more trouble no being under the same roof. So she said ye’ll stay at the house and that was that. I’ll send ye back the deposit, Jamie - “

“Oh no, Mrs Baird. That’s too much trouble for ye. Keep it for the trouble my sister’s caused ye.” I could see the blood creep up Jamie’s ears as he listened to how his sister was managing his life. 

“Do you have a powder room, I could use before we head out?” I asked Mrs. Baird. I took Jamie’s hand and held it in mine to keep him from clenching it. “Aye dearie, just down the hall and to the left.” “Thank you.” I said to Mrs. Baird. To Jamie I said “I’ll be right back and then we can get going.” I took a deep breath, to try and encourage him to do the same. “Aye. Right. Dinna rush, Sassenach. I’ll be right here.”

The drive to Lallybroch was silent with a tension that wasn’t there before. I knew I was right to be worried about his family’s reaction to me and to the new us. This time I held his hand as we made the turn up the drive to the house. We parked alongside Murtagh’s truck and Rupert’s SUV. A minivan and land rover made up the rest of the vehicles. It seemed that there weren’t any missing or unexpected based on Jamie’s reaction to them. The baptism was in a couple of days and Jamie had said it would be also a bit of a family reunion at the same time with everyone leaving the day after. 

“Thank ye, Claire.” he said after we had gotten out of his car.

“I haven’t done anything yet.” 

“Ye put up with me.” he said wrapping his arms around me and burying his nose in my hair.

“Jamie. I’m the one who should be thanking you. I’m going to cause chaos when we go inside, and I don’t want to cause you issues -”

“Never. Yer no causing chaos. Yer saving me from it. Stay wit me, Sassenach?”

“Always.”

“Unca Jawmie!! Unca Jawmie!” Wee Jamie came barreling down the drive towards us. We headed to meet him and were promptly intercepted by Ian and Rupert. They quickly took Jamie aside and I was left with a toddler to face Jenny on my own. 

“Well, it seems my little brother hasn’t forgotten how to find us, after all. Rabbie, take their bags up to the last room on the left on the 2nd landing.” Jenny spoke to a tall, darked haired lad who moved to Jamie’s car to get our bags. I couldn’t help but note that our bags were headed to one room and not two but before I could say anything, Jenny had us in the front hall of the manor.

“That lot, useless without someone telling them what to do.” Jenny said motioning her hands in the direction Jamie and the others had disappeared to. “Come and meet the brother who understands how to read a clock and arrives when he says he will.” She took my arm and we moved through a formal sitting room and parlour to what I supposed would be called a library. 

“Willie, this is Claire - ye ken the lass that Jamie has been going on about. Claire, this is WIlliam and his wife Cecilia.” I met another tall red-headed Scot. He was not as broad in the shoulders as Jamie, and his eyes were brown, instead of piercing blue. His wife was my height but blonde and fair-skinned. She had a mouth that looked ready to laugh where Willie clearly wasn’t sure what to make of me. 

“It’s a pleasure.” I said putting my hand out. Cecilia took me into a hug and said the same.

“Aye,” William said shaking my hand. “It’s good to be able to put a face to the name we’ve heard so often.”

“Don’t listen to him Claire. He’s teasing ye. Jamie never said yer name more than twice. Both times, only in passing.” said Cecilia.

“And that’s twice as many times as he’s said any woman’s name in our hearing.” William said. 

“William! Yer making her blush.” scolded Cecilia. “Come and sit with me Claire and tell me all yer secrets, so we can be the best of friends and my husband can just shut it.” I joined Cecilia in the window seat and I watched Jenny and her brother put their heads together with plans for the next couple of days.

I was curious as to when my name would have come up. I knew that Jamie would go home for a family dinner once a month. He had always seemed light-hearted after those visits, like he had an internal battery recharged. I envied him the chance to have peace and to connect with loved ones. 

“I don’t think my secrets are all that interesting.” I said to Cecilia.

“Well, I’ll tell you my secrets, such as they are and then we’ll judge who’s are the most interesting? I’m told, this is how girls make friends.” Cecilia winked.

“Have you ever made friends like that before?” I asked honestly curious.

“No. You?” She replied with a grin. 

“I don’t make friends easily, or so I’m told.” I said sheepishly.

“Well, as a fellow non-Fraser in this crowd, we should stick together, I think.” She confided. 

“Thanks” I laughed, “I’ll take all the help I can get.”

“So how long have you and Jamie been together, together? From what I recall, you were the name that we dropped to make the poor boys ears turn red.”

“Um, well,” I considered Jamie’s sister in law and said the first thing that popped in my head. “I’ll tell you that if you tell me how pregnant you are, unless that’s a secret.”

Cecilia flushed and quickly glanced at William, who was still talking with Jenny. “How did you know?”

“Oh my god! I’m so thoughtless!” I said slowly dying of embarrassment. “You’re not showing or anything like that. I spent some time with a wise woman in India when I was younger and she taught me a few things to look for. I mean, we just met but its clear that you’re glowing and I’ve never seen anyone who wasn’t pregnant put their hand over their stomach the way you just did.”

“Oh Claire! I wasn’t sure but if you think so, then perhaps I am.” She grabbed my hands and squeezed.

“What do you mean, you weren’t sure?” I asked knowing my own cycles and could set the clock by its predictability.

“I’m only a few days late but we’ve been trying forever and every time I just don’t want to get my hopes up, you know?”

“Does William know, do you think?” I asked her quietly. 

“Does William know what?” William asked joining us near the window.

“I was just asking Cecilia if you would have any idea where Jamie has gone off to.”

“Well, my baby brother does have a few things on the go, so it could be anything, really. Tell us, Claire, are ye ready to face the greek chorus?”

“The wot?” I looked to Cecilia for a clue as to what Willie was talking about.

“Well, you’re the first woman Jamie’s ever brought home. Ever. So I’m imagining that every person from the village will open with “Nice to meet ye. When are you and Jamie getting married?”

“Let’s hope they’re a little more creative than that, brother.” Jamie said appearing in the doorway. He looked even more tense than he had on our drive up from the village and it made me go to him and wrap my arms around him in support. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Jenny and Willie had noted that I was at Jamie’s side immediately. I was hopeful that they would understand that whatever it was, it was where I would be from now on. 

Murtagh and Rupert came in behind Jamie and stood near the door as though he were guarding it.

“What’s going on Jamie?” asked William as it was clear something was happening.

“Tis a bit of story, if ye’re willing to hear it.” Jamie said and then he proceeded to tell everyone the bones of our relationship, up to where he texted me to find out if I’d be late for our meeting time in the morning. He looked at me and with a sigh I took up the rest of the story, sharing what had happened to me in the last 24 hours.

“But that’s no fair!” interjected Jenny. “All ye were doing was defending yerself.”

“Thank you, Jenny.” I said, “Come what may, I’m unemployed but I’m not completely useless. I’ll find something else, I’m sure.”

“It might not be so easy, Sassenach.” Jamie said. “So this morning, I had been summoned to a meeting with Collum and Mrs. Fitzgibbons.”

“That’s the woman who fired Claire?” asked Willie for clarification.

“Aye. She called for the meeting as I had been named personally by this villain. As despicable as his words were, there was the possibility that they were true. They weren’t, they were a complete fabrication.”

“Perhaps we should be the judge of what’s true and what’s no?” William asked. I looked at Jamie, pleading with him with my eyes, that he not play my recording.

“If ye must know Willie, Claire did make a recording but you’ll no hear it now.” Jamie said, nodding in my direction. “Trust me when I say that everything he said to Claire was a filthy lie. At any rate, this Grant added something to his statement last night, that wasn’t shared with you Claire.” During the telling of our story, I had been pacing around the room and was now as far from Jamie as I could be. He found me and looked me in the eye. “Grant now claims that he verbally assaulted you in an effort to put you on edge, to try and get you to confess to stealing classified data.”

“Stealing? What data? I don’t understand.” I said completely confused. 

“Have ye heard of a project called Sandringham?” Jamie asked me.

“Everyone has, it’s Dougal’s white whale.” I replied. 

“How do ye mean?” asked William. 

“The development group at Leoch has been working on a program that would take historical yields and previous weather patterns and it’s supposed to predict future yields.” I explained. 

“That sounds great.” said Ian, the ever practical farmer in the room.

“It would be, if it ever worked.” I answered.

“What do ye mean? There are programs that exist that claim to do something similar already.” Willie added. 

“But Dougal claimed that Sandringham was so thorough and intelligent that it would be able to provide yields 3 seasons out.”

“That would be amazing!” 

“And a complete pipe dream.” I looked at Ian and Willie and everyone. “Sandringham’s never worked. The environment has changed so much in the last 50 years that the data set they have is garbage. Water temperature, air quality, precipitation, all of these things have evolved beyond what they were able to program around. It’s like using dirty water to clean a window. You can’t explain why the window is still dirty after cleaning it and it’s because you don’t know that the water you’ve been using is not just dirty but it’s full of shit and you can’t figure out where the shit is coming from. The results that Sandringham produces is either a bumper crops or a complete wipe out, with nothing in between. It’s been like that for weeks.”

“Sounds like crap, to me.” said Murtagh from the back of the room.

“It is.” I agreed. “Geillis from development has told me time and again, that they don’t keep backups for the day as all they had was garbage and non-trackable. Everything that Dougal has been selling to investors is nothing but smoke. There is no fire.”

“Sounds like. And the reports that I’ve been given confirms all that you’ve said. But, Dougal has been shopping out Sandringham to anyone who would listen. And now, those people want to see results. In real time.” Jamie said to the rest of the room

“But that’s impossible.” I said.

“Impossible, now that the bulk of the data has been stolen and not backed up. And there was only one person who is primarily responsible for creating the back ups and that person also happens to have family ties to the crown and who is likely going back there.” Jamie explained.

I felt everyone’s eyes shift to me in disbelief. I could feel the panic that I had thought was under control rising again. Jamie was far from me and I felt like I was stranded on an island. “So what? I’m a thief?” 

“Claire -” Jamie said soothingly. 

“And because my uncle worked for the Crown, I’m a spy? What else am I? Right, I’m a witch and a whore. I’m bloody Lillith, come back to the earth.” I snapped. 

“Sassenach-”

“No.” I said walking over to where Jamie stood. “You knew all this and didn’t tell me anything. This whole time. You’ve been saying that you care about me and then get me to marry you and to trust you, all the while knowing that I should already be gone. Damn you Jamie Fraser! Damn me for believing and listening to you.” I walked out of the room daring Rupert and Murtagh to try and stop me. 

I had a thousand things I wanted to say to Jamie but I wasn’t going to do so with his family watching and I needed to find my voice.

“Uncle Jawmie Friend!! Friend!” wee Jamie came running out of the kitchen at the sight of me.

“My name is-” what do I say? Damn you Jamie Fraser. “My name is Eliza.” I said to this little brown haired angel. I took a deep breath as my ire wasn’t for him. “What’s to do, wee man?”

“Wiza? Wia.” He seemed to turn it over in his mind and decided it was acceptable. “Come see kwittys. Adso had babies. In the barn. Come see.” he took my hand and led me outside to the stables.

“Let go see some kitties.”

-———————

“Murtagh.” said Jamie watching his heart run away from him.

“Aye, I’ll make sure she doesna go far.” Murtagh turned to follow Claire and make sure she stayed safe.

“Jamie.” William said looking at his not-so-little brother. “Yer lass said quite a bit just now. Would ye care to explain yerself?”

“She’s a wonderful person, Jamie but married?” said Jenny at the same time.

“Just start at the very beginning, brother.” said Willie, with a look that asked Jenny to hold her tongue.

“I told ye how she set my shoulder that first night? Well, I left out the part where she was cursing me for a fool for letting happen. As though I had chosen to dislocate my arm. She fixed me and the lads who’d been hurt and then she disappeared into the night. If it werena for the bandages and the pain meds she had left behind, i’d have thought we’d been visited by and saved by a faerie.” Jamie closed his eyes at the memory. “Willie? Ye remember what da had said? Once ye find the woman yer meant to be with, ye’ll ken it without a doubt. Like ye’ve been struck by lightning. No other lass would shine as bright or seem as sweet.”

William looked at his wife and knew the feeling Jamie spoke of. “Course I do.”

“After that night, I knew. Lightning struck and then she was gone. I didna even know her name. And then, when I found her at Leoch, I knew that I was no letting her get away again.” Jamie looked at Rupert, still silent, which was unusual for the big man. “I did what I could to keep her close. We spent time together. I found reasons to be around her. I inserted myself into her life, such as it was. She’s never been anything other than honest and true. Ask Rupert. He watched me time and again pretend that she was just another one of the lads so she wouldn’t see it. She had me wrapped around her little finger and she never kent it. Claire’s woven a spell on many a lad but she’s never encouraged any of them in any way.”

“Aye, that’s the truth.” added Rupert “I’ve spent more time consoling a fool who thought they would stand a chance at a moment with our Claire, only to have been stopped in their tracks by those whisky coloured eyes. She doesna have any idea of how every man who’s met her is half in love with her.”.

“Anyways, she’s honest to a fault, so the idea that she’s stolen anything seems preposterous. This is all Dougal covering his own arse and taking advantage of the situation.” said Jamie, shaking his head at Rupert.

“But to accuse someone of being a spy and a thief seems extreme, even for Dougal.” said Ian.

“Tis the least I expect of him.” spit Jamie. “Claire had already been terminated. She’s more than capable of doing this thing and she was already gone. It’s easy to say that it’s because she’s gone that obviously she’s guilty. Dougal can now turn around and tell the investors sorry but without the missing data we’ll have to start from scratch and since we’ve done it once so we can do it again. We’ll just need a bit more time.”

“Won’t there be evidence to prove she’s not done this or something to exonerate Claire?” asked Cecilia. 

“This is the real prize. Any evidence they might “find” will be coloured by the way she left. As Grant was her direct supervisor, if he has anything to do with the evidence, it can be considered suspect because she assaulted him and he abused her and so the evidence could have been tampered with by either of them. They’ll have to find an outside party to look for this evidence and that could take months.”

“So, let me get this straight,” said Willie. “She canna defend herself or find any redemption. She’ll no be welcomed by another company because she might be a thief. These accusations won’t be public, but within the industry, she’ll never work again. If she goes and works for the crown, it will do nothing but confirm the worst. Her career is over.”

Jamie stood near the door, wanted nothing more than to go out after Claire, but he knew there would be more questions to settle before he could. 

“She may no be a computer expert again, but that’s no all that she is. She’s a healer and she spent most of her free time doing that. She can do that, couldn’t she?” said Ian.

“Being a healer is toeing the line of being a medic, and that’s no allowed. Not without the proper training and licenses and she made it clear that she was not doing all that.” answered Rupert.

“She canna be a healer. She canna use her training in networks. She doesn’t have many options.” sighed Cecilia.

“But why would ye marry her, Jamie?” said Jenny. “Her hands are tied, clearly and none of what has happened is her fault, but she didn’t ask you to save her. She seems capable enough on her own. And It’s clear that ye care for her, but marriage -”

“Marriage was the only way, Jenny. Canna ye no see?” Jamie insisted. 

“The only way for what? Jamie surely there’s someone else-”. Jenny argued. 

“There’s no one else. Did ye no hear her, Jenny? She said that she should already be away. Her uncle, the one who raised her, drilled in her the need to stay out of any kind of trouble. And should any arise, she was to run as far and as fast as she could go. He taught her how to disappear, how to be self-sufficient, how to survive, alone. I had promised myself that I wasna letting her disappear. And then I promised myself that I’d never let her be alone again.”

“Again, Jamie?” asked Cecilia.

“Her parents were killed when she was 10. She’ll always say they died, but they were killed. She has no grandparents, no aunties or uncles saved for the one who raised her. Her uncle was in the King’s Cross bombing. She had a boyfriend at the time and that idiot left her alone for days after, to make all the arrangements on her own for her only remaining family. There’s no one else. Do ye recall, after mam passed, if ye were ever alone, save for when ye slept, Jenny? Were we ever without at least each other when Da died? We’ve been blessed with our family. Claire’s never had that. Can ye fault me for wanting to give her that?”

“Nay, Jamie. Yer heart is too big for your brain, but it ever has been. I only hope that ye haven’t gone and ruined what yer making by being an idiot.” said Willie.

“Yer willing to go along with this?” asked Jenny. “She’s bringing who knows what danger to this house -”

“Jenny.” said Willie standing up. “Claire’s no bringing any danger to this house. All she’s done was show up to work and befriend our Jamie. If Dougal and Collum decide to swear out a warrant against her, they’ll need proof to do so and it sounds like that’ll be impossible to do. The best thing Claire could do, would be to stay close by and wait for this to turn into nothing. She’ll have the chance to work again if she does that. But if she goes, her career goes with her.”

“Maybe she should just go.” said Jenny stubbornly. 

“If she goes, Jenny, so will I.” said Jamie, ready to butt heads with his sister over it.

“You? Why? Ye havena done anything wrong. Why would ye go? And where?” she demanded.

“Sometimes, Jenny, you need to listen with more than yer ears. Jamie said he wasn’t letting Claire go. He’s going to marry her to try and keep her close, for Bride’s sake. If she decides to start anew elsewhere, of course Jamie would go with her.” said Cecilia. 

“And does this make sense to ye, Ian?” Jenny said looking to her husband for support. She couldn’t seem to understand leaving everything she held dear behind. 

“Aye, Janet. If it were ye and ye had to move to Timbuktu and start yer life again, for whatever reason, i’d be right beside ye. Tis what ye do for love.”

“Love? Is it love then Jamie? Does she know that? Ye’ve a pretty face baby brother, but it’ll take a damn sight more than that to keep a woman here. If yer marrying her because ye love her, then I havena anything else to say. I only pray that ye know what yer doing as that woman is looking to be miles away from here already, and I wouldna blame her for it.” Jenny went to Jamie and shook him by the shoulders. “If ye love her, go bring her back and tell her so.” 

Jamie wrapped his arms around his sister knowing she was right. 

“What do ye need us to do Jamie?” asked Willie.

“Do?” Jamie said, freeing himself from Jenny’s embrace. “Nothing save be yerselves. Yell and laugh and judge and fight. I want Claire to feel safe here, to feel a part of the family. I want her to fall in love with you and this place and maybe then she’ll love it too much to go.”

“If she’s still here, she’s more courage than I have. I’m personally terrified of the lot of ye, and I’m related to ye. Most of ye anyways, sorry Ian.” Rupert said trying to lighten the mood. 

“No Rupert, I’m terrified right there with ye. If she’s still here, I’d say that it’s because she loves ye, Jamie.” said Ian. “Lord knows it’s why I stay.” he said with a wink to Jenny.

“Go and fetch yer bride, Jamie. We’ll do our best to convince her that being a Fraser is no the worst thing in life.” said Willie.

“Bride or wife?” asked Rupert. Jamie’s ears turned bright red and he turned to the door. 

“Just shut it, Rupert. Ye didna want her to break yer nose too, do ye?” Jamie said heading out.

“Wait, Jamie!” called Willie. “I ken that all yer trying to do is protect the lass, i think we’d be better able to do so, if we knew what it was that set this off. This Grant had an axe to grind with her and as she’s soon to be family, he’s an axe to grind wit all of us. I’d like to know what it is that would set off that wee woman to break a man’s nose. Just to protect myself, if nothing else.”

Jamie and Rupert looked at each other measuring how much to tell Willie. “Aye, I suppose that’s fair. There’s a couple other things you should know. I introduced her in the village as Elizabeth, er, Eliza. Tis her middle name. When we marry, Claire Beauchamp becames Claire Fraser, but I wanted to tell you lot first and I didn’t want to make it dead easy for Dougal to find her if he came looking so soon.”

“Aye, so we changed Claire to Elizabeth and we’ll marry her to you to hide her completely. Claire hasna done anything wrong and all we’ve done is bought her some space and time to prove it.” Rupert added. 

“And if you canna prove it, you’ve given her a new name for the rest of her life.” said Cecilia.

“I’m glad to know that you’ve done some thinking beyond this moment.” said Willie.

“And she was alright with changing her name fer ye, Jamie?” asked Jenny.

“I didna give her much chance to protest, truth be told.”

“She loves ye." Jenny said shaking her head. "There’s no other explanation for it. Thank the lord someone loves ye. The longer I look at ye, the more annoyed I become.” 

“I only hope that she hasna left already so I can remind her that she does. Look, Rupert can play you what that bastard said to Claire. I canna stomach to listen to it again and I’d ask ye to no bring it up.” Jamie looked at his family who had come together for his sake for Claire. “Thank ye all. I couldna imagine having to live without ye looking over my shoulder everyday.”

“Go on, Jamie. We’ll be here.” said Willie holding his wife’s hand. He turned to Rupert who asked if they were ready for something really awful.

——————

Adso was a fat, gray cat who had a litter of multi-coloured kittens. I wondered where the father had gone off to and decided that he knew better than to get in the way.

I could hear their voices before I could see them. Murtagh, who had followed wee Jamie and I to the stables and my soon to be husband. That was a strange thought. “Merde.” I muttered to myself.

“Wha’s mard?” asked wee Jamie

“Oh, I was just thinking this one looks a bit like marmalade don’t you think?” i said reaching for an orange coloured ball of fluff.

“That’s silly. Marmalad’s for toast, no kitties. Yer funny Unca Wia.” the urchin laughed at me.

“She’s very funny, is she no, Jamie?” said his uncle sneaking in.

“Unca Jawmie!! Adso has babies. Come see!” 

“Aye, I see, Ian mac.” Jamie knelt down to see the kittens in their basket. “Listen, Murtagh is outside and he said that he had treats out in his truck he didna bring in earlier. Why don’t ye go and help him with those?” 

“Candies!!!” yelled wee Jamie as he ran out and with that I was left alone with my Jamie.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk you just yet.” I said with my arms crossed.

“Will ye walk with me?” he asked and nodded towards the far end of the stables away from the house.

We walked outside and into the trees. It was clear that Jamie had a destination in mind but he wasn’t telling me where we were going. Eventually the trail we were following headed up a hillside. At the top of the hill, there was a small clearing and the afternoon sun painted everything in a golden hue. The main house was barely visible through the trees and we were overlooking a meadow behind the stables. The wheat fields were waving in the distance in the sunshine and there was a breeze blowing through the grass. If it weren’t for the hurt in my heart, I’d have thought this the perfect spot. The quiet filled me and I could feel my shoulders unclench. 

“Should ye decide to yell, no one can hear ye up here, save the wildlife.” he said leaning back on one of the many trees around the clearing.

“I’m not going to yell Jamie. At least not right away.” I turned away from the scenery and looked at him. “So.”

“So?”

“I can be gone in the morning. Or tonight even. For all we know Dougal, has already sent people out to look for me. And I don’t want to cause a scene when the rest of your family is here. Rupert can take me to the train station and I’ll be out of everyone’s way before more people arrive. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” 

“What are ye talking about?” he said looking thoroughly confused. 

“Jamie, you had to come up with some sort of plan on very short notice and there were a thousand things that could have gone wrong, not the least of which would be how your family would react to me. You presumed they would accept a marriage to a complete stranger on only your say so and obviously you were wrong. It’s best if I just go. I honestly am surprised it wasn’t Jenny here asking me to leave.”

“Claire-”

“You tried.” I said cutting him off. “Look, I’m out of Edinburgh and there’s nothing I need to go back for and often that’s half the battle. I can take care of the rest from here. You’re status as a knight in shining armour is intact.” I met his blue eyes and had to look away before i drowned in them. “Thank you Jamie. You’ve truly gone above and beyond.”

“If you wanted to call Stan I’m sure he can fix it so that Jamie Fraser is once more free to marry who ever he likes. I wouldn’t think that would be an issue.” I could feel my heart racing and hoped that he couldn’t hear it in my voice. “I’ll just need my bags from wherever they are now and I’ll be out of your hair.” Your beautiful red hair, I thought. “I can wait here if Jenny doesn’t want me near the house, it’s fine. This is a beautiful spot.” My hands were like ice again despite the warmth of the sun. It took all my self control to not clench them while I knew that Jamie was still watching me. I heard his footsteps in the grass and I thought he was headed to the house to fetch my bags. It was the smart thing to do, and I was sure that Jamie would see that.

“Are ye finished then?” his voice came from directly behind me and I jumped. I turned and he was standing so close to me that I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes. “Ye plan to head out into the night and no look back?”

“There’s nothing left here for me.” I sighed.

“Am i nothing then?” He took another step closer and wrapped his arms around me. “And what if I won’t let ye go? What then?”

“Jamie, I won’t bring the crown to your doorstep. And you’re not nothing, but -”

“I’ve said it before, I’m no letting ye go, so get that thought out of yer head right now. I said I’d see ye safe and right now yer trembling like a leaf so I’ve some work ahead of me, I think.” 

“I’ll be fine on my own.” I said to his chest.

“But I won’t be.” I looked up at that. “My family listened to my reasons for marrying ye and they agreed it’s the only sensible thing. If ye had stayed, ye’d have heard that Dougal is miles away from sending the crown after ye, if that were even part of his plan. So there’s nothing to fear from that end. The only problem we face is that ye’ve one foot out the door when no one is telling ye to go.”

“I don’t understand.” 

“I love you.” I could feel my eyes tear up. “I told Willie and Jenny that I need you like I need air to breathe and they accepted it. Accepted you. And yer unemployable status. And yer tendency to call me a fool.” Then he took hold of my chin and said “and if they didna, then our bags would be in the boot of my car and we’d be gone. Together. Yer not alone, Claire. No so long as I have breath in my body.” Our lips met in a gentle touch. “That house, those people, that was where I grew up and learned about love. It’s my past. But you. You are my present. You are my future and if ye think i’m letting ye run off without me, yer mistaken.” This time our lips met with a purpose. I couldn’t believe my ears, but my heart had heard everything and it had stopped racing.

My hands made their way up his back and into his hair. He pressed me closer to his body and the heat of him was warmer than the sun at my back. I felt his hands grab my ass and I could feel his groan in his chest. Jamie’s lips made their way to my ear and I tilted my head to give him more access. I wanted to feel his lips on that spot on my neck again. When he touched it with his tongue, I couldn’t help but moan in appreciation.

“I do love the little sounds ye make, Sassenach.” he said smiling into my neck. As his hands moved under my shirt to caress my skin, I tried unsuccessfully to not make a sound at the pleasure his hands on my skin brought. It wasn’t fair that he was able to caress my back so I found the waistband of his jeans and untucked his shirt to find the skin of his back. “Christ, Sassenach, yer hands are cold!” 

“Hmm, maybe you could warm them?” i said nipping at his bottom lip. 

“Vixen!” he said and then I found myself on my back in the tall grass. He took his time unbuttoning my shirt, tasting each inch of skin he uncovered. By the time he reached the top of my jeans I felt as though I were rolling downhill. “Do ye want me to stop, Sassenach?” His voice was husky with want and his eyes were a dark blue full of desire. 

“No” I breathed. His hands made short work of the rest of my clothes and his own and as I lay on a bed of our clothes, I laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” he said, resting his head On my breastbone.

“24 hours ago, I thought that I’d hardly see you once we got here as you’d be swept up with your family and I’d be left to chat with the horses. And now, I’ve had a chance to see all of you again and it made me think of those horses.” I giggled again at his expression. 

“A horse, am I?” He tickled me more and I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. Effortlessly he rolled us over until I sat astride him. “Would ye like to go for a ride, Sassenach?” He said sliding beneath me. I could feel the hot length of him under me and I knew that he had noted the dampness between my legs. 

“I’ve never done this before, Jamie.” I had told him that before but I wanted him to know that I wasn’t afraid. 

“It’s no so hard.” He said and then chuckled at his own joke. “Trust me?” I nodded and he lifted me until I was poised atop him. His hands on my hips guided me down onto him slowly and all I felt was a delicious fullness where I didn’t know I was empty. “Just gimme a minute Claire, God Yer so tight. Just don’t move yet.” He said trembling under me. As we adjusted to each other I moved my hips just slightly up and down and then his hands gripped me to stop any other movement. “If ye do that again, I canna promise to be gentle.” He said.

“I don’t think I want gentle.” I said leaning over to kiss him. 

“As ye wish, Then.” And then he moved his hands and let me move as I wanted to. The slide of him on my skin became my sole Focus. The need for That friction drove me until I felt a warmth start to spread Out from my core.

“Jamie?” I panted 

“Let it happen Claire. Let go, love.” He said and all of a sudden I could feel stars in my fingertips. He flipped us over again and after a few more thrusts he groaned my name and collapsed on top of me. 

As we both floated back to land, he gathered me in his arms. We lay in the sun in our skin and our sweat dried in the gentle wind. I didn’t want to move yet and I looked at Jamie who had his eyes closed and his hand was tracing shapes on my hip. I wondered at the time and how much longer we would have to ourselves. I put my cheek on his chest and closed my eyes not wanting to lose the moment. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Jamie’s voice came from under my ear. 

“Like what?” I asked smiling, not knowing what he was talking about.

“I had a plan. It was carefully thought out and every moment accounted for.” He sat up and so I had to join him. He put my back to his chest and I sat in the hollow of his legs and he rested his chin on my shoulder. 

“We were to drive up with Murtagh and we were going to share the back seat and I was going to let you sleep on my shoulder. That way you could get some rest and I could enjoy the smell of yer hair without anyone knowing. And I could hold ye in my arms too but that was an added bonus. 

“We’d arrive and Jenny would scold me for making ye sleep in the truck and Willie would show ye around the house and then I could show you the fields. After ye put on something more comfortable. Something short I’d hoped. Maybe even put yer hair up so I could admire yer swan like neck. And I could walk a little behind ye so I could admire this glorious ass.

We’d have a big family dinner where Willie and Cece would tell ye stories that would only embarrass me. After a bit, Jenny would fuss and boss everyone to help clear after dinner and I’d take yer hand and bring ye to this very spot. 

It would be a bit cooler, being after dinner and so I’d wrap my arms around ye to keep you warm. And I would say that the world below our feet, is my past. It shaped me and made me the man that I am. And right now, in my arms, is my future. You make me want to be a better man.

I would tell you that I’ve loved ye since the first night ye fixed up my shoulder and every day since I found you again at Leoch, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be the person in your life that you turn to, that you would lean on. And then I would take my life into my hands, and kiss you.” And he turned me in his arms and he did kiss me. “I watched you open yerself up to new friendships. To trying to date. And I saw how you held back and kept a part of you separate, private. Except when you were with me. When we would have tea in the morning or a friday night dinner, you were different. With me. It gave me hope that maybe ye felt a little for me as well.”

“You ridiculous Scot!” I felt as though my heart would burst out of my chest at the idea of his plans for the time that I would be here. “Maybe I felt a little something for you?” We were naked on a hillside and yet I didn’t feel vulnerable. “Not once, did I not trust you. You told me to get in the car. You asked me to stay. You told me we had to get married. And not once did I question what or why you told me these things. I always knew that you would keep me safe and that you would take care of me.” I took a deep breath as it seemed like it was time for some truth from me. 

“In my head, I measured everyone to you. It made it easy to not attach myself to anyone else because they were never you. You were kind and strong. You could make me laugh like no one else. I didn’t feel the need to fill silences with you, it was always ok to just be, with you. And it didn’t hurt that you’re so damn good-looking.” He laughed at that as was my intention. “Jamie, it was safe for me to have feelings for you because I couldn’t imagine any situation where you would reciprocate them. You should be with someone else. Someone who knows what it is to be in love and not have a distant memory of what it looks like. Someone with a family who would love you and not an orphan who only knows how to bake a cake because if I wanted a cake on my birthday, who would bake it except for me? You should be with a person who knows how to use her words and won’t throw things at your head when she’s angry. 

“You’ve already given me so much, too much. I have nothing but my heart to give you and it’s already been yours for so long. I’m jobless, homeless and rootless. Why and how could I ask you to choose me?”

“Well, if ye add dramatic to yer list, ye’ll have described my perfect woman.”

“Jamie-” he stopped me with a kiss. A small adjustment and I was a straddle his lap and he was pressing inside me. With every thrust, he dissolved my objections. “Yer perfect as ye are, Sassenach. I didna need more family. I’ve enough money for us both. I need to keep fit so I can dodge yer strong throwing arm. I love eating cake. And here, right here, inside you, is my home. Tis all I want, Claire. You, are all that I want.” As we came together, I knew I was where I should be. I believed Jamie when he said that he loved me. I knew that I had strong feelings for him, but I wasn’t ready to tell him. I let my body speak for me and I hoped that he would understand I was trying to say that I loved him too.

“Stay with me, Claire.” he said as he held me afterwards.

“I will.” I promised him again.

The sun shifted and it became too cool to stay in just our skin so we slowly got dressed. Jamie held me in his arms as we watched the sun set. “Why did ye tell wee Jamie yer name was Eliza ?”

“He was calling me Uncle Jamie’s Friend so I thought perhaps something shorter would do.” i said with a smile.

“Uncle Jamie’s friend? Well ye are at that. But Eliza ? I had thought you would be yerself while we were here?”

“It was clear you had some sort of plan, and changing my name had been a part of it. As angry as I was at you for keeping it from me, I didn’t want to upset the apple cart so to speak, so I would be Eliza .”

“Hmph. Perhaps it would be wise to keep using Eliza , for now.”

“Still scheming, Jamie? Will you share your plans with me this time? I can help, you know.”

“Aye. I ken. I was just thinking, Dougal’s no coming for ye, but we’ve done a complete job of having Claire Beauchamp disappear. It also makes it harder for the crown to find ye. Claire walked out of Leoch into the night and that was it. Meebe, if ye stayed as Eliza , it would make Claire a little harder to find.”

“Do you really think that Dougal is just making smoke to cover himself? That he won’t miraculously find something and take it to the crown?”

“I didna ken what he’ll do or no do, but it’s better to have a plan in place just in case?”

“So, Jamie Fraser. You’ve introduced me to Mrs. Baird as your friend Eliza. Your family and everyone down in that house knows me as Claire. Who will I be when the rest of your family comes? And are you sure that Jenny and Willie are not upset that you want to marry me? Are you sure that we can get married?” I leaned back and looked at the tall Scot behind me.

“Yer going to be my wife, and I dare anyone to say anything different.” he growled at me. “Just because it was rushed doesn’t make it any less valid.”

“Alright, alright. We’re getting married. So why am I using my middle name, do I prefer Elizabeth or am I just contrary?” I asked curious as how far he’d thought this through.

“Ye are contrary, Sassenach.” I pinched him for that. “Yer already Claire Fraser in my mind and nothing else. The ladies from the village will likely be searching for you online, likely already have done so. Will it be odd, if they find no trace of ye?”

“No, I don’t think so. You’d have been hard pressed to find anything from the last 5 years for Claire Beauchamp. There are a few people out there who don’t actually exist online.”

“True enough. And Willie and Jenny are no upset. Not because we’re betrothed. Because I did it without telling them first. They both ken that once my mind is set, there’s no changing it. Yer mine and that’s that.”

“Stubborn Scot.” I said giving him an elbow to the stomach. “So we’ll say we plan to marry quietly and quickly because we can’t wait.”

“No one’s going to be asking to see our papers, forebye, so that’ll do. It’s true enough I couldn’t wait to get my hands on ye. Waking this morning with you in my arms was a glimpse into heaven and I kent it wouldn’t be the last time, then.”

“We’ve shared a bed before, Jamie.” I said thinking back to that first night so many months ago.

“Aye, and all those other nights I’d hold ye while ye snored in my arms, just to be sure that I was far away come morning.” he said grabbing my hands to keep me from pinching him again. “I wanted to stay and watch the sleep fall from yer whisky coloured eyes knowing it was me that woke ye. Besides, ye only snore when ye’ve been drinking ale. So, no too much.” 

“I do not snore!” 

“Ye do! But yer secret’s safe with me, Sassenach.” he chuckled. My stomach growled at him as he laughed at me. “I do love all the wee noises ye make.” I tried to step on his foot as he still held my hands until he finally just picked me up off the ground and put me on his shoulder. “Yer hunger is making ye ornery, Sassenach. Let’s get some food in ye before ye blacken my eye by mistake.”

“It wouldn’t be a mistake, you big oaf.” I said to his ass as he bounced me on his shoulder back to the house.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff. Fluffy fluff fluff. Enjoy! xoxo

“I was about to send the dogs out to look for the two of ye.” Jenny said as we came into the yard. I was still on Jamie’s shoulder and I had long given up on trying to get down. “Jamie! Put yer wife down this instant. By the Bride, ye’d think if ye were old enough to marry, ye’d be old enough to know better.” 

Jenny called me his wife, which I took to be a good sign. As soon as Jamie set my feet on the ground, I reached up, grabbed his ear and pulled him down for a quick kiss. “You’ll pay for that.” I said against his mouth.

“Promise, Sassenach?” he smirked at me.

“Jamie! Go inside and help Ian set the table to rights will ye?” said Jenny. “Claire, if I could have a word wit ye?” Jamie squeezed my hand in reassurance and walked past Jenny into the house. 

“Sure, Jenny.” I said and I followed her into the kitchen. 

She led me to a small table out of the way where she had the baby in a basket, cooing for all she was worth. Jenny picked up the baby and put her in my arms. I didn't really have much experience holding babies aside from holding Jenny’s so I tried not to panic as Kitty fussed at being so rudely moved from her basket to a strangers arms. She looked up at me and settled as soon as she saw I was smiling at her. She smelled of baby powder and sour milk, like all babies, and in my mind, it was heavenly.

“Jamie said that ye dinna have any family to speak of.” Jenny said in a quiet voice.

I looked at her across the baby i had in my arms. “No, I don’t. My parents passed when I was 10 and my Uncle Lamb, 5 years ago.”

“Grandparents?”

“My mom’s parents died when she was 17 and she was an only child. I don’t - my father’s mom was gone before I came along and his dad passed away when I was a baby. I don’t have any memories of him.” I told Jenny all of this with no hesitation, no reservation. They were all just names in a book I had saved somewhere. They didn’t feel like real people to me.

“Well. That settles it, then.” she said, looking from me to her baby. “Yer entire family is just Jamie, Bride save ye, and we can’t let that stand. Ye’ll be Kitty’s godmother, and I’ll no hear any arguments.”

“Jenny - you hardly know me, isn’t there someone else?” I gasped. 

“I ken everything I need to. Ye love Jamie?” I hadn’t said it out loud beyond to Jamie, but I supposed it wasn’t truly a secret, so I nodded my ascent. “Then that’s all I need to know. It’s clear he loves you and for a long time, I wondered if he’d ever find someone to love. Ye make him happy and so, that makes ye family.” Kitty waved her hands and touched my cheek seemingly agreeing with her mother.

“Thank you Jenny.” I replied solemnly.

“I was always going to ask ye.” she said as we went to look for the men. 

“What?” I asked in surprise. 

“Ye were there for me, and Ian, when he hurt his leg. Ye asked the doctors all the questions I didn’t know I needed to ask, ye sat and prayed wit me when he was in surgery and ye were there for Jamie when his sister was railing at him for being an idiot and letting her husband get broken.”

“It’s what a friend would do, that’s all.”

“Aye, well, ye were the only friend who didn’t listen to Jamie or me, when we sent all the rest home. Ye stayed the night with us at the hospital. For that alone, I’d ask ye to be Kitty’s godmother. And for not killing that bastard Grant, it shows that ye have some self-restraint and Lord knows someone in this family should have that talent as well, and that makes ye a bonny godmother in my mind.”

I didn’t realize that Jamie had played the others my recording and it must have shown in my face as I stopped in my tracks. “Dinna fash, Claire. We, all of us, know that everything that was said was a lie.” 

“Jenny, I don’t want you to think that I had sent that to Jamie because I wanted him to hear it. It was to protect -” 

“It was to protect yerself. Of course. The nerve of that man to think that he could say whatever he wanted to you because of Jamie. I promise ye, it will never come up again. It’s in the past.” she hugged me tightly and Kitty in my arms squirmed the closeness. Jenny took the baby upstairs to be put down and I went into the dining room to find Jamie.

Dinner was a loud and boisterous affair with much joking and teasing. I was surprised to note that Cecilia and Jenny gave as good as they got, but honestly it seemed that if a person was going to stake a claim to this family, they’d need a ready wit. The dishes were cleared and wee Jamie was put to bed but everyone else remained around the dining room table.

Willie stood and tapped his wine glass to his water once to get everyone’s attention. “Well then. Our little brother, has never been one to take the conventional path. We already live under a microscope and he decides to make a career as a professional rugby player. Instead of ignoring the business degree he earned at uni, he actually used it to work for our Uncle’s business. And instead of finding and marrying a girl he’s known forever, he’s gone off and married a sassenach lass he’s known for all of 6 months. Which we all know, is 6 months longer than he’s known any girl.” 

“Haha Willie. Get on wit it?” said Jamie, holding my hand under the table and I could tell he was not sure where his brother was going with this toast.

“Jamie Ye’ve always made the bold choice. And ye did so again in yer soon to be wife. I know ye barely know us Claire, but we are happy yer here and that Ye’ve made Jamie happy as well. We’re no an easy lot but I’d hope ye’d know that, after spending sometime with Jamie. Welcome to the Clan Fraser.” 

After a chorus of cheers, I knew I had to say something. “Thank you. All of you. For accepting me as I am. I’m not the greatest catch but I guess that you are stuck with me. I’m grateful for the chance to be in your family. Thank you.”

“We should be thanking you for getting Jamie to settle down. Jenny and I were certain that we’d have to keep a room for him here long after the bairns had left us. Old Uncle Jamie. Wandering the hall in his old kilt. I remember when…” Ian laughed.

“And now that that is out of the way, and yer a member of the clan…” started Rupert “I have a small question for ye, Claire.”

“Oh no.” I groaned. “Ask away but I may not answer…”

“It’s nothing bad, Claire. I’ve always just wondered, that first night out Jamie walked ye home… was it his pretty blue eyes or his red hair that got him in yer house?”

“RUPERT!” Jamie laughed.

“We all ken that Jamie hadn’t been past a girls door for months and yet, there was this photo of Claire on the inside of her house from Jamie’s phone. So, what’d he say or do to get in? It took the rest of us weeks before ye’d even tell us where ye lived. Jamie must have done something…”

“Ye couldn’t leave well enough alone…” said Murtagh. 

“Now Murtagh, Rupert did ask me for a full report of that night, if I recall correctly.” I said. 

“Claire…” Jamie growled at me. 

“He didn’t say anything.” I said blinking innocently. “He picked me up over his shoulder and carried me in.” 

“Jamie!” Said Cecilia. 

“Had to.” Jamie said. “She was too drunk to make it up her steps on her own, someone had to see to her.”

We all laughed at the idea of me being too drunk. We had already talked about my capacity to drink and that I could in fact drink Rupert under the table. 

“That’s what yer going with then?” Asked Rupert. “Claire couldn’t walk up her own steps and so ye had to carry her in.”

“Aye..” I said in challenge. 

“Then how do ye explain Jamie no being home until 7 the next morning?”

“How do you know that?” I asked. 

“Well, i forgot my house keys at the pub and Jamie’s place was closer and I kent that he doesna lock his gate door so I got John to drop me there and passed out on his couch. And he stumbled in at 7 like a cat who gotten into the cream.”

Everyone laughed again and I buried my red face in Jamie’s shoulder. “Rupert, ye werena ever to tell that story.” He scolded Rupert. 

“Bah, it’s no but a stepping stone in the great love affair ye two have been hiding all along. And besides, Claire said it all with a straight face. If she’s ever questioned, we Ken that she’ll be cool as a creek about it. I’m just doing my job as her attorney. Covering her ass. And yers too, a Cariad.”

“A Great love affair?” I said, peeking from Jamie shoulder at Rupert. 

“Aye. Others will be coming up for this gathering who Ken ye both from before. We’ll need this story straight long before they get here.”

“There’s more wine in the library for that. C’mon Claire. Jenny and I will tell ye everything ye should already know about Jamie.” Cecilia said standing up. 

“Shouldn’t I be there too?” Asked Jamie. 

“No. Ye stay here and hash out with yer attorney how much ass ye have to cover. We’ll take care of our Claire.” Cecilia said taking my arm and drawing me away. 

“Be nice, Jenny.” Warned Jamie. 

“Yer wife needs to know what she’s getting herself into.” And with that I was drawn into the library and the door was closed. 

“Those men!” Said Cece. “I’m sorry Claire. Rupert doesn’t know when to stop.”

“Don’t apologize for him. I’ve known all along that Rupert would be the one who would tell my secrets. Such as they are. I’ve just forgotten that some of them are.”

“Some of them are secret? What does that mean?” Jenny asked. 

“I’m just saying that Jamie and I, we spent a lot of time together. Alone. I didn’t even question that we would be on our own sometimes when we did things together. It was a given.”

“Maybe ye have had a great love affair?” Said Cece. “What sorts of things would ye do?”

I sipped my wine and thought about our friendship. “We had tea after I got off work everyday. I worked nights, so by the time I’d clock out, it would be time for his break in the morning.”

“Everyday?”

“Except for the days one of us was away. He’d come with me to clinics, where all he’d do was take up space. We’d have dinner every other Friday.”

“Weren’t there others around for that?” Jenny asked. 

“Not always. In the past, if one of them couldn’t make it, they’d cancel. But the first time that happened and I was invited, Jamie told Me he already had the food ready and I should still come over to his place. So I did and it just kept happening. We never mentioned that we had dinner without anyone else, the next time everyone gathered. We just did.” i thought about it a bit more. “Actually we had dinner every friday. I didn’t work fridays. It just changed locations and if there were other people around.”

“Every morning for coffee and then every Friday for a meal. Always home cooked?” asked Cece looking at Jenny.

“No, it was often take away, if it was my turn to cook. Or sometimes we’d go out.” I shrugged. 

“To a restaurant? Just the two of ye? Like a date?” ask Jenny.

“Not a date! Just two friends, sharing a meal.” i said, hearing the lie. “So, a great love affair, that i’ve been denying?” We all giggled at my naivete. “Truthfully, I never thought of Jamie that way. In my mind, he was a 10 and I was just a mere 5 and there was no way he ever considered me anything more?” I said feeling my blush become a permanent feature.

“Well, if ye weren’t already to be married, I’ll tell ye to keep that thought to yerself. Jamie is a 10! Ha!” laughed Jenny. “And maybe you didn’t ken that Jamie did think of ye that way, but he did of you. And if yer a 5 I must be a 2. Yer beautiful, Claire. And no just Jamie thinks so.”

“Yes, you are. But don’t tell Jamie we said so. We’ll never hear the end of it.” added Cece. 

“As we told ye, Jamie hardly ever spoke of you. He’d tell us something interesting that he’d heard having dinner with some friends or at coffee break he’d heard some bit of news he thought to share. When he was here for supper, he’d always be checking his phone for work messages, although I can’t imagine what would have been so pressing. My guess is that he was checking in with you?” Jenny said. 

“He would only say your name in passing. Claire has a wee green thing like that in her greenhouse. Or Claire makes a tea that would help with that. Nothing more.” Cece added. 

“Right? But he’d say yer name and he’s ears would glow bright red and then run outta the room. It was a sight to see, my baby brother with a wee crush.” 

“My goodness! I had no idea.” I admitted. 

“And then when Ian hurt his leg, ye were there. No question of if ye should stay or go, we tried to send ye off, but then ye’d come back with snacks for the bairns or coffee for me. I saw that you made Jamie lie down and that ye held his hand when he did. It was clear as day that ye cared about him. Why do ye think I’d stuck ye in the same room?”

“Janet! You didn’t!” exclaimed Cecilia. 

“I did and I was going to say, weren’t you already a couple, why go through the bother of having separate rooms?”

“That was before all this!” I protested. 

“Ye’ve been a couple for weeks! Months even. Yer too blind to see it and my brother was too much of a coward to make it so.”

“That’s not fair, Jenny. I’d say that Claire was a coward too.” added Cecilia and the two of them clinked their glasses and had a laugh. A part of me was surprised at their judgement, but they were right. It had taken some extraordinary circumstances to get to this point, so I joined them in their mirth.

“We may be cowards, but at least I’ll admit it? Jamie said he planned to woo me this weekend, surrounded by this family. Maybe we would have gotten it figured on our own?” Jenny arched an eyebrow at me. “With a nudge or 2?” i conceded.

“Ah, Claire! If ye didna go to bed with grass stains on yer clothes the first night ye spend under this roof, clearly we didna do our job properly.” There had been some teasing at dinner about the state of my shirt and if Jamie had helped me tumble down the hill as everyone had seen us come back with my ass over his shoulder.

“So that’s what it takes to be a Fraser? I thought it was a roll in the hay loft?” said Cecilia. “At least, it’s what Willie had told me back then…”

“Weel, I started out as a Fraser and so to get out of it, I had to go for a wee walk over by the mill pond.” said Jenny trying to keep a straight face. The three of us laughed and i felt as though I had made 2 very good friends. Realizing that I was now a nearly married woman, with a new family and new friends, I felt suddenly overcome with emotions. I nodded weakly at Jenny and found myself in her embrace with Cecilia’s arms around the both of us.

“Hey now, ye weren’t supposed to make her weepy, jenny!” Jamie said coming in to the library.

I pulled myself together and looked at my husband. He looked more relaxed than he did the last time we were in this room and for that I was glad. “I’m not weepy.” I said. “Just tipsy.”

“Ach! Ye’ve been at the white wine, I suppose.” as I nodded, he took my hand and stood me up. 

“If you put me over your shoulder one more time…” I warned him. 

“Good night ladies. My wife and I have some things to discuss.” he said tugging me upstairs.

“Good night Claire!” called Rupert as we passed him at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’ll be in his bed this time, Rupert. Just wanted you to know.” I said with a wink.

“Let’s go Sassenach, before ye say anything more. And if anyone knocks on our door before 11, they’ll be getting an eyeful more than they asked for.” Jamie yelled down the stairs. 

“Jamie!” I said in surprise. He got a look in his eye and over his shoulder I went. “Good night!” I called as we disappeared behind closed doors.


	23. Chapter 23

We spent the following morning still wrapped in each other’s arms. We didn’t get much sleep but although the time alternated between standing still and rushing by, we found time to find each other. It felt as though we were in a bubble, learning about each other, what felt good and what felt really good. He told me about his parents and I told him about growing up with my uncle. He expressed gratitude that I could shot out the eye of a rabbit at 50 feet, that way if we ended up living in the woods, we’d always have food. I told him I’d shoot whatever he wanted, so long as he cleaned it. I may be alright with treating scrapes and cuts, but I was not okay with butchering an animal.

“Jamie!” Jenny yelled through the door. “It’s nearly luncheon and Ian said ye’d help him in the barn this morning.” We had been trying to get dressed to head downstairs but had been fairly distracted in doing so.

“Tell Ian i’m on my way.” Jamie replied, still through the door.

“Today?” Jenny said and we laughed as we listened to her stomp away from our door.

“Well, Sassenach. I guess I’ll see ye later then?”

“Definitely.” I said with our lips together. “I’ll be helping Jenny wherever she needs another set of hands.”

“Hmm, I might need those hands, too, later on.” he said wrapping himself around me again.

“You should go, before Jenny comes back.”

“A bientot, Sassenach.” he said with one last kiss.

I spent the rest of the day in the kitchen with the other ladies. Jenny’s in-laws had arrived in the morning and I was so caught up in helping, I didn’t realize Jenny’s mother in law was talking to me.

“Dinna fash about Eliza, mom.” said Jenny giving me a quick hip check around the kitchen island. “She’s lost in that newlywed bliss, ye ken.”

“I didn’t realize ye were newlyweds?” Maggie Murray said.

“Oh,we’re not. It’s just the bliss of being newly engaged. I’m sure we’ll have a small wedding sooner rather than later. Jamie and I know that we’ll spend the rest of our days together, so why wait a moment longer than we need to.”I said.

“And what about the dress, and the party and all those presents.” Mrs. Murray asked.

“I’ve never really thought about those things.” I said. “My parents married quickly without any of it, so I never thought that it would be something I’d want for myself. It hadn’t occurred to me to want more than the man I loved at my side.” Cecilia coughed beside me and I realized that I said I loved Jamie. I met her eyes which were open wide and I could feel the blood rush to my face.

“How romantic, Eliza!” Cece said trying to steer the conversation away from me. “I wanted the whole big white wedding, myself. Do you remember Jenny? I had tried on the biggest, whitest wedding dress in all of Scotland, I think.” 

“Well if yer parents didn’t have a big wedding, surely they’d want one for their precious daughter.” Maggie said persisting on.

“Mom-” Jenny started.

“My parents are gone, Mrs. Murray.” i said cutting off Jenny. It wasn’t a secret and we didn’t need to walk on eggshells around the fact that I was an orphan. “I’m afraid it’s just me. Jamie and really everyone, has been kind enough to accept me as one of their own.”

“Oh dear. I’ve put my foot in my mouth, haven’t i?” said Maggie ruefully.

“Dinna fash, isn’t that how it’s said?” I said banking on my Englishness. “Is Kitty here the first grand-daughter, then?” I asked trying to change the subject again.

“Oh, well, she is!” said the doting grandma and Maggie went on and on about the wonder of babies and focus turned away from me.

We made enough pastries for a small army and by around mid-afternoon, the heat in the kitchen was too much to bear. Jenny took the children upstairs for a nap and I took the opportunity to escape and find my soon to be husband.

“I think they’re out by the paddock.” said Rabbie, the tall boy who had stored my bags the day before. “Thank you.” I said and headed out through the barn.

I found my husband leading a small brown horse around a pen. He seemed at ease leading her through her paces. No wonder he was comfortable leading me around, I thought.

“He’s a soft touch with the horses.” said Murtagh, joining me at the rail.

“So I see.”

“I had thought he’d come back here, when he was done with rugby but I was mistaken.”

“Was working for Collum such a stretch, then?” I asked the man who seemed to know Jamie the best.

“Working for Collum was the lesser of two evils. Jamie loves his sister, but to have Jenny tell him what to do day in and day out would have killed them both.”

“Aren’t there other farms Jamie could have gone to?”

“Aye, but the first question they’d all ask would be why not be at Lallybroch? Most around here know that Jenny is strong willed, but if Jamie wouldn’t work with her, it would start tongues wagging, ye ken?”

“I suppose.” I looked at Murtagh trying to gauge his mood. “Did you ever think Jamie would want to marry a girl he barely knows to save her from herself?” I knew what I said wasn’t exactly true, but it’s what would be said about us and I wanted to know what Murtagh thought.

“No. I thought that Jamie would marry a woman who could make him become the man I’ve always kent him to be. And simply because he met her a few months ago, doesna mean that he barely knows her. It shows that Jamie kens his own heart and what he needs. And she’s no the only one who needed saving. Jamie was on his way to becoming an auld grump like his godfather, if ye hadna come along. He needed ye as much as ye need him… Eliza.” 

“Oh Murtagh!” 

“Be happy, lass. Let the rest lie.” I wrapped my arms around the old Scot to show him how much his words meant to me.

“Hey now! That’s my woman! If ye’re wanting one of yer own, there’s a plenty down in Edinburgh just waiting on ye to call them.” Jamie said coming over to join us.

“Hmph.” said Murtagh giving me a last squeeze. “Ye took the last good one for yerself. Gimme this horse and ye can remind yer wife she’s made the right choice.”

“Hello, Sassenach.” Jamie said, hoping over the rail and giving me a kiss on my nose.

“Hello, Mr. Fraser. How has your day been?”

“Bonny! More family had turned up so we’d spent the morning making sure everyone’s tents are set up right and that no one has been no greeted. Willie’s out in the meadow playing Laird Broch Turach and having a grand time. And you, mo ghraidh? Keeping busy?”

“Umhmm. I'm fairly certain if I can't do anything else, I can help out Alan at the coffee house. We’ve made a mountain of sweets. And the whole time Maggie Murray’s been trying to get all the details of our whirlwind romance.”

“Dianna fash about old Maggie. All ye’ll need to do is smile and nod and she’ll fill in the rest all on her own.”

“Bloody lot, you know.” I said shaking my head. “I think I may have given her all my passwords for work while she plied me with other inane questions.”

“Ye alright, Claire?” He asked me with concern in his voice. 

“It’s Eliza, remember?” I said pinching his arm.

“Ouch. Is it too much then? Have I asked too much of you?” Jamie looked at me concern wrinkling his forehead.

“No, Jamie. I’ve plenty of practice at being someone else. It’s not the name.” How do I tell him I was afraid of disappointing him? “It’s, I just -“

“I ken, mo ghraidh.” He kissed my hands and looked deep into my eyes and maybe he did understand. “Let’s go inside and i’ll face Maggie myself. Yer no alone, alright? There’s the two of us now.”

We went into the kitchen hand in hand and I felt safe and secure. Had the last 3 days actually been real? Before, my greatest worry was whether or not Jenny would think I had overstepped by showing up to check on Ian. Now, I had a fiancé, in-laws, a soon to be god-daughter and a room full of strangers who were welcoming me with open arms. 

“Is there something in my hair?” I asked Jamie, knowing that my curls would capture and hold just about anything, noticing that everyone had turned and looked at us when we walked in the house. 

“No Sassenach. They’re just struck by yer beauty, as am I.” He said kissing my moms ring on my hand. 

“Actually, we were wondering what our Eliza was doing with the likes of you.” Rupert said from the back of the room. 

“Haha.” I deadpanned. “One day Rupert, a woman is going to realize there’s a man under all that hair and then what will you do?”

“He’d be terrified, Eliza.” Cecilia said capturing my hand and bringing me to the island where she had been standing and seemingly out of the way. 

“Jamie.” started Jenny. “Mom has been thinking that since Fr Kenneth is coming out to perform the Christening tomorrow, we could ask him to do a quick ceremony for you and Eliza.” She finished in a rush.

“A quick-“ I said

“Maggie-“ Jamie started at the same time

“Brian and Ellen may no be here in person but they would want you to be married in that chapel. By a priest.”

“Maggie.” Murtagh interjected, coming in from behind Rupert. “Brian and Ellen didna have their own union blessed until Willie there was about ready to head to school. I ken it because I was there. Didna try and use them just to try and make yerself feel better.”

“I’m no doing that.” Maggie protested.

“Aye, yer are mum.” said Ian.

“David! Will ye let yer own son talk to me like that?” Maggie said, turning to her husband. I looked at Jamie and it was clear this discussion had been going on for some time without us. I looked at him trying to guess what he was thinking and hoping we were thinking the same thing.

“I dinna see that he’s wrong, Maggie.” said Ian’s father. “Jamie looks happy enough to me. His Eliza is content with how things are. We didna ken if she’s even Catholic and ye never even thought to ask the lass. Ye just set out to right the world, according to yerself.”

“Maggie.” I said, walking closer to her. “I understand that we've surprised you. You had come for your grand-daughter’s christening and to see old friends, not to meet a total stranger who was now almost family. Thank you for trying to give me a small bit of every other girl’s dream. It’s very kind and really far more than I deserve.”

“Sassenach-” Jamie said walking to join me.

“Jamie. This weekend was for Caitlin and Jenny and Ian and wee Jamie. Not us.” I looked at Maggie. “Jamie and I will talk, and if we agree, we can talk to Fr. Kenneth next week about something. Would that suit, Maggie?”

“Och, Eliza. I never meant to take anything away from Kitty. I just wanted to make sure ye didna regret not having something that would really be so easy to arrange-”

“Maggie, thank ye for your concern.” said Jamie. “Eliza and I are settled and we’re happy as we are. If we do decide to do something, we will, but not just for the sake of our families and we’ll no rush into something. We’ll give everyone proper notice for a party.”

“Come with me, mo duinne. Let’s go see about that grand baby of ours.” David drew Maggie out of the kitchen, who still concerned that Jamie and I were missing out on something.

“Nicely done, Eliza. Perhaps you’d be interested in becoming a negotiator next?” said Rupert.

“Now he speaks up.” said Murtagh. “Some attorney ye are.”

“She did just fine without him.” added Willie. He turned and looked at Jamie and I. “Now are ye ready for yer next bout?”

“What’re you on about now, William.” asked his wife.

“Dinna fash, Cecilia. This one’s all for Jamie.” said Rupert with a nod to the room beyond him. “John’s called.”

“What does it matter, if John’s called.” said Cecilia as the men once more disappeared to confer. 

“Um, well. I suppose it matters that I had gone on a date with John a few weeks ago. And it was pleasant, but -”I answered her. 

“An actual date?” asked Jenny sounding shocked, but then ruined it by giggling.

“An actual date. Followed by an actual rejection. John’s wonderful but he’s not for me.” I said. 

“Obviously.” snorted my almost sister-in-law.

“I shut the door pretty firmly on a second date or anything else between us. Jamie was there even when I turned John down. Actually, I haven’t seen him since and I’m hoping that we could be friends still.”

“Well, once he’s here, it’ll be clear as day that you’re with Jamie.” said Cece. “I don’t know how much of everything we’d need to tell John, but surely he would understand if we told him that you and Jamie are still new and that there was really not a snowball's chance in hell that you would have gone out with him instead?”

“Tell yerself that.” Jenny said in judgment of Jamie’s best friend. “John Grey has never been one to be able to see the forest for the trees. Although, Claire, ye did get my mother-in-law to stay put and not run back to Glasgow and fetch ye her wedding dress so maybe ye can convince John of something.”

“Maggie wouldn’t have gone -” I started.

“Oh, she had the whole thing plotted out. Drive there and back, even made time for cleaners to have at it and be back here in time for Kitty’s christening tomorrow.” Jenny said with a nod. “She kent there was no way the length of ye would have fit in my wedding dress and she thought hers might be just long enough if she dropped them hem.”

“Oh my word! I really don’t need a wedding if it’s all that much trouble.” 

“Aye, well, we’ll keep saying that to her until she hears us which will likely be sometime next week.” Jenny said with a laugh.

“Listen Claire, once John gets here, leave him to Jamie to sort out. Either John will come around or he won’t be welcome here. My guess is that he’ll understand.”

“I’d never ask Jamie to choose me over an old friend.”

“Of course ye wouldn’t, but you wouldn’t be asking. Jamie’s made his choice and it’s you. It will always be you, he’s said.” Cecilia pointed out.

“Sassenach!” Jamie called to me from the other room.

I grabbed Jenny’s hand as I walked past her. “And I’ll always choose Jamie.”

I found three of them standing together outside the front steps. “What’s to do, my lad?” I asked Jamie putting my arms around him. 

“Weel, we’ve decided that Rupert should be the one to tell John what he needs to know. A neutral 3rd party to keep some peace, aye?” Jamie said as we started to walk around the house to the back garden, Rupert and Ian following a step behind.

“John never stood a chance wit ye, Claire. Ye’ve clearly made the better choice.” said Ian.

“Thanks Ian.” I called over my shoulder

“Aye well, Rupert also owes me, which is why he gets to do the honors. I had drawn the short straw, but it’s my party, ye ken.”

“There’s something else, Claire.” Jamie said. His use of my name sent a chill down my spine. “John’s no alone. His cousin Geneva is coming up as well.”

“Geneva? Should I know her?” I asked the three of them, each one looking uncomfortable.

“Nah. John had her stay with him for a few weeks when she’d finished her A levels last year. And now she’s visiting before she heads back to school.” Rupert explained.

“Ach, that girl did nothing but leave a bad taste in yer mouth.” said Ian. “And ye ken it to be true, Jamie.” 

“So, she’s visiting John? What does it matter if she comes here?” I asked dreading the answer.

“The thing is, she had a bit of a crush -” started Jamie

“Obsession,” coughed Rupert.

“On me and she may be put out that I’ve gotten engaged. To you. Without her permission.” finished Jamie.

“Her permission?” I asked crossing my arms waiting for an explanation.

“It was during the off season and I was considering retirement and what my life would look like. She was always just around. there wasn’t anything real or true between us but those few weeks, she would be my dinner partner, or the girl who sat with me at the bar-”

“The girl who warmed your bed?” I had to know.

“Never! God, no, never that.” Jamie exclaimed, looking over my shoulder at Ian and Rupert for support. “She’s John’s cousin and I may have been a dog, but I’d never used her like that. And she, well, she assumed it was because I respected her too much.”

“Was too scared of her, most like.” mumbled Ian.

“The truth was that I was never attracted to her like that. It was just a glimpse into a life with someone at my side, someone to share things with. It was never about her. It gave me hope that I could share a life with someone. A life with you, when you finally came along.”

“And did you ever explain this to her?” I challenged Jamie.

“I may have said something like she was too young to settle down and I would be a terrible choice to be with. I made her no promises, Sassenach.”

“Merde.” I said shaking my head, wanting very much to throw something at my darling fiancé. “Jamie, that girl, to whom you made no promises, is coming here. A year older and she’ll think of herself as wiser and she’s expecting that if you weren’t good enough then, maybe after some time as a civilian, you’re good enough now.”

“You dinna ken what yer saying, Sassenach.” he said trying to calm my fears.

“Don’t I?” I put my finger in his chest and pushed. “I may not know this girl, but I know you James Fraser. I’ve watched you chat with every manner of female, young and old, and you leave them all hoping.” He shook his head at me and captured my hands so I couldn’t push him anymore. I looked at Rupert and at Ian in turn to see if they agreed with me. Rupert had the good sense to look away.

“I do not lead women on.” said Jamie in his own defence.

“That’s not what I said. I said you give them hope. That maybe, some day, you’ll actually notice them and see that they are the one you’re looking for. They don’t feel lead on or rejected, just that perhaps the timing or the place is all wrong. It’s nothing to do with her. Maybe tomorrow will be the day you come to your senses and finally realize what you’ve been missing.” I pulled my hands from Jamie’s and crossed my arms. “ Hope.”

“Weel…” hedged Ian.

“It was never a purpose.” Rupert agreed. “But it’s happened.”

“Since we were lads, Jamie.” Ian said. “Lasses would all sigh over yer eyes, or yer hair or the other parts of ye. Jenny would ask me all the time, What’s wrong with my brother that he hasn’t settled on a girl yet? I’d say that ye were looking for something, but even if you didn’t ken what it was.”

“All the girls?” I asked started to get intimidated by descent of the village the next day.

“And maybe even a teacher or two, once we got to high school. Jamie would smile, or share a word or two and the next thing ye know, they were eating out of the palm of his hand.” Ian said with a grin.

“That’s no true and ye know it well.” said Jamie turning red as we stood there.

“Methinks the lad protests too much.” I said re-taking his hands in mine. “It’s who you are. You’re one of those who would could sell sand in the desert and make a mint doing it.”

He looked at me ruefully. “Did I make ye hope, Claire?” 

I sighed and leaned into him. “No. You gave me more than hope. You gave me a life. Full of laughter and friends and family. You gave me right now.” behind Jamie I heard Ian clear his throat and the sounds of their footsteps as he and Rupert left us. 

“RIght now?” Jamie’s eyes were growing darker by the second and he pulled me close to him.

“I looked at you and I knew I didn’t have to worry or plan for tomorrow or reconsider what I said and did yesterday. When I was with you, there’s only right now, the present, and I wanted to enjoy it for the gift that it was. 

“And do ye ken what I saw when I looked at you, mo ghraidh? I saw all my tomorrows. I saw the face of the person who could share my joys and sorrows, hold my hand and bear my children. I saw my heart and I kent I’d found ye the moment ye called me a fool in the dark”

I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes, this man was too much. “How can you say those things? How do you know?” I whispered. 

“It’s no but the truth, Sassenach. I’ve kent the truth of them for months. But how would I say them to ye without scaring ye off?” He held my face in his hands and kissed me. “I’ve learned that despite yer glass face, or maybe because of it, ye don’t share yer feelings easily. I’ve seen how ye wear yer compassion like a suit of armour. So long as ye can ease another person’s sorrow, yer saved from feeling yer own. Not that yer cold and unfeeling, it’s more the opposite. But ye didna trust any people to see it.”

I was shocked that Jamie had seen me so clearly. “I can already see the panic and worry in those whisky coloured eyes. Ye can rest assured that I kept my thoughts to myself. But feeling yer heart race now, do ye see how I couldna admit my feelings to ye before?” He leaned his lips on my forehead. “And I’ll say them to ye as many times as it takes until ye finally believe me.”

“I believe you, Jamie.”

“Oh? And what trick is this,”he chuckled. 

“You are the most exasperating man I know. But you’re also the most honest. So if you say it to be true, I’ll believe you.” He mumbled something about stubborn women into my hair. “Be patient with me?”

“I’d wait 200 years for ye. But I might need some incentive to tide me over.”

“Incentive?” I asked holding him even closer. 

“A kiss perhaps?”

“A mere kiss for 200 years. I suppose I should make it count?” And so I put my hands to his face and watched as his eyes darken like midnight. I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheeks in turn. And then his eyes as they shut. I kissed the corners of his lips until lust overtook us both and I found myself off the ground. I wrapped my legs around him as we kissed and we moved over to where Jamie could press my back to a tree and moved his mouth down my neck. I left my left leg in his hip and arched my back to get closer to him. It was hard to remember that anyone could come find us necking on an oak tree. 

“Jamie Fraser!” yelled a high pitched voice I’d never heard before. 

“No.” he said to my neck, “no, no no.” I put my leg down and tilted my head at Jamie. He put his head on my forehead and sighed. “Am I terrible? I want ye so badly I dinna want to turn around, Sassenach.” 

“No more than I, mon coeur.” his eyes crinkled at the endearment. It seemed only fair that I give him one for the many he had for me. I didn’t know who was demanding his attention, but I had a fairly good guess.

“Jamie!” she said again.

“Good Luck, soldier.” I smirked at him as we untangled ourselves.

“Hello, Geneva.” he said moving to stand in front of me. “I didna ken you were coming out this weekend.”

“I’m headed back to school soon and I wanted to see you.” she said crossing her arms.

“Well, then. Now ye have.” Jamie said brusquely. “Is John with ye?”

“He’s inside with the large one, Rupert? Was it?” She stared at me as though she were looking for a flaw to point out. “I’m Geneva Dunsany, an old friend of Jamie’s. Who are you?” She was bold as brass this one.

“Oh?” I said taking a step to be beside Jamie. “I didn’t know Jamie had any friends who were still in school. Headed back for your level As are you?” 

“I’m 20 years old and at College. Jamie’s only 28. It’s not that large an age gap. You must be at least, what? 30? Jamie’s a little young for you, isn’t he?” she said thinking she had insulted my age.

“He is a young man, too true.” I said making a show of looking Jamie over. “ But then again 28 never looked so good.” 

“So, who are you?” she asked again. I reached around Jamie to pinch his side when I felt him take a breath to answer. I looked at him as if to say she’s made this about me, so I'll deal with it. And then I hip checked him to say I’d deal with him later. He bit his lip to try and not laugh at me. I stepped on his toe to stand in front of him and asked her if it mattered. “Of course it matters. I asked you a question, so it matters.” She looked at Jamie for support but he knew he would end up with something broken if he didn’t let me handle this. It was meant to be his problem, but it had fallen to me to solve it. Geneva looked ready to stomp her foot in protest like a child and given her attitude towards me and to Jamie, I wanted to wait and see if she actually would.

“Jamie, I don’t see how you could be with someone who clearly doesn’t respect your friends.” she said as though ignoring me would make me go away. Geneva had obviously never been denied anything in her life. And a small part of me was gleeful in denying her my Jamie.

“That’s true.” I turned and looked at him over my shoulder. “Although, I’ve met most of your friends and there’s not a respectable one in the lot.” He took ahold of my elbow and gave it a good shake. “Maybe Lucas. Would you consider Lucas respectable? I could respect Lucas.” I asked Geneva, not really caring about her answer, only trying to distract her from my husband who had started to pull on my hair to get me to stop teasing the girl.

“Sassenach.” Jamie growled under his breath behind me.

“Jamie!” called John coming outside to join our little standoff. “Ye need to check yer phone more often. Gen - I see you’ve found him.” 

“Hello John.” I said, feeling Jamie take a step forward so I could feel his body touching mine. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“How’s things?” John said noting our movements. “Eliza, this is my little cousin Geneva. Gen, this is Eliza.”

“My wife.” Jamie announced to everyone. I turned my head to glare at him and he calmly looked at me, daring me to say something.

“Wife!” Geneva yelled, turning on John. “He can’t be married. You can’t be married. I didn’t even see that you were dating anyone or engaged. How can he be married?”

“Who would tell you if Jamie was dating someone?” I asked curious as to who was keeping tabs on him. 

“Geneva’s father runs the Evening Star. He keeps an eye on all sorts of characters.” said John.

“Including Jamie?” I asked.

“I was a rather good rugby player, Sassenach. Only forced into retirement by a bum shoulder.” Jamie shrugged. “I likely could go back to playing, if I wanted. With the right people around me, of course.”

I turned all the way around and looked at Jamie. This was the first I’d heard of his return to the sport. “Do you?” I asked him, mildly surprised by this announcement. 

“It’s crossed my mind, recently, if you must know.” he said to me. 

“You’ve never once mentioned -” I started to say to Jamie before being cut off. 

“When did you get married!” shouted Geneva, finding herself completely ignored. “Why? I thought you’d wait-”

“You thought that he would wait for you?” I said whipping my head back around. “Until when? Until you finished school? You grew another 6 inches? Why would he wait for you?” 

“Eliza.” Jamie hissed. I glared at his use of that name. All of a sudden, I was faced with a lifetime of women trying to claim him from me. There was no way I could let this stand. 

“He.. I was just…. It was….” Geneva didn’t have an answer to my very simple question and it was clear that Jamie was not coming to her rescue. “I understood that he was waiting.” she finished lamely.

“Geneva.” John said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you head inside and say hello to everyone else. You came straight here to find Jamie and you’ve forgotten your manners.” 

“Manners!” she scoffed. “He was waiting for me.” she said quietly as she went inside.

“He was waiting for me.” I replied to her back.

“So congratulations are in order.” John said once the kitchen door closed behind Geneva. He came closer to us so as to not yell across the yard.

“Thank you John.” I said.

“Rupert explained it, did he?” asked Jamie.

“He said you had been seeing each other for the last couple of weeks and after some dust up at Leoch and coming here, ye decided to make it somewhat official before Jenny could stop you.” He looked back over his shoulder to make sure there was no one to overhear us. “He also said you were going by your middle name while you were here so that if anyone were asking for Claire, they wouldn’t have to lie for you. I must say, Jamie, you could have told me you were going to try for this fair lady’s hand, I would have given you pointers for what to do.”

“Aye, i just did the opposite of what I thought you would do, and it worked out.” Jamie joked and reached out to shake John’s hand. I never understood how a handshake between men cured all ills. 

“Well, Eliza.” he said my new name deliberately, “If he ever does anything to disappoint, I’d be happy to try and help you pick up the pieces.”

“Thank you, John.” I said sincerly.

“Also, remind me to never get on your bad side. I’m not sure Geneva will be recovered by dinner time to be civil.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” I said bracing myself for dinner. “Will this mean that by Monday morning, the world will know that Jamie Fraser is a married man?”

“Hmm, I didna ken. What do you think John? I don’t think i’m news worthy, but Geneva might think her da needs to make it widely known?

“We’d like to keep our private lives private, if we can.” I said

“Right. I’ll give Uncle Henry a shout and tell him Gen’s got her knickers in a bunch over nothing. And then maybe I’ll take her phone away too.” John turned to go make his call and I turned to Jamie.

“Do you have any horseshoes handy, Jamie?” I asked him as we watched John head into the house.. 

“What for, Sassenach?”

“I’ve a feeling we’ve just used up the last bit of luck we have and I’d like more.” I sighed.

“Have a little faith, Claire.”

Dinner was certainly a step away from the laughter and warmth of the previous night’s affair. It seemed that Ian’s parents, and John and Geneva were watching my every move, and I felt as though I was walking on a tightrope trying to not make any mistakes.

“Eliza, why don’t you tell us how you and Jamie met?” Maggie asked as the dinner plates were cleared. “I’m sure it’s more interesting than how our kids all met while they were in school.”

“It’s no that interesting, really Maggie. Eliza came out to patch me up after a rugby game and that was it.” said Jamie, holding my hand to keep it from playing with the cutlery. 

“There was a bit more to it than that, Jamie.” said John from the other end of the table.

“Oh, well I suppose you would know Eliza also having come up from Edinburgh. It’s such a small world we live in, isn’t it?” Maggie said, clearly fishing for more details.

“Most of our team from uni still live in and around the city so we get together for a friendly match every now and again. Eliza here has become our team mascot and unofficial medic.” John said raising his glass to us.

“I didn’t know you had medical training Eliza.” Maggie said looking at Jenny like she had left out something important. “I thought Jenny had said that you worked with computers or some such.”

“She’s brilliant, Maggie.” said John. “Stitch up a gash or set a broken finger. She’s quite hands on. She fixed up Jamie’s shoulder that first night, right as rain, isn’t that so?” 

“Right, John.” Jamie was looking at John, trying to figure out if John was trying to help or not. “She’s been a great help.”

“I thought if you weren’t trained and licensed as a medic, you couldn’t treat people or act as one.” said Geneva pointedly.

“I’m not treating anyone. That would be illegal.” I said, looking to Rupert as a warning. “I’m really only apply bandages, much like a parent would do for their child.”

“Of course you’re no doing anything illegal, Eliza.” Jenny said trying to gain control of the conversation. 

“My brother here just has a tendency to fall apart.” added Willie, showing a united Fraser front for the non-Frasers at the table. “Tis a kindness ye do, to put him back together.” 

“Why don’t we take our wine into the parlour where we can all get comfy.” said Jenny, standing up. “Cece, could you tell Mrs. Crook we’re shifting rooms. Eliza, could you help me with the bairns. No, mum, you stay here and enjoy yer wine. Eliza can help me, alright.” Cecilia and I jumped at the authority in Jenny’s voice as she ushered everyone out of the dining room. I found wee Jamie and he showed me the secret stairs through the kitchen that led up to the nursery.

After 2 books and saying good night to all his toys, I wished wee Jamie good night and found my Jamie waiting for me in the hall.

“Hi love. Y’alright?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around me. 

“Course. Now that you’re here, mon coeur.” I liked the feeling it gave me to call him my heart. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs, fending off longing glances from Geneva?”

“Ach, dinna say that. Don’t even think it, Sassenach. I came up to see if your old bones might need some help finding yer room this evening?” 

“You’re a kind young man.” I said with a smile. “Although, if it’s be believed, 23 and 11 months is next door to being a fossil.”

“I’m certainly as hard as one.” he said wagging his eyebrows at me. “Yer mine, Sassenach. No one is taking ye from me. Not Maggie, where “yer no married until yer married in a church”. Not John and his “I saw her first” and certainly no Geneva with her “He was waiting for me’. I was watching you downstairs and I ken that yer waiting for this to all unravel like so much floss. It won’t.”

“You can’t force things to your will, Jamie. That’s not how life works.” 

“Tis how mine works. Set a goal and do whatever it takes to make it so. And I always get what I want, Claire.”

I shook my head at him. “Am I just a goal to you then? I’d like to see you try and make me do something I don’t want to do. Remember, I’m not the meek and obedient type.”

“Not a goal. Yer my reward for a job well done.” he said with a grin.

“Well done?” I repeated. 

“Aye, and a job well done is one ye practice at.” and with that he picked me up like the newlyweds we almost were and took me to our bedroom and bolted the door.

As we lay in a tangle of naked limbs, I listened to his heart beat and it seemed to me that his mind was still at work. “Penny for your thoughts?” I said quietly.

“Are ye Catholic, Sassenach?”

“My french maman wouldn’t have had it any other way. Why?”

“Just curious.” I hummed my disbelief into his chest. “There’s so much we don’t know about each other, yet we are bound together for life.”

He was right. We had spent many days and nights over drinks and meals sharing stories about our lives, but I had always been careful to not share too much. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him everything, only that I didn’t think it would have mattered to him. “Anything you need to know right now?” I said. “I’m an open book.”

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and scoffed. “Are ye then, Sassenach?”

“For you. I’ll tell you chapter and verse, if you like. I trust you.” 

“Mmph. Ye keep saying things like that, and I may just fall in love wit ye more.”

I snuggled into his chest trying to contain my racing heart. This man did things to me and I hoped it would never stop.

“Do ye remember that night in August?” he said after a moment.

“The point of that night was to not remember, Jamie. Why?”

“So, ye don’t recall any of it then?” he said moving us so he was facing me.

“I remember, trying to puzzle out what you were doing at my house that day. And I remember waking in my own bed not as hungover as I should have been. Everything else in between lives in a fog.”

“I told ye I loved you that night.” he admitted.

“You said it to a cheeseburger!” I giggled, recalling how gratified I felt that he appreciated what I had done..

“I said it to you.” he said, tickling my sides. “Because ye knew I’d want one and ye knew how I liked it.”

“I know you.”

“Aye. Ye do.” He paused as if weighing his next words. “Ye claimed me that night as well.”

“I did?” I shook my head trying to find that particular memory.

“It was late and ye were weeping in my arms. Once ye stopped, ye said that yer mum would have loved me. And when I asked why, ye said she would have loved me because I was yours, and that I made you happy.”

“I said that?” I startled, surprised my drunk self was so self aware.

“I very clearly heard you say ‘mine’.”

“Well, it is the truth. My parents would have loved you. For a thousand different things. But mostly because you make me happy.”

“As you make me happy, Claire. Will you marry me?” he said searching my eyes for an answer.

“you’ve already asked me that, ye wee fool.”

“I asked ye to trust me and take a leap. Ye didna ken how far the fall would be. But ye jumped with me anyways. Now, ye know. So I’m asking if ye want to keep falling with me?”

I gazed into his deep blue eyes and could feel myself falling into them. We had reached a place where I could no longer see a way forward without him. “To the centre of the earth, I’ll fall with you. I love you, Jamie.”

“And I you, Claire.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned on finished this story at the end of August which is already here! So, if you don't mind too much, there'll be a couple new chapters this weekend. Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I never thought I'd ever share anything I wrote with other people and you all have been a balm to my soul. Anyways, enjoy these two navigate a busy, BUSY, weekend and I hope you like it.

The next morning was a flurry of shirts being ironed and babies passed around. The different members of the Frasers and Murrays who had been camping in the meadow began to turn up in the courtyard. As I watched people mingle, as sense of belonging came over me and I found myself enchanted by this place.

“Alright there, Claire?” Ian asked handing me a plastic cup of lemonade.

“There’s so many people. Jamie said there would be a gathering but I couldn’t imagine so many people being related by blood.” 

“Well, we havena gathered like this since Willie’s wedding a few years back so this seemed like a good time for it.”

“You didn’t have so many people for wee Jamie’s christening?” I said taking in the crowd.

“My boy was born in February. Not so bonny weather to have company out in the meadows.” he said shaking his head.

“That’s true, I suppose.” 

“Eliza!” Jenny called from the courtyard. “Come and meet Fr. Kenneth.” I smiled at Ian and made my way to Jenny and met a priest who was a good deal younger than I had imagined.

“Cl- Eliza. This is Fr. Kenneth. He’s our local assistant priest from the village. Father, this is Eliza, Jamie’s fiancé.”

“I had heard that Jamie had turned up with a lass. I didn’t hear that you were his intended.” Fr. said with a twinkle in his eye. “It’s no often I get gossip first around these parts.” I shook his hand and guessed him to be about 35, close to Willie’s age.

“It’s nice to meet you, father. We surprised everyone with our news so it’s not such a shock that you hadn’t heard.”

“Mrs Baird will be most put out that although she saw you first, I ken who ye truly are. Thank you for that, Eliza.”

“Father! Really!” scolded Jenny with a smile in her voice.

“We should gather up the godparents and the guest of honour, Jenny.” Fr. said looking at the sun. “And then head out to the chapel.”

“Well, Father. Eliza here is the godmother so we’ve one down. Alex, there is the godfather. If you don’t mind Eliza, could you also find who has Kitty and we’ll meet here in about 15 minutes? Jenny handed out orders like a general and I looked at father with a smile. “Excuse me, Father.”

I walked over to Willie and Alex, who I had met earlier this morning and let him know of Jenny’s plans. I looked around the yard for Kitty and saw that John and Geneva had arrived and were standing with Rupert and Jamie and a couple other friends and I couldn’t help but feel that I wanted Jamie with me. I shook off the feeling, after all he had proposed to me again, and I trusted him with my heart. So I knew that there was nothing that Geneva could do. I turned to see that Jenny had her brood in tow and I went and joined Fr. Kenneth and Alex to wait and for the appointed time to head to the chapel.

We stood together making small talk when an arm wrapped itself around my waist. “Ye looked vexed, Sassenach.” its owner whispered in my ear.

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” I said quietly leaning into Jamie. “It tends to make me ornery the next day.”

“Tell me who the villain was that stole yer sleep and I’ll have a word wit him.” He whispered 

“Hmph. The next time ye see yourself in the mirror be sure to complain on my behalf.” I said with a pretend frown.

“Ye werena complaining last night.” he replied nipping at my earlobe.

“Jamie!” I said in protesting, thinking we were standing very close to a man of the cloth.

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. Father Kenneth here kens about the miracle of a man’s love for his wife. After all , without it we’d no be here. Is that right, Father?” Jamie raised his voice to get the attention of the priest who had been chatting with Alex.

“Hullo there Jamie. I understand congratulations are in order.” he said turning to face us. “And whatever it was ye just said, I positively agree. Unless ye’ve insulted this fine woman, well then I most heartily disagree.

“That’s very politick of you father.” I said, giving Jamie a well placed elbow.

“I’ve found that if a person isn’t speaking directly to me, it’s best not to listen in.” father said wisely.

“Well, in this case, i’m not sure if you should be agreeable or not.” I said with a laugh.

“Should I ask him again, Sassenach.” Jamie said taking a firm grip on my elbows.

“No!” I said feeling a blush rise up my neck.

“Yer blushing, Sassenach.” Jamie said, again whispering into my ear. “I wonder just how far down that blush starts.”

“Jamie!” said Jenny, coming to my rescue. “Stop embarrassing yer wife so!”

With that, we headed to the chapel that was on their lands, built by long ago ancestors who didn’t want to travel down to the village if they didn’t have to. Jamie held my hand tightly in his and gave me a respectable kiss on the cheek as I took my place as Caitlin Ellen Murray’s godmother. 

I could feel Jamie’s eyes on me through the whole ceremony as though he were waiting for me to disappear. Every time our eyes met, I could feel myself smile and a warmth began to grow low in my belly in response. It also meant that when I would look away, I could also see Geneva, among others, who couldn’t take their eyes from my husband. Look all you like ladies, I thought, but he is all mine.

Kitty slept through nearly the whole ceremony, even cooing as she was doused with the holy water. I admired her perfect little hands and feet, waving at their sudden freedom from her christening gown and wondered if our baby would be so good natured. Get a grip, Beauchamp, engaged for 3 days and already considering babies, I laughed to myself. I couldn’t wait to tell Jamie my thoughts, just to see his response. I was truly a goner.

After the short service, Jenny sent me to put the baptismal candle and certificate in a safe place in the house. I came out to the courtyard to be greeted by more family and friends, who now had a name for my face. Soon I didn’t even bother to pretend I knew whom I was speaking with, as they were all different versions of the same conversation.

“You’re so lovely, dear. Have you known Jenny for a long time?” asked by those who hadn’t yet heard that Jamie had gotten engaged. “I’ve known Jenny for just a couple of months.” I’d say and then walk away.

“It’s a good thing that you and Jamie decided to wait for a proper wedding” said by those who were offended they hadn’t yet been invited. “All you need is love for a proper wedding, or so I’ve always thought.” I’d say politely, silently damning Maggie Murray in my mind.

“So, should we be expecting a baby announcement sooner rather than later?” asked by a few who couldn’t leave well enough alone. “Jamie loves children. I’m not entirely convinced myself.” If only Jamie could be pregnant, instead, I could get behind that.

I felt much like a ping pong ball, moving to and fro between the different groups of people in the courtyard. I tried to spot my tall, soon-to-be husband in the crowd but he seemed to have vanished. “Murtagh?” I finally spotted a friendly face. “Have you seen Jamie?” he had taken a spot near the dessert table, well away from the hens who had been hounding me all afternoon. 

“Sorry lass. I just freed myself from some matchmaking Murrays. I havena seen anyone in some time.”

“Eliza, come say hello to Annie.” Cecilia came over and grabbed my arm. “She’s an old friend of Jenny’s and mine from school.” she said as we pulled away from Murtagh. “And she doesn’t know when to shut up.” Cece said under her breath as we got closer. “Annie! This is Eliza, Jamie’s wife who you were asking about.”

“Hullo Annie.” I said sticking out my hand. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Well, aren’t ye just the sweetest thing.” she said, taking my hand into both of hers. “Celia, you should have told me she was English. I didna know you were English.” Merde, I thought to myself, trying very hard not to roll my eyes. And who calls my sister-in-law Celia? This day was never going to end.

“I didna think it would matter, Annie.” said Cecilia. 

“Weel, King and Crown are always closer to the English than us Scots, ye ken. But I understand that yer marrying a true blue Scot, so I suppose ye ken what yer in for.” she said smiling at me. Cecilia kept a firm grip on my arm, as she didn’t know I had been facing women like Annie the whole time I’ve lived in Edinburgh and as well as all day today.

“It’s true that Jamie is a true blue Scot. So by marrying him, I guess that’ll make me a Scot as well.” I said with an equal smile on my face.

“I don’t know that I would go that far.” Annie replied and although she was shorter than I was, she still tried to look down her nose at me.

“Well I would.” I said in ghalidh. “I have to go and shag my husband and make some good Scottish babies.” Cecilia burst out laughing as clearly she understood what I had said, but Annie, and her true blue Scottishness, didn’t. “If you'll excuse me.” I said to Cecilia and I walked away.

“He’s in the barns.” she called after me.

“Thank you!” I called back to her and turned my heels in that direction.

“Eliza!” called Rupert, joining me on my way to the barns.

“Rupert.” 

“The party is back that way.” he said trying to get me to slow down. 

“It is, but I’m told that Jamie is this way.” 

“Oh, were ye looking for him, then?” Rupert said, holding my elbow, trying to help me across the gravel in my heels, but also slowing me down even further. 

“Aye.’ I said looking Rupert in the eye. “I find that I’m making poor choices without him, and so I thought I should find him to help me.”

“Poor choices, ye say?” he said, standing in my way and moving with me as I tried to walk around him. “Perhaps I can be of assistance? As yer attorney and all.”

“For instance, I’m deciding whether or not to kick you in the shins or just walk around you.” I found myself facing off with Rupert just inside the stables. “Did you not want me to find Jamie for some reason?” I asked trying to recall the last time I actually saw Jamie and who he was with. As I stood with Rupert, I could hear voices coming from inside the stables. Jamie’s familiar baritone and another, higher pitched one. “Who is he with?” I asked Rupert, knowing the answer.

“Claire-” Rupert started. I gave him my sternest school teacher look and he moved out of the way. I took a few more steps and I could see them. Jamie was pacing back and forth and Geneva was standing in his way, trying to get him to stop. They couldn’t see me in the shadows, and I felt that I wanted to know what was happening, before I went any further.

“It’s no possible.” Jamie was saying.

“Of course, it’s possible.” Geneva said pleadingly. “John told me everything.”

“Everything?” Jamie asked suspiciously.

“Yes. He told me how you’ve never really paid any attention to her. How she’s fixed you up once and offered her a drink, one time and now she just shows up all the time. John said that she’s even gone out on dates with your other friends, did you know that? That she’s actually gone on a date with John, even and that she led him to believe they could be something?"

“John said all that did he?” Jamie said. I could see from where I was that his ears were red and his right hand was beating a tattoo on his leg. Both were sure signs of his rising temper, but Geneva didn’t seem to be aware of it.

“Yes. He said there was no way you could have any real feelings for her. You barely know her. He said that he found her a little cold himself and that’s why he didn’t ask her on a second date. Jamie, you should be with someone who is like you.” Geneva explained, sounding like a parrot just repeating something she'd heard.

“Like me?” he said this time sounding skeptical.

“Yes, someone who is passionate about life. Someone who knows how hard you work and knows what you need after a long day.” she said stepping closer to him.

“What are ye on, Geneva?” Jamie said taking a step away from her. I could only watch as she took another step and grabbed my husbands neck and proceeded to kiss him. From where I stood, I couldn’t see Jamie’s initial reaction, but I must have made a sound as he was pushing her away and looking towards the noise immediately.

“Christ, Geneva. Stop it! I dinna want you. I never have and I thought I had said it plainly. Yer acting like a child. There was nothing betwixt us. Not then and certainly not now. I suggest that ye find John and take yerselves from this place before you make any more of a fool of yerself.” Jamie had said all the right things but there was a small voice inside my head that wondered if she was right. I saw Jamie move so he could see me standing in the shadows. “Sassenach.” he said, taking a step towards me.

“No. Not now, Jamie.” I said, turning around and running into Rupert. “You should have tried harder.” I said to him and I walked past him and away from the building. 

“Claire!” Jamie called after me.

“Jamie!” Rupert said to get him to stop. 

“Which way did she go?”

“Up towards the graves. I’d hurry if I were you man.” I heard Rupert tell Jamie as i ran away from the stables and towards the hillside. 

“Not you there, miss.” Rupert Said to someone’s vocal dismay. 

“Let go of me!” she protested. I hoped Rupert had a firm grip on the little homewrecker. She was the last Person I wanted to have to deal with now. 

“Claire!” I could hear Jamie closing the distance between us. I took off my heels so I could gain some distance from him. 

“Don’t make me throw these at you, Jamie Fraser!” I yelled back at him. “They cost more than you make in a month.” I said to myself. 

When I reached the top of the hill I moved so that I’d be out of sight when he got up here. I stood beside the memorial to his Mother and thought “why does your son have to be so wonderful? Every woman wants him, but he only seems to want me?” 

“I don’t know what ye think ye saw but yer wrong. There’s nothing between me and that child. She’s a child, Claire and I want nothing from her. I don’t want her. I want you. Do ye hear me? I can’t see you but I can feel yer heart breaking. Do ye know how I know? It’s because mine is fit to burst out of my chest with fear that you believe whatever it was ye saw and not the lie that it is.” I could hear him moving among the stones and I just waited with his mother knowing he’d find me eventually. 

“If she’s a child, she seemed rather well informed for a child.” I said when he stood before me. 

“So you heard all that about John then.”

“Hmph. You think?”

“None if it was true. You know that.”

“Jamie. It’s just...” I waved my hands at the house. “I’ve been fending off well wishers and gossips all afternoon. You are the only thing I have to lean on and you’ve been missing all day. I came to look for you and I have Rupert trying to keep me from finding you and then when I do find you, there’s this little witch with her arms locked around you and you don’t seem to mind overly much!” As I spoke my voice became louder until I was just yelling. 

“Sassenach-“

“Don’t you Sassenach me. Three days Jamie. You’ve changed my whole world these last three days. You’ve asked me to trust. To stay. To love you. You asked me to marry you goddamnit and I’ve said yes. Every time. Every gods damned time!”

“God damn sounds like my entrance queue.” said Fr. Kenneth appearing from behind an old monument. 

“Father.” Said Jamie. “I ken that I said we wanted to speak with ye but now is no the best time.”

“I’ve been in the front row of many a marital argument. This seems like the best time for one. I’ll just be here to make sure ye don’t come apart at the seams.”

“Father really-“ jamie started to protest. 

“He may as well stay Jamie. Everyone else here knows what you’ve been trying to keep secret. He’ll find out sooner or later. Now is as good a time as any.”

“What’re you on about Claire?”

“That’s one. My name. My name is Claire, father. Not Eliza. Not Elizabeth. That’s my Middle name. Nice to meet you.”

“Hello Claire.” Father said mildly.

“Tell him how you don’t actually have to marry me, Jamie? Tell him how you were stuck for ideas to keep me around so you thought I’ll marry her and then she can’t ever leave me.”

“I marrying ye because I’m in love with ye.” Jamie yelled.

“But did you tell me that? No, because it didn’t matter.”

“I’ve been in love with you for months, woman.” Jamie hissed at me.

“So you say. So you’ve said for the last 72 hours. Over and over. If it was true, why wait until now? Even John noticed that you didn’t seem to want me before. You didn’t stop me from dating all your friends. If you just wanted to sleep with me, it’s not as though you never had the chance.”

“I know that Claire. Ye think i didn’t know ye were attracted to me? I knew and I didn’t act on it because I didn’t want to lose you. If we had slept together, ye would have hated me for it and then yerself and we’d both be miserable.”

“Yes please. Tell me all about my own feelings. I can’t wait to hear this.” 

“Ye didn’t want me. Ye wanted the idea of a man who would care for ye. Ye wanted the impossible.”

“Impossible? Someone to care for me, as I am, is impossible? How could I not fall in love with this man? He does the impossible. I should be so verra grateful!”

“That’s no what I meant. Yer twisting the things I’ve said.”

“Stop while yer ahead, my lad. You said what you said. I’m impossible to love. So why do it? You fell in love with the challenge of me. I didn’t fall in your lap. I didn’t make moon eyes at you whenever you walked in a room. I resisted your charms and you fell for the chase.”

“Yes i did but that’s not what I fell in love with.”

“Ha. I knew it. And now we’re going to be married to each other. Now what?”

“Yer tearing my guts out, Claire. I love you! That’s what. I love you and I’m not letting you go.”

“Well the jokes on you because I love you too, you great big barbarian. I love you and it terrifies me how much!” He wrapped his arms around me and we held onto each other for dear life. He murmured Gaelic into my hair as he seemed to have run out of English and I felt my heart stop racing while he did. 

“I’m sorry, Claire.” he said after a few minutes.

“And I’m sorry for running Jamie.” I murmured into his chest.

“And I’m sorry for yelling at ye. I was sore and scared and said more than I meant.”

“I’m sorry for not trusting in us. It’s just been a long, long day.” I said looking up at him and drowning in his eyes.

“Well, if every counselling meeting could go this well, I’d be out of business.” Said Fr kenneth from his perch. 

“I’m sorry father, i forgot ye were there.” Jamie said, turning to look at the priest but keeping his arms around me.

“Rupert sent me up here. Something about a murdering in progress. I asked him why he couldn’t deal with it himself, he said he had his own hands full at the moment and he was with another wee English girl if I recall.”

“We’re fine father. Perhaps we can catch up with you later?” I said, waiting a few minutes alone with Jamie. 

“Aye I can see that. Now. But there is no time like the present. What did you want to discuss Jamie?”

Jamie looked at me and asked me for patience with his eyes and with a squeeze around my shoulders. “We wanted to speak with ye about getting married.”

“Ah. A fine topic for discussion. But aren’t we a little slow to the party?”

“Father. I’m sure you heard everything I said to Jamie. And it’s true that he proposed to me under duress.”

“I’m marrying her for love but didn’t tell her until after the fact.” Jamie interjected.

“And now that we’ve established that we are in fact in love and that this is real between us, we wanted to know if you would be willing to give our union a blessing?” I finished.

“Is that true Jamie? Ye love this woman who has called ye a fool and a barbarian? Who has accused you of adultery. Whom you’ve lied to and manipulated?”

“If ye weren’t a man of the cloth we’d have words for all that. But yes, i do love her. And will until the end of my days.” Jamie met my eyes again and I couldn't help but smile.

“And Claire, are you sure you can love a man who doesn’t trust you with the truth the first time round. Who you’ve kept things from and didn’t trust. Who you’ve run away from more than once. Is he the love you’ve been waiting for?”

“All my days father. I’ve waited for this man, for as long as I can recall.”

“Well then, there’s a lovely chapel down the hill. I don’t think it’s presently being used. What would you say to a small ceremony later this evening?”

Jamie and I laughed. “So soon?” He said. “Tonight?” I said at the same time.

“You’ve been living in sin for 3 days now, if I’m recalling details correctly. We should rectify things as soon as we can. Don’t you agree James?”

I could feel Jamie rolling his eyes. “Yes father. This evening sounds just soon enough.”

“And now that that’s settled, Jamie. Rupert wants to meet with you in the study. Quick as you can.”

“Father! How long ago was the message?”

“Round about the time I came up here. So, about 1 lifetime and 1 promise of marriage ago?”

“I should go and see what’s going on.” Jamie said to me. He turned us so his back was to the father. “I won’t be long. Stay here with Father Kenneth and we’ll face the rest of the dragons together.” He kissed my eyes and then my cheeks. “I love you Claire Elizabeth Fraser.” And he kissed me with all the love in his eyes. “I love you.”

“Hurry back to me, James Fraser.” I sighed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with all the love I had in my heart. “I love you.”

“Ahem.” Fr. Kenneth cleared his throat when it became clear that we were in no hurry to be parted.

“I ken Father.”Jamie sighed. “I’ll be right back,” he said to me.

“Dinna fash over yer bride. I’ll keep an eye on her.”

We watched Jamie disappear into the house and Father Kenneth and I took a seat on an old bench near one of the Fraser ancestors.

“So Father. It’s been about 10 years since my last confession. Are ye sure your up to the challenge?” It seemed the best way to pass the time. I didn’t relish facing all those relatives again and who knows what had happened since I took off up this hill.

“Well, I’d have to say I’d make a pretty poor confessor if I’m not.”

“I’d say you would be a wise one to say you weren’t.”

“Have ye killed someone, then?”

“No.” 

“Have ye caused someone to be killed?”

“No.”

“Well then what have ye to confess that I haven’t heard before?”

We sat and I told him about growing up with my uncle. About how my parents had died. About why I was so afraid of my feelings for Jamie. 

“Jamie has somehow seen beyond the person I’ve shown to the world and found me. I’ve always been careful to keep my mouth shut and not share anything that wasn’t mine to tell. I’ve kept secrets my whole life from everyone except Jamie. He tells me I have a glass face but honestly I’ve spent a lifetime hiding behind a mask. How can He possibly love me?”

“Love is deaf and blind. It is blind to the faults we see in ourselves. It is deaf to to the lies we tell ourselves and it only sees the truth of our hearts. Jamie sees you because you see him.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” I asked him.

“Jamie, for as long as I’ve known him, has lived in a world apart from this one. In school, the teachers called him a dreamer. He could be in the middle of a crowd and still stand apart from it. He never spoke rashly. He never had a girl for the sake of having of having one. And you ken how handsome he is now. Young Jamie was a specimen from an early age and yet he didn’t seem to own a mirror.”

“Hmm.”

“Our quiet Jamie changed and became a superstar rugby player. He became a name on everyone lips and he was never seen with the same girl twice. If someone were to ask me, it seemed that someone told him he had to be a certain way to excel, and so in order to survive, he took on that mask. Ye see, Jamie has spent so much time wearing a mask, he saw right through yours.”

“Ah. He’s never been anything other than honest with me. I mean he asked me to trust him when we first got engaged. I saw no reason not to.”

“Aye and it sounds to me that you’ve been just as honest with him. Ye didn’t pull any punches earlier. Ye could have thrown that girl in his face but ye didn’t. Why not, by the bye? It seemed like a natural choice.”

I had to laugh then. “You have been ringside at some marital disputes haven’t you?” He shrugged. “Whatever happened or didn’t happen between Jamie and Geneva wasn’t real. I knew already knew that. He said that he loves me and I believe him. She couldn’t stop that. I couldn’t believe that Jamie would want to stay with me. We’ve been forced together by circumstances and I didn’t know if that was real.”

“You believe in his love but not his commitment?”

“Foolish, I know.”

“No a fool. Just a skeptic. It sounds like ye’ve lived with one for a long time. It’s easy to not trust in something like forever. But yer willing to try?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, my penance for your sins is to say one rosary, and to trust in your husband for all your days. Some days will be easier than others. But if you can manage to remember why you chose him in the first place, I think you’ll be alright.”

“Father?"Willie called out clearly not wanting to interrupt something. "Jenny says some of the folks are heading out and they wanted to say farewell.” 

“I’ll be right down. Are ye alright then, my dear?” he patted my knee and stood up.

“Thank you, Father. If you see Jamie, will you tell him I’m with Willie?”

“Course.”

“So, am I not to be left alone then?” I asked Willie as he sat down beside me. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” he hedged.

“What would you say?”

“I would say that my brother asked that I keep an eye on ye. Just to make sure ye don’t wander off or lose yer way. Or hurt yerself. Or someone else.”

“She’s still here then?” I asked wondering why.

“She’s being dealt with.” Willie answered shortly. 

“Well. Am I banished to the cemetery then?” I asked looking down the hill.

“Nay. Should we head down? Do I need to hide any sharp objects from ye?” he asked with a teasing glint in his eye.

“I’d only have sharp words and she’s not worth the effort. Although, if one more person asks about how Jamie and I met, I might need you to hold me back then.”

“Nosy hens the lot of them. Stay with me, a neighan. I’ll see you free of them.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big finish.... hope you enjoy:)

Willie led me back down the hill and it seemed many of the guests had already gone. Those out in the south meadow had taken their leave to enjoy one more night out on the heather. Many of the guests from the village had left as soon as the ale had run out. And those who remained were mostly close family and friends. Willie introduced me to a maiden aunt who approved of me as soon as I told her I had my PhD. “Finally. Someone with some brains!” She said. “Are ye breeding then? Did Jamie plant a bairn in ye and that’s why you’ve bound yerself to him?” she asked straight out.

“Aunt Jocasta!” Protested Cecilia. 

“I’ve spent the day being told all about what’s wrong with this girl. She’s intelligent, she’s lovely and she’s been nothing but kind to these old busy bodies who can’t be troubled to ask an obvious question. So, Eliza? Should i expect to be back for another christening in less than 9 months?”

“I’m not pregnant. I am more French than English, if that’s any consolation. I do speak Gaelic. I’m nearly 24. And Jamie was my first and God’s willing, he’ll be my last.” I laughed. “Was there anything else, aunt Jocasta?”

“French is good. If yer already 24, that Jamie better get to work on those bairns. And yer parents are gone?”

“Yes.”

“Would they have approved of Jamie?” she asked shredly.

“No.” I laughed.

“Would it have mattered?”

“No.”

“Good. Ye may be part French and part English but yer all Fraser now. Lord knows no one in this family ever did anything to please their parents. It was a sure way to get the weens to do something, was to tell them their parents would say it was wrong.” We all laughed at that. 

“What was that Auntie? Are ye telling my bride all my secrets?” Jamie finally joined us, giving his aunt a kiss on the cheek and picking me up and placing me on his lap. 

“I was, my boy. And as she has no mother, someone has to stand up for her. Will you be true to her, James Fraser?”

“As the sun rises in the east.” He said looking deep into my eyes. 

“And will you fight for her? Even with herself?”

“Always.”

“Does she deserve ye?”

“She deserves better.” I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes.

“And do you deserve her?”

“She’s far too good for me. I’m lucky that she lets me breath the same air as her.” 

“Jamie.” I sighed and leaned my forehead to his. What did I do to win this mans heart?

“So, I heard something about a wedding?” Murtagh said coming over with a bundle of wild flowers. 

“Now?” I asked Jamie. 

“If ye’ll still have me?” He said. I took a good look at him. He looked like he’d been through a battle of some sort. His hair had been ruffled by his hands many times. His eyes were red as though he’d been crying. And his left cheek seemed redder than the other. As I touched his face, I thought, I’ll kill her for that,. “She’s gone, Sassenach.” He said as though reading my mind. 

“She’s touched you. For that alone, I’m owed.” I said to Jamie fiercely. 

“Not today.” 

“I’ll not forget, Jamie.”

“Marry me and I’ll make ye forget everything.” he whispered to me. It seemed like we were the only people on earth and not surrounded by family in the middle of a courtyard. 

“Promise?” He kissed me in reply. “Let’s get married.”

********************************

“Now Jamie. Tis bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony so be gone with ye.” Aunt Jocasta sais shooing him away. 

“Auntie. She’s practically my wife.” Jamie whined.

“Is there no a wedding in yer future?”

“Aye.”

“Then she’s a bride, so be gone. Murtagh, I trust you will tell the lad what he needs to ken. No wait! Ye’ve never been wed. Willie!”

“Yes ma’am.” Willie answered at the ready.

“Take yer brother and inform him of the duties of a good husband. Now.” Aunt Jocasta ordered.

“Yes ma’am. C’mon Jamie. There’s a bottle of 20 yr I’m supposed to crack for this occasion. Join us Ian?”

“Right behind ye.” Ian said hobbling after them.

“Alright now ladies. Ye canna get married In this.” Jocasta said pointing at my summer dress. 

“That’s what I was saying.” Chimed in Maggie. We made our way inside and upstairs to the 2nd floor. 

“I didn’t pack anything else that would be suited for a wedding?” I pointed out.

“What did ye think ye’d wear when ye did wed?” Asked Cecilia. 

“Um. I never really thought I’d get married, so I’m not sure.” I replied uncertainly.

“Och, what would yer mother say?” Jocasta went straight to the master bedroom. 

“Auntie! That’s mine and Ian’s room now.” Jenny said as we entered their bedroom. “I’m certain I won’t have anything that’ll fit Claire.” Jenny and all of us followed Jocasta into the closet. 

“Well. THere is one thing my sister always had, it was a hidden place for her finery.” All of us watched Jocasta press on different panels in the closet until one of them moved. 

“I had no idea that was there.” Said Jenny in amazement. 

“When yer father had scraped enough together to fix up this place, a secret closet was at the top of yer mother’s list. She asked me to make sure there was room for one.”

“Why? What would she have needed one for.” I asked trying to peek inside the small room.

“Those days were more dangerous than now. There’s the priest hole downstairs and there was this too. She wanted somewhere she could hide with you children if it were necessary.” Jocasta’s voice came muffled from inside the closet. “As things settled down, she used it to hide those things she didn’t want anyone to take from her. Aha! This one.” And then she came out with a beautiful gown that looked fit for a princess. 

“I remember that gown. She wore it to a McKenzie Gala. For Dougal’s wedding to his second wife. I had thought Da sold it after she died.” Jenny said admiring the embroidery on the gown.

“Never. Claire and yer mam are of a height. Let’s see if it will do, shall we?” The dress was a lightweight grey wool covered in embroidery in silver and white. It was made with a corset and laces and petticoats and it took all of us and half an hour to install me in it. 

“Those are strawberry plants in the embroidery. They’re a part of the Fraser emblem. There are stag for the highlands and heather for Scotland.” Jocasta pointed out as I looked at myself in the mirror. Cecilia had managed to tame my hair into a respectable updo and I stood in my heels to make sure I could keep the hem out of the grass. 

“Ye look like a queen, Claire.” said Jenny with tears in her eyes. 

“A faerie queen.” added Cecilia misty eyed as well. 

“Now, let’s get ye married.” Jocasta had been texting with Murtagh to make sure Jamie and the others weren’t too far gone in the whisky and and to make sure they were at the chapel ahead of us. 

“Jenny?” I grabbed her hand. “Will you be my matron of honour?”

“Of course.”

“Cecilia?”

“Claire?” she asked as I grabbed her hand as well.

“Will you be my other matron of honor? I don’t think I’d be here now if not for you both.”

“We’ll be right by your side.” Cecilia said. 

“Auntie Jocasta?”

“I’m giving ye away, so don’t try and give me another job, young lady.”

“I was going to say thank you. I’ve never pictured having a wedding. This dress is more than amazing and it and everything is so much. Thank you.” I gave Jocasta the biggest hug I could in the dress. I was afraid to wrinkle it but I wanted to show Jocasta how I felt. 

“It’s my pleasure. Now ladies, Maggie has everyone down at the chapel so let’s go, shall we?”

At the bottom of the stairs was Murtagh waiting for us still with the bouquet of posies from before. “A bonnier bride there never was.” He said. “Jamie’s eyes will pop straight outta his head when he sees ye.”

“That’s what we were aiming for, old man.” Said Jocasta. “Ye’ll walk Claire to the chapel and I shall walk her down the aisle.”

“Ye old besom.” Murtagh mumbled but so i could hear. I laughed, so overfilled with joy. “My faerie king father would be pleased if you would also walk me down the aisle.” I said to him. 

“Claire-” Murtagh started in protest.

“Please.”

“As ye wish, lassie.” he said solemnly with a twinkle in his eyes.

They had lit the way to the chapel with what appeared to be a hundred candles and inside every person there glowed by their own small candle. 

Jenny and Cecilia walked ahead of me and stood opposite their respective spouses. Someone had found Jamie a comb and his curls had been tamed so that he appeared to have a halo of rusted gold about his head. 

Everyone stood at my appearance and that was the last thing I remember clearly. My eyes went straight to Jamie and the rest was a blur. Jocasta and Murtagh walked me down the aisle and handed me to Jamie. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and I could feel mine in the same state. 

Father Kenneth’s service was short and sweet. He joked that if he made it any longer, the congregation would spontaneously combust because of all the candles. Jamie and I exchanged our vows in Gaelic and I could hear some of the older ones sigh in appreciation. When father got to the part where he asked if anyone had any objection, Murtagh and Rupert each stood and faced the crowd as though daring anyone to speak. When no one did, they shook hands with each other and Rupert kindly told father to continue. And with that Jamie and I were wed. Surrounded by family and friends, with both eyes open and both our hearts sure of what we had done. 

“Slainte!!” Called Daniel. It was the 20th toast in our honour and I was amused by the festivities but all I really wanted was to be alone with my husband. 

“Jamie?”

“Sassenach?”

I didn’t say anything. I just looked at him. He claimed that I had a glass face. Hopefully he could see what I was thinking without any help from me. 

“Let’s dance.” Not what I had in mind, but if it meant that he held me in his arms, I would make do. 

“Where did you find this gown?” He asked as we twirled about the courtyard. 

“Jocasta found it.”

“I remember hiding under these skirts as a lad. Mam wore soft leggings underneath and I fell asleep hugging them.”

“Well, I’m not wearing soft leggings. And I’m sure you’re too big to hide underneath.”

“Ye didn’t even give me a chance to try.” He said slyly into my ear. 

“I’m not stopping ye, my lad.”

“Ye ken yer younger than me?”

“So?”

“Means I can put you over my knee if your smart mouth gets the better of you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Wrong answer.” He said with a laugh and then throwing me over his shoulder. “Thank all of ye for a lovely wedding! But my bride is tired and I’m tired of all of you. Good night! Drink all of the whisky Murtagh is hoarding. Good night!!” And then he ran inside with me and this dress.

“Jamie! It took an army of us to put me in here.” I said to his back. 

“Aye and I ken just how to get you out.” He carried me to our room and only set me down on the bed once he had the bolt latched. 

“Jamie! If ye tear one seam on mam’s gown I’ll-” Jenny had followed us and was yelling through the door.

“Stay right there Jenny.” He stalked to the bed. “Stand up Sassenach.”

“Jamie...”

“Da told me the secret to a dress this fancy was to know how it all connected. And,” Jamie turned me around and ran his hands along my sides, “to insist, that yer wife put in a zipper, so at the end of the night, ye can sleep in peace.” There was a hidden zipper along the boning that we didn’t notice putting it on. The wool gown dropped from my hips leaving me in my bra and petticoats which my husband arched his eyebrows at. He took the gown, unlatched the door and handed it to Jenny. He said “Good night Janet.” And latched the door again. 

We could hear Jenny wonder in amazement as. Not one of the laces had been undone and yet the dress was fully intact. 

“Mrs. Fraser.” Jamie stalked towards me as I was still only clad in my underthings. 

“Mr. Fraser.” I climbed back onto the bed and backed away from him with a smile on my face. 

“I love you, Claire.”

“And i you, Jamie.”

He launched onto the bed and pinned my arms to my sides. I screamed in mock terror and giggled as he rubbed his whiskers on my neck. “This day has been 3 years long.”

“Hmm. Are you tired my love?”

“I’m tired of everyone else. I only want you and this bed for the next 3 years.” He said resting his chin on my sternum. 

“I might get hungry.” I whispered. 

“And then I’ll fetch us food. But, you are not setting one foot off this bed.”

“Oh?” I asked with an arched eyebrow. And that was the last coherent thing I said.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you! For the kudos and the hearts and all the love. It took a little longer than I hoped to coax these two out of the bedroom to tell me what happens to them next. It’s not really an ending, it’s a new beginning. Enjoy!

We stayed locked in that bedroom for the entire next day. People called their farewells through the door but Jamie would put his hand over my mouth to keep me from replying. “If you acknowledge Them Sassenach, they’ll think they can stay longer.” And so we stayed mute and I tried and failed to not laugh out loud at Jamie’s attempts to keep me quiet otherwise.

Food appeared outside out door in the way of a picnic basket deposited by Willie. I had been sleeping but the scent honey woke me. There was cheese and fruit and honeyed ham and small bannocks and 2 bottles of wine.

Jamie told me about his parents and their great love. I told him about Uncle Lamb and his Sebastian and their great fights. Seb would turn up wherever we were and he would stay until they fought. Their relationship was complicated but I knew that they loved eachother. I promised Jamie to always be true to him and he made the same promise. 

“Will you ever tell me?” I asked him on the second night of being locked in. We had avoided talking about Geneva during the day but we had come around to our pasts and it seemed like the best time to get this out in the open. 

“There’s no much to tell.” I waited for his version of not much. I planned on cornering Rupert at some point but for now, I only had Jamie’s perspective to deal with. “She was upset that I didn’t stay with her, obviously. Rupert had taken her into the study and rounded up John in the process. He confronted John with everything Geneva had said, it seemed Rupert also heard everything, and John, well, he was embarrassed and angry and he wanted to take Geneva back to Edinburgh right away. But she refused to go until she had spoken with me.”

“Rupert let her stay?” I asked after Jamie was quiet for a long minute.

“He did. I felt guilty, Sassenach. She was right in that I didn’t push her away last year. I was tired of the revolving door in my bedroom and so when she came round, I wasn’t messing around as I had been but I didn’t encourage her. I didn’t say if she was older perhaps we’d be something. I never meant anything by being kind to John’s little cousin, buying her drinks and letting her sit with me when we’d go out. But I also didn’t discourage her. I should have, I see that now, but it was only a few weeks and then the team was traveling again.”

“And you forgot about her.”

“I forgot about her. Traveling always meant there were other challenges. Changing time zones, different places to go see. I was no longer interested in having a different girl in every city so I spent any down time exploring and learning about where we were. I read books and went to galleries. Things that satisfied me when I was a boy. The same things that satisfied me as a man.”

“You grew up.”

“Seeing her again I felt ashamed of how I had treated her. When Rupert told me John was bringing her, my first thought was Claire’s going to hate me for how I treated this girl.”

“What?” I asked in surprise.

“I had entirely dismissed her from my mind. I had thought you’d be disappointed in me for that. I never considered that you might be jealous. Or that Geneva would act like she did. It didn’t occur to me that another woman would want me after I won you over. In my mind I was yours and that was it. I wasn’t interested in any other women, it was only ever you.”

“Oh Jamie.” I said feeling his pain and confusion. “I wasn’t jealous. I knew you were mine. I was angry that she thought she had a prior claim to your heart. I claim you Jamie Fraser. Heart, body and soul. You’re mine. And she was trying to take a piece of you.”

“I ken the feeling Sassenach. I want all of ye to myself.”

“Just as I want you.”

“Geneva tried once more to convince me that you were all wrong for me. That I was nothing more than a notch in yer bedpost and that she was better for me than you. She tried to say you were a poor imitation of her - brown hair and English - because those are the things that define you.”

“If only I could be 5 ft 2 with straight hair.” I said with a smile. 

“Nay.” He lay on top of me and took each of my legs and wrapped them about his waist. “If ye were so small how could ye hold me so?”

“Stop trying to distract me. Tell me the end, Jamie.”

“Aye. I told her she was the shadow. That in a hundred years she could never be more than a pale shade of who you are.”

“And that’s when she slapped you.”

“And that’s when she slapped me. Rupert took her arm and lead her out. John, who had been there the whole time said nothing and followed them out. I washed my face, shed a tear for the pain I caused her and you. And then I came and found ye with my mother’s favourite sister.”

I rubbed his calves with my feet. I felt like I had the whole world right there in that bed and I couldn’t help but feel some pity for Geneva. She only wanted what I had. “I can forgive John for not seeing us, for not seeing this between us. But I can’t forgive her for hurting you, Jamie. I’m owed for that.”

“Will you extract payment in kind Sassenach? She’s just a wee thing.”

“Hmm. I suppose if I were to slap her, I’d knock her out? I don’t like that she caused you pain.”

“I caused her some pain as well, didna forget.”

“She did that to herself. She expected you to love her for nothing more than a few moments of kindness. She caused herself pain by not knowing you, just wanting you.”

“You know what, Sassenach?”

“No, what Jamie?” He flipped me over and pinned me to the bed. 

“I have everything I could ever want here in this bed right now.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, more.”

**********

The following week, Jamie called Collum and told him that Jenny needed help at the farm, and so he intended to take a leave of absence from Leoch. Collum grumbled but when Jamie pointed out that family came first, it was fine. We stayed with Jenny and Ian for a month and soon enough, it became clear that Jamie and his sister could no longer stay under the same roof without bloodshed. I suggested that we visit William and Cecilia and while they were happy to see us, once more it was obvious that we were underfoot more than we’d like. 

“Well, Sassenach, we could go back to the city. Or Glasgow. Or anywhere.” We were in the guest bedroom at Beaufort. It was early morning but we had taken to chatting in the morning before going down for breakfast. 

“Jamie… anywhere you’d want to go I’d follow you. I know I’m keeping you from your life. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not keeping me from anything, Claire. You are my life now.”

“My life shouldn’t keep us from living ours. We’re hiding from the crown because of me. It’s not fair to you.” I felt terrible and relieved at the same time. Terrible for keeping Jamie from his friends and life, relieved because I wasn’t alone in hiding. Jamie wrapped his arms around me and murmured nonsense into my hair about everything will work itself out. As long as we had eachother, we’d be fine. 

My phone rang which surprised both of us. Hardly anyone had my new number and those that did usually would call Jamie first. I answered expecting a mis-dial but instead found a friend. 

“Madonna! I’m so glad I found you!” Ray exclaimed into the phone. I put him on speakerphone and Jamie grinned at me. 

“Ray! How are you? How did you get this number?”

“I have my ways.” He replied mysteriously. “Now, Claire, how are you?”

“I’m well ray. I’m doing very well.” I said with a smile. 

“Very well? Would your red man have anything to do that, hmmm.”

“We got married a little more than a month ago.” I said to Ray shyly.

“Congratulations, ma cherie. I knew it. Did I not tell you? Congratulations.”

“Thank you Ray. Now, did you need me for something? I’m sorry I’ve been away but-“

“Oh no! Not me. Do you need me for anything?”

“What do you mean?” I asked mystified. 

“Well, as I said, I hear things around the marketplace and I heard that perhaps you may be in need of assistance.”

“What kind of assistance, Raymond?” Jamie asked. 

“Well, I’d imagine that while the country is relaxing, Claire never struck me as someone who would be content to rusticate for a long time. So I was wondering if you’d like to travel to France for me?”

“France?” I repeated. 

“Yes. I typically have to travel to Paris twice a year to renew contracts for shipments of flowers and such, but this year, I find that my back would not withstand the long ride across the channel and I was wondering if you could go in my stead?”

“France?” I repeated again, not really understanding what Ray was saying. 

“But if it’s usually just you, there are the two of us, Ray. I’m not sure I could make the travel arrangements for myself so quickly.” Jamie added.

“Did I say alone? Oh no, I always travel with a companion, my old bones needs help from time to time, after all.”

“So you just need 2 people to travel to Paris for you? You have travel documents for 2 people already?”

“I do, I would just need to know who would be so kind as to help an old man?”

“Claire Fraser and Jamie Fraser.” Jamie said glancing at my reaction.

“Eliza.” I quickly corrected. “Eliza Fraser.” Jamie looked at me calculatingly. “Trust me.” I said to him thinking of the identification documents my uncle had for me from so long ago. All they lacked was a name and now I had one. “C. Eliza Fraser, Ray.”

“Good. Consider it done.”

“When?” Jamie asked. “When would you need your friends to make this small trip for you?”

“I have a meeting planned for 2 weeks from now, so whenever Jamie and Eliza can make it back to Edinburgh, we can make the final arrangements.”

“Oh my goodness Ray.” I breathed. “I don’t know what to say. You’re like my guardian angel.”

“Madonna. It is you that is the angel. When I heard that Claire Beauchamp had disappeared from the city, I was worried for you. I knew that if you had gone away, it would be for good reason and if there was anything I could do to assist you, I would of course do it.”

“What have you heard, Ray?” Jamie asked him. 

“Nothing, truly. Just the observations of curious people. Claire is gone, without a word to anyone. You, as well, are apparently taking a leave of absence from work for reasons that have something to do with a conflict between you and your uncle. And it seems the crown is in need of a computer specialist, but currently is not taking applications.” I looked at Jamie and it seemed Mrs fitz was correct. Nothing had come of my altercation with Grant and the crown still wanted me after all. 

“We’ll find you in a week, my friend.” Jamie said. “I’ll call you from this number.”

“Good. Sounds good. See you soon, James. Madonna?”

“Yes Ray?”

“Don’t worry. Soon enough, you’ll have the stars again.” Ray disconnected and I could only shake my head at Jamie. 

“Did you tell him about counting stars, Sassenach?”

“Never, Jamie. Not once.”

“Ah well. It seems your Raymond does know things.”

“Paris?” I said to Jamie.

“I’ve always loved France. I have a distant cousin who sells wine in Nantes. Murtagh uses him as a source for the Ridge. Perhaps he could use an associate.”

“Truly, Jamie?”

“You already speak the language and if you decided you wanted to take up nursing or even medical school, I’m sure you could. As long as we are together, Sassenach, we’ll be alright.” He was so confident and hopeful. It lifted my spirits to see him so. 

“Together.” I kissed him in agreement and he smiled. 

“There’s the two of us now.” He said, reminding me again. 

“Actually, it’s the three of us.” I said watching the news sink into his mind. 

“Three?” He said quietly and then he looked at my belly and then my face again. “Three of us?” 

I nodded and watched his face light up. “Are you happy?” I asked wanting to hear the words. 

He wrapped his arms around me and bore me back onto the bed. “I’m so happy, Claire. I had no idea I could be so happy.”

“I love you, mon coeur.”

“Mo ghraidh. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bientôt, mes amis. Merci!


End file.
